I was tired. Tired of everything that had happened in the past few hours. I thought that the pain I felt after dinner couldn't get any worse, but heck. I was so wrong. The pain I felt after my mother had left my flat was so much worse than everything I have ever experienced. After the door fell back into the lock, I wasn't able to move for at least 5 minutes. Tears just fell down my cheeks silently, and I stared at the closed door in front of me. An emptiness was growing where my organs were supposed to be.
The real sadness, though, hit five minutes after my mother left. It didn't give a warning at first but just came like a strike of lightning. Suddenly and strong. I wasn't able to keep myself on my legs, so I just broke down right there on the spot. Crying and sniffling now filled the flat and was the only thing audible. I didn't know if I was imagining that, but my heart ached. It felt like it was swelling up and was about to burst into a thousand pieces.
To be honest, I didn't know how but I somehow managed to get myself up from the cold floor and drag myself into my bed. I also didn't know how long I cried on the floor, and I also didn't care. I tried to focus on easing the pain but I failed miserably. After a couple of tries, I just gave up and let the pain take over. Crying and heartbroken, I laid in my bed and thought about the good times I had with both Lucas and my family. Every time, I then remembered that these people betrayed me, and the pain got even worse.
At some point, a key was pushed into the lock and unlocked the flat door. I sat up straight immediately, alerted and ready to throw my mother out of my flat again. The tears also immediately stopped dropping from my eyes. My entire body was ready to fight again. But I didn't need to, luckily.
"Tia, where are you?", Fifi's voice shot through the silence in the flat and my muscles relaxed. I let my upper body drop onto the mattress again. Tears started once more to form in my eyes.
"I'm in my bedroom.", I answered my best friend and she entered seconds after. Her face immediately changed to worried when she saw me. She definitely didn't expect me to find me like this.
"What happened?", Fifi asked me and sat down next to my legs on the edge of the bed. Her hand gently stroke over my arm and it calmed me down a little.
"Turns out it was my mother's idea to hire Lucas as my boyfriend.", I explained and wiped away another tear.
"What?!", Fifi asked back like she didn't hear me. She did, though. She just couldn't believe what she heard. She knew as well as I did how my mother reacted in most situations and that she liked to be in control, but we both didn't expect her to be capable of doing such a thing.
"Yea.", I agreed. "And guess what. My entire family knew about this. Adrien, Noel, Samuel and Dad. All of them knew. And nobody told me a fucking thing."
"You can't be serious.", Fifi stated. Her eyes were glued to me.
"Unfortunately I am.", I answered and swallowed. I directed my eyes onto the mattress because I didn't know what else to do. I also didn't have anything to say anymore.
Everything I needed to tell, I told and now I didn't know how to feel. Like shit, obviously, but I didn't want to feel this way. The best way I could have reacted to this would be if I didn't care, just cut all of them out of my life and move on, but I couldn't do that. I loved my family and Lucas too much for it. And I hated myself because of that because I knew if I didn't love them, I wouldn't be in this much pain right now.
"I'm so stupid.", I said quietly after some moment of silence was hovering between Fifi and me.
"You're not stupid. They are the ones who are the stupid ones. Just think about what a great human they just lost." Fifi's try to cheer me up was sweet but didn't really help.
"No, see. If I wouldn't be this emotional, I wouldn't be so attached to those people and this entire situation wouldn't affect me this much.", I explained. Fifi reached to my cheek and wiped away a tear while making me look at her.
"You are not stupid for having feelings.", she said with a determined voice. "You shouldn't feel bad about your feelings. Feelings are great. People just aren't. If they don't want your love, fine. Their loss. You are amazing and such a kind person. I know you would never treat people like this and this makes you so much better than any of those idiots. They don't deserve you."
"You're the sweetest.", I answered and gave her a weak smile.
"No you are.", she responded and smiled at me. "You know it's okay to feel like this right now. But I know you'll bounce back from it pretty quickly. You're the strongest person I know."
"Thank you. You're the best." I pulled her into a tight hug, which was much needed from my side. When we pulled away, she looked at me with determined eyes.
"We should make sure your management doesn't have any power over you anymore.", my best friend proposed and I got interested.
"What do you mean?", I asked back.
"Well, didn't you tell me they have access to your social media?"
"Yea, they do.", I admitted but still didn't really know what Fifi wanted to go to.
"We should change the passwords right now, so they can't access it anymore." Fifi smiled at me proudly and I smiled back.
"Amazing. Let's do it.", I agreed and gave her my phone. She knew I had set up a Face ID lock-in for her so she didn't have problems entering my Instagram and change the password. She also knew my old password.
"What do you want it to change it to?", she then asked me and I thought about it for a second.
"I don't know. But it should be something they can't easily find out.", I answered.
"What about 'leavemealone4<3'?", Fifi proposed and I laughed out loud. How the hell did she just come up with that?
"What does it stand for?", I asked back and a smile grew on Fifi's lips.
"Well, it's pretty obvious what leave me alone stands for. And the four and the heart is for Lando, obviously." I inhaled the air and rolled my eyes playfully, but I couldn't stop a smile from forming on my lips.
