Pairing: 3Racha & Felix
Genre: Modern Fantasy AU
!!TW!! : implied sexual content, suicidal idealism, suicidal thoughts, angst
(requested by @turbo_inferno89)
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Every day was the same. Every night was worse.
Not for the first time, Felix wondered why he was still struggling to exist when it would be so much easier and much less miserable to just give up.
Being born a Demon already wasn't easy. There was a lot of stigma against his kind, many prejudices that had yet to be overcome despite the centuries of progress their mixed society had evolved through. Demons had a pretty bad reputation, often treated like vicious creatures who only sought to take advantage of any poor soul who made the mistake of trusting them.
However, Demons in general didn't have it too bad. They usually managed to find the right people and build a good life for themselves, eventually. A few even managed to win the hearts of the general populace from time to time, be it as actors or artists of some kind. Most Demons were also accepted as a generality, other people being distant at best.
But then there was Felix, and just what kind of Demon he'd been born as.
If being a Demon was difficult, then being an incubus was downright hellish – no bad pun intended. Their very nature demanded that they drained the life force of whoever they had sex with in order to survive, which landed their kind as a whole a pretty nasty reputation. Frankly, most incubus Felix knew absolutely reveled in that lifestyle.
They became workers in pricey strip clubs or made good money as prostitutes and porn stars, even. Their bodies were reputed for adapting to every single want and need of whichever individual they laid with, meaning many people with money to spare liked to invest in their services.
Basically, incubus had become glorified sex toys, and Felix absolutely loathed it.
It wasn't his fault that he was born that way. It wasn't his fault that his very existence depended on the life force he could only obtain through sex. It wasn't his fault and yet, people constantly blamed him for his vital needs and romanticized them to the point where others didn't even consider him a person anymore – just some sort of object meant to bring them the utmost pleasure. Who cared about his thoughts? Who cared about his feelings? Who cared about his individuality, who he was beyond his body?
No one. Absolutely no one cared, and it killed Felix a little more every day he spent wallowing in loneliness and misery.
"Well, aren't you a pretty little thing?"
It killed him inside, and yet he couldn't do anything about it. Despite how much he loathed himself sometimes, he didn't want to die. So, he plastered a smile on his face and beckoned over the gruffy man who'd addressed him with a painted nail, tilting his head to bare his neck in a silent invitation.
The unknown man grinned, and Felix forced himself to just play along, no matter how much he hated it.
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Felix stifled a groan as he leaned against the wall beside him. His head was pounding, and he felt incredibly weak. It had been three weeks since he last fed, and it was beginning to seriously take its toll on his body. Starving himself wasn't anything new, but he was starting to seriously push his limits.
Normal food didn't do much for his body. He liked the taste, but it didn't offer any fat or energy, nor did it fill his stomach like another's life force did. And, while it did allow him to save up a fair amount of money compared to others who constantly needed to invest in groceries, there was no doubt in his mind that he'd much rather be poor and craving real food than... this.
For how much longer can I hold out...?
He felt sick. He didn't want to feed again. His body barely felt like his anymore, he felt used and disgusting and just... empty.
Would it truly be so bad if I just let go, after all...?
But the thought hurt just as much as it tempted him. He didn't want to just disappear knowing no one would even notice, let alone mourn his loss – but then again, it's not like he had any hope of ever finding anyone who'd care about him in the first place, so was fighting to stay alive really worth it...?
"—kay? Hey! Wake up!"
Felix's eyes fluttered open, his sight a little blurred before it eventually came into focus. He was confused. Had he passed out? He was now lying on the ground, that much was obvious, but he couldn't remember how or when he got there.
"Hey!" Oh, right. Someone was calling out to him. "Are you alright?"
"'m fine," he mumbled, forcing himself to sit up, only to sway a bit in place.
"Hey, hey, don't push yourself!" protested the stranger, instantly moving to support Felix's back before he could collapse again. "What's wrong? Do you want me to call someone for you?"
