— Chapter Nineteen —
Donghyuck stayed with Johnny, actually falling asleep once more in the bed that he had used for over a year. He had only moved out after New Year's Eve because from then on he and Mark were to focus on NCT Dream and the Hot Sauce comeback. Since they weren't allowed to travel to Japan yet, the Loveholic album hadn't been their company's priority and Dongyhyuck could understand why. He, just like everyone else, had been so excited to see all seven members of NCT Dream reunited and it had been just so refreshing to move back in with the Dreamies, Sungchan and Shotaro who were all so much more youthful than his hyungs. As much as Donghyuck loved his NCT 127 members, the Dreamies were just home to him.
For now though, just staying in his old room brought back lots of memories. Many late nights he spent gaming with the older members, so many food delivery orders, so many times he and Johnny had goofed around.
Just like when Donghyuck woke up from his little nap and Johnny was still there, giving the younger an amused smile while he rose up from the bed.
"You know, Taeyong is still waiting outside for you." Johnny told him and Donghyuck sighed. It earned him a laugh from his hyung who then helped, or rather pushed, him through the door because they both knew that Donghyuck should not further delay his conversation with Taeyong.
Indeed the man sat at their dinner table, looking up when he heard Donghyuck's footsteps. They were rather soft and Donghyuck was for once actually hesitant to talk to Taeyong. He knew he didn't have to be scared but he still somehow felt tense when sitting down on the other side of the table, in front of Taeyon.
"Hey Chanie." Taeyong greeted him with a warm smile which automatically caused Donghyuck to feel at least a little better.
"Hi hyung." he said and then again started chewing on his nails. He really needed to get rid of this annoying habit, he decided and put his hand back down. Taeyong cleared his throat and then said "Haechanie, I'm worried for you. We all know how much you love practicing and how hardworking you are but you should not risk your health for it. There is a reason why we have limited practice hours."
A lump started to form in Donghyuck's throat. Hearing words like these from Taeyong who was very hardworking himself and took great care of the members, it just hit him differently. Luckily he managed to blink away the tears and mumbled "I'm sorry, hyung. It's just I have a lot on my mind right now and practicing is such a good escape."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Donghyuck looked up, meeting Taeyong's eyes as he considered the offer. He would love to rant to Taeyong but the man had already so much on his mind and Donghyuck didn't want to bother him so in the end he just shook his head.
"Alright, I respect that. Just now that we're all here for you, okay? If you don't want to talk about it with me, you know Johnny, Doyoung, Mark, they will all listen to you."
"Thank you" Donghyuck bowed his head slightly, just out of habit "I'm good though, don't worry, hyung."
"Okay." Taeyong's voice didn't sound completely convinced but he didn't dive any deeper into the topic and instead said "Now I'm sure Mark has already told you and you should know it as well but please tell someone if you're going somewhere alone late at night. I understand that you're a grown man and nobody wants to take that from you but you are an idol after all and it can get risky at times."
Donghyuck knew that. Many times his life had proven itself to be rather dangerous due to his job. Whether it be sasangs or people mobbing them at the airport, it was all rather unpleasant and definitely a downside to being a celebrity.
"Yup, I'm sorry. I just couldn't sleep and wanted to use the time productively." he hummed and Taeyong nodded. The silence following was a little awkward but Donghyuck wasn't minding it too much. He needed a little time to think.
"Alright, that's all. I won't scold you too much because you're tired and I know you only meant well." Taeyong announced and raised himself up. Donghyuck looked at him and saw the warm smile on the older's lips again. It was comforting him in the most subtle way and Donghyuck couldn't help but mirror the smile as well.
He quickly bid Johnny goodbye, promising to check in on the older members more often. Presumably Donghyuck would move back into the 127-dorms soon anyway so it wasn't all too bad when they parted.
Mark had already left and Donghyuck didn't blame him for not waiting. An hour must have passed already so it was very understandable. And yet, Donghyuck still felt a little disappointed, knowing that the next time he would see Mark was tomorrow.
