I looked down onto the phone again and took a deep breath in. The last time I had actually spoken to Lucas was when we "cleared" our fight before he left the UK again. Since then, we had only been texting. We didn't even do that much if I was being honest. With a shaking hand, I pressed the green button. The phone was lifted to my right ear.
"Hey, Lucas.", I greeted him and awaited his answer nervously. The line stayed silent for a couple of moments, then his voice rang out.
"Hey.", he said quietly. He stayed silent for another moment. I didn't dare to speak. I mean, he was the one that called me so he should talk first. But to my disappointment, he just stayed silent.
"Is everything okay?", I asked carefully and tested the water with this question. Another period of silence was my answer. "Did something happen?", I asked again and went quiet to wait for his answer. An unwell feeling grew in my chest and nervousness let my heart beat faster than usual.
"No, nothing has happened.", Lucas finally stated. "I just-" His voice broke off and I couldn't help but imagine somebody interrupting his thoughts. I didn't know why but I imagined exactly that. Maybe a manager, maybe another girl or somebody else. I really couldn't know. But somebody was definitely with him in that room.
"What is it, Lucas?" My voice was soft and cautious, the complete opposite of what I was feeling right now. He seemed too vulnerable to speak up, even though we were talking through a phone.
"I, ehm.", he started and looked for the right words. "Where are you right now?" His sudden determination in his voice caught me by surprise. I stayed silent for a moment and leaned back against the headrest of the bed.
"In a hotel room.", I replied cautiously. "Why?"
"Where exactly?", he asked ignoring my question.
"In Northampton." Confusion clouded my judgement and thoughts. What the hell was going on? "Why are you so interested in that?"
"So, you're with him right now?" He once more ignored my question. In his voice, there was something like a heavy accusation, I just didn't know why. I never gave him a reason to doubt both me and my loyalty. I was so confused about what was going on right now. In an attempt to clear my thoughts, I shook my head and closed my eyes.
"What?", was the only thing I brought forward.
"Are you with him right now?", Lucas repeated that question with even more emphasis. He now sounded angry. I've never experienced him like that. "Are you with that Lando guy right now?"
"No, I'm not.", I answered quickly and determined. It was the truth. But based on his state right now, I shouldn't tell him Lando had just left the room. Lucas wasn't amused, and I was scared. He never talked or reacted to me that way.
"I'm all alone in my bedroom and was just listening to some music, then you called." My explanation was the truth, I just let out the little part of me having guests over. Lucas on the other side of the line stayed quiet. The only thing that I could hear was his steady breathing. It was deep like he tried to calm himself down.
"But you went to that racing circuit in England, didn't you?" His voice was a little calmer now but there was still a lot of anger and frustration in there. My fingers found a loose thread on my trousers and began to fumble with it.
"Yes, but-", I tried to reply but he cut me off.
"Why didn't you tell me about it?", he asked with a louder voice than before. My eyebrows narrowed and my confusion grew even bigger.
"What do you mean?", I asked him back, still scared and unsure about the entire situation.
"You should have told me about your plans.", Lucas stated determinedly.
"What? You were there when I promised Lando to attend this event.", I reminded him.
"Yes, but you also said you have to check with your manager and your appointments.", Lucas spat back. "I bet Julian doesn't know about this entire thing. Tia, you shouldn't be doing this. Don't throw away your career for these stupid cars and drivers. You've worked too hard to just-"
"Hold up, hold up, hold up.", I interrupted him as I realised what this was about. "What are you talking about?" My voice earned some strength.
"What do you mean?", he asked me back. Now it was his turn to be confused.
"You have no idea what is going on right now, have you?", I asked him and silence hovered over the line for a few seconds.
"Please enlighten me then.", he requested. His tone of voice was still driven by anger and frustration.
"I've talked to Julian about attending the race weekend.", I started to explain with a confident voice and he listened carefully. I was tired of being told what to do by everybody in my life. This kind of behaviour was just not Lucas's style.
"He is actually here with me. I asked him and he agreed because I've been a good public figure in the past few weeks, so he rewarded me with being allowed to attend the race." Another moment of silence rested in between my boyfriend and me.
"So you have no right to be neither angry nor frustrated with me. I don't know what is going on with you in the past weeks, but I have done nothing wrong. I've been a good girlfriend, and employee as well. If something is going on in your life right now, and you don't want to tell me about it, fine, so be it. I can't force you to tell me anything. Maybe it isn't even my place to know about it. I accept that. But don't you dare let all that anger or frustration of that possible something out on me. I don't deserve that." Surprised by the sudden confidence of myself, I took a breath in. Lucas stayed quiet another time. It frustrated me even more.
"And if you just stay silent for the rest of the phone call, we might as well end the call now."
"No, please don't hang up.", Lucas begged me and I stayed on the phone, waiting for a response. I heard that he took a deep breath in. He probably went through his hair with one of his hands. That was a typical move of his when he was nervous or thinking about what to say.
"I'm sorry.", he stated and I just stayed silent to wait for more to come from his side. "I don't know what is going on right now. I just saw these photos of you at the race track today and, I don't know. Something just made me react that way." His voice was soft now. This was the kind of person I knew and loved. Still, I wanted to know what made him react that way. There had to be a reason for that. I couldn't help myself to talk softly again as well.
"Lucas, there has to be a reason for that, right?", I said. "Talk to me."
"I don't know.", he said and breathed out. "Maybe it's because you just got famous and this entire attention thing is also very nerve-wracking for me. I can't help but think of how people want to use and exploit you. I know there are many people out there that think like that. I experienced it myself. So I guess I just want you to be careful. Please." A smile grew on my lips. I knew Lucas cared about me but still, this was so sweet.
