Rosie's POV
"Well are you gonna bother?" , Christine asked.
I huff as I open the passenger's side door and put my bag of books on the seat , pressing my cheek against my shoulder in order to refrain from dropping my phone.
"Chris you know my answer.." I said with a sigh.
"I know..I just feel guilty.." , she replied.
"Why?" I questioned her , with almost annoyance in my tone of voice. I can't even begin to comprehend my sister's thought process. Why the hell would she feel guilty after what he did , not just to her but to me too , he hurt her , he hurt both of us.
"Wait babe hold that thought , I'm just getting in the car.." I said , climbing into the driver's seat and shutting the door behind me. I then switched the phone call over to the bluetooth system in my car and turned the volume up high.
"Okay go.."
"He's our father , Rosie , it's his funeral.." she said , the guilt she had mentioned previously really showing itself as she spoke.
"Needn't I remind you that you now see a therapist every week because of him , Chris?" I argued.
"Trust me I know , the three hundred quid being dragged from my bank account each month speaks for itself.."
I chuckle.
"But he's still our dad , Rosie..." , she continued to justify on his behalf.
"I honestly don't know why you think anything you could possibly say is gonna change my mind.." I sigh , "I see him every night , Chris.." I admitted , not much louder than a whisper.
I hear her sigh over the phone , "So do I...Mum too.."
I shake my head , "Don't..I've got 30 12 year olds to deal with in an hour , I can't be feeling this amount of crap right now.."
Chris chuckles , "I've actually gotta go in a minute so I'm assuming you're not gonna change your mind?"
I exhale heavily , "If you really want to go then there's no way I'm letting you go alone , but I'm not going off of my own back , Chris..I'm sorry.."
"Don't apologise , babe..I understand.."
"So are you going?" I asked.
"I'll think about it..I have a week to decide.." , she said.
I sigh , "Alright , I'll talk to you later.."
"Okay , take care , love you.." she said , wrapping up the conversation.
"Love you too.." I said , before clicking the "end call" button and listening to the call disconnect.
"Shit.." I mumble to myself under my breath , running my hands down my face.
Almost every night I wake up in a cold sweat and short of breath , the image of his body towering over mine , his arm pulled back prepared to lash out , haunts me still. It's been 10 years and I still wake up with tears in my eyes. Yes , I've learnt and am still learning to deal with it , but that doesn't make it any easier. And now Chris wants me to go and pay my respects to the motherfucker after everything he put us through? I wish I had a heart as big as Christine's , but he was a piece of shit and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that he's gone for good.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when Evie began yapping in the back seat ; I'd forgotten she was even there , despite only having put her in here about five minutes ago.
"What are you barking for , doggo?" I complained , as if she'd actually answered me back.
She continued to bark , the sound too bloody loud for any mortal ear to endure at 7am on a Monday morning.
"Sssh Evie , you'll see Aunty Cate in half an hour so just do me a favour and zip it.."
And with that she stops , earning a satisfied smile and sigh from myself. I then start up the engine , release the clutch and reverse our of my driveway.
———
"Morning , Miss.." Jacob greets me at the gate. Poor boy always get's dropped off by his mother so unnecessarily early , I almost feel bad for him , that is until I remember that one time he threw a pen at me last year and practically poked my eye out.
"Morning , love.." I reply , my tone of voice monotone and uninterested.
I push open the door to the history block , let go of Evie's leash and allow her to run around the various classrooms until she finds Cate , who for the purpose of her promotional duties this year , now get's into school even earlier than I do. Knowing that Evie's in good hands , I unload my paperwork into the office and dump my personal belongings at my desk. I promise myself at the end of each year that I'll have it cleaned , as I feel there's nothing better than coming back to a clean workspace. But in reality , I can never bring myself to do it.
Amongst the mountain of old paperwork and tests I should've marked over the summer , I just don't know where I'd even start.
"Morning , Sunshine.." I hear Cate say from behind me.
I turn around and smile when I see Eviie content in her arms , being given endless strokes and pets from Cate as always.
I roll my eyes with a smile and exhale heavily , taking off my coat and hanging it on the back of my chair.
"The kids aren't even in yet?" , she said , chuckling.
