V A D A
I get in my car and start driving towards the address Harry wrote down on the sticky note. It's been 2 days since we talked and I am mentally prepared to hear what else he has to tell me.
I called him last night and he told me so come over today, so I'm going. I don't really know why though cause it's not that hard to understand what really happened between us, but I feel like I need to go.
It was only about a 15 minute drive before I pulled into his driveway. I've got to say, his house is really nice. It's not gigantic but it's definitely a lot bigger than a regular house. I hop out of my car and walk up to the front door, staring at the ground as I knock on the door softly.
It opens seconds later and I look up only to be met with Harry's emerald green eyes. He really hasn't changed a bit.
"Hey..." He says softly, a small smile on his lips. "Come in."
I slowly nod and walk through the door once he's step to the side. His house is nice, decorated beautifully. The walls are a soft shade of grey, a couple accent walls a darker shade of grey. There are a couple paintings and photography pictures spread across the canvas, filling up the plain walls. There is a little furniture around, like small tables and mirrors.
I follow Harry as he walks through his house, I have no idea where he is taking me but I don't really have to be worried about it. It's Harry, after all.
"We can, um, talk in here. There's a couple things I want to show you." He says quietly, walking into a room with french doors, curtains covering the glass window part of the door. It sees like a nice room.
He opens the door and I am quick to realize it's his in home studio. There's a gorgeous black grand piano near the corner of the room, a bunch of guitars in the room, a couch made of a black, soft-looking material, and a small recording studio in the corner, but it's not really a studio. There's the recording microphone with all of the traveling equipment around it.
"Nice room." I say before I could stop myself. I quickly widen my eyes before hearing him chuckle and murmuring a small 'thank you'.
"You can sit any where around, the couch just might be more comfortable than one of the stools." He tells me, pointing to the black couch that is against the wall. I nod and go sit down on the couch, putting my purse down beside me and leaning against the back of the couch, looking at the celling.
"Thanks for coming over." Harry suddenly speaks after a couple of seconds.
"I'm still not sure why I came." I murmur, not really sure why I said it. I mean, it was true but definitely not a needed comment.
"Well I really appreciate it, I know I hurt you a lot and I know it might be weird but I really do appreciate it." He tells me and I hear him sitting down on one of the stools, his voice still too far away for him to be sitting close to me but he's still in the room.
"Why did you do it?" I ask him, still staring at the celling.
"Do what?" He asks back.
"Hurt me." I reply.
"I didn't mean too Vada, I did it so I wouldn't hurt you more-" He starts but I cut him off.
"No, stop. You've already told me this a bunch of times. If this is the only answer your going to give me then there's no point in me staying here anymore." I say, getting ready to stand up.
At this point, there's nothing more for me to stay for. I have nothing more to tell him and he's not going to give me any other answer.
"No please! I just- I don't know how to tell you the things that you need to hear!" He says, making me slowly lean back in my seat, bringing my feet up to sit crisscross on the couch.
"Then why am I here?" I ask him, shaking my head slowly.
"Because I need to see you again, and I need to show you something... or play you something." He says, furrowing his eyebrows as he seems to think about what he's saying.
"What?" I ask him, confused.
"I... I make music for a living- I write music for a living. I was never really good at talking about stuff, sure I talk a lot but I don't talk about... what I feel?" He says, seeming confused by his own words. "When we... broke up, I wrote a lot. I wrote a couple of songs for One Direction, and then I wrote my whole album, plus many more songs on the trip to Jamaica, and then a bunch of other songs I wrote while touring." He explains.
"Show me." I tell him.
"Really?" He asks.
"Really." I say, fidgeting with my hands in my lap.
"Okay..." He says, sounding hesitant but he turns on the piano bench anyways. He plays a chord, it sounding beautiful and deep. "When we found out that I had to fake date Kendall, you told me what you would do if you could fly, so I wrote a song about it. What I would do if I could fly, what I felt. It's called If I Could Fly." He explains again before starting to play chords on the piano.
"If I could fly,
I'd be coming right
back home to you."
I do remember the time on the plane. I told him that if I could fly, I would wait to get hit by a plane.
"I think I might, give
up everything just
ask me to"
Would he really? If I asked him 5 years ago to give up everything, would he?
"Pay attention I hope that your
listening,cause I let my guard
down, right now I'm completely
defenceless."
I'm listening Harry, and it seems like I won't be going anywhere for a while.
"For your eyes only,
I show you my heart,
for when your lonely,
and forget who you are."
I showed him my heart, or at least I tried to but it's always been hard for me to be open, that can't just change over night.
"I'm missing half of me
when we're apart, now
you know me, for eyes
only, for you eyes only."
It felt like that for me too, I felt like I was missing half of me when we broke up and it hurt so much. And I did know him, I knew the version of him that no one else knew. The part of him that not even the media or fans knew. Just me.
"I've got scars, even
though they can't always be
seen. And pain get's hard,
but now you're here
and I don't feel a thing."
The thing is I wasn't there for him, and he wasn't there for me. We were at a time in our lives where we needed each other more and he bailed, he didn't want to be there with me. The pain was hard, so hard, and I felt every little bit of it.
He repeats the chorus again, his voice sounding more raw the more and more I hear him sing.
"I can feel your heart
inside of mine, I feel it,
I feel it. I've been going
out of my mind. I feel it,
I feel it."
I was going out of my mind too. It hurt so much not being able to talk him once I've gotten so used to it. And I felt the hurt, I felt it a lot. I'm assuming he did too.
"Know that I'm just
wastin' time, and I
hope that you don't
run from me."
You ran from me Harry, you were the one that left. I wanted you even if you were at your worst, but you didn't want me when I was at mine.
"For your eyes only,
I show you my heart,
for when your lonely,
and forget who you
are. I'm missing half of
me, when we're apart-"
He abruptly stops singing and lifts his hand off of the piano, sniffling. I sniffle back too, I can't cry, not yet at least.
"I'm sorry-" He starts but I cut him off.
"Don't be, that was a really beautiful song." I whisper, staring at the floor not being to look at his face again. That song really seemed personal to him.
"T-There's more. I think you need to hear more." He says, turning around again.
"Ok then, show me more." I whisper.
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