Maybe the whole problem of this is that we all scream without letting ourselves cry.
We may talk, we may have to talk about it and cry again until our souls are completely clean and resting in peace without any kind of shadow or spider eating us alive.
Whatever.
You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through.
The days and the weeks passed, nothing new between James and I, but we were fine as friends.
This time, we were meeting up at my house. He had free time and I finished my work that day. That was the thing I liked most about my job. I was working as photographer, and I liked it as I've said before.
''You know, the truth is that a long time ago, when I was so much younger, like a teenager, I used to pretend to be a cynic, but I was and I am just a dreamer who's terrified and scared of wanting something someone may never get.'' He paused a little, so I let him talk about what he was trying to explain to me. ''See, it's not like I don't want to be or feel this way, but for me, it's weird, I think I belong deeply to myself.'' He finally said. And how much I understood that.
''But you have to agree that life isn't about finding yourself. I think we live our lives like we're ready to die when the life is just about creating yourself over and over again. I mean, of course someone can be wrong trying to find the way, but we all have to stand up again from our ashes. I don't know if you get what I'm saying because it's a little bit hard to explain for me.'' I chuckled taking a sip of the glass of wine.
''Yes, but I think we're drinking too much for today.'' We both laughed, but I shook twice.
''Have you ever been in love?'' Suddenly I asked him.
He seemed a bit surprised. ''Well, I had my first girlfriend when I was about sixteen, but it wasn't too long like we expected it was going to be.'' I nodded because I didn't know what exactly say. ''What about you?''
''Wait, no.'' I giggled whilst I blushed. ''Of course I've liked some guys and I had a boyfriend which... He was a disaster, I can't tell anymore because it's boring and at least I don't have anyone around me, you know that.'' I laughed again raising my both brows.
''Sure?'' He asked. I looked at him confused.
''Yeah, why wouldn't be I?''
''I think you should know that someone may like you.''
''Yeah, my cat perhaps?''
''No silly.'' He whispered with a little laugh.
''And who then?''
''It can be a guy who's sat next to you maybe.'' He finally said.