Felix weakly shook his head. "Don't- don't have anyone to call... I- I'm sorry for the trouble, I'll be fine. I'm just hungry, is all..."
He finally managed to regain enough of his senses to look at the stranger. He was surprised to find a boy around his age, with squishy cheeks and wide, worried eyes – most probably a Witch or a Warlock, if his navy blue hair full of sparkles was anything to go by.
He's pretty...
"Hungry?" echoed the other, perking up. "I can help with that! Come on, my place is just a few minutes away. My boyfriend makes a killer lasagna, I'm sure you'll love it!"
"It- it's fine—"
"No, no, come on! I promise it's not far from here! Come on, I'll help you!"
Felix couldn't do much against the stubborn stranger, and he was too weak to really fight back, at that point. So, he let the boy help him back to his feet and, slinging one of Felix's arms around his shoulders to better support him, the two of them then started making their way in the direction of the stranger's place.
What the hell have I gotten myself into...?
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"There you go! Hope you'll like it, it's my favorite!"
The stranger, who belatedly introduced himself as Jisung, served a fuming plate of lasagna to Felix. The freckled boy licked his lips as the heavenly smell of melted cheese filled his nose and, while painfully aware that it wouldn't settle his hunger in the least, he still picked up the fork and took a first bite.
It really was delicious. It was just a shame that it wasn't satisfying him at all.
Still, Jisung was looking at him so expectantly, and Felix didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. Jisung obviously believed him to be a normal human – which was normal, seeing as he used a glamour during the day to hide his natural allure and his Demon-like traits like his black eyes and his sharper teeth – and Felix wanted to relish in that moment of normality he knew wouldn't last. There was no harm in it, really. Felix would enjoy the meal so kindly offered, thank Jisung for his time and aid, and then go on his merry way and never see the boy again.
Easy-peasy, right?
"We're home!!!"
Felix stiffened as a new voice echoed from the lobby, soon followed by another one – two men, most probably Jisung's boyfriends (the other had been gushing about them on their entire way to his flat). He knew one of them was a Vampire, and the other was a Werewolf, but that didn't tell him much in terms of how they'd react to a perfect stranger eating in their home...
"Huh. Who's your new friend, Sungie?"
"Oh, that's Felix!" beamed Jisung, throwing an arm around Felix's shoulders. "I found him passed out in the street so I was a bit worried, but he told me it was just because he was hungry, so I brought him over to feed him!"
"The- the lasagna is really good," hesitantly added Felix.
The two newcomers gauged him for a moment before the taller of the two offered him a small smile – the werewolf, if the ears atop his head and the tail loosely wagging behind him were anything to go by.
"Thank you. I'm glad you like it. I'm Chan, and that's Changbin. It's very nice to meet you, Felix."
"Likewise." There was a moment of silence before Felix awkwardly rose to his feet – it was a good thing he'd managed to finish his plate when he did. "A- anyway, I should really get going, now. I'm sorry for intruding."
Jisung instantly pouted. "Aw, you can stay for a little longer! I swear those two aren't as scary as they look!"
"Yah! What's that supposed to mean!?" protested the Vampire, Changbin.
"I'm thankful for your help, Jisung," replied softly Felix, patting Jisung's shoulder with a small smile. "But I have to go, now."
It wouldn't take long before another wave of weakness washed over him, and the last thing he wanted was to expose his previous lie and give away the real reason why he'd passed out in the first place. Jisung was so nice, and he was the first person in a long time who treated Felix so... normally.
He didn't want Jisung to know about his true nature. He didn't want Jisung to turn like everyone else and look at him with disgust and disdain. He didn't want Jisung to hate him, so the easiest thing to do was to just leave and never come back, and cherish this precious moment of kindness and humanity for whatever time Felix had left.
