Hello,
Here is Balance Chapter 5. Has been a while since I updated but I didn't feel like it due to.. well let's just say it has to do with A03 and leave it at that.
Anyway; little note; I know I said that the Kennedy's didn't have anyone as family in prior chapters; which I am now backtracking on because they do have a uncle/brother but he lives far away.
I purposely left this chapter the way it is because I have to make my mind up whether or not 'certain things' go true and it is long enough already. As always I am taking historical liberties and as always my apologies for shitty grammar and stuff.
p.s. certain things are inspired by "An offer of a Gentleman" just FYI.
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The carriage ride to her house was once more uncomfortable to Benedict's dismay. She was silent and preferred to stare out of the window with a blush on her face; anything to avoid his gaze. He looked at her intently; then bit his lip, something he often did when confronted with awkward situations but went ahead and spoke anyway.
"I want to see you tomorrow," he said. She looked at him briefly; pensive; doubtful, he could tell but nonetheless she didn't reply to his 'request'.
"Alina, didn't you not hear me just now?" he said.
"Yes, I did..." she noted trying to sound a tad nonchalantly; vehemently wishing he wouldn't notice the effect his request on her. This man: he was serious in pursuing this, pursuing her and while she was thrilled, and her heart had just started beating like mad. On the other she knew she needed to keep her composure keep her head cool because otherwise she would be swept away.
Swept away in the fantasy; that they, even though from different kind of worlds, would work together as a couple where they couldn't but damn... Damn; it was so hard not to feel overjoyed when he asked her to spend time with him. But was it real or a fantasy? She was inclined to think the latter.
"I do not think we should see each other tomorrow" she replied, interrupting him. She had meant to make the sentence come out definite; but her voice had failed.
He groaned in frustration, at the repeat of this conversation.
"And why not then?" he exclaimed in an annoyed tone.
"You know why" and this time she turned to look at him; not too long for if she gazed at him too long undoubtedly 'things' were going to happen once more and while she enjoyed being kissed by him; immensely enjoyed it, it was best if they did not occur once more.
"Mr. Bri-" she began after a moment of silence, but he suddenly looked at her so irritated that she quickly didn't continue uttering the rest.
"If we pursue this; it will lead to nothing; only pain" she said now suddenly looking away from him.
Benedict shook his head; even though she couldn't see that because she was staring out the window once more.
"How so?" he asked her softly after a while.
She quirked an eyebrow at him in confusion; then understood that he wanted to know what was obvious at least to her. Alina took her time to reply as she wanted to weigh her words; making sure she would get the message.
"You will have to marry one day. I will have to... marry... but we will not marry... each other, will we?" she timidly argued.
His demeanour and expression immediately changed to a defeated one as if he had received bad news, and in fact he had. She had explained their difference in class in subtle detail without naming it; she had subtly pointed out to him the reality that marriage would be impossible; and it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over him.
He realised that she would never be accepted by the ton; and he was sure that many a wicked tongue would be talking about them for a long time to come; which he did not mind but... they might mock her. Ridicule her at every function; and he could already see people whispering about them if they were to go to a play, or ball or wherever basically.
Alina was right. Absolutely right... but then why was his gut feeling telling him... that she, not some generic girl at a ball he was bored to tears of within seconds of dancing with them; might be the one for him. Benedict had never felt this way before; yes, he had his fair share of experience with women; but it was nothing compared to being with her. HE felt alive with her; he felt himself with her, somehow, not the second Bridgerton but Benedict and he didn't know why he felt like that, but he could also not ignore it.
"That may be so but"-' he began weakly but he did not know how to finish the sentence and so just sighed deeply. Alina didn't feel the need to finish his sentence for him; things were awkward as it was, so she once more stared at anywhere but him.
"You were talking about having to marry... Is there someone else?" he asked her out of the blue; pulling her out of her thoughts.
