Overdose - Chapter 49
-Alex-
My brother was born on July 28th at 3:07 AM. He weighed 5.6 pounds and was 22 inches in length. He came out screaming according to my mom. His name is Miles O'Conner. My mom decided to give him his dad's middle name. He's beautiful. I cried when she called, and he was sleeping soundly in her arms. I hope he never has to go through any of the things I did, and I hope he'll be happy all his life. It's a tall order but I hope he never knows what heartbreak feels like.
Though I wasn't there physically, the moment still felt special. I even got to talk to my mom's boyfriend for the first time. Both she and my dad seemed to have found their person. That makes me happy despite sometimes wishing they were still together.
It's the first week of August.
Nico's mom's funeral was on July 30th. It was a small ceremony but that's just what Nico wanted. Taylor and Tatum were there. Daniel also came but Laurence wasn't with him. I got to meet Nico's aunt and cousin for the first time; his mom was her younger sister. Their parents only had two girls. She seemed kind but she didn't look too saddened by the death. I figured it was because the family had already said goodbye to her once before. My dad and Sabrina were there too, and I think Nico appreciated their presence.
We were able to arrange everything the day after we found out. I called the funeral home, and the florist, and once he told me that her favorite color was purple, I was able to pick out a beautiful light purple dress for her. He teared up when we dropped it off at the funeral home two days before. He was mostly quiet that entire week and I didn't push him to say more than he needed to.
After everyone had left the cemetery, Nico and I stayed behind. They buried her next to Tyler. When we were setting everything up, we found out that his mom bought an extra plot so that no one could take the spot to the right of his stone. Nico thought it was selfish because she didn't get one for him.
"It was always him and her. She loved him with all her heart and once he died, she didn't have any more to give to the kid that was left." He said, staring out at the newly covered plot next to his brother's stone. He told me after Tyler died, his mom started showing him less attention. Things between her and his dad got worse so on the days they were all home; his mom would tell him to stay in his room. He'd listen to him abuse her and he couldn't do anything about it. My heart aches for him every day. He suffered so much when he was younger, he never deserved any of it.
I rested my head on his shoulder, "She loved you too, Nico. She didn't plan to have you join Tyler because she knew you would live on. She knew you would do great things, so she didn't plan on you leaving this world earlier than you're supposed to."
He didn't say anything, but he just rested his head on mine. We stood there for another ten minutes, silently staring at the stone. Before we left, he knelt in front of Tyler's stone and whispered, "I told you. Mom loves you to the moon and back. Tell her she's safe now."
We left the cemetery and went to my house. My dad made dinner and we ate while my dad shared stories from his years in the NICU. Sabrina was there to confirm the truth behind those stories and tell some of her own from the ICU. Nico smiled and laughed but there was still sadness behind his eyes. I could tell he wasn't okay, but he was trying to get back to "normal". That night, he cried himself to sleep while I held him close.
I love my mom, my dad, and now Miles but I didn't know I could love someone as deeply as I love Nico. I can't explain it but the mere thought of him makes my skin come alive with pleasant tingles. I hate to see him sad, and I want to protect him from the world because to me, he shouldn't know anything but happiness. So, I'm not sure who to thank for him but that night, I thanked his mom.
I thanked her for giving birth to such an incredible boy and for having taken care of him until she couldn't anymore. I thanked her for being his first love. I thanked her because despite everything, she brought him into this world and his existence is magic enough.
I haven't seen him for four days, but we talk on the phone every night. He's been working but next weekend he will be free as his birthday is on Saturday. I have a surprise planned for him but I'm not sure how he'll receive it. I know he's not going to hate it, but I guess I'm nervous for myself. It's been a long four days for me, and I don't know how many bandages are left in my dad's first aid kit, but I know they won't last until Saturday.
"Which one? Blue or gray?" Chester asks from his closet, and I shrug. It still feels weird having him back. He should be in jail right now for aggravated assault and attempted murder. And Jackson should be playing football in college. Crazy. Sometimes my mind ventures to him and a part of me feels bad for him. Should I be angry at Chester for what he did? Some would say yes. Did Jackson deserve to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair for the things he did? Some would say no.
What would I say? I would say that no one deserves to be put through so much pain that they wish they didn't exist anymore. I would say that I didn't deserve the way he treated me and that I didn't deserve what happened that night. I would say that when one does bad things, they are bound to catch up with them and Jackson reigned king on doing bad things.
"Jesus, Alex! Focus, I have a big day tomorrow..." Chester throws a shirt at me, and it lands on my face. I throw it, hoping it would hit him, but he just catches it without looking. "Blue one. It screams Daddy's money and that will surely make your new employees hate you." I say nonchalantly.
