"But yea, as I said I had a couple of moments where I was stuck in awkward situations because I had to think about my name. I don't even know how I got out of these situations. I was panicking so much I just brabbled something." A laugh escaped my lips as memories from those situations replayed in my mind. A specific situation went forward and made me laugh even more. I was out one night with Fifi and when some random dude asked about my full name, I accidentally knocked over his beer because I panicked so much.
"That's hilarious!", the moderator next to me laughed out loud and laughs and giggles were coming from the audience as well.
"It really was.", I agreed and let my eyes scan the crowd, making eye contact with one or two of them. The laughter quieted down eventually and I turned back.
"So, you're career has just taken off like a rocket. Has it been a little quieter around you right now or is it still as overwhelming as you stated at the beginning?" Jimmy Fallon, the host of the talk show I was on right now, leaned forward and rested his upper body on his lower arm that was resting on his desk in front of him. I've been in New York for this show and some other appointments, interviews and photoshoots I already finished in the days before. Being in the Big Apple for the past one and a half weeks has been amazing. I finally got out of England at an age that I would actually remember this trip. All the other trips I was on with my family before, I was way too young to remember anything.
"I mean, I've been busy pretty much every day since then.", I explained but smiled. "But I love it, you know. It's an amazing privilege to be able to live and work like this so I try to experience every moment to the fullest. But yea, I enjoy the work, the people I get to meet and all the other things. And I guess it's been a little better than the first few days right now. But I'm still young, I'm 20 years old. So I'm in no rush in terms of only working and joining projects and things like that."
"But what about the fans? Don't they want you working constantly, without breaks?", Jimmy asked and took a route I wanted him to take. I had the task to get him to ask about the fans or the show, and I did that perfectly. Another point on my good actions account at the management.
"Well, they might get something sooner rather than later." A big smile was on my face and Jimmy looked a little shocked. My teaser made him sit up a little more straight. He caught on to my words and his eyes scanned the live audience for a moment.
"What does that mean?", he asked just as excited and awaiting. I turned my attention and focus a little more on the audience, smiling at the tension that suddenly arose in this studio, and tried to direct my words not just to them, but also to the host to my left side.
"Well, today, I am pleased to tell you that Toxic will officially have a second season.", I said and laughed as I heard both the audience and Jimmy cheer. It was a pleasant feeling. I knew through the internet and social media how many fans the show got, but hearing this cheering in person and also coming from actual human beings was just a feeling from another dimension. I couldn't explain it, really.
"Wow, Tia! That's amazing." Jimmy almost had to scream above all the cheering coming from the audience. "How long have you known?" The cheering slowly went silent as the people watching heard me and Jimmy talking again.
"Ehm.", I said to give me some time to think about the actual time point where Netflix told me they would come back for a second season. It must have been a little more than two weeks after the Silverstone GP, in the same week I texted with Daniel about Lando and his state of feeling and wellbeing. That was now a little over three weeks ago.
"I think I heard it first about three weeks ago?", I more asked than answered confidently. "Yea, around that time."
"Was it hard for you to keep quiet?", the moderator of the Tonight Show asked me next.
"No, not really.", I replied honestly. "I mean I've kept my true identity a secret for most of my school and uni days, so I think I got some practice in beforehand." A little laugh escaped my lips.
"Yea, that's right.", Jimmy remembered and smiled. "But it was also just released you will join another project, right? Here's the official statement of Warner Bros." His hand motioned to the little screen for us that was set on the floor next and a little behind the camera. I've seen this a couple of days before.
As Jimmy said, it was the official website and statement of Warner Bros that a new movie will be soon shot with me, Brie Larson and some other actors I knew from names and movies. No actors I've actually met before. It was just an honour to be working with them soon and I was more than excited to get started. But it will take some more time before I actually start working on that project. They were still in the development phase of the script.
"Yes, I'm very excited to be working on this soon as well.", I said and smiled as I saw that the camera was back on Jimmy and me again.
"Yea, I bet you will be. Some very famous names are on that list.", Jimmy responded and I nodded.
"Indeed.", I agreed out loud and turned my head to look at the moderator again.
"Well, the last thing I want to ask you. I've seen a video of you on a photo shoot. You've posted it some weeks ago. I just thought it was too good not to share.", Jimmy said and on the monitor appeared the video I'd posted to social media three weeks ago. It showed me dancing and singing to Maroon 5's 'Sugar' on the set of a photoshoot. Jimmy, the audience and I laughed out loud. I didn't really put much effort into my dancing. I didn't care about how it looked, I just wanted to get a little loosen up and it did its work. I had to admit though, it looked ridiculous. I didn't care, it was okay for me to be presented as a complete idiot sometimes.
"Yes, so that's what I do to get loosen up.", I explained and laughed again at another scene. "I don't even know who recorded that video. Whoever did it has some explaining to do." Another laugh escaped my mouth. Of course not, I loved having captured those unscripted moments.
"Well, the fans and I loved it. I have to say once more, you are so talented!" Jimmy repeated the compliment I'd heard at the beginning of the interview. I smiled warmly at him and laid my head on my shoulder for a very short time.
"Aw, thank you so much.", I said. Jimmy turned to the audience again.
"We'll be back with some more guests after the break. Tia Gauvin everybody." His arm and hand showed to me and I waved to both the camera and audience. Soon after, the camera was shut off and my facial expression immediately dropped. It was tough, playing charades the entire time you're in public.
The past few weeks have been torture for me. My management, especially Julian, have been pushing me through a shitload amount of work. An Interview in London, then a meeting in Washington, then the travel to New York. I've been on the road for almost three weeks. I've been texting with Pierre and Daniel in between. It wasn't deep or special, we basically just checked into each other's lives once a while to see if everything was alright.
