She struggled to do her job that day; she parried the questions of her inquisitive colleagues by saying that she missed her mother; that this was why she seemed so sad. Her mother looked at her a bit strangely but seemed to want to believe her lie. During the day she also received a few pitiful looks from Genevieve, which she tried to ignore. Alina focused entirely on her work, numb as a machine; and she told herself that she could not burst into tears now; she could only do that at home. The day passed dreadfully slowly but when it ended, Genevieve had asked, much to Alina's dismay; if she could stay a little longer; to put the final changes to a wedding dress. She obviously couldn't say no and got to work; desperate to get home as soon as possible....
Genevieve also stayed longer; she was going to do her bookkeeping.... However, she lingered; even though she wanted to walk away a few times, she turned around.
"Alina.. How are you feeling? Listen I am aware that it's none of my business and I'm probably the last person you should be talking to about this... but if you want to then- ", Genevieve suggested.
"Thank you Madame Delacroix for your concern.... I'm fine " she replied curtly but Genevieve could see she wasn't, as tears started to well up in her eyes; and wanted to say something about it but then heard a ringing sound, giving her an indication that someone was in the shop.
Genevieve sighed and said she would be back soon, closing the door as she left the room.
Alina continued her work steadily but heard people loudly discussing in the shop. It was not her business to intrude, it was a disgruntled customer, but the discussing turned into shouting at some point; and Alina got a bad feeling inside that there was a robber in the shop, and this meant that her boss was alone now. She got up and reached for the scissors and then ran to the front of the shop and concluded that she was wrong. There was no robber in the shop and Alina dropped the scissors.
Benedict was standing there, and he and Genevieve were now staring at her for what seemed an eternity until Benedict took a step in her direction.
"Alina... can we please have a word?" he said in a pleading way.
"Benedict... I had forbidden you to come here" Genevieve said in a stern manner and then turned a compassionate glance towards Alina.
"I would like you to leave" said Genevieve. Benedict looked back at her for a moment and paused before speaking.
"I need to speak to her for a moment. Just for a little while and you won't see me here again" he said in a soft tone; in a broken voice and he then looked at Alina again.
"I don't know if that's a good plan Benedict" said Genevieve giving Alina a wavering look.
"Don't worry, Madame Delacroix. I'll close up shop after our talk" and she nodded to confirm or emphasise.
Genevieve looked at Alina again, doubtfully, but Alina nodded once more and then she decided to give up.
"Fine" she conceced."Then I'll see you tomorrow. Please check that the door is closed properly before you go".
"I will."
Genevieve then walked to the coat rack; grabbed her coat; looked at the two of them staring at each other in complete silence, shook her head and left.
And then they were alone; wrapped in a heartbreakingly painful silence until she was the one to break it.
"What can I help you with Mr. Bridgerton?" she asked. Benedict frowned, looking at her not understanding. He took a few steps forward and she remained standing to her chagrin; unable to move, but rattling, nonetheless.
"I know your sisters come here regularly but that said we currently have no orders ready for them to be picked up but if you want I can check and-"
"Alina. What are you talking about?" he interrupted her with a pitiful look before sighing deeply.
"Sweetheart... I... I-" but he couldn't find the words so instead he reached out with his hand to touch her, but she flinched and badly too and at that moment he felt so small. So incredibly small.
"Don't come near me" she exclaimed with gritted teeth and tears in her brown-green eyes.
"Don't you dare" Alina added while taking a few steps backwards.
"Please" he said with once again his hand reached to her "please let me explain.. You don't understand."
"Oh, I do.. I understand fine, Mr. Bridgerton."
"Stop calling me that" he said, annoyed, only to force himself to calm down again; for he had no right to feel that way and it only made things worse.
"Please. I understand that you are angry and rightly so but let me-"
"Angry? No" she interrupted him, tilting her head at him.
"You're wrong. I'm not angry. I'm embarrassed. I feel fooled. I feel like the biggest idiot on earth" she said in a shaky voice; her tears to her dismay, rolling down her cheeks and it broke his heart.
"I was right all along. You're just like all the others... and the worst part is... for a moment... for an instant there you made me believe you weren't, and I fell for it. I fell for your lies. I fell for you...and I allowed myself to get carried away in all of this and I gave you me, all of me.... Oh God" she said as if she was only now realising something.