Chester decided it was time to get a big boy job so he's going to be taking over one of his dad's businesses. He's leaving his mom to take care of the law firm because that was boring to him. Instead, he chose the Logistics Company his dad bought five years ago. I don't have to be a genius to know that Chester will be running his other business through his dad's. It's a perfect cover and in all honesty, I'll be surprised if he ever gets caught.
He promised me that he wouldn't hurt anyone else. I'm not sure he'll keep his promise, but it was nice to hear. I found out a lot about Chester in these past months and I'm not sure how I'm not terrified of him. He's a dangerous man if you ask anyone in this town who has crossed him. Yet, despite knowing how terrifying he can get, I'm not afraid to call him my best friend.
"So did you tell Nicholas you're going back to school?" He asks as he tries on the millionth suit jacket since I've been here. I sigh tiredly, "Not yet he's been busy. Plus, it's all online and it's for one semester. I'll tell him when he gets back."
"Did you tell him you are planning on moving out of your dad's house?"
I frown, "I haven't even told my dad. Every time I think it's the right time to bring it up...I just freeze. I've looked at a couple apartments online, I like a few of them but I haven't been able to go look at them. I'm terrified."
My dad and Sabrina are getting serious. She stays over at our house most nights and I saw that she was all set up in my dad's bathroom. Her daughter is staying with her dad for the moment but I'm sure if Sabrina moves in then she will be too.
I guess I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. My dad will be devastated but I know he'll put on a brave face. I just want him to enjoy his life without worrying about me too much. "Well, whenever you do decide to tell them, just remember that you're not limited to this town just because they're here. There's a beautiful world out there Alex, you can call anywhere home."
I smile, "Why is my insurance paying Dr. Hayes when I have you?"
Chester laughs, "Being your therapist would drive me straight to alcoholism."
"You are such an asshole."
He shrugs before hanging his suit jacket back up. I rest my head on the couch and stare at the light above. So much is changing, and I'm terrified to lose myself again. Dr. Hayes says that school can help by keeping me busy, but she also said that the stress of going back can overwhelm me. She told me to be careful of putting too much on my plate.
Once I finish High School, I'm not sure what I want to do then. I could go to art school, or I could go to a four-year university to study something outside of art. I'd like to teach. It was my favorite subject so maybe I could do that. Anyway, Dr. Hayes told me to take it one day at a time. It's okay to not have everything figured out right now.
She told me not to compare myself to Nico but sometimes it's hard not to. He's established and I'm just here; no purpose and nothing to show for twenty years of existence. I am proud of him though, he's living the life he's always wanted and though it's been a hard few weeks, he's doing better than I could ever be. I love that he's so resilient, yet he doesn't deny himself of feeling sad and overwhelmed. He admits it. In a lot of ways, I want to be like him when I grow up.
"Want me to take you home? I'm going to go buy gifts to bribe my new team, your neighborhood is on the way." Chester says from the door. I nod and grab my bag from the couch. I follow Chester to his car and make sure I am securely strapped in before he speeds out of his driveway. The tires make a screeching noise as he makes a sharp turn out of his neighborhood.
When we reach a red light, Chester breaks abruptly sending the top part of my body forward and back, hard. "Have you ever...ran someone over, Chester?" I ask turning to him with a glare that could make ice melt instantly.
He turns to me, "Are you wired?" I roll my eyes and remain silent.
"God, that car is ridiculous," Chester mumbles to himself when we pull into my street. I look up and the moment I see Nico's car, a smile spreads across my face. "Your driving is ridiculous," I mumble as Chester parks dangerously close to Walter on purpose.
Nico gets out of the car with an obvious frown. He looks down at Chester's car venomously. I don't know what's hotter, when he's scowling or when he's smiling. "Hey, Nicky! I missed you! I brought your boyfriend home safely. Come on, Alex, get out and kiss him before he blows a fuse," Chester chastises.
I guess Chester can't be nice to Nico for too long. When I told him about Nico's mom, the next day, Nico got a flower delivery with a card. 'My Condolences, Nicholas. - Chester.' was written on the card. Now, he's right back to wanting to see how much he can aggravate Nico in one conversation.
"I liked you better when you were in jail," Nico says, clearly annoyed. Chester chuckles, "All I heard was that you liked me. Unfortunately for you, Nicky, I'm talking to someone. Bye, Alex!" He rolls up the window before reversing and speeding away. Nico looks at me and then at Chester's car as it screeches with a turn. "Why are you still friends with him?" He asks tiredly. I hug him, "he's my second-best friend." I mumble over his shoulder.
