I was walking along the corridor, quite tired and sore from last night that I wasn't able to keep up with my speed. Moreover, everyone was staring me like a freak, of course last night argument attracted everyone's sight, especially on that handsome boy who dragged me out of that party.
I remembered waking up with a huge headache. I groaned holding my temple with my eyes squeezed trying to bear the dizziness.
When I felt cold I shivered from the air and decided to cover myself with the blanket. I extended my hand without looking and a soft fleshy body came in my contact with fingertips. I flinched and forced my eyes open towards that weird sensation.
My eyes widened when I saw Jungkook lying next to me with his naked body. He was in deep sleep and that's when a slight flashbacks hit my mind, all those memories from last night rushed back to me while I couldn't believe I did it with him. He was my first.
I couldn't believe I lost my virginity to him while I never allowed any boy to touch me in intimate way yet the alcohol took over my mind and made me needy. I fell from the bed because I was too shocked to process anything.
I decided to stand with the support of bed although it was hard with the sensitive skin I had from last night. I looked at myself, completely naked and messed up hair screaming sex and that also with Jungkook.
I immediately limped towards the bathroom and got ready to leave for college before I had to face his conscious mind. I made it real quick and left a note which stated,' I made you food. You don't have to drop me.'
It had been a while since I rode a public vehicle but my concern was that man sleeping on my bed. I know he would be shock to not find me there because what we did surely made a precious memory for him but for me it was forbidden love.
How could I end up with someone who yet had to confess me? Should I act dumb and pretend to not know anything or ask him to take it as a mistake? No way! Either way he would get hurt. Gosh! I only remembered few scenes from yesterday and definately not the one after getting drunk.
Hate you alcohol.
I was freaking on the bus and the passengers looked at me as a mad woman travelling with them. This, I calmed down to decided to not think about it anymore.
Soon the bell rang and I got released from my thoughts. The first period was about to start so I dashed towards the destined room and grabbed my seat.
Yugyeom was sitting beside me and I don't know why Hoonjun had a bruises all over his face, as if he got in fight with someone but much more powerful than him.
The professor entered and started discussing the topic when a chit flew over my crossed palms on the table. I looked at my side and saw Yugyeom gesturing ne to read it. I arched an eyebrow curiously and decided to read his message.
"I'm sorry for last night. I didn't knew you had a boyfriend or I would had never tried to touch you."
Furrowing the eyebrows I gave him a stern look and scribbled my answer in that small piece of paper before throwing it back in him, gladly professor was back facing us that time too.
"He is not, and even if he was, wouldn't stop you from getting along with me. He is a friend just like you."
Of course, a friend until he would confess to me about his love because I was pretty much sure Jungkook had a crush on me. I couldn't even go up to him and say 'Let's date' because he doesn't know I know his secret crush over me.
Also, I was scared because sometimes crushes get crushed with time and disappeared into thin air within days. Hence, I decided to give a chance to Jungkook which was not granted for sure.
The bell rang and I looked up to the professor who dismissed the class. I sighed and stood up followed by Yugyeom.
"You look distracted. Are you worried about anything?"
I stared at him with a poker face. I lied,"I'm fine, just stressed out from assignments."
He smiled and patting my head he said "Don't harm yourself. If it's too much then let me help you." His action made me skip my heartbeat but once reality hit me I backed away.
"T-Thanks but I can do it on my own." I shattered but passed him a reassuring smile before leaving the room.
But on my way I met several people who asked me the same question. "Was he my boyfriend?"
Hell no! I was so done with unnecessary attention because I knew they weren't interested in me but just wanted to listen that he was single so that they could hit on him. Lucky them, I said my iconic line, 'He's not my boyfriend!"
The day went quite long and boring after then. It was what they called Theory Of Relativity. Even I didn't wanted to face Yugyeom since the way I spoke to him earlier in the morning was kinda awful. Hence, after the completion of all periods I had I was sitting under a tree in the campus.
I was reading a book, leaning against the trunk with only few students roaming around. The weather was always pleasant partial clouds covering the sky and a misty fresh air coming from the plants.
I wondered what Jungkook would be doing. He must've had the meal and was probably thinking about me as I was for him. I also guessed he would be surprised to not find me sleeping beside him or leaving him alone on bed but it was all for good.
I wasn't prepared to face him or even name our relationship before he disclosed his feelings. I wanted a clear cut knowledge about the depth of his love for me not a mere attraction which would fade with time.
I sighed and again got myself within the content of the book. After sometime I heard some rushing footsteps coming towards me. Turning around I saw Lisa waving her hand towards me with a huge smile.
She panted with her palms resting on her knees. Looking up at ne she smiled her bunny teeths before saying something that hitched my breath.
"How was the last night?"
"Unnie! How could you be so straightforward?"
"Come on, don't act like you are the most innocent of all. Before I knocked out I saw Jungkook coming over, tell me what happened last night between you both."
I closed the book and stood up to face her. Bitterly chuckling I said," Nothing happened! I don't remember anything, thanks to someone." After hearing my sarcasm she sighed and said," Calm down! I know you get irritated when nothing goes your way. Listen, now slowly try to remember what happened."
"I already told you unnie, nothing happened. I didn't lost my memory. I was just drunk so I don't remember anything except waking up with him."
Oh shit! I just revealed the truth in front of her.
"What?!! Don't tell me you were naked?"
I slightly nodded and she gasped. Covering her mouth she said," Are you serious? Was he naked with you? You guys had sex?"
"Yeah, all thanks to that stupid game."
"Oh boy! I knew you would have a great night." She spinned with wide arms then clasped them together in excitement while I was wearing a poker face.
She noticed my stiffness and spoke." Aren't you happy then? You lost your virginity to him, isn't it great?"
"It would had if we knew who we were, in what relationship we were." I groaned and held my aching temple. Lisa's eyebrows furrowed and she immediately held my shoulder. She looked into my eyes with seriousness and asked. "What do you mean?"
"I can't name our relationship. He loves me but I am not sure about us. I gave him a chance to accompany me because I wanted to know whether he truly loved me or not. And I guess he do. But what about my feelings?"
"He loves you, isn't that enough to say yes?"
"It is! It definately is but I am so scared of my own feelings. What if it's just an attraction? What if I fall for someone else and cheat on him? I really don't want to break his pure heart."
"Then ask him to leave. It's easy to throw him out of your heart if he's being a toxic relation to you."
"It's not easy, trust me. Everytime I look in his eyes I find myself drowning in those dark brown orbs, drowning in his love for me. The fact that he is madly in love with me doesn't help me at all."
"Soya, take a deep breath. Close your eyes and see what you want. Then tell me who is he to you."
Wiping the tears I closed my eyes. And the first thing I saw was his smiling face. The way he was looking in my eyes like his universe laid in my eyes.
But suddenly his face got blurred and I saw myself. A little girl struggling to earn bread, who was scared of dark alleys, afraid to meet any bad guy on her way.
I never knew oppa was in mafia or I would've asked him earlier to leave. BTS was kind but still the work was dirty and they were known for killing and smuggling illegal weapons.
How could I spend my life with someone for whom my feelings were variable?
I was scared of myself so I decided to lie. I wanted to neglect the throbbing pain from now before took any further step. I chose my dreams over him. Listening to my brain I ran away from my heart.
And the fact was we weren't officially committed either.
Taking a deep breath I lied. "He is no one to me."
[A/N]
Screams! Breathe!! Screams!
Get ready! Next chapter is the main chapter that'll change their lives.