"How could I have so foolish to sleep with you.. What if I am pregnant?" she said shaking her head and bringing her trembling hand to her mouth as if to make herself stop talking.
"Then I would take care of you and our child" he said with determination even though her saying she was foolish to sleep with him, stung.
"If that is the case I will do my utmost to make sure that you and our child have a good life and-" but she scoffed and walked away from him to the other side of the shop.
"For God's sake Alina, listen to me, just five minutes. Let me explain."
She watched him for a long time before nodding briefly at him, signalling to him that he could continue, and Benedict took a deep breath for he began; for he had to do this right. Had to convince her that he hadn't let her long, that he hadn't been out to seduce her and then dump her immediately afterwards but on the other hand he knew the odds were against him. This was one
" I didn't know my...my. fiancée prior.. No, I did, I've spoken to her briefly and danced with her twice out of politeness but that was it. There was nothing, absolutely nothing going on between us but last weekend I ran into her at their ball, and she was complaining that she had fallen, and the tip of her heel had broken off. I was only trying to help her. She was sitting on the floor, and I wanted to help her off the floor; assist her further but when I did that she suddenly started crying and threw herself into my arms. And just at that moment people were passing by and they had a quite different perception of what was going on".
She had not reacted, had not interrupted, but was looking at him intently and somewhere, somewhere he had hope that she would forgive him, that the mess he would go away, that a solution could be found but he knew there was none. The Shelby's felt their honour was at stake, which resulted into her brother insisting on a duel. His own brother, Anthony had given Richard somewhat of a verbal scolding by saying that under no circumstances would there be a duel and if there were to be one, Anthony would do the honours and not Benedict.
Naturally, Benedict would never let this happen and so there was only one other option, even though he had been looking for alternative solutions for the past few days. The matter could not be 'bought off' by Anthony as there had been too many witnesses; it had been one thing if only Eleanor's brother had seen them but in combination with Portia, Prudence and Philippa Featherington? Impossible, since eventually Portia would have opened her big mouth and all of London would have known about the incident in no time. However, the worst thing of all for Benedict was that he realised after the conversation with Anthony in his study that; even if a magical solution fell from the heavens, he would never be able to marry the woman he loved.
He could only offer her to be his mistress; something she would object to; he knew. It was hopeless. He would lose her. No matter what.
"From that moment on at the ball, everything has been chaotic. I, I should have sent you a message, sorry I didn't but I forgot as I was so busy trying to find a solution".
"And did you find one?" she asked him, suddenly interrupting him and her eyes welled up with tears. He remained silent for a long time, bit his lip, and looked downwards.
"NO."
"Well then there's nothing left for me to do but... Mr Bridgerton, I wish you and your future wife the best of luck together," she said, trying to keep her composure.
"Alina, can we talk further? I don't want it to end like this."
"I really must close the shop now so if you would be so kind as to leave then I would be very happy to."
"So, this is it? Everything we've been through in the past few months ends this way?" he asked, coming closer to her again.
"Apparently so" she said but she made the mistake of looking at him a little too long and a fluttering feeling returned in her chest. He felt the same way, because a second later he wanted to pull her into an embrace and never let go, but she flinched. And his heart broke again.
"What if you're pregnant? Would you tell me?" he asked with those beautiful blue eyes she loved so much. Eyes she would never see again from tonight and oh he had to leave quickly because she was about to burst into tears.
"I would take care of that problem. Don't worry" she replied curtly. He blinked and looked at her, confused.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked her, but she didn't answer his question but a second later it dawned on him.
"You would... have an abortion then?" to which she said nothing; confirming his suspicion.
"Are you mad? Do you know how dangerous that is? Highly illegal as well. You will die or get arrested. No. No Alina. If you are pregnant you and our baby will stay in one of my houses and you will not be short of anything, anything at all.".
"I have no intention of becoming your mistress, Benedict whether there is a child or not" she sneered at him.
"I am not asking you to, but I, I just want you in my life! Don't you get it? I don't want to lose you, especially if you turn out to be pregnant with my child.".