He pulls back and looks down at me with a raised brow, "who's first?"
"I'm looking at him." I close the gap between our lips, and he immediately deepens the kiss. My skin comes alive with goosebumps as he kisses me passionately. If I'm going to develop a new addiction, it's definitely going to be the way he kisses me.
Sadly, the bliss doesn't last long as he pulls away and rests his forehead on mine. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you until the weekend," I whisper as I run my hands along the smooth fabric of his shirt. "Would you be creeped out if I told you that I couldn't stay away any longer? I think I was starting to hallucinate and shake," he says with a smile in his voice. I chuckle, "I think that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard."
He laughs but it quickly fades when he sees my hands, "Alex, what happened?" He holds them up, studying them with worry. I bite my lip nervously, "I tried opening a can of tomato soup using one of my dad's knives. I'm okay though, last time I try to do that," A part of me feels terrible for lying but I can't ruin his surprise. I want everything to be perfect and I don't want him to know about it until the night of his birthday.
He frowns before bringing my hands up and kissing them. Almost all my fingers have band-aids on them, and I'm surprised I haven't lost a finger yet. "Alex, I mean this in the nicest way possible...stay away from all kitchens."
I chuckle and push him back playfully, "Is that your way of volunteering to cook for me for the rest of my life?" He throws his arm over my shoulder as we head to the door, "I'll be your private chef." Once inside, I set my bag by the door and make my way to my room.
"I thought your dad would be home by now," Nico says leaning against my dresser. I take my shoes off and throw myself on the bed. It's been a long day and I wish I could tell Nico what I was doing before I went to Chester's house but that would ruin his surprise. This whole thing has made me realize that surprising people and having to keep it from them is harder than it sounds.
"He's helping Sabrina out with some stuff at her house," I say looking toward him. My eyes travel from his face to his hands. He's flipping his ring from one hand to the other. Nico has tattoos on his left hand but the right one is bare. I've spent a lot of time studying the tattoos on his skin, but I am just now realizing that most of his body is tattooed but not his right hand, I wonder why.
"Why isn't your right hand tattooed?" I ask sitting up against the headboard. He looks down at his hand and then back at me, "I've never thought of getting it tattooed. I guess I am now," He shrugs before sliding the ring back on his forefinger. "What would you get?" I ask curiously.
He looks out of the window, contemplating his answer, "Something that makes me smile."
I nod and for a moment, I think hard about what he could get. "The Ben and Jerry's logo?"
He stares at me with a straight face before chuckling, "And here I was thinking about getting the date we met but the Ben and Jerry's logo is a way better idea!" The sarcasm in his voice is undeniable. I frown, "are you serious? Nico, tattoos are permanent...I mean unless you cover it or get it removed but still-"
"Still, I will never forget the day I laid eyes on you. Regardless of what the future holds, you still have made a huge impact on my life, and I always want to remember that."
I feel tears coat my eyes and I stare at him in awe, "How are you real?" I whisper but it's more like I'm thinking out loud. He smiles and walks over to the bed before taking a seat next to me. I rest my head on his shoulder and we both stare at the door silently.
"I'm going back to school," I mumble, my voice chasing the silence away. He looks down at me, "Alex, that's awesome! When?" He sounds more excited than I am. I fidget with the hem of my shirt nervously, "Soon, it's online but I'm still kind of nervous."
He places a kiss on my temple and takes my hand in his, "I think you'll do great."
I nod and remain quiet. I wasn't a great student when I was in High School, I was barely passing my classes once I got involved with Jackson. I guess now I'm nervous that I've forgotten everything and that I'll fail what I have left of high school. You can always try again. That sounds like actual torture.
The thought of failing and having to try again sends an eerie wave of discomfort down my spine. I think at that point I would just give up. Again, how am I the son of a nurse and lawyer with the mental capacity of a squirrel? Actually, squirrels are smart. Shit.
"Where are you?" Nico's voice pulled me out of my thoughts which was much needed. I look up at him and then my eyes trail to his lips. "Here," I mumble before moving to his lap. He places his hands on my waist and looks up at me curiously.
"You weren't. Alex, you're going to be fine. I'm sure you can talk to your teachers about the workload if you get overwhelmed," he says, bringing his hand up to my face and caressing my cheek gently. I nod and quickly close the gap between our lips.
He smiles against my lips, "Are you using me to forget about school right now?"
Heat rises to my cheek, and I look down sadly, "Does that upset you? I don't want to think about school right now." I feel his finger against my chin, and he lifts my head gently, making me look into his eyes. "That doesn't upset me, Alex. I am more than happy to make out with you so you can forget about school."
