Fifi stayed the night over at my place. She wanted to, on one hand, and I needed her to as well, on the other hand. I didn't want to be alone that night. I didn't know how bad the pain was going to become in the night if I would be alone, so I asked her to. And she happily and immediately agreed. I loved her, so much, and I just hoped that she knew that.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt like shit. My hair was messier than usual and I knew I had heavy black bags under my eyes. I could just feel it. Rubbing my eyes, I stood up from my bed and walked over to the bathroom to check myself out. I wouldn't say I was surprised at my appearance because I kind of expected it to be this bad. My eyes were still puffy from all the crying I did last night and the quality of my sleep also suffered from that, which resulted in heavy and deep black bags underneath my eyes. I didn't bother though, because I wouldn't be leaving the house today.
I quickly brushed through my hair and put it up in a high messy bun, then left the bathroom. I looked around to find Fifi's side of the bed empty. Then I looked at the clock. 10:04 in the morning. I didn't remember the last time I slept in this late, but it felt great. I knew I had two or three days off right now, but I wished it would be more. I didn't want to work with that management anymore and I needed to do something about that.
Something shattering in the kitchen grabbed my attention and I turned my head to the door, which was completely useless because it was shut. I slipped my bare feet into my comfortable slippers and walked towards the kitchen.
When I entered the room, there was a pan on the stove, where eggs were being fried. I could smell some toast being roasted in the oven. The table was also completely set up with juice, cut fruits and vegetables, and tea. Fifi really went her way only to prepare this amazing food for me.
"You really didn't have to do this, you know?", I asked into the room because I didn't know where she was right now. Ast the sound of my voice, a head shut up from behind the counter and looked at me startled. When Fifi recognised me, she relaxed a little bit.
"And you didn't have to startle me like this, but here we are.", she responded and made me laugh a little. Her legs brought her up again, so her upper body was now over the counter. Her hands hold shards of glass. Guess this was the shattering sound I just heard.
"I'm sorry.", I said.
"No, I'm sorry about this." Fifi motioned to the glass in her hand as she walked over to the bin and threw it away. "I didn't mean to break anything."
"It's alright. No biggy. It's just a glass.", I said and shrugged my shoulders. "Can I help you with anything?"
"No, I'm alright.", my best friend answered me from the stove and stirred through the eggs. "How are you feeling?"
"Like a piece of shit.", I answered numbly and put a grape in my mouth.
"I bet. I just wished I could do something to make you feel at least a little bit better.", she replied. "Can you think of something?" I took a second to think about that but only one thing came to my mind.
"Only of one thing, but that's nothing you could do.", I replied and took another grape.
"And what would that be?"
"Calling Lucas and throwing everything at him. I bet he doesn't even know I know about everything.", I explained. My thought made my best friend turn around to face me. Her face was lit up with excitement.
"That is a great idea.", she agreed to my surprise.
"It is?", I asked back.
"Yes!", she almost screamed. "Just think about it. You call him out right now, tell him everything that you found out, and lose some of that anger and sadness that is stored up in you right now!"
"If you say it like this, it does sound like a good idea.", I agreed.
"Well, what are we waiting for then?", Fifi asked me excited. "I just hope you put him on speaker. I want to hear everything that he has to say." I pulled out my phone from the pockets of my pyjamas.
"But let me do the talking!", I told her and she nodded. I clicked onto the contact app and dialled Lucas's number. "I just hope he picks up. It's late in the US.", I added at the third beep. Fifi and I stayed silent after that.
"Hello? Tia?", Lucas picked up the phone after what felt like an eternity. There was music playing in the background of the phone call, which made my last bad consciousness of calling him this late disappear. He was partying, when I was crying and heartbroken at home. What a nice thought.
"Yea, hi.", I answered emotionlessly. A short period of silence hovered between us. I could hear the music getting quieter in the background. He must have left the club or room, wherever he was right now.
"Are you alright?", he asked me with a worried voice. "You didn't call or text me when you were supposed to arrive in London last night."
"Oh, yea. Sorry about that.", I said still without any emotions. My mind didn't know how I was supposed to react to his voice and fake worrying. "My family surprised me at my flat and took me out to dinner. I really didn't have time to text or call."