He went back to his own dorm, again ignoring the sasaengs on his way. In the apartment then, Sungchan greeted him. The man still hadn't left the couch and when he opened his arms, Donghyuck fell right into them.
"Was it very bad?" the younger asked and Donghyuck shook his head. He really would have expected worse and this was probably the best outcome for this situation anyway. While Sungchan put on a movie and ordered food, a decision that Donghyuck supported because he was quite hungry, he also just snuggled his head into Sungchan's chest. Sungchan never minded the skinship and so Donghyuck knew it was okay for him to do this. Also he didn't want to see anyone right now and the darkness that Sungchan's hoodie provided was just right.
Something however didn't feel right. Donghyuck had done this with Sungchan several times already but never had he noticed the man's smell. It was a great smell, Sunchan's perfume mixed with his personal scent, but it just wasn't.. Mark's.
A hidden frown appeared on Donghyuck's face when he realised that he was again craving Mark's skinship. He tried to compensate for it when Renjun appeared by giving the smaller man some bone-crushing hugs but even those didn't quite satisfy his needs like Mark would. It was frustrating really.
Donghyuck resided to his room rather early. He was still tired, emotionally as well as physically despite having taken a nap just a few hours ago. He entered his room, ready to throw his body on the bed however he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw something on the sheets.
It was one of Mark's biggest hoodies, one that he had brought when they were in Canada for their tour. With the biggest smile on his lips, Donghyuck remembered the day that Mark had bought it, grinning brightly as he showed off the Vancouver writing that was printed over the chest of the hoodie. Donghyuck remembered laughing at Mark's adorable face but secretly feeling a bit envious of him as the hoodie did look really cool. Maybe he hadn't hidden his jealousy well enough because now the hoodie was splayed over his blanket, obviously placed there by Mark himself.
A giggle fell from Donghyuck's lips as he took off his shirt and immediately put the hoodie on. The best thing about it wasn't even the size, it was the smell. Mark's smell was all over the piece of clothing, his deodorant and personal scent sticking to the hoodie. Donghyuck didn't know whether Mark had worn it before on purpose or not, but he thanked God that Mark did because his smell was heavenly.
Now finally feeling a little better, Donghyuck sat down on his bed and took a selfie, sending it to Mark. The man replied promptly with a heart and a small message saying "I hope you can sleep better now."
Donghyuck thanked him, sending another selfie in which he did a kiss-face. He knew Mark would cringe at it at first but then later end up saving it to his gallery. Donghyuck had once scrolled through Mark's gallery (simply because he could and Mark trusted him) and he had found embarrassingly many pictures of himself. That was probably one of the few times where Mark had managed to actually fluster him.
"I miss you." Mark sent as a message. Donghyuck's heart hurt as he read those words. He missed Mark too, way more than Mark missed him for sure. He nuzzled his face into the hoodie, pulling it up to his nose to smell the scent Mark had left on it.
"Me too, wanna cuddle you rn." he told Mark over text. He saw that Mark had gone offline so he turned his phone off as well.
The sun was setting, he could see through the blinds. He had to always keep them closed or else sasaengs would find a way to identify their rooms from the outside but a few sun rays managed to make their way through nonetheless. They threw an orange pattern at the wall and Donghyuck saw it blur before his eyes. He was just so tired but there was no chance of falling asleep now that he had this huge present of Mark's hoodie with him. He dug his fingernails into the material that fell over his hands and used it as sweater paws.
Donghyuck liked feeling small sometimes. He knew he wasn't particularly tall for a man but neither was he small. Next to Renjun he looked broad and big, next to Johnny he looked extremely small. It was a situation thing. But right now Donghyuck wanted to feel small. He did die to the oversized hoodie but he knew he would feel it even more if Mark's broad frame were to hug him right now.