"I am careful, don't worry.", I ensured him. I still couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else bothering him, though. I just had to ask. "So this has nothing to do with Lando or some of the other drivers?" My question was left in the air for a couple of moments. Lucas probably thought about his answer.
"Maybe also a little bit.", he answered truthfully and I smiled. I begged internally for him to be honest with me, and he was, so I was happy. I was the type of human that thought communication could fix almost everything.
"Why's that?", I dug deeper.
"I don't know." Lucas seemed a little desperate. "I just experienced how well you and that Lando guy get along and got a little bit jealous. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid.", I responded. "But I want you to listen to my words carefully: Nothing is going on between Lando and me. We are friends, nothing more. I love you, Lucas, and only you."
"I love you too, babe.", he said back and I smiled. "It's just that Lando made me somehow doubt myself and I just freaked out, I guess. I then projected it onto you. I shouldn't have done that. I really am sorry, Tia."
"It's okay.", I answered him. "Apology accepted. But please, next time you feel that way, just talk to me first, and don't just freak out and be angry with me, alright?" I couldn't see it but I felt like he nodded.
"Okay. I promise.", he said.
"Great, thanks." A yawn escaped my lips now that the adrenaline levels went down again. I was suddenly so exhausted. "I should probably get to bed.", I said and Lucas hummed in agreement.
"Okay. Sleep tight, Tia. I'll talk to you soon. I love you."
"I love you too. Good night, Lucas.", I said before he hung up the phone and I began my nighttime routine. Soon, I went to bed listening to one of my favourite podcasts.
---
Even though Lucas and I cleared this little fight we had last night, his accusations and doubts disturbed the quality of my sleep that night. I couldn't help but think about Lando making Lucas doubt himself. All-day long, I've tried to convince myself that I hadn't done something wrong. Lando and I were just friends. But do friends have moments like him and I had last night? Every time that question popped up in my head, I pushed it away as quickly as possible. I didn't want to think about this thing right now. I should concentrate on the racing today.
Right now, it was the time in between the third practice and the qualifying. I was standing next to Julian, who was talking to somebody of the F1, in the paddock. I didn't listen to their conversation, but they were both really invested in it and I was sure it was probably about an interview that I should be doing. Instead of listening to their word exchange, I watched the people walking by and reflected on the previous happenings of the practice.
Lando was battling very hard from the start. His times were almost the entire time in the top three, only a couple of tenths of a second divided him from the top teams. He performed very well and put the Mercedes and RedBull drivers under a lot of pressure with his Mclaren. There was even a situation where Max Verstappen and he were battling so hard in one of their laps. It almost felt like it was the actual race on Sunday. Luckily, they didn't touch or crash, so they both came back to the pitlane safely.
A tap on my shoulder brought me back into reality and when I turned around, I looked into the eyes of Pierre. He smiled at me kindly and I quickly looked around to find Julian still invested in his conversation.
"Bonjour.", he greeted me and smiled. His hair was covered by a white cap, as usual, I had to say. Every time I saw him at the track, he was wearing it. But hey, who am I to judge? It still looked good.
"Salut.", I answered him and gave him a quick hug.
"Comment ça va?", he asked and I nodded.
"Bien et toi-même?", I asked back kindly.
"Oui, bien. J'attends avec impatience les qualifications.", he told me and I nodded.
"Moi aussi.", I responded and saw his PR manager walking away. He probably had to talk to his team or something. "Bonne chance!"
"Merci.", he thanked me but stayed next to me, scanning my face. "Tu es sûr que tu vas bien? Tu as l'air fatigué."
"Je suis fatigué, c'est tout.", I ensured him and gave him a proper smile. He nodded and waved as he walked away. My eyes followed him and I waved back. I just hoped that I was telling the truth. I was tired, and I didn't want the fight with Lucas to affect me that much. We were alright and better than before, so I should just forget this. Pierre disappeared in the motor home of the Alpha Tauri team and I needed to find something else to focus on, so I went back to watch the people again. Julian finished his conversation soon after and together we walked toward the fan zone, where I met some fans and took pictures with them.
I also chatted with them really quickly and sign some of their shirts or caps. All of them were really nice and there were only pleasant encounters. It was almost time for qualifying two when my manager and I were back on our seats in the stands. Luckily, I didn't miss some unexpected happening. Daniel, Pierre and Lando were all three through to Q2.
A pretty boring Qualifying two ended soon afterwards. Still, I was really impressed with Lando's performance. He continued to drive quick lap times in both qualifying sessions and finished the second one on P4. Nervously I watched the third and therefore last round.
Lando even stepped up his performance in this qualifying. His first lap placed him on a P4, behind Verstappen, Bottas and Hamilton. But I knew there was something more to happen. Just like in practice three this morning, Lando and Max were really close to crashing again. But to my relief, they didn't. Lando was approaching Max's car and they were on the same height in a speedy corner and almost touched. I didn't know who didn't see the other one. I was just glad they both finished the session safely.
But Lando's great lap was a little interfered with that. Still, this great lap placed him on P3 for the start tomorrow, which is an amazing result for him and the team. Daniel had some problems with something technical on his car and therefore could only really deliver one proper lap. In the end, it placed him on P9. Pierre on his side made his team once again proud with a solid session, which placed him on P6 for tomorrow's race. I watched Lando celebrate with his team over the screens as Julian led me towards the exit of the stands. He wanted me to get back to the hotel as soon as possible and I was too exhausted to argue with him.