With another awkward smile for the trio, Felix then promptly took his leave. He felt like crying and throwing up at the same time by the time he stepped foot outside, wishing he could just go back and prolong the illusion for a little longer, but he couldn't. So, he kept his head straight and walked a little faster, simply hoping he'd be able to make it to his crappy flat before he passed out again.
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Felix ended up feeding again, after all.
Meeting Jisung and experiencing his genuine kindness set off a semblance of hope in Felix's heart and, though he had no plans of ever meeting with the Witch again, he still couldn't bring himself to completely give up. So, that very night, Felix ended up going back to his usual bar and sleeping with a new face.
(He almost killed the poor guy. Hungry as he was, he almost completely drained him of his life force, and Felix just barely managed to stop in time. Even though his partner had consented to Felix feeding from him at the beginning of their night together, the freckled boy still felt bad enough to leave him some money to make up for it.)
Still hungry after starving himself for weeks, Felix ended up spending the three following nights with other people before he finally felt full again. He still felt absolutely disgusted with himself, though. He'd scrubbed his skin raw because the filthy words of degradation his partners had uttered felt like they'd been seared into his body as much as they did his mind, and he felt absolutely terrible.
His body might be healthy again, but his mind was going downhill.
Felix felt... numb. What little happiness he'd felt before had completely passed, what little warmth had filled him had left place to an indescribable coldness yet again. Even as he worked at a ratty convenience store to make ends meet, he felt completely detached and unfocused.
"Well, you look a lot healthier than before."
Felix startled, snapping out of his daze, and a faint gasp escaped him when he found none other than Changbin on the other side of the counter. The Vampire was carrying enough cups of instant ramen to feed a small army, which admittedly made him pause a bit.
He remembered the trio's flat to be very nice, obviously not cheap. The delicious lasagna had also been made with really good ingredients. So, why was the Vampire buying their entire stock of instant ramen when he and his boyfriends most definitely had the means to invest in much nicer, healthier meals?
"Felix...?"
"So- sorry. Just tired," he promptly lied, shaking his head and offering an awkward smile. "And yeah, I feel better. Thank you again for your hospitality."
"It was all Jisung," shrugged Changbin. "But I'm glad he helped, somehow."
There was something a little weird about the way Changbin phrased it, but Felix decided not to linger on it any longer, and instead began scanning all of the items Changbin was buying. About halfway through, however, Felix could no longer stand the slightly awkward silence and decided to ask the question burning his tongue.
"Why are you buying so much?" he blurted out. Changbin quirked a brow, and Felix flushed a bit. "It- it's just... I mean, I don't know what you guys do, but you can obviously eat a lot better than instant ramen..."
Changbin offered him a wry grin at that. "Yeah, it looks pretty bad, doesn't it? Truth is, it's not a matter of expenses – we just don't have the time to make the food ourselves. Chan's lasagna is an exception, but he only makes it when he has a day off, and we don't get those often."
"What do you guys do?" asked curiously Felix.
"We're music producers. Ever heard of 3Racha?"
"Can't say I have. I don't really have the time or means to invest in keeping up with the music trends," admitted awkwardly Felix.
"That's fair," chuckled Changbin. "Sorry for putting you on the spot like that. Anyway, what do you do?"
"I... Not much. I work here. I used to study in a Culinary Course because I wanted to open my own restaurant one day, but..." Felix let out a dry laugh, gesturing around them. "Obviously, that never happened. Didn't have enough money to keep up with my studies."
"What about your family? Were they not supportive?"
Felix cringed a little at that. "I... don't have a family. I was raised in an orphanage until I was kicked out the moment I turned eighteen."
Changbin's expression instantly softened. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that—"
"You didn't know," shrugged Felix. "It's okay. Anyway, here's your total..."
They quickly concluded the transaction and, the moment Changbin bid him a good evening and left, Felix let out a heavy sigh. He hadn't expected to see the Vampire again, let alone talk about such things with him...