How was it possible to miss one person so much? Not only had he seen Mark today but also they worked together 24/7. And yet, Donghyuck craved Mark's attention. It just felt so validating after all these years of constant rejection plus Mark was actually quite cuddly.
He didn't look like it on camera where he was always cautious of the eyes watching him, but Mark was actually a really clingy person. Just not to Donghyuck, well in the past that was. Now in the months prior he made up for it little by little by initiating skinship such as wrapping his arm around Donghyuck's shoulder, holding his waist or pulling his face close. Donghyuck would lie if he said that he wasn't enjoying it.
A notification lit the screen of Donghyuck's phone. It read "I'm sneaking out around midnight." followed by "Please wait for me before you sleep."
Joy couldn't even begin to describe the joy Donghyuck was feeling when he read the message. Euphoria ran through his body as he typed a keysmash into the message box and sent. Upon Mark's question mark he giggled and explained how excited he was and that he would definitely stay up. The fact that he probably shouldn't and that they had practice tomorrow he ignored blissfully.
Everyone in the dorms had gone to bed already when Donghyuck tiptoed to the door a few hours later. Well, nobody had gone to bed yet, just nobody was in the living room anymore. Donghyuck very much appreciated it because it meant he could greet Mark with a tight hug at which the older man huffed.
"We just saw each other a few hours ago." he noted in a hushed voice as Donghyuck stepped away. He was only wearing a white shirt and some sweatpants, making him look even more muscular. Donghyuck shamelessly checked him out and Mark cleared his throat in amusement.
"Let's go wash up and then get you to bed. I'll go after you fall asleep." he said. Donghyuck frowned at him.
"Why can't you stay, hyung?" he questioned. Mark gulped for whatever reason and then mumbled "Cause Jaehyun will beat my ass."
Donghyuck stayed pouty but nonetheless brought Mark to the bathroom where Mark washed his face while Donghyuck brushed his teeth.
It was a domestic view, the two in the mirror. Donghyuck remembered how he wanted to feel small and grinned in satisfaction as he did exactly that now next to Mark. Their height difference wasn't as big as the one between him and Johnny but it was still very much present.
Mark was just lazily running his hands through his slightly wet hair, trying to bring any kind of tidiness to it but it was helpless. The black hair stayed messy and Donghyuck only giggled at the man's attempts to flatten the hair. In the end Mark gave up and just wrapped his one arm around the smaller's waist while meeting his eyes in the mirror.
Donghyuck hadn't bothered to put on pants under Mark's big hoodie and now he regretted it as Mark's hand travelled over the thin fabric of his boxers, holding his ass.
"That's inappropriate." he noted through his mouth full of toothpaste.
"Eh, we have done way more inappropriate things than this, haven't we?" Mark questioned. He was right, this was nothing. Still there was this funny tingle in Donghyuck's abdomen that he could simply not blend out.
He relaxed into Mark's touch though, not even feeling tense when Mark started feeling him up. Now thinking about it, Mark did look pretty damn good today. Sadly Donghyuck was just way too tired for anything. He just wanted to go to bed and cuddle Mark.
Mark however seemed to have different plans. He groped Donghyuck's ass, the latter emitting a soft groan.
"Hyung!" he whisper-shouted but leaned into Mark's touch as the man started to kiss his neck. His lips skilfully made their way up to Donghyuck's jaw and then to his mouth at which's corners there was a little bit of toothpaste left.
"Want you, Hyuckie." Mark mumbled and Donghyuck just couldn't resist his touch. He hummed, tugging at Mark's hair to pull him up fully so they could finally kiss.
When they did, Donghyuck felt as if he had stepped into a heated and cozy house from the coldest winter storm outside. The way Mark captured his lips with such ease but in a lazy, rather sloppy way, it made Donghyuck feel euphoric. He now fully wrapped his arms around Mark, tasting the toothpaste on Mark's lips.