I shove my hands in my pockets and lean back against the desk. "I feel like I'm functioning at 40% capacity.." I said with a tired smile.
"Charlotte?" Cate asked.
I shake my head immediately , my ex wasn't even in the back of my mind anymore , she screwed shit up and I wasn't prepared to put myself through that again. I've practically erased her from my life at this point , and happy about it to say the least .
"Trust me , we're over entirely.." I reassured her.
Cait stuck by me all throughout the break up , bless her. She has a husband and kids of her own , but almost every other night for about a month , her and Christine were at my house , at least one of them having come prepared with a bottle of red wine and both of them having come prepared to listen to me rant about it for hours. I'll always love her for that.
"Thank god..So what's wrong?" , she questioned , putting Evie back down and letting her roam around the office.
"Dad's funeral..Christine thinks we should go.." I said , with a sigh.
Cate's eyebrows furrow slightly and I can see the confusion in her face. "I thought you said you hadn't spoken to your dad for like a decade?"
I nod , "I haven't..She just thinks that because we're some of the only close family he has , that we should at least show up.."
"Well are you going to?" , she asks.
"I don't know yet , we'll see.." I say , dismissing the conversation all together as it was far too early to delve deep into family trauma. "I'm going to set up my classroom , can you watch Evie for fifteen minutes?"
"Course I can.." , she says with a smile. "Come on Evie , come with Auntie Cate.." , she beckons her in her obnoxious and high-pitched 'I'm speaking to a dog' voice.
I smile and shake my head before picking up my laptop bag and leaving the office. Out of my pocket I pull out the key for my classroom and unlock the door. The room hasn't been used for six weeks and you can tell as soon as you walk in , it smells of damp carpet and dust , and above all else it's freezing cold.
I can spray some Febreez to fix the smell , the cold I can't do anything about though. The school refuses to turn on the heating until mid October in order to save money , while at the same time insist that neither the students nor teachers wear their coats inside , as they claim that it's not part of the dress code. I don't really care for that rule though , if it's freezing cold , just sod it because I'm not going to ask that kids as young as eleven sit there in a button up short sleeve shirt for two hours shivering.
Turning on the light , the at least 3 year old bulbs flicker on , not in time with one another by any means , and light up the room. Although it's old and arguably not up to standard , I do love my classroom. The displays Cate and I put up to decorate the walls last year are colourful and make the place feel homely. The layout of the desks is set up in a way where I can see all my students and the whole back wall is made of glass , with a view of the most beautiful and largest green space of the entire school. Plus , there's spot at the front of the room for Evie's bed.
Some may say it's unusual that I bring my dog with me to work , especially because my place of work is a school. But , she's noted down officially as a therapy dog , meaning if students are having a bad day or need something to do during social time for whatever reason , they take Evie out on her leash for a walk around the school site. It works for everybody involved , she gets her walks in , the kids have an escape from work and I don't have to feel the enormous amount of guilt one does when they have to leave their pet at home for hours on end.
I'm once again pulled out of my thoughts when I hear a loud knock on my door. I jump out of my skin as this person's knuckles pound against the wooden frame, causing me to knock a stack of paperwork off of the front of my desk.
"Shit.." I hear an unfamiliar voice mumble under their breath. Before I could even turn to see who it was who was knocking , they're already crouching down on their hands and knees gathering up the paperwork that sprawled itself all over the floor.
"I'm so sorry.." the voice said apologetically , still looking down at the floor as they gathered up the last few sheets of paper. I just watched as they picked up the paperwork in a clearly embarrassed rush , yet I still had no idea who they were , all I could see was their long , brunette hair cascading over their back and the abundance of piercings lining the helix of their ear.
The mystery person then stood up and aligned the papers by hitting them on the desk twice before handing them to me. "I'm so sorry.." she repeated for the second time.
Without having gotten a decent look at her before , I place the paperwork back down onto my desk and look up at her. I'm not generally an observant person , but I found myself gazing at this girl whom I had never seen before , scanning my eyes repeatedly over her face and noting her every feature.