She looked at him, insulted and hurt; how dare he think she would cheat on her betrothed with him? She wanted to set the record straight and scold him for it, but she found eye contact with Benedict a bit too distracting, he was distracting her, and she knew if she looked at him long enough, they would undoubtedly kiss once more.
So, she shook her head and looked away. He sighed a breath of relief but then another thought crept into his head, and he needed to ask about it.
"Is there someone who might be taking an interest in you then??" he wanted to know with brows raised. She wanted to shake her head a second time but somehow, she thought of Tommy and stopped. It was odd to think of him at that moment, especially since he hadn't made his intentions clear, but her mother's words had apparently lingered.
"Who?" he inquired a tad... sternly she felt.
"No one" she said but she could tell that he didn't quite believe her.
"Are you certain there is not because if there is, I need to know". She didn't know what it was; her patience had gone dry perhaps, or she felt uncomfortable due to being in this 'interrogation' and felt her anger bubbling to the surface.
"There is no one and even if there was, I needn't have to explain things to you" she replied in a snippy voice to which he scoffed.
"Are you being serious right now?" he annoyedly retorted but she didn't reply; just full on glared at Benedict.
"As I said earlier; I have a right to know if- ".
"No, you don't" she cut him off suddey feeling annoyed by the interrogation.
"And how dare you even think that you do... It is a preposterous idea. WE are nothing to each other; you are nothing to me and- "...
She stopped talking as soon as she saw his disappointed gaze; the hurt in his eyes and she immediately regretted what she had said.
"Right... I see," he said, and this time it was he who averted his gaze from her. A moment of unbearable silence followed, and Alina couldn't bear it for long.
"Benedict" she said softly, and he turned to her in curiosity, wondering what she would say.
"I didn't mean it. ... I didn't mean what I said. You're not 'nothing' to me... It is not true. I'm sorry" she said with a contrite look. He only nodded but did not speak yet.
"There is no one who is interested in me" she then said very timidly; fixing her gaze.
"Except me" she heard him say and at the same time put a finger on her chin, bringing it slowly upwards.
"Except for me" he repeated; forcing her to look at him. He was smiling at her and by God, there was something about his smile, it lit up his entire face; and he seemed so, so kind and sweet.
It was hard to ignore his smile; nor the endearing look in his eyes and when his gaze went to her lips, she knew he was going to kiss her. Which he did; a second later and once more; she was lost in his kiss and could think of nothing else but being absorbed in the moment; not realising that soon she was kissing him back; just as sweetly as he was kissing her. It was a relatively short kiss this time; but he rested his head on hers afterwards; and smiled at her. She gave him a shy smile in return, still a little numb from the event before, but a genuine expression.
He pulled back for a moment and looked at where they were; almost at Church Street she concluded by glancing outside before focusing on each other.
"I'll have you picked up after work tomorrow." he informed her.
"But Benedict-" but he did not tolerate any objection and cut her off.
"Around 6?" he suggested.
"Are you sure that's a good-"
"Yes. Yes. Quite sure. Oh, wait can you make up an excuse with your mother?" he asked with a mischievous look in his eyes, which she should actually scold him for but found amusing in a way.
Alina didn't have to make up an excuse; her mother would be picked up by her older brother tomorrow morning, as a surprise for her upcoming birthday. Alina's uncle lived near the coast, and she hoped that the weather there would improve her condition; and the fact that they had not seen her family for some time. The trip was expensive, but Alina had saved up; she had taken on a second job and the pay rise she had received from Madame Genevieve in recent weeks; so, she had paid for the trip and could give her mother some money as well. If all went well, she would stay with their uncle for a week; and Alina would be alone for a week. She explained this to Benedict; especially the fact that she would be alone; and his grin suddenly widened.
"What?" she asked him.
"Oh; nothing. Nothing at all. So tomorrow after six I'll have my coachman pick you up, okay," he said innocently but she knew well that the reason behind that grin of his.