"Wanna fuck you in front of this mirror so you can look how pretty you look." Mark mumbled against his lips and butterflies started to fly around in Donghyuck's stomach. The way Mark knew which words to speak to turn Donghyuck into a hot mess, it was just heaven.
Donghyuck would have loved to go through with Mark's plan, however he was too tired. He pulled back and leaned against the sink. He looked right in Mark's eyes, his dilated pupils telling the story of how needy Mark was.
"I'm so sleepy though. Can we do it another time?" Donghyuck questioned. He knew it would ruin the mood but he honestly just wanted to go to bed. It would probably disappoint Mark who seemed eager to move on but to Donghyuck's delight Mark just smiled and nodded when he heard the words.
"Of course, sorry for pushing you." he said.
"Nothing to apologise for. I really want you, it's just I'm tired and we have practice tomorrow." Donghyuck replied and pressed his lips on Mark's nose. The latter giggled and gave Donghyuck's ass a light slap before saying "Let's go to bed then, shall we?"
The two went to Donghyuck's room where the moon was now shining through the blinds, illuminating the room in a soft white glow. They didn't turn on any lights, not even Donghyuck's sleeping light. He didn't need it when with Mark.
They settled for one sleeping position, Donghyuck cuddling his head into Mark's chest while the older rested his chin on top of Donghyuck's head. The latter finally smelled all of Mark, his manly scent and of course the familiar deodorant. It was almost laughable how much Donghyuck had missed the mere presence of a scent so much to a point where he couldn't sleep because of it.
Mark set a timer on his phone so he would wake up in the middle of the night to sneak back and Donghyuck admired his determination to not get his ass beaten by Jaehyun.
"Sleep well, Hyuckie." Mark told him afterwards and Donghyuck replied the same before closing his eyes and breathing in Mark's heavenly scent.
He could feel Mark's chest rhythmically rising and sinking against his face. If he listened close enough he could even hear the man's heart beat which soon blended in with the soft snores Mark emitted.
Now as sleepy as Donghyuck was, his mind was still racing. And despite the fact that he was literally laying next to Mark, he felt as if he still needed more. He grabbed the man's shirt, holding it tightly as he clung onto the sleeping man for dear life.
He smiled weakly, thinking of the effort Mark had made just to be here with him. But was it really that? Donghyuck had noticed how Mark would mostly initiate skinship when he wanted something, that something being sexual activity whether it was a hand- or a blowjob. They hadn't slept with each other again since that one time simply because it would be hard to do so.
Donghyuck shouldn't really be surprised. Mark ha remade it clear that this thing was purely sexual. There were no further emotions behind it, no feelings. In the end, that was what all this was about, right? Just the sex. Just him and Mark being horny. Except he wasn't only being horny. Donghyuck had feelings for Mark. And fuck, it hurt like a bitch.
Donghyuck thought back and now questioned maybe Mark was really just issuing him for the sex. Donghyuck wanted to be mad at Mark for it but he had no reason to be. Mark in no way had to return his romantic feelings, hell, Mark being the dense man he was probably hadn't even noticed that Donghyuck had a crush on him.
If that made it better or worse, Donghyuck honestly couldn't decide. He sniffed softly and reminded himself that no matter what, at least Mark was here with him. He had taken all this effort and stress upon himself, had even left Donghyuck one of his hoodies just so the younger man would feel better.
Just let me help you. The words resonated with Donghyuck. Mark was the purest soul. Loving Donghyuck like a best friend, caring for him like a brother and fucking him like a sex god. Honestly, Donghyuck couldn't even blame himself for falling for Mark. Who wouldn't in his position?
Maybe he should turn the tables, Donghyuck thought to himself. Maybe he should show Mark what he had to offer. Seduce him, make him jealous. All just in the delusional hope that perhaps Mark saw him as more than just a friend with benefits. Donghyuck knew the chances were slim, but fuck it. He wanted Mark Lee to be his and he always got what he wanted.