Her eyes were a deep , ocean blue ; I have brown eyes and I had always envied the girls in school with blue ones as I thought that mine were dull and not pretty enough. Of course I have surpassed that childlike mindset now ,but I still long for beautiful blue eyes like her's. Her face was slightly rounder than my own , something I didn't generally see as astonishingly attractive in others, yet she fully pulled it off. Her hair was long , parted in the centre and had a wave to it that looked natural but purposeful all at the same time , her nose was small , her lips were full and she had faint freckles that littered over the bridge of her nose. I was always so jealous of people who had freckles too , I thought , and do still think , that they're beautiful.
I cleared my throat when I realised that I had in fact been staring at her and had not yet said a word.
"It's alright love , you just scared me that's all.." I said , honestly.
A small smile pulled at the corners of her lips. "I can assure you that wasn't my intention.." she replied , in a cocky , yet endearing tone.
I smiled at the remark , which she reciprocated with a slight smirk. "Is there something you needed?" I asked , still confused as to why she was even here.
"Oh, I was actually looking for Miss Foster? I'm joining her form this year and I don't have a clue where I'm going.."
I smiled and nodded my head , opening up my laptop as I had in fact received an email about a new student joining my form about a week ago.
"Nice to meet you......" I pause , quickly trying to look up her name on the system.
"Kennedy.." she jumped in for me , shortening the awkward silence.
I quickly found her name and clicked on her profile.
"Matthews?" I asked , as there were in fact two Kennedys in year 12 this year.
She nodded , "That's the one.."
I smile a friendly smile, "Nice to meet you , Kennedy , I'm Miss Foster.." I said , introducing myself.
I hated how formal I sounded , but this girl was new and I felt the need to lay down the bases so I didn't confuse her anymore than she probably already was , being in an entirely new school and all.
She smiled , "Oh , nice to meet you too.." she reciprocated.
"If you'd like to take a seat , I'm happy to run through your schedule with you?"
I wasn't usually this helpful. To be perfectly honest , I usually just sent lost students away for somebody else to deal with , or I simply just let them get on with it themselves , but as she was now in my form , she was technically my responsibility.
Kennedy nodded and then perched herself on the desk right in front of mine , bringing her legs up and crossing them on top of the table.
"I was thinking maybe on a chair , Miss Matthews.." I said , trying my best to fight off a smile.
She sighed to herself and then uncrossed her legs , clambering back off of the table. "Right.." , she said with a slightly embarrassed smile.
I smiled and gently shook my head when her back was turned , whether she was trying or not , she was definitely a charmer.
Kennedy then sat down in a chair and placed her bag by her feet , crossing her legs and leaning forward on her elbows as if she wasn't close enough already , sat at a desk just two or three feet away from me.
Once again , I had to consciously avert my gaze from her , as I had caught myself staring. She is a very attractive girl , and I'd be lying if I said she hadn't caught my eye. But she's seventeen and I'm better than that. Above all else she's also my student..and I don't know her...and it would be illegal.
I groan internally at my own ridiculous thoughts and refocus my attention onto my laptop, searching through the system in an attempt to find her schedule.
"Right ,well obviously we've covered that you're in my form so you'll be having tutor in here with me every morning , you're in my history class too which is also held in here.."
I momentarily look up at her to try and gauge her reaction to what I'd just told her , before immediately stopping myself as I realised how much of a childish thing to do that was.
Irritated with my own teenaged behaviour , I quickly glance back down at my computer screen in an attempt to play it off , badly may I add , as I could see Kennedy smirking out of the corner of my eye.
Sighing , I ran my free hand through my hair as I struggled to find her other classes ; the school's online system was so poorly organised that I could easily be scrolling for hours , and quite frankly , I don't have the time for that.
"If it's too much of a hassle , I could go ask at reception.." , she said , probably feeling awkward just sitting there in silence.
I shake my head and glance back up at her , "You're fine , I'll find it eventually.." I say , knowing the women at reception will just send her back to me anyway.
"Ah!" I say in triumph , as I finally find the rest of her classes , causing Kennedy to sit up slightly in her chair.
"You have Religious studies just down the hall in Hi9 with Miss Adams and.." I pause , scrolling down the page , "Psychology which is also Hi9 with Miss Adams.."
