“Hey again,” Zayn’s voice was the deep one he used with Seif again but this time Seif didn’t seemed scared like the last time. He seemed in thought as he looked at us.
“Hey,” Seif smiled a forced tight lipped smile.
The tension was about to rise when I felt my hand squeeze Zayn’s to remind him of his promise which he seemed to have just remembered.
“How are you, mate?” Zayn forced a smiled that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’m alright. Yourself?” Seif was being polite and Zayn was keeping his promise but that didn’t seem to have made this situation any better.
“Good,” Zayn tried his best but then he looked at me, “Are you free babe? I thought we could go out for lunch.”
“Oh,” I was really tired and going out in public with Zayn was going to make me so stressed now more than ever with the release of that video but at the same time, I wanted to make Zayn happy and go with whatever plan he had for the day, “Okay.”
“Not to be rude and interrupt your personal plan but the doctor said to rest at least today and tomorrow.” Seif said making me shot daggers at him with my eyes.
He means well but I didn’t want to tell Zayn about what happened to me. He will freak out.
“Doctor?” Zayn released his hands from around my waist and looked worriedly at me.
“It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it.” I tried to brush it off knowing Zayn would probably make a big deal about it.
“You went to the doctor? And you weren’t planning on telling me?” Zayn looked hurt more than anything. I didn’t mean to hurt him.
“Um, I should probably go.” Seif said hesitantly probably feeling awkward by the scene of Zayn and I arguing somewhat.
“Yeah, thanks mate.” Zayn gave him a head nod in appreciation which Seif replied to with a tight lipped smile.
“Take care of yourself.” Seif said to me before walking away.
“So? What happened?” Zayn asked with an eyebrow raised at me.
“Can we go inside and talk. I don’t feel comfortable here.” I said, suddenly noticing the girls look on the street. God only knows if they were because I was with Zayn or if they saw that awful video.
“Okay.” Zayn nodded putting on hand behind my back protectively as we walked up the stairs to the apartment.
Even when he was a bit mad or confused, he was still protective of me. He still loves me. I just hope his feelings doesn’t change when he knows.
Opening the door to the apartment, I entered and Zayn followed me then he closed the door. I went to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. I asked Zayn if he wanted anything but he declined.
I couldn’t stall any longer. Taking a deep breath, I sat next to Zayn and looked at his eyes as he repeated his earlier question, “Why were you at the doctors?”
“I fainted and was taken to the university clinic.” I answered sighing.
“Fainted? Did you miss breakfast again? God Maggie. Haven’t you learned from what happened to Waliyha? From what happened to you as well?” Zayn snapped making me blink although I expected it from his reaction with Waliyha.
“I’m sorry. I just forgot.” I said in a small voice. I didn’t want to upset him and at the same time, I didn’t want to cower away from telling him why I really fainted.
He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair as he released it, “It’s okay baby. Just please promise me you won’t skip any more meals. I want you to take care of yourself for me. If you keep skipping meals you won’t have any strength to go dress shopping in spring break.” He smiled cheekily at me obviously wanting to see me smile but instead I frowned.
It was the first time Zayn had mentioned anything related to the wedding and normally I would have jumped out of happiness and talked nonstop about the dress and where I wanted it from and the wedding details but now, it only made me worry more.
What if he cancels the wedding because of that video? What if he thinks what I did was so horrible that he doesn’t want to marry me anymore? What if he stops loving me?
My head started pounding hard making me screw my eyes shut from the headache. I need to breath and stop panicking or I’m going to faint again.
Breathe Maggie.
“Are you alright, baby?” Zayn’s worried voice snapped me back to reality. I slowly opened my eyes to see his big hazel eyes look at me with concern. His love to me is evident and it makes me deny I even know anything about that video and just spend my day with this perfect man who loves me. Till now.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced a smile as I looked into his eyes. My whole world seemed to crash, the only thing that mattered was the way his eyes looked right at me like I was the most important thing ever. He makes me so weak just by the way he looks at me.
“Do you want me to go get you anything? Juice, water, meds?” He asked worriedly holding my hands in his making me smile at how thoughtful he was.
“No, it’s alright.” I took a deep breath, “I’m just a bit stressed out. The doctor says that it’s the main reason for my blackouts.”
“Stressed? Why babe?” He asked worriedly.
“Yeah,” Looking at his eyes, I tried my best to memorize that beautiful look on his eyes before he changed it, “There is something you need to know…About my past.”
He looked at me confused, “What is it?”
“Have you seen the video of me and Sarah on twitter?” I asked a bit scared but I tried my best to hide it.
“No, you know I don’t use my twitter that much.” He said confused, “What’s the video about?”
“Here,” I gave him my phone loading the video for him to watch.
He watched the whole three minutes, first with so much concentration, then after a minute or so his eyebrows were raised in shock, then the last few seconds his eyes opened wide as the video finished. He looked at me with a mixture of shock and confusion.
“What was that?” He asked more confused than anything.
“You know how Sarah was drug dealing back then and Ella and I used to watch her but not help her?” I asked warily.