"Well, let's hope it doesn't turn out that way, because that would be terrible" she sneered again, but this time she seemed to have gone too far. A hurt look came over him and his mouth fell open slightly in disbelief.
"Right...yeah I can see how that would be terrible for you" he said, feeling hurt and at that moment very tired and especially hopeless.
They did not speak because at that moment words seemed useless. They had reached an impasse from which they could not return, and both felt that.
"I never wanted this to happen. I really didn't" he said, his voice laced with sadness.
"You should have told me you had a fiancé. I would never have done this if I had known you had one" she said but in the back of her mind she thought he was telling the truth somewhere. Lady Whistledown had put it in such a way that the engagement had come out of nowhere, so the scenario Benedict described seemed to be legitimate.
But not that it mattered. The facts didn't lie.
"How could I have? I didn't have one before last weekend I swear.. I didn't lie to you.... Why don't you believe me? Damn it, Alina... Just-"
Before she could respond this time by stepping back, he had already taken her into his arms and was holding her tightly against him.
She wanted to pull away, but he wouldn't let her, and with every second her resistance diminished, and she felt even more vulnerable than before. It was an overwhelming emotion and once again she was overwhelmed by the realisation that this, being in his arms, was the right thing to do; that no other man would ever make her feel like this, and she knew that no matter how old she might get, she would never be able to love anyone else like him.
They stayed there; silently, just listening to each other's heartbeats; and Benedict hoped that time would stand still and that they could stay like that forever. He kissed her forehead, softly, lovingly, and then addressed the top of her cheek with short caresses of his lips, moving so that he finally reached her mouth and quickly placed his on her hers.
He kissed her like a madman knowing that this would be the last time he would be able to do so and she in turn gave in to him initially with trepidation. This did not last long, soon she surrendered to his all-burning kisses and clasped her hands in his hair, not knowing whose heart she heard beating so hard. his or hers. He took it a step further by starting to caress her back, her backside, her waist, up and up until he reached her breasts, cupped them, and squeezed them gently. It made her skip a breath, but it also made her understand what she was doing so with a jolt she pushed him off and walked backwards, shaking her head.
Benedict swallowed and had to catch his breath, feeling so suddenly affected by her caresses that it took him a moment to think rationally and process his disappointment.
"I can't do this. You're engaged to be married. It's not right, it's not. You. and I. We can't see each other again" and any hope Benedict may have had at that moment sank to the bottom of the Thames.
"Alina, no. Come home with me, we can talk more about it. Stay with me. Don't do this.
"I have to! Don't you understand? I have to do this and so do you" she exclaimed....
"I don't want to! I don't want her! I want you, damn it. Just you!" he shouted at which she thought for a moment in silence.
"You have no choice. You've considered all the options, you said so yourself or have you suddenly found a magical solution in the 20 minutes you've been here?" she asked him sharply.
"I thought so..." she stated she said after not having received an answer from him.
"I did suggest earlier that you come and live with me, remember?" he said in a soft tone
"Yes. As your mistress."
"No not as my-"
"As your bit on the side". He let out of a breath of exhaustion, feeling like this conversation was going nowhere.
"Why are you so intent on twisting my words? That is what I am talking about at all!" he exclaimed, annoyed.
"What else do you call a woman you hide in your house while you are married to someone else? But I understand that it is obviously convenient for you, to have a free whore in your house!" she angrily spat.
"That's enough, Alina. That's enough!".
"You are right. Enough is enough..." she said after a small pause.
His mouth twitched, the little bundle of nerves going erratic, and it was clear he was on the brink of losing his composure.
"I would like to ask you to leave now. I still have to lock up and I wish to go home" she said in a firm manner.
"Alina... I don't want to say goodbye to you. At least not like this". She saw tears welling up in him and all she wanted was to console him, but she could not. She had to go on.
"Please go, I beg you. Don't make this more difficult than it already is, this already hurts so much. Just leave."
He stood there frozen for a few minutes, his gaze not deviating from her, and then he moved, out of nowhere. He picked up his coat lying on one of the windowsills and put it on and she watched him do so, at a reasonable distance from him; not too close and not too far away. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms again or to drag her home, if necessary, but even he had to admit what he had known the whole time he was here...