Felix's mother was an incubus, that much he knew. He didn't know who his father was, but his race didn't matter – a Demon's genes were always stronger, so any offspring from a mixed union always resulted in a Demon child, hence why he was recognized as a full-blooded incubus. In any case, he'd been abandoned in an orphanage weeks after he was born, and he'd never once gotten a clue as to who his parents were.
(Not that it mattered, anyway. If they didn't want him before, he doubted they'd want him now.)
With another sigh, Felix forced himself to forget about it. As surprising as seeing Changbin again was, it's not like it was going to happen again, right?
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Wrong.
Changbin showed up again the next evening – except this time around, he made a beeline for the counter. Before Felix could even greet him, the Vampire slammed his hands down on the counter, seeming a tad breathless.
"I have a job to offer you!"
"I... What?"
"A job. For you." Changbin straightened up, clearing his throat. "L- look, we were talking yesterday and I realized that we could... help each other out?"
"How so?" asked Felix, puzzled.
"Well, as you've noticed, my boyfriends and I eat some pretty awful and unhealthy stuff most of the time because we don't have the time to make anything else. Yesterday, you said you used to be a culinary student—"
"You'd want me to cook for you?"
Changbin pressed his hands together in a plea, bowing his head. "Please! We'd pay you three times the salary you make here – or more if that's what you want! – and we'd obviously provide you with any ingredients and tools you'd need. I really think this could be worth a shot!"
Felix's eyes bulged out a bit at the offer. While he didn't make much with his current job, three times his current salary was still a valuable offer. Plus, he couldn't deny that he really missed cooking to his heart's content...
"... I'm game," he eventually said, offering a small smile.
Changbin straightened up again, showing off his fangs with a wide grin.
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Felix ended up accepting the job offer.
Leaving his current job, Felix began going over to the trio's flat every morning to make breakfast, and he usually cooked 'til the end of the afternoon to make them lunch and dinner as well.
It was a full-time job because Chan's appetite was monstrous, an absolute black-pit, and so there were never any leftovers. Changbin's diet was a little different considering he was a Vampire, but Felix quickly learned numerous blood-based recipes the older could enjoy. The incubus also got into baking as well, since sweets and most importantly cheesecake were always a good way to help Jisung recuperate whenever he used too much magic.
The three of them actually worked from home so, while Felix didn't see much of them throughout the day, they were always nearby should he need anything and, to Jisung's insistence, they always made a point of sharing at least one meal per day with Felix.
It was a sweet thought, really, but it didn't help the guilt weighing on Felix's mind in the least.
I have to tell them...
For the first time in his life, Felix could confidently say that he had made friends. After about four months of knowing each other and basically spending every day together, they'd grown very close, and Felix... Felix was happy. The happiest he'd ever been in his life, really.
He wasn't alone anymore. He got to talk with people, share his thoughts and feelings, have others actually listening to his opinions. He got to help Jisung with his potions and spells, learned how to help Chan with his insomnia through soft pets and cuddles, invented a new type of blood-based ramen just for Changbin.
He listened to the music the three of them made, played games with Jisung, cooked the lasagna with Chan, went shopping for ingredients with Changbin. He had fun, smiled, laughed, and overall just felt like a person again – but, as happy as it made him, the guilt was still there, heavy and suffocating the moment he paid it any mind.
Despite all this time together, he still had yet to tell them anything about his true nature as an incubi. He went out on nights they were incredibly busy and got his fill of life force, and then returned the next day acting as if nothing had happened. As far as his new friends were aware, Felix was Human, and hiding the truth from them was starting to seriously stress him out.
Frankly, Felix was surprised he managed to last this long – so really, he should have expected he'd finally crack under the pressure.
"Guys I... I need to tell you something."
Felix had gone through every single possible scenario in his head, but the worst of them all was the three of them accidentally finding out about Felix's nature and hating him even more for having played them. So, he figured being honest was the best way to go, even if it took him some time to get there.