I bite my lip and run my hand through his hair, "I don't just want to make out with you, Nico."
His eyes widen and he stares at me with shock. "You know what I just realized?" He asks with a slight gasp when I shift in his lap. "What?" I ask curiously. He looks around the room, "We've never had sex in your room..."
I bite my lip and nod in agreement, "let's change that."
"The door isn't locked."
I ignore him and begin to leave wet kisses down his neck. His breath hitches and he lifts my shirt, stopping right at my arms so I can lift them. Once I do, he places my shirt on the nightstand and brings his lips to mine.
A few seconds of kissing and touching pass and I can no longer wait. I pull his shirt off and move on to his belt. "Wait, Alex...your dad-"
"Won't be home till late," I add, before slamming my lips on top of his and finally getting his belt unbuckled. "Alex-"
"What now?" I ask with clear frustration.
He tries to not smile by pressing his lips together. What's so funny? Your desperation.
"Condoms are in the car..." He says looking amused. I groan and reach over to the nightstand. I grab the box of condoms and place it in his hand. He furrows his brows and looks at me with confusion, "Why do you have-"
I turn the box over in his hand to show him the note written in black Sharpie on the back.
Please be safe. -Love, dad.
My face burns with embarrassment, I rest my head on his chest to hide my reddening cheeks. I came home one night to find it on my nightstand. I don't know what my dad was thinking but he could have left me the money instead of buying it. I'm glad he never brought it up and I never said anything. I didn't even say thank you.
Nico clears his throat, "I don't know if I should be impressed or weirded out that he got the same ones that I do..."
"Nope. Don't say anything else on the matter. I don't want to hear it." I protest hoping he'll listen to me and drop it. He chuckles before kissing my shoulder, "Let's forget this conversation happened." Please!
Soon, both of us are naked and the room becomes a theater for our orchestra of pleasure sounds. The noticeable difference between Nico and me having sex in my room instead of his apartment is the lack of sweat. Nico's hair is not sticking to his forehead even though his skin is hot. It's like having sex in a freezer. I can't say I hate it.
"Alex and Nico, I'm home!"
Nico stops and we both look at each other with pure terror. Fuck! "I thought you said he wouldn't be home 'til late?" Nico whispers before sliding off me. "I thought so too!" I whisper before frantically grabbing my shirt and sweatpants.
"Bathroom, now!" I throw his shirt and pants at him as I frantically try to get my clothes back on. My heart pounds in my chest as I hear my dad's footsteps approach down the hall. The bathroom door closes just as my dad's shadow appears under the door. Quickly, I grab one of my sketchbooks and a random pen before throwing myself on the bed. I rest my head on the headboard and position myself as I would if I were sketching for the last half hour.
There's a soft knock and I clear my throat, "It's open."
The handle turns slowly, and my dad peeks his head through, "Where's Nico?"
I try to keep my hands from shaking as I look towards the closed bathroom door, "Bathroom. Where's Sabrina?" This has got to be more embarrassing than my dad buying me condoms. It would be okay if the roof caved in and killed me right now.
"Home. Turns out she has to get an electrician to come look at why her lights are flickering. What did you do today?" He asks, leaning against the door frame. I look up from the empty page, "I went for a walk, then I went to Chester's, and now I'm sketching..." Only one of those was true.
He nods, "Okay. I bought Thai food from the place you like. There's enough for Nico if he's hungry."
I nod, "thanks, dad."
With that, he turns around and closes the door. I let the sketchbook fall on my lap and I look up at the ceiling. Embarrassment and sexual frustration are a weird combination of feelings that I've only ever felt today. There's no way my dad didn't piece everything together. The comforter is barely hanging off the bed. The nightstand drawer is open, and he cleans my room sometimes, so he knows exactly where the condoms are. Also, my face and hair are probably a dead giveaway.
I grab a pillow and slam it against my face, pressing it until I can no longer breathe normally. The bathroom door creaks open and a second later, the pillow is snatched out of my hand, "what are you doing?" He asks, sounding calm and collected.
"Trying to suffocate myself because my dad just came home while we-"
"Nope. We're gonna pretend that that never happened. Let's never bring it up again." He says running his hand through his hair. I sit up on my elbows and notice that he's fully dressed. Thank goodness he took the rest of his clothes with him because my dad would have surely noticed his clothes on the floor.
"Agreed." He slumps down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling silently.
I press my lips together to try and keep myself from laughing at how ridiculous that was. I guess I should be happy that I'm finally getting to experience the awkwardness of being in a relationship that my dad knows about. This is what normal teenagers went through in high school. At least I hope so.
"Wanna finish?" I ask, trying my best to sound serious.