"Alright.", Lucas said elongated, as if he didn't believe me. "Are you alright though?" Silence settled in again. How the hell am I supposed to answer that? My eyes shut up to Fifi. She was looking at me reassuringly and I nodded.
"Not really.", I said and saw tears forming in my eyes. Not again.
"Why? What's up?" Lucas now sounded even more worried which confused and disgusted me even more.
"What's up? That's really what you ask?", I asked him now a little angry. The first few tears started to fall down my cheeks.
"Yes? Why wouldn't I? Tia, what is going on?" I inhaled a deep breath, then let the words flow out of me without any filter.
"What's going on is that you, my dear friend, are hired to be my fucking boyfriend."
Lucas stayed silent for another moment. I heard a door falling into a lock in the background. The music was now completely gone.
"Tia, look. It's not what you think.", Lucas tried to explain but I just didn't want to hear it.
"Lucas, look. Safe your explanation. I don't want to hear it. I mean, by God, it wouldn't be this big of a deal, if you would have been just honest with me from the start. We could have figured this out together before I fucking fell in love with you. We could have both been pretending from the start, you know. But I didn't know. And apparently, you don't care about me. If you would, you wouldn't have agreed to this stupid contract. You only care about yourself and your career. But I guess since both of our careers are on a very good way now, you don't need to pretend anymore. I'm done with you." I wanted to hang up, but Lucas's words held me back.
"No, Tia. You don't understand. I really do care about you.", he said and I inhaled while laughing.
"Yea, right.", I said and sniffled once. "And the earth is flat."
"No, really. I do care about you. And I love you. You know that, right?" Anger grew even bigger in me.
"Don't you dare say you love me. I know you don't. Don't lie to me even more. You've done that enough. And as I said, I am done. With this call and with you."
Without waiting for his next words this time, I hung up the call. I wiped away a tear with the back of my left hand and looked up at Fifi, who was standing in front of me with the pan in her hand. She pushed some of the eggs onto my plate.
"I'm so proud of you.", she said and then continued to put the rest of the eggs on her plate. "That bastard doesn't deserve to talk to you any longer."
"Thank you, Fifi. For real.", I said calmly, even though I was still as mad as before.
"That's what I'm here for.", she said. "But for now, just enjoy my fantastic breakfast, and we'll figure everything else later."
"How do you know it's fantastic?", I asked her teasingly.
"Hello?!", she said and looked at me. Have you had my breakfasts before?"
"I did. A lot of times.", I answered smiling.
"So, your question is answered.", Fifi said and put a fork full of eggs into her mouth.
---
Fifi was right, the breakfast was fantastic. Well, hers is always amazingly delicious. We chatted about the most random things during eating. It took my mind off of the thing with my management and Lucas, which I was so thankful for. I was almost in a good mood again, when Fifi and I heard a key turn in the lock of my flat. Confused, we looked at each other, then at the person entering the kitchen shortly after.
"Tatiana Elisabeth Gauvin! Are you still in your pyjamas?", my mother asked me appalled when she stopped in the kitchen door frame and looked at me. She didn't even try to look at Fifi.
"Hello, mother.", I greeted her calmly. My mood was immediately not as great as before. I didn't know that she had a key for my flat and it annoyed the shit out of me that she did. It made me feel like the last spark of privacy I had was now gone as well.
"You really should get changed, I need to talk to you.", she said and let herself down on one of the bar stools at the bar of the kitchen.
"You can talk to me like this.", I refused to listen to her. "What's up?" My mother didn't answer right away, but rather looked at Fifi, who was busy eating some more fruit. When she realised that my mother and I looked at her, she looked between us both.
"What?", she asked with a full mouth.
"Felipine, I need you to leave. Now.", my mother demanded. Fifi swallowed her food calmly and then looked at my mother.
"No.", she simply said and focused her eyes back on the fruits on the table. My mother straightened her posture a little and inhaled appalled. It made me smile and giggle a little. She didn't expect this reaction from my best friend.
"What do you mean no? Leave, now. I need to talk to Tia in private.", my mother said eagerly and made Fifi look at me.