Benedict had to give up.
So, he walked away. Towards the exit, with heavy feet, as if they did not want to cooperate but he forced them. However, when he stood in front of the door and wanted to grab the handle, he couldn't help himself. He had to speak to her once more, so he turned towards her.
"Before I go I want to tell you, even though you probably will not believe the truthfulness of my words at all. Yet I want you to know that I did not lie when I confessed my feelings to you."
"I love you and I will always will..." he stated as his voice broke and the tears came down.
Then he turned, opened the door, and left, and Alina was finally alone. Alone at last, to be broken into a million pieces.
Alina had buried herself in her work to keep herself busy. Her mother had returned from her trip and had looked at her suspiciously a few times, intending to ask who she had stayed with but nonetheless wanting to question her. Harriet Kennedy, although she pretended not to, heard her daughter crying at night, even though Alina tried so hard to smother her tears in her pillow.
It was a day like no other at Madame Delacroix's; there were a few bridal fittings appointments scheduled and it was going to be busy, which Alina did not mind. Besides, she had sort of 'made a name for herself' by having Mrs Crawford tell anyone who complimented her on her daughter's ball gowns who the seamstress had been. Madame Delacroix's clientele doubled, and Alina got a pay rise, which was fortunate, since she had to send her mother to the doctor increasingly often.
She had hoped that the sea air would do her mother good, but the coughing continued, even worse, although her mother did not think so. They both knew she was lying.
Alina was busy with the last fitting for Miss Hedgecomb, a friendly young lady who next week was to marry Reginald Hensley, the grandson of Ronald Hensley; the one who had started one of London's most well-known trading companies.
Miss Hedgecomb or Ella as she insisted Alina called her, had jet black hair and kind green eyes, was not very tall but curvy in all the "right places" and was a chatterbox who quickly threw decorum about and insisted that Alina talk to her.
"Oh Alina. You've done a wonderful job. The dress is extraordinary." said Ella as she twirled.
"Hold still please before the pins fall out" warned Alina.
"Oh, sorry" Ella replied.
I did not do anything but make the dress. It is you who makes it stand out because you are so beautiful" she said as she stood up to which Ella promptly gave a hug.
"Thank you. That's sweet of you to say".
"You're welcome" said Alina as they pulled back and smiled at her briefly.
"Alina.."
"Yes?".
"Are you okay?? I ask this because it looks like you've been crying.. a lot as well..".
She swallowed the lump in her throat. So other people had noticed, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
"Of course. Thank you for asking... I always suffer from hay fever when the weather gets warmer," she lied quickly. Ella did not quite believe that and was about to ask if she was telling the truth, but her mother suddenly burst in.
"Child. Aren't you finished yet? We have a million things to do" frowned Mrs. Hedgecomb.
"Almost madam" replied Alina before turning her attention to Ella.
"Well... that was it. I will finish the dress and then it will be sent to you tomorrow".
"Thank you Alina. For everything".
"It was my pleasure."
"Mother if you could give us a moment please... I want to ask my seamstress something." Mrs Hedgecombe threw her hands up in the air and told her to do it quickly and then stormed out of the room.
"She is so stressed... As if she is getting married, not me" she chuckled, and Alina did the same.
Ella grabbed Alina by her upper arms and smiled at her.
"What I wanted to say... I will be residing at 15 Cambridge Street. If you ever in need of a friend, you're always welcome to visit" she said earnestly, and Alina could have cried on the spot.
"That's kind of you. Thank you. Perhaps I will visit."
"No, no Alina. Promise me that you will visit, not 'perhaps' do so."
"Alright I will" smiled Alina.
The two said goodbye and Alina went on with her work; the alterations of Ella's dress and was working on it attentively until her attention was drawn by shouting nearby.
"This is ludicrous! I want her! Your employee who made the Crawford's dresses".
"I'm sorry but she's busy now. If you like I can do the honours and -".
"No! I want her or I'll go to another bridal gown shop, but I'll tell everyone in all London on what abominable treatment I've received here!".
"My dear, Madame Delacroix has plenty of other talented employees that would be able to assist you" she heard a friendly sounding voice claim but it was no use.