"Are you insane?" Nico asks, not entertaining my sudden need to make light of the situation. I chuckle with my lips still pressed together. "I thought I was going to have a heart attack..." Nico adds which doesn't help in keeping me from laughing.
Nico joins in on my hysteria and the tense silence of the room is replaced with giggles and adolescent-like giddiness.
>>>
Fortunately, dinner wasn't awkward. My dad and Nico were more focused on which place has the best Thai food so what happened earlier didn't seem to matter. I'm so thankful that my dad and Nico get along. It's all I ever wanted and now that I have it, I don't see why things couldn't have been like that to start. I guess I had to go through the worst to end up with the best.
I'm happy to see that Nico is smiling. The death of his mom was terrible and for a while, I saw nothing but grief in his eyes. He looked defeated which makes sense. He has lost so much.
"Where are you?" I feel him come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. I relax under his touch, "I was thinking about you." I turn to face him, and he rests his hands on the counter, locking me between his arms. "How thoughtful, thank you for thinking about me," He leans down and places a kiss on my neck.
"I'm always thinking about you. I can't help it," I admit truthfully. I feel him smile against my skin, "Why were you thinking about me just now?"
I lift his head, making him stare into my eyes, "are you okay? You haven't said much about..." I pause seeing that his eyes quickly sadden. "I just want to know if you're okay..."
He bites his lip before running his hand through his hair, "I guess I'm fine. It sucks that I lost my mom twice but a part of me has always made peace with the fact that she's been gone since the night my dad attacked her. She couldn't remember her name or anything from her past so...mentally my mom died that night. Am I still angry that it wasn't that waste of space that I called dad who died? Yes. Will I let it consume me and make me miserable? Absolutely not. Not when I have everything I need in the form of a sometimes snappy, gorgeous human being who goes by Alex."
Heat quickly rises to my face as he places a gentle kiss on my cheek. "You'd tell me if you weren't okay, right?" I ask, still unsure that what happened didn't set him back. It would have set me way back. Losing my mom or my dad would actually kill me. He looks into my eyes sincerely, "Alex, I'm sad that she's gone. I think about her every day, and I think about the things that I could have done to save her but...she's gone. I can mourn her, but I won't let her death take control of my life."
I stare at him with amazement, "I want to be like you when I grow up." I whisper. He smiles and my heart plays hopscotch in my chest. "I love you, Nicholas Astor."
He closes the gap between our lips, and I let myself melt in his arms. "I love you too, Alex Miller."
"Doesn't look like the dishes are being done..." My dad says in front of the doorway. We both jump at the sound of his voice and Nico steps away from me. I groan internally. "I'm almost done!"
He rolls his eyes before walking to the fridge. He pours himself some water, "Goodnight, kids."
Nico and I look at each other with raised brows. "The word kids had a lot of emphases...why is that?" Nico asks confusedly. I shrug and turn my attention back to the dishes. A second later, I feel Nico wrap his arms around me again and rest his head on my shoulder. I smile, "Do you have to leave soon?"
"I won't if you ask me to stay."
"Do you not want to finish what we started?" I whisper with a devious smile. He places a kiss on my neck, "Here you go again with the rhetorical questions. One minor flaw though, your dad is home." He continues to leave kisses on my neck which makes concentrating on the dishes an impossible feat.
"We can be quiet." As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I realize that me being quiet is close to impossible.
Nico places a kiss on my ear and my body shudders violently, "It's no fun if I can't hear you." Another wave of sparks courses down my spine, and I let the sponge fall into the sink. He slides his hands around my waist and then down to the front of my sweatpants. Air gets caught in my throat as his hands begin to explore.
I bite my lip to keep from making noise. My heart is racing against my chest given how risky this is. My dad is probably in bed, he has to wake up early so maybe he won't walk into the kitchen and see this. Then again, I said he would be home late and that didn't happen.
Nico presses his body to mine, locking me between him and the sink. "Does that feel good?" He whispers before resuming the sensual kisses on the side of my neck. My eyes flutter shut, and I nod.
Then, he stops and takes a step back. It's comical how quickly pleasure can be replaced with anger. "You're torturing me." I turn to face him, and he grins cynically.
"Consider it payback for not knowing when your dad would be home." He whispers. Wow, petty.
"I thought he'd be home late!" I argue but he shrugs uncaringly. I watch as he closes the gap between us and stares into my eyes deeply. "You have five minutes to finish those until I come back and make it hard for you to not scream my name. I'll be in your room." His tone is serious, and his eyes are clouded with lust.
Shivers run down my spine as he disappears behind the doorway. I need to move out like yesterday.