"Alright, sounds good to me.", I agreed and we both laughed as she set up the new password.
"Alright, you're all set up.", Fifi said and then looked back at me.
"Wha about everything else? YouTube? Facebook?", I asked her as I thought about it.
"As I set, everything is set up. You don't need to worry anymore.", Fifi explained and gave me my phone back. Well, more like she dropped it in front of my legs.
"Thanks.", I said.
"You know what you should do next?", my best friend then asked me and I shook my head no. "You should post a story or something. Saying that something had happened and that that's the reason you're out of the public for some days. Say that you need some time to figure things out."
"I don't know. Management will be pissed about that.", I hesitated.
"Good. They should be stressed and pissed about it. You're pissed at them about what they did. And you're not specifically saying what happened. You're only saying that you'll be out of public for some days to figure things out. Then you can still decide if you want to make things public."
Fifi was right. I needed to fight and stand up for myself. And a sudden inspiration and determination grew in me that yelled at me to do as Fifi told me. I still was worried about my management but Fifi was also right at that point. They treated me badly the entire time and they didn't do anything for my health or wellbeing. So I decided to go with it.
"Alright, let's do it.", I agreed. Fifi's mischievous smile grew even more and made me smile as well.
"Things we love to hear.", she said and stood up from the bed. "Alright, where's your tripod?"
"Ehm, should be in the living room.", I said and got up from my bed. Fifi walked out of my bedroom. I stepped into my bathroom quickly and made sure I did look somewhat presentable but I still made sure people would see how bad I was feeling now and that I was crying for a long time. I exited the bathroom at the same time Fifi came back with the tripod in her hand.
She set up the tripod and my phone in a corner of my room and made sure the lighting looks good. I sat down on one of my chairs and looked at her.
"What am I supposed to say?", I asked her without a clue.
"Don't think about it.", she answered. "Just let your words go and we'll have something good to post. I can cut it if you want."
"No, I think keeping it raw is better than cutting it. This way it looks like it is authentic and not staged."
"True.", she agreed and bend down to the phone. "Alright let's go." I inhaled again, then blinked once. This way I worked up the courage to talk.
"Hey, Tia here.", I started quietly but as the actual words started to flow out of my mouth, I felt it becoming easier. "I know I look like a mess right now and this is actually the thing I wanted to inform you guys about. Something happened in my life which really shook me and I just wanted to let you know that I'll take some time off of social media and the public, for now, to figure things out. There are some things I need to organise and solve right now, so please don't be mad. As soon as I solved these problems I will of course be there for my lovely fans again. But for now, I just need time to get everything together. So, thank you for understanding and talk to you guys soon. Love you. Bye."
Fifi stopped the recording with one swift motion of her finger. Then she turned the tripod, so I could see the video. I did look like a mess, but it made the video even more authentic. My eyes shot back to Fifi because I couldn't bear to look at myself looking like that. Even though my heart was already broken, it broke into more pieces when I looked at myself in that video. I hated it to see myself like this. But I guess if I felt like that myself, the video did its purpose.
"That's great. Should I post it to your feed?", my best friend asked me and I nodded.
"Yes, please."
"Sure thing, love.", she answered and focused on the screen again. After a couple of seconds, she gave me back my phone. I looked at it.
"I posted it without a caption. Thought the video did the talking for itself.", she explained and I nodded.
"That's great. Thank you for your help.", I said.
"Oh, my help isn't done yet.", she explained and pulled me up with her arm.
"What do you mean?", I asked confusedly as she pushed me in front of my closet and opened the doors to the side.
"Well, I am obviously not going to let you stay here if your mother can come back each minute." My best friend's voice was determined and I knew I shouldn't discuss this with her. Her thinking made sense, as well, but I still had my doubts. It was my home after all. Even though I haven't lived here for long.
"Fifi, that's kind. But I need to stay here. This is my home.", I explained but my best friend already pulled out my suitcase and started to pack some of the clothes.
"Tia, I love you, right? But this is nothing I am going to discuss with you.", Fifi said but didn't look at me. She was too focused on packing my clothes. Only after I stayed silent and didn't move, she straightened her posture and looked at me.
"Trust me, you'll be happy I dragged you out of this goddamn hell hole. You'll find a new flat, or even a house, by yourself and then you don't need to fear your mother controlling you anymore."
Even though I hated to admit it, she was right. I knew deep down she was right. Even though it didn't feel like it right now.
"And where am I going to stay?", I dumbly asked.
"With me of course. And we'll leave sooner if you help me pack.", Fifi said and I nodded.
"Alright.", I agreed and helped her pushing the most important clothes into the suitcase. After scanning the rest of the flat for the most important things, we left in a hurry with a bag and said suitcase. To my dislike, paparazzi were waiting outside of the building I was living in and took some unwanted pictures. Fifi tried to block the view but failed at some point. Luckily, she parked her car close to the building door. Under flashing lights, Fifi and I drive away from the building, and hopefully away from the heartbreak.