She took a moment to think; giving him a poignant look in the process but then nodded in agreeance. They had gotten to Church Street he insisted on accompanying her to her house; which she didn't think was a good idea; and they argued about it until he gave in.
"Fine, then. go quickly but I want to say that I must protest this".
"Duly noted..." she said with a mischievous smile.
"See you tomorrow... Benedict" she said.
"See you tomorrow, Alina" and there was something quite hopeful te
************
"Harry, what are you doing here?" her mother exclaimed, falling into her older brother's arms.
"I am here to whisk you off your feet and take you to Essex with me" Alina's uncle stated cheerfully.
"What do you mean?" cried her mother in amazement as she momentarily released herself from her brother's firm grip.
"Alina has arranged all this, you are coming to stay with us for a week" he explained. Harriet looked back at her daughter in amazement.
"Oh dearest..." she said, walking up to her daughter and giving her a hug, "that must have cost you a lot of money. Can we afford it?".
"Of course," said Alina as she took a step backwards. "Everything is arranged; don't worry.... Well get ready soon... I would love to go with you but unfortunately I have to work".
"But darling... Can you manage being alone for a week?" Harriet asked in concern.
"Of course, I can, in fact I want nothing more; it will be nice and quiet here" and she winked at her mother; making it clear to her that she was joking.
"You know what. I'll ask Martha and Tommy to...keep an eye on you. Yes, that would be a good idea".
Oh no, the last thing she needed to be honest were people to keep an eye on her.
"Mother please! I am 25 years old not a toddler. No, you're not going to inform them; I'll be fine.... If something is wrong, I will go to the neighbours, but I don't expect anything to occur while you are gone".
Alina narrowed the distance between her and her mother and hugged her.
"You just enjoy yourself; okay? That's all I want" she said sincerely.
"Alright then child" said Harriet after the embrace... "Then I'll go and get my things" she laughed and soon she had left, and Alina went to work.
Benedict had been in a slight good mood all day, which was also seen by Violet, Colin and Anthony Bridgerton exchanging glances. Eloise, Francesca, Hyacinth had gone to the Featheringtons, and Gregory was playing in his room.
"Benedict; it is nice to see you more like yourself" remarked Violet. Benedict did not look at her with understanding.
"I found you to be a little pensive the other day" Violet explained, and Benedict took a little time to respond to his mother's remark; letting the words sink in. Had he been so obviously distracted then? For further reference, it would be wise to not be so see through perhaps as Benedict didn't want to have his family all in his business.
"Not to worry, mother; that's all over now" Benedict answered cheerfully...
"I wonder... if your sudden change of disposition might have something to do with the lady you had dinner with at 'The Spring Rose?'" Violet said with a tilted smile on her lips as she carefully brought the cup of coffee to her mouth.
"Oh, right yeah, mum brings up a good point. So, Benny boy" Colin said as he smacked 'gently 'on his brothers back.
"Tell us... Who is this lady?" Colin wanted to k now with a smirk.
Benedict just looked at his younger brother but then shook his head laughing.
"What lady?" he retorted innocently.
"Urgh. Come on, you can tell us. Who is she? Lady Whistledown wrote... I mean uhm... I've heard" he quickly corrected himself "that whoever she is doesn't seem to be from London".
At the end of his brother's sentence Benedict felt everyone's investigative gaze on him; but he was not going to let them know anything at all.
"Colin; you know I detest gossip and especially people who enjoys writing about such matters" he said making it clear that he was quite aware that Colin had read her leaflet just like everyone else. He was not a fan of her either and hated it when the writer mentioned but he was curious enough to want to know what exactly she had written, and Benedict knew that as well. Lady Whistledown never wrote badly of him, though; only that Colin was one of the most desirable bachelors and when he returned from his trip.
"So, I will refrain from comment if you don't mind since I refuse to take idle gossip and or hearsay seriously" Benedict retorted.