“Yeah?” He was still confused but he let me continue nonetheless.
“Well, in year 11. There was this girl in our school. She was a proper saint. She used to pray all five prayers at time, she read the Qur’an beautifully in religious class, and she wore the hijab at a young age. She was the school’s saint.” Zayn nodded not knowing what that hat to do with anything but he didn’t comment.
“Everyone loved her. All the towns grown up used to praise her, all the youngsters idolized her for being the perfect Muslim but most people my age didn’t even stand her. We were jealous of the attention that she had no doubt about that, but she was a proper arrogant girl.”
“She hated me and my friends for being so bad yet being so popular at school while she was so good and got bullied from us or people like us. She always thought she was better than us and for that we hated her even more.” Zayn was lost now, he didn’t know where I was going with this. But stayed silent letting me continue.
“One day, she followed us after school. She witnessed one of Sarah’s deals where I was with her then she came to tell us what she saw. She blacked mail us with her information, saying she would tell the cops and end our lives if we didn’t make her popular.” Zayn was trying to get the pieces together but I knew they won’t add up, not now at least.
“At first we gave in. we stopped bullying her and let her be. Even mentioned how cool she was but she wasn’t satisfied. She wanted more. She wanted to be us, to have popularity, local fame if you wish. She started to boss us around and being scared girls we did what she wanted until Sarah got sick of it on day.”
“So she killed her?” Zayn asked shock in his face making me laugh at him.
“What?” I asked still laughing.
“In that video, the last scene was Sarah pushing something in that girl’s stomach I think and that girl fell but you caught her.” He said screwing his eyebrows together in confusion.
“That didn’t happened. Sarah pushed a needle in her arm making her trip, but I caught her. She was fine. I think she is still fine till today.” I replied. I can’t believe he thought I killed someone. Oh god, he hates me. Feeling a lump gather in my throat, I tried my best to swallow it.
“Oh, what was in that needle?” He asked trying to put the pieces together.
“Heroin.” I said in a small voice feeling that lump getting bigger.
“You drugged her?” Zayn looked shocked making it hard to stop that lump from growing and the tears from gathering in my lids.
“Sarah did.” I corrected trying to save my damaged image in his eyes but there was no hope. He hates me.
“But you didn’t stop her? You made that innocent girl a drug addict?” Zayn said in disbelieve and I couldn’t control my tears any longer.
“Sarah convinced me that if we didn’t do that we would go to jail. She said I was her partner in crime and we would go for years, get rapped and maybe get killed as we were Muslims and prisoners hated Muslims.” I cried but still managed to make myself audible.
“I was only 16, I didn’t know what to do. I panicked, and I trusted Sarah,” I cried harder not being able to stand the way he was looking at me now. I hate myself. I miss his loving look already.
“I know what I did was horrible, and I searched for Aliyah for a long time to apologize for what I did. Not only for that one incident but for making her a secret drug addict, for ruining her life. I feel like I’m a sh*t person and I hate myself for what I did. I hated myself for a long time. I prayed and prayed to Allah to be forgiven.” I cried harder feeling myself shake now but I wanted to say it all now. If it’s the last thing I will ever say to Zayn, I wanted him to know I regret it.
“I tried to find Aliyah online, I asked my parents to find her but she disappeared. When her secret got out, she couldn’t handle it and she moved away. No one knew where to find her. I really feel horrible Zayn but I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”
“Maggie,” Zayn was about to talk, his voice small due to my state but I wasn’t finished.
“I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, I know I don’t deserve to have what I have now. I don’t deserve to have you or to have any friends. I ruined her life and for that I should be punished. But when I was caught with drugs I thought that was my punishment, I thought Allah gave me that wake up call to be a better person and took that second chance to be a better person.”
“I swear I haven’t done a single bad thing since then. I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking and I went on a spiritual journey to Egypt and started wearing the hijab. I started living the way Allah told me to live. I started being a better Muslim and I’m trying my best every single day.” I was crying so hard now, I felt so tired. My head was pounding like crazy and my tears were nonstop on my cheeks.
My life was ruined. Zayn hates me and he probably doesn’t love me. Everyone in the world would hate me as well. The only one who doesn’t hate me was Seif and he didn’t even want to know what I did.
Seeing Zayn move, I closed my eyes awaiting for him to leave without a single word. To leave me alone…. And broken. I knew that would destroy me. That I would probably fall back in depression and that’ why I avoided telling him this before but he needed to know. He deserved to know.
But he didn’t leave. I felt his arms wrapped around my shoulders in a hug as he rested my head over his shoulder. He patted my back and I immediately seeked comfort in him as I hugged him back crying my eyes out and mumbling, ‘I’m sorry.’ Over and over again as he just shushed me and rubbed circles on my back.
***
A/N
Why didn’t he react like Seif??? Bad Zaynie!!
But at least he is comforting her.
A bit too dramatic? Meeeh, I hope it wasn’t too much though.
Thoughts? How do you think zayn is going to treat Maggie now?
Don’t forget to vote lovies xx