Kimmon slowly makes his way to his car. He has spent his day off mindlessly walking around places, deep in thought.
He is willing to talk...
He remembers the text from Krist last night, pushing him to face Godt for their talk. He does not know what he should expect from it. Nor does he know how to approach Godt or even start the conversation.
He sighs again, turning a corner to his car. Zoning out in his driver's seat, Kimmon turns to the passenger seat. He remembers the first time Godt sat in his car... When he first realised his identity... When he first laughed after the phone call with Krist...
After Godt, no one else has ridden in his car. Not even Sandee who prefers her driver. Kimmon wants to keep it that way. He slowly starts his engine and plans his way home.
Ding!
"Phi... Su su na... Be yourself. The phi I remember is straightforward and confident. The person Godt remembers. Don't worry too much."
His brother's text sends a warm feeling to his heart. He is happy Singto is rooting for him. He remembers Sandee's encouragement last night and his confidence grows. Even just a little.
He reaches home earlier than expected. He parks his car and makes his way to the home they shared. At the very least, he wants Godt to stay with him. Even as a friend.
"Welcome back..."
Godt greets him whilst seated on the couch. An opened magazine lays on his lap while a mug of tea sits on the table with smoke brewing out. Wearing a simple white lounge shirt and shorts, he looks comfortable and relaxed.
Kimmon takes a deep breath and walks to the couch. He sits beside Godt and fidgets with his phone. The air is silent. No one speaks. Until Godt breaks the silence.
"Umm... Shall we talk? About everything?" He asks hesitantly.
Kimmon nods and frowns. He does not know how to start. The kiss? The avoidance? The agreement with Sandee? His feelings? A confession?
"... I'll be anything you want..."
Godt blinks, unsure if he has heard it correctly. It is barely a whisper. A shaky whisper. It aches his heart, for some reason. Kimmon has his head down. His shoulders slump. His feet shift in circles.
He reaches out and lays his hand on Kimmon's shoulder. Giving him a smile, Godt decides to start first and gives his opinion on the matter.
"Um... I know it's selfish of me to avoid you over a kiss. You are a prince and have a fiancée. I don't plan to get in between your relationship. I like our relationship as before... to be friends and share meals together... But, if you're uncomfortable, I understand..."
Kimmon feels his heart clench and ache. He wants to explain his relationship with Sandee. He slowly grabs Godt's hand on his shoulder and pulls it towards him. Godt blinks at their intertwined fingers and glances at him. Kimmon sees a hint of shyness.
"Sandee and I have been betrothed to each other since we were 15. Our parents gave us a condition that we are able to find our own happiness before Sandee turns 25. If we do, the marriage will be annulled. I have already told Sandee about my feelings for you. She is happy for me and wants me to be happy."
Godt stays silent.
"I do not know what happened to you in the past, but I want to make my feelings clear. I have strong feelings for you. The moment I understood, I told Sandee and my brother about it. Krist knows too. I will not cheat or treat you as a second option. You will be and only be my first choice."
Godt lowers his gaze but grips their hands tighter.
"If you want to stay friends, I'll respect your decision. If you're not sure what your feelings are for me, I would offer to chase you. If you have feelings for me and want to take things slow, I will respect that too. Every move is in your hands."
Kimmon ends his talk and gives Godt some space by releasing their hands. He leaves the room and walks to the balcony, seven steps away from Godt. He clasps his shaky hands together and releases a breath. None of the events and speeches he had to do have ever come close to this feeling.
He waits for a minute. And another minute. Several minutes passed. Godt has not said anything. Does that mean he is going to reject me? Kimmon thinks sadly.
"Bloody idiot..." His favourite Australian accent whispers in his ear as a pair of hands surround him. Godt rests his chin on Kimmon's hair and sighs. Thankfully, he is able to come out of the shock he has encountered.
Kimmon tenses up and mumbles. "Godt?"
"Second and third option..." Godt whispers again.
"Huh?"
"I m-mean... I have feelings for you... B-but I need time... So... the second and third option..." Godt buries his face in Kimmon hair, inhaling his shampoo scent.
Kimmon swings around with huge eyes, nearly bumping into Godt's jaw. "Does that mean you have feelings for me but want me to chase you first?"
Godt nods, his head still hiding away in Kimmon's dark hair. Kimmon smiles widely and pulls Godt to face him. He strokes his cheek tenderly before kissing his bony hand.
"As you wish!"
Godt turns around and marches to his room before shutting the door. Kimmon continues to beam sickly and wags like a puppy. Godt hits his pillow and muffles his screams.
Hence, their story begins.
*****
"Cha yen neung... Kwaap khun krap! (One iced milk tea please!)"
Perth receives his favourite Thai drink and sips it before paying the hawker with a smile. He walks past his learning centre, making way to the train station. He had finally moved out several days ago, although his apartment is nearer to his classes; he is still adjusting the route.
He hops into a corner shop for his midnight snack. Picking up a few bags of chips, he leaves the shop with a big smile. As the train station enters his radius, Perth feels a sharp tug on his wrist and gets shoved into an alley.
Talking about déjà vu.
He glares at the person who is taller than him by several centimetres.
"Is this a habit of you bodyguards?! What do you want from me?" Perth hisses.
"We need to talk..." Suthapong growls back. A staredown begins between a cat and a panther.
Finally, Perth turns away and sighs. "Fine. Let's go to my place."
"Fine. Let's use my car." Suthapong grabs his wrist again, pulling him to the parking lot. Perth struggles and huffs. These two are unbelievable!
He does not wait for Suthapong to cut his engine before opening the door and walking away. Suthapong quickly locks the door and runs, nearly missing the elevator to his apartment. No one speaks until the doors open with a ding.
"Come in and take off your shoes," Perth states flatly, kicking off his shoes. Suthapong stares and takes off his shoes before arranging them neatly by the shoe cabinet. He steps into the room and takes a cautious step to sit on a one-seater couch.
"Now, talk." Perth flops down on his two-seater sofa and glares. He has put both their contacts on mute for several weeks. Despite the distance apart, he is unable to decide where his feelings lie. Hence, the continuous avoidance.
"Don't hate Thanawat. He didn't mean to do anything," Suthapong begins talking. "He wasn't there that night when I kissed you. I showed interest first and he found out. I didn't know he liked you too."
"Too?" Perth repeats. "What's up with you both?"
"Well... We used to date each other years ago... But he has a misunderstanding with P'Arm... After that, we had to be separated since Kimmon was stationed in another city. So we decided to stop the relationship and remain friends. But, there was always something more than that. We're also very confused with our stance on a relationship with you, but please don't avoid us."
"Umm... Okay..." Perth takes in the information. "I'm avoiding you because I need to settle my feelings... I don't know if I'm still in love with Godt or if it has changed. And I don't know if I have feelings for both of you or one of you... I need... time..."
"Wait... You're in love with Godt? Krist's best friend??" Suthapong questions. Perth nods.
"I really need time..."
"Okay... I'll talk with Thanawat, but promise me one thing?"
"Yeah?"
"Reply to our messages... Don't ignore or block us. At least we can chat online right?" Suthapong sounds hopeful.
Perth pauses for a while before glancing at Suthapong, he bites his bottom lip before nodding meekly.
"Okay... I'll reply to your messages..."
"Thank you..."
_______________________
28-11-2021
Some progress? I swear my mind is all over the place recently... Too much anxiety for next year and my life... I'll try harder to write more... I promise...
Thank you for your comments! I may not respond to all, but every single one put a bright smile on my face. So thank you!