"Nice way to avoid answering the question, Benedict" remarked Anthony pointedly with a sly expression on his face.
"Anthony; you here; having breakfast once more sans my lovely sister-in-law. Question. Isn't Mara's friend coming over from Cornwall one of these days to stay with the Kensington's? I think that's what she said to me last week when I was over at your place" he remarked.
"Uhm, yes her friend Lily Edgewood and her husband are visiting indeed and staying at my in-laws" Anthony stammered looking a litttleee uncomfortable; dreading where this was going.
"Then shouldn't you be at the Kensington's now?" asked Benedict in an innocent demeanour and immediately Anthony's features soured.
"Well, uhm, I am planning to stop by later in the day", Anthony retorted with a slightly pinched intonation.
"Really? I would visit them straight away if I were you. It's rude to keep your wife's dear friend waiting and of course... your in-laws too" Benedict stated nonchalantly as if he didn't know exactly what he was doing.
"Benedict is right, Anthony, it would be impolite not to greet them earlier. You must go," said Violet.
If looks could kill, Benedict Bridgerton would now be a dead man. Anthony grimaced, stood up, walked over to Violet, and kissed her, then said hello to Colin and Benedict. He let his eyes rest on Benedict for a long time, seeing that his older brother was angry, truly angry, and he found the whole thing quite amusing.
"So, are you going to inform us or not?" asked Colin but Benedict pretended not to know what he was talking about so Colin relented.
"Fine, keep it to yourself then" he said and then proceeded to reach for his third muffin of the day.
************
"I knew it. I knew it. I knew that that wretched Mrs. Colson wasn't going to pay! " exclaimed Genevieve Delacroix in disbelief.
"And her reasoning, that they suddenly didn't like the dress anymore after two fittings where they pleased with the result and now suddenly, they complain that it is badly sewn. Such lies!" Genevieve cried in exasperation while she talked to her seamstress. She had asked Alina to put the dress on; to see if there was any truth in the claim as the dress had been returned today after all. It was a powder-pink long dress with short puffy sleeves.
The collar was not too elaborately decorated as well as the bottom and the sleeves of the dress but nevertheless it had become a nice garment for the price Mrs. Colson had been willing to pay.
Genevieve was considerate of everyone's budget but did not like to be tricked but Mrs. Colson had told her emphatically that she would be buying two dresses: two not one!
But then her client had suddenly 'objected' saying it was not up to their standards.
And now Genevieve had spent money on fabrics and on 'man hours' on the dress, money that she wasn't going to get back.
The truth was the Colson's had borrowed a garment from their niece so there was no need for the second evening gown anymore. Finances were tight after the patriarch of the family had perished due to a heart attack; which was the truth; except for the fact that the patriarch in question had done so in the presence of a prostitute.
Still pacing angrily in the room, Genevieve let out a cry of exasperation and shouted something along the lines of 'I will refuse her as a customer from now on" woman" until she calmed down and looked intently at her employee.
"You know what... You may keep the dress" she suggested after a while.
"I don't understand?" asked Alina bashfully.
"I am serious. Please keep it; it looks good on you" Genevieve argued.
"But I can't pay for it; not even if you deduct it from my salary and if you can sell it to someone else" but her employer rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Nobody is asking you to pay anything, Alina.... And no, I don't want this... blasted thing in my shop; it really must exit the store today.".
"Madame; I appreciate the gesture, but I really cannot accept this, Madame Delacroix". Genevieve was getting weary and tired and wanted to go home and forget about this stupid day, so she decided to come with up a different solution.
"Alright then... When is your birthday?" asked Genevieve suddenly; feeling absolutely done with the day and wishing to just go home.
"December 22nd but I don't see how-" Alina began but Genevieve cut her off.
"Great. My early present to you" she interjected with a little smile and before Alina could say anything she had walked away, shouting after Madame Delacroix that she should "not forget to close up properly".