"What room is this sorry?" , she asks.
"Hi7" I reply.
"And which room am I in for my other classes again?"
"Hi9" I remind her.
"Oh okay..long walk then.." , she says sarcastically.
I chuckle and nod my head with a smile , "Indeed.." I reply , matching her tone. She smiles , and slightly bites down on her bottom lip with her front teeth as she does so. At this I for some reason felt the need to look away ; what is wrong with me , you're twenty seven years old Rosie , this is pathetic?
"Can I borrow a pen?" , Kennedy pipes up again, forcing me to pull it together.
Nodding , I open my desk drawer and dig through the mess of it's contents until I find one ; the end was chewed and it was missing the grip , but it was the only one in there. Checking that it worked , I scribbled on a piece of random scrap paper before tossing it at her , which she caught in one hand seemingly with ease.
She then removed the lid and held her hand out in front of her , writing down what I assume was the information I had just given her , onto her hand.
"What's your email , Miss?" , she asks , still concentrating on what she was writing.
"R Foster at Sumchester School dot com.."
"What does the R stand for?" , she questions as she notes that down.
"My first name.." I reply smugly , knowing full well that wasn't what she meant but not being able to suppress my own tiresome , but instinctive sarcasm.
She smiles , "Well what's your first name?" , she continues to pester.
I smile at her resilience, "I don't see how that's any of your business , Miss Matthews.." I remark , unapologetically playing the teacher card.
Kennedy opens her mouth to reply but gets interrupted when Evie unexpectedly darts into the room , tail wagging and all , and leaps up onto her desk. I didn't have a chance to get Evie down before she began incessantly licking Kennedy's face , her front paws balanced on each one of her shoulders as she stood up on her hind legs.
"Crap.." I mumble , standing up from my desk with the intention of snatching Evie away. "Evie get down.." I scold her sternly.
Smiling , Kennedy ran her hands over Evie's fur , stroking her repeatedly up and down her back and sides. "It's okay.." , she reassured me , continuing to let Evie kiss her all over her face. "Hi Evie!" she cooed , in that same 'I'm talking to a dog' voice that everybody who ever speaks to a dog seems to slip into subconsciously.
Reassured that Kennedy was fine with it, I sat back down at my desk and chuckled as I watched Evie continue to smother her in kisses , Kennedy not seeming phased at all.
"Sorry about this , she goes mental around new people." I apologise on Evie's behalf.
Kennedy smiles and shakes her head , now scratching behind Evie's ears which relaxed her significantly. "It's okay , I love dogs.." , she said , looking at Evie still. "How old is she?"
I smile , "Almost six months.."
Kennedy smiles and pulls Evie into her arms , "She's still a puppy , bless her.." she says , stroking her head.
I smile and purse my lips , whistling and successfully winning back Evie's attention. "Come here you stupid dog.." I say light-heartedly , causing Kennedy to giggle.
Evie jumps down from Kennedy's lap and runs back over to me, for once doing as she was told. I take out Evie's bowl and pour some water from my bottle into it in an attempt to get her to calm down. Me being distracted with Evie , Kennedy takes this as her cue to leave.
Quietly , she stands up from her seat , tosses her bag over one shoulder , and tucks in her chair behind her.
"Thank you for the help.." , she says with a smile as she walks towards the door.
"You're welcome.." I reply , only being able to string together the most simplest of responses. ; annoying as it may be , that smile really gets me.
I think Kennedy knew the affect she was having on me , as a small , but noticeable smirk slowly crept onto her expression.
"Bye , Miss Foster.." she said , with an exaggerated innocence I knew she was using to try and get another rise out of me.
"Goodbye , Miss Matthews.." I retorted , purposely dismissing her flirtatious tone with nothing more than a friendly smile.
She shot me one last glance before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. As soon as I heard it shut , I put my head in my hands and slouched back in my chair with a groan.
"This is the opposite of what I need right now.." I mumble to myself , sighing frustratedly.
A/N : Anybody who's actually reading this , please leave a comment and let me know what you thought of the first chapter , or maybe even just to say hi. Either way , I hope you enjoyed it as much I did writing it!!
- L