"My daughter wants the best and will get the best. I will make sure of that" said an unfriendly voice.
"I suggest you go and get her" Alina heard her say.
She was not sure, but she thought she heard Genevieve sigh and a few minutes she walked in and the look on her face did not bode well.
"Alina. Would you like to come with me to room 2?" asked Genevieve.
"Of course," Alina replied and stood up, putting Ella's dress down on her table. When she arrived, she saw a couple of ladies standing in the room; a short young blonde woman with a bunch of curls, a middle-aged woman who looked exactly like her, both in stature. That had to be her mother she understood immediately and two others: a tall lady with brown hair and kind blue eyes and next to her a younger woman with reddish brown hair. Even though those two did not look terribly similar, Alina got the feeling that they were mother and daughter too.
Alina curtsied to them all and then looked at them timidly. She didn't know what it was, but she didn't feel comfortable right now.
"Ah there you are. Good... Hm... I had expected you to be a bit older, more experienced... Well anyway. I want you to make my wedding dress and only you.".
"That shouldn't be a problem, I would be glad to Miss.. um.."
"Shelby, for now at least. It will be Mrs. Benedict Bridgerton soon" she said in a drawling voice.
"These are my future mother and sister-in-law" she spoke referencing Violet and Daphne.
Alina must have turned pale as they all stared at her. Her head started spinning; and she suddenly became nauseous... Before the ladies could say anything to her, she was already running out of the room, making excuses for not feeling well.
"Very peculiar behaviour that your employee is displaying there, Madame Delacroix," Mrs Shelby reprimanded.
"It's my fault, really. I should have told you that she wasn't feeling so well and that's why she wasn't doing any more consultations today. My apologies. You know what? How about if I take your measurements and go over with you what kind of dress you want then I'll have her work on it" Genevieve offered with a smile.
Eleanor and Mrs. Shelby grumbled but agreed and Genevieve got to work quickly and started taking Eleanor's measurements.
Daphne and Violet had been silent, looking at each other a little perplexed. The Shelby's had a point. It had indeed been strange that the young lady had turned as white as a sheet when Eleanor told she was to be Mrs. Bridgerton and Violet Bridgerton could not understand why.
And if there was one thing she hated it was to be left in the dark, to be kept ignorant; especially now since that girl who she had never seen before reacted so strangely upon hearing her son's name.
Thus, she excused herself and left where heard crying coming from the bathroom and went towards it and knocked on its door.
"Young lady? Sorry... I don't know your name... but um are you alright?".
The crying stopped instantly and a moment later the door flew open, so fast that Violet stumbled backwards a little.
"Apologies Lady Bridgerton. I didn't mean to startle you. Thank you for your concern; I um, suffer from allergies around this time of year" but Violet didn't seem to want to believe her either.
"Must be some allergy if it makes you cry" Violet stated, and Alina turned red.
"It's... nothing really. Thank you again, I am fine I assure you."
Alina curtsied and then quickly walked back, not to Shelby's, but to another room.
Violet looked at her for a long time and then almost had a heart attack because somehow a hunch came into her head, and she knew it was true.
When the appointment with Madame Delacroix was over, Violet went straight to her bedroom and rummaged around in the cupboards until she finally found what she was looking for and then walked with it to the dining room where she found Colin and Benedict.
"Colin! Leave. Now" she said in a stern tone.
"But I'm still eating!" Colin exclaimed in exasperation.
"If I were you, I'd go now... or else" warned Violet, upon which Colin reluctantly got up.
"I don't know what you did but you owe me lunch" said Colin to Benedict and then left.
Violet looked at her son for a long time in a way that started to make Benedict nervous.
"What is it?" he asked her anxiously.
Violet walked over to him and then flicked Lady Whistledown's folder onto his empty plate (he didn't have an appetite) and commanded him to open it at the part about him.
"Mother, please... Surely you're not going to tell me you believe in her nonsense.... I told you earlier not to take her gossip seriously".
"Unless she is telling the truth. The mysterious lady mentioned in that piece about you... that we've been asking you about for months. She's a seamstress, isn't she? That works for Madame Delacroix?" she reasoned.
And all Benedict could do was gaze at Violet Bridgerton in shock.