Alina stood there in amazement until she saw that it was almost 6 pm. Alina realised that she still had to change, but as she stared at herself in the mirror, she realised that she was already... dressed for the occasion. She hurriedly fixed her hair and then there was a knock at the door. She walked up to it and opened it cautiously and soon recognised the coachman.
Alina stepped out with a pounding heart, wrapping her coat tightly around herself, and soon the carriage took off. They had been on the road for some time when Alina realised that they were not going in the direction of 'The Spring Rose' but to a completely different side of London, which she had never seen before. No, they were rather going into the posh, upscale neighbourhoods and she didn't know it well, but Alina suspected that there were no restaurants here as there were only rather large, stately homes. But perhaps they would go from here to where they were going to eat?
When the carriage stopped at a building as stately as the others she had seen before. Alina looked around for a moment. She expected Benedict to come at any moment, but that was not the case; instead, the coachman asked her to disembark.
She quickly realised two things.
1) This was Benedict's house
2) This was the back entrance, rather than in front; and she was not sure what to make of either of these things.
Why was she at his house? Oh God, surely, he wouldn't expect her to... spend the night. Secondly, why had she been dropped off at the back entrance? She understood somewhere; it was bad enough that she had been mentioned in the 'Society Papers', but it felt as if he were ashamed of her. She was led inside to a corridor and then to a dining room; the coachman knocked on the door and she heard Benedict say that they could come in. They stepped inside and the coachman left immediately after a nod from Benedict.
The butler asked if she could take her coat to which she said shyly yes; shortly afterwards he left too. Benedict got up from his chair and walked towards her, taking her in for a moment before he spoke.
"You look beautiful" he said admiring her from head to toe which made her a little bit shy. Then, realising what he was doing, he turned his attention back to her and asked how she had got the garment. Alina explained the whole thing, and Benedict laughed.
"I should write a thank you note to Mrs. Colson for being a horrible customer. This dress... looks amazing on you" he said in a tone of voice that one could only describe as lustful; nothing more and nothing less and it made her blush. Benedict made a few steps towards her direction and reached for her palm which he kissed reverently.
"I'm glad you came" Benedict stated afterwards. With her hand in his, he turned and took her to the table, where he sat at the end and she at his left.
"Mosely" he called. "You may serve the soup" whereupon the butler soon came in with their bowls of soup.
"Bon appetit" said Benedict with a smile. Alina drank a bit of her soup, which tasted delicious and soon her bowl was empty and Benedict's empty. There was a friendly silence; one that was not disturbing; as if they had been used to each other's company between them, but as she waited for the main course, she could not help asking the question that had been bothering her.
"I didn't know we were meeting at your house" she said. He seemed a little surprised as if he hadn't quite expected the question and that it was the most normal thing in the world for him.
"I thought we might be more comfortable here. Together without prying eyes" replied Benedict. It was a reasonable statement, but it raised more questions in her mind than she would have liked...
"You mean the article of Lady Whistledown?" she asked, and it came out sharper than she had anticipated and immediately the atmosphere between them changed.
"Yes and no... I don't know. I just wanted us to be able to spend a meal without being spotted by others" he said bringing his eyebrows together in confusion.
"Perhaps... I should have explained to you that we were to meet at my place and-.
"Yes, you should have" she interrupted him. He heaved a sigh of disappointment; this conversation was not going in the right direction so he had to save what he could.
"I'm sorry... I should have told you" he said sincerely. "I didn't think about it, but I really didn't mean anything by it."
"So, you're not ashamed of me?" she asked in a timid manner after a moment of silence.
"Of course not; why would you think that?" he said while staring at her with big doe eyes.
She couldn't stare away, and neither could he because just like the previous times he felt a great urge to put his lips on hers, but the main course was served, salmon with vegetables and so they were unfortunately interrupted by the butler.