"What is it, Lix?" asked curiously Jisung.
"I- I haven't been... entirely honest with you," admitted the freckled boy, biting his lower lip. He could already feel tears prickling his eyes, panic settling deeper under their inquisitive stares. "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- to hide this from you, it just happened and I didn't- I didn't want things to change and—"
"Felix, breathe," urged gently Chan, coming to crouch before him. "Whatever it is you need to tell us, I can promise you that it's going to be okay."
"Chan..." Felix closed his eyes, the tears falling at last as he braced himself for the worst. "I'm... I'm not Human. I'm a- a Demon – an incubi... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lie, I just didn't- didn't want you to know...!"
"Why?" asked Changbin, his expression unreadable.
Felix couldn't help but let out a dry laugh at the question. "Why? Because- because who'd ever accept someone like me...? Who would- who would ever want to be friends with someone who's entire being is basically reduced to- to sexually pleasing others...?" He gripped his arms, digging his nails inside as he finally let the glamour drop. "I'm so- so filthy, I didn't- I didn't want you guys to see me like this... You're- you're my first friends ever... You make so- so happy, and I didn't- I didn't want to mess it up, but I just couldn't lie anymore—!"
"Oh, baby..."
Felix had expected a lot of things from this encounter, but Jisung moving over to hug him tightly was not one of them. Overwhelmed, the freckled Demon could only sob harder and cling to the older boy. Jisung simply held him tighter, shushing him gently as he rocked him a bit.
"Shh, you're okay, everything's okay... We're not mad, Lix, not one bit."
"But- but I lied to you...!"
"Well, it's not like we ever asked, is it?" then pointed out Chan with a small shrug. "I don't feel like you lied to us. Plus, we kind of... already knew."
"... what?" croaked out Felix, looking up from the crook of Jisung's neck.
Changbin gestured at himself and his Werewolf boyfriend. "We both knew the moment we met you, back when Sung first brought you here – we could smell it on you."
"You- you knew...?" repeated Felix in disbelief. "But you still treated me..."
Normally. Nicely. Like a person.
Chan reached out, squeezing his knee with a smile. "You being an incubi doesn't change anything. You're still the Felix whom we all... love very much."
"Love...?"
Another kind of silence fell upon the room and, after a moment of tension, Jisung shifted so he could cradle Felix's face and gently tilted his head to the side so their eyes could meet, their lips barely inches apart.
"Can I kiss you?" he whispered.
Felix gulped, nodding mutely, and Jisung leaned down to gently press their lips together. Butterflies washed over Felix's stomach as he leaned into the kiss, feeling more tears spill out as he felt Jisung push his own life force into him, feeding him without Felix having to take anything.
It felt good and, most importantly, it tasted delicious.
"I love you," murmured Jisung when they pulled away, breathless. "You're so amazing... I felt so dumb when they told me you were an incubi and I realized I gave you lasagna when you said you were hungry..."
Felix choked out a watery laugh at that. "It was- it was nice. I liked it."
"Still, having known, I'd have offered a much more fulfilling meal," groaned Jisung, leaning in to steal another kiss. "Fuck, you're so pretty, Lix... And you're so damn smart and so fucking funny too... You just get us. And damn, I love your eyes – don't ever wear a glamour again when you're home."
"Home...?"
Changbin smiled at him. "Home. This... this can be your home, Lix, if you want it to be. And we can be your family—"
"Boyfriends first," cut in cheekily Jisung. "I'm not much into incest."
Chan and Changbin instantly whacked him with the nearest pillows they could grab, and Felix couldn't help but laugh as he wiped his tears away.
He'd been right not to give up – the past might have been hard but, now, he had a wonderful future to look forward to.
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Here's a sweet little treat~ Please tell me what you thought of it!
(Man do I LOVE Modern Fantasy AUs xD)