"It's alright. You can go, if that's fine with you.", I reassured her. Fifi nodded.
"Alright.", Fifi said and pushed herself up from the chair. "Tia, if you need me, I'll be downtown."
I nodded and reciprocated the kiss on the cheek she gave me before leaving the kitchen and eventually my flat.
"So, you have a key to my flat.", I told and my mother nodded. She stood up from the stool and let herself down on the chair across from me. With a little disgusted face, she pushed Fifi's plate and utensils away from her towards the middle of the table.
"Yes, why wouldn't I? I am your mother.", she said like it would be the most normal thing in life.
"I just broke up with Lucas.", I said without reacting to her words. I decided to get straight to business. It didn't make any sense to discuss and argue with her. She was the most stubborn person I knew and it was better for me and her if I will just drop it.
"What? Why did you do that?", she asked me terrified. I looked at her and couldn't believe her question.
"Are you kidding me?", I asked back. I didn't know if she was kidding or not. But then, it was my mother. She was never kidding or joking around. Her hand quickly grabbed my phone from the table.
"You need to call him again. Say you're sorry and that you were wrong.", she said while trying to unlock my phone.
"I'm not going to do that.", I said back simply and watched her trying to unlock my phone with Face ID. "And that's not going to work."
"Why not?", she asked back. "I am your mother. I should have access to your phone."
"No, you shouldn't.", I said. "And I'm not getting back together with Lucas. I am done with him."
"You're so unappreciative, do you know that?", my mother said and put down my phone as she realised she will not have access to it.
"What did you just say?" Anger again grew bigger and bigger in me. I couldn't believe my mother would say that. I never disrespected her before. And I always gave my best to thank her for everything. But since I've become a successful actress, she was more controlling than ever. I had enough of it.
"You're so unappreciative.", she repeated herself. I felt tears falling down my cheeks again.
"And you're controlling and suppressing everyone in your life.", I shot back and caught her off guard with my words. "Everything painful in my life was because of you. Think about the accident and then the thing with Lucas. You could have stopped it. But you didn't. You just let my management handle me like I was an object that can be pushed around. You let my management set up a contract with Lucas to be my boyfriend and all of you didn't even tell me about it. What kind of mother would let her child get this hurt?"
"A mother that wants you to be successful.", my mother answered and I scoffed. What an answer. I could tell easily that she was pissed now, but I didn't care. I needed to let some anger go right now and she gave me the best reason to do it at her.
"And besides, we didn't only let the management set up the contract. I was my idea in the first place and your father and brothers thought it was a good idea as well." Her voice was loud and harsh. It gave me flashbacks to my childhood, where my brothers and I would get yelled at almost every day for 'not behaving professionally'.
"But her words caught me off guard now. Did she just say it was her idea in the first place to hire Lucas as my boyfriend? Did she say my brothers and my father all knew about it? I didn't trust my ears anymore.
"What?", I asked quietly.
"Yes, you heard me. I came up with the idea and your brothers and your father all knew about it. Get over it. That's how the acting business works." She told me this information like it was the most normal thing to do. I, on the other hand, didn't know how to react. Somehow, I also didn't question this fact. I just knew it was true because I knew my mother would be capable of doing such a thing.
"Leave.", I simply said just as quiet as before.
"Excuse me?", my mother asked me back and I looked up to her again.
"I said, leave.", I said angrily ad stood up. My mother mirrored my movement and was now standing in front of me.
"You're not throwing me out of your flat, are you?", she asked me harshly.
"Yes, I am. Now, please leave my flat, Elisabeth." I knew calling her by her first name would be the ultimate disrespect to her. And I never thought I would one day use it for me, but I guess times have changed. My mother didn't know what to do, so she just stood there and looked at me angrily.
"I said, leave.", I said one last time with a strong voice and motioned to the flat door with my right hand. "I think I didn't have to show you the door, but I'm kind enough to do so." A moment of silence settled between us, where we just looked at each other.
"You will regret this.", she simply said and then made her way to the door.
"I don't think I will.", I said just before the door fell into the lock again and tears started to fall out of my eyes.