When these and the dessert had both been consumed, Benedict suggested they go to the drawing room to have their coffee. It was small but cosily decorated with several paintings on the wall. A portrait of a friendly looking man with chestnut brown hair caught her eye and somewhere this man seemed familiar.
"My father" Benedict explained and she looked at him. He was looking intently at the work of art and at the same time there seemed to be something of sadness in his eyes... "Edmund Bridgerton. Ah that made sense; the resemblance was quite noticeable.
"You look like him" she remarked to which he gave a big smile.
"Do you really think so?" he asked as he narrowed the distance and put his arm around her waist. It was a seemingly innocent act but inwardly it aroused feelings that she wanted so badly to stifle.
"Yes, really," she said, looking at him a little longer than she should have and this time there was no one to interrupt them. He slowly turned her towards him; closer into his arms; wishing and he pressed her against him; relishing her presence. It wasn't long before he began to caress her; slowly sliding his fingers up her back. She trembled in his arms; taking in his scent; a mixture of soap and expensive cologne; waiting to see what he would do next. He was gentle with her, just as he had been on previous occasions, and once more she felt safe, and he looked nothing like 'him' who had frightened her so much.
Benedict moved his hands to the front where he first worked her lower abdomen before making his way up; very slowly as if he had all the time in the world. When Benedict reached her chest, he made a diversionary move by suddenly kissing her neck; diverting her attention so that he could then encircle his fingers on her breasts. She jolted in initial shock but then didn't move; getting used to the feeling of Benedict touching her there and he also gave her enough time to realise this. He was still working her neck; kissing and sucking; and when he finally reached her jaw he was no longer in control and crashed his lips on her.
Almost immediately she felt his tongue in her mouth, which at first felt a little strange but not for long. They were now kissing intensely, and she noticed that his movements were becoming more impatient and uninhibited. He turned her; not separating from her for a second; and pushed her slowly in the direction of his sofa. Once there, they sat down; probably for a second before Benedict pushed Alina down and her head met the soft fabric of the sofa.
Benedict lied down on top of her; out of breath; and nestled himself. She jolted when she very clearly felt something, quite large between her legs but he continued his caresses undisturbed.
Benedict turned his attention to her neck for the second time that evening and started licking, sucking, and kissing. This time, however, he went further, exploring parts of her body where he had not been before. First it was her collarbone; then his tongue descended in a tangle of movements to the curve of her breasts, where he placed several pecks. She gasped and grabbed his shoulders; expecting him to go no further; that he would stop here. And he did. HE looked at her deliberately; swallowed; and as if to gauge her reaction; he slowly lowered the one puff sleeve.
Benedict waited a moment for an objection but when none came, and she looked at him lustfully; with short breaths; he repeated his earlier action and brought the second sleeve down too. Her breasts were still covered but not badly and all he had to do was pull down the front of her dress and the white shirt underneath and she would be bare to him. Partly, then.
Benedict intended to pull the top of her dress down, but she brought one hand as if to bar him from doing so. He looked at her; her face flushed; her breathing disproportionate which now drew even more attention to the breasts he was so anxious to see and saw the doubt in her eyes.
He was sure she was going to say that this was not a good plan and so he was already preparing to move away from her yet she suprised him..
She surprised him by pressing her palms on his shoulders where she began to caress him on both sides, slowly, shyly with little strokes that seemed innocent but were maddening to him.. He let his head fall back; enjoying her touch; when she slowly started going through his hair; he grabbed her wrist and palm that made it look like they were on fire.
Benedict lay back down on her; his mouth once again crashing on hers; soon both losing control but to her surprise; he quickly pulled back.
"Alina" he said in a husky voice; struggling to keep his composure; hovering over her.
"Will you come upstairs with me?" he asked; looking at her with his beautiful blue eyes; in which she could sink; eyes that held a certain attraction for her that she could hardly ignore.
She paused; then swallowed the lump in her throat before making her decision.