I didn't have time to work out the things with Lando. After the conversation via phone with Danny three weeks ago, I let Lando be and didn't text him anymore. Of course, I had been following the races and results as well as I could, but it just wasn't the same. Lando still struggled to get good results, and every time I saw his final place on the grid after a race, I felt bad. Danny's words replayed in my head again in those cases and I couldn't help but blame myself for his recent performances.
In the last race, he even had to retire the car and in the videos I saw, he looked disappointed, sad and tired. Probably from everything. Of course, he also didn't get in touch with me. I didn't expect otherwise, though. I accepted that it would be better to talk in person about everything the next time we saw each other. If we ever saw each other again.
"Tia, thank you for being on the show. I really enjoyed our talk." Jimmy's words took me out of my thought and brought me back to reality. I looked at him and smiled.
"Yes, thank you for having me. I really enjoyed it too.", I answered politely and stood up. Once more, I waved to the audience, before disappearing behind the scenes. Julian was immediately on my side as soon as I left the studio. I didn't even bother to look at him, but he didn't bother either. He just started talking anyway. I kept walking towards my wardrobe.
"Amazing job, Tia. Very well done how you got Jimmy to ask about future plans. That's exactly what we needed.", he stated and probably had a pleased smile on his face, but I didn't care. I didn't even give him a side-eye.
"Thank you.", I mumbled under my breath and pushed open the door to my wardrobe. My eyes immediately laid on the white llama that was sitting on my make-up table. It was staring at me and made the pain inside of my chest grow even bigger. I quickly walked over to the animal and stuffed it into my bag that was laying on the small coffee table in the middle of the room. In the background, Julian was mumbling things, but I couldn't listen. Again trying to come up with solutions how to fix this entire situation with Lando, I sat down on the chair in front of the big mirror and stared at the white wooden material the make-up table was made out of.
".... Formula One?" These two words caught my attention right away. It was very unusual to hear them in this setting. Julian hasn't talked about racing in three weeks. He liked to avoid this topic. No surprise there.
"Huh?", I asked as I turned my head towards my manager and scanned his face. A questioning look was set there. A little chuckle escaped his lips like he was amused by my reaction.
"I asked if you knew if there is a Formula One race this weekend?", he repeated his question. My eyebrows immediately narrowed themselves in confusion and surprise.
"Why do you care?", I asked back and Julian crossed his arms in front of his chest. He looked a little hurt if I didn't know better.
"Even if I don't show it often, Tia, I care about you.", he stated. Yea, sure. He never cared about me, so why now ask me about Formula One? What I wanted never mattered before.
"Sure.", I stated unsure and just kept looking at him. I actually needed to think about my answer to the first question. Was there a race this weekend? I mean, it was Friday evening, so shouldn't I have read something about Free Practice or something if there was a race in the next few days?
"I don't follow it as much after being denied to go there.", I lied and looked at him. I planned to make him feel bad about his previous decisions, but it seemed like he didn't believe me. He was still looking at me. The corner of his lips was slightly raised.
"Let me check if there is one.", I stated after a moment of silence and grabbed my phone from the bag on the table and quickly unlocked it. Swiftly, I googled F1 and scrolled a little further down. It was the quickest way to see if there was a race this week. My eyes scanned the screen.
'Next round: Austin GP.', it said and I looked up. Julian was smiling at me like he already knew that the race was in the US this week.
"You know.", I concluded and my manager nodded, still nodding. I didn't get it. Why was he smiling like that? It's not like I am allowed to go there, god forbid even talk to my friends.
"I do know.", he said plainly. The smile on his face wasn't fading away. I turned back around and sat down on the chair again. Through the mirror, I was still watching him. My hands turned around the phone in my palms all the time. A thing I like to do in order to distract myself from nervousness or discomfort. I just didn't know what to expect or what his plans are. I hated being stuck in the dark.
"Yea, well. It's not like I'm allowed to go.", I said and looked down.
"You're not." Julian agreed and therefore got my attention back. My mood dropped again to the lowest. I didn't know what I expected, but this wasn't it. Why would he ask me about F1 then, if he didn't allow me to go there for the US Grand Prix?
"But you're forced to do all of your appointments, right?"
"Yes...?", I agreed hesitantly and scanned his face confusedly. I still didn't know what he was on about and every second that went by confused me even more.
"Well, I might have set up some interviews around the paddock tomorrow and Sunday.", Julian explained and my eyes went wide. As quickly as I could I turned around and looked at him.
"Are you serious?", I asked excitedly and he nodded. "Why did you do that?" Even though I was happy as hell about that news, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a catch.
"We noticed how down you have been in the past weeks, but you always did your work without any problems. The interviewers or audiences didn't even notice you were feeling unwell. So we thought you deserve a reward for all the work you've done up to now.", Julian explained. I take that, even though the weird feeling about this being a catch didn't shake off of me.
"What's the catch?", I asked because of that feeling.
"You have to go with Lucas.", Julian said and I gave him a look. Was he serious? This wasn't a catch! Watching the US Grand Prix together with my boyfriend? I never thought I would be able to do that!
"Are you serious?", I asked excitedly. Now happiness and excitement have settled in and buried the weird feeling deep down in my gut. This wasn't a catch, this was a real reward.
"Yes, I'm serious. We'll meet him at the airport of Austin." Julian still smiled. "You just need to get ready for leaving. The flight is in four hours." I nodded excitedly and stood up right away. Packing my things as quickly as I could, Julian and me soon left for the hotel so we could pack up all of our things and get ready for flying to the Austin Grand Prix.