"I have to tell you something" I say to Rodrick.
We're back in his room. It's dark outside already.
He looks at me blankly and doesn't say anything.
I step closer to him.
"I kinda maybe sorta have a crush on you" I cringe at myself and close my eyes. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it'll explode.
"Oh" says Rodrick. "Well, I have to tell you something too."
I feel him brushing my hair behind my ear and he holds my face. I open my eyes and see him grinning at me. But it's not a good grin.
"I knew you did. And it's pathetic."
What?
"What?"
"Yeah, I bet my friends I could get you to fess up your feelings for me in less than a week. That's how desperate you look to everyone."
He moves his hand away. I take a couple steps back.
"Why are you doing this.." I ask.
"I can't believe you thought I'd ever go out with a huge loser like you. You're a total outcast. You think you're not, but you are. I only ever see you talking to, like, two people." He starts to step closer "Think about it. You don't even know me. We just met."
"You're an asshole!" I push him away, hard. I feel like I can't breathe.
"Come on, don't be like that, Valorie." He smirks at me.
Wait a minute.
Suddenly, there's an ear splitting screech, repeating over and over.
It's my alarm!
Holy shit, I have never felt so relieved to hear that noise in my life.
I shut it off after fully waking up. 6:30 AM.
I quickly sit up on my bed, breathing heavily. I can't believe it was a dream. More like a nightmare.
It felt so real.
I try to shake it off and get up for the day. Normally it takes me an extra ten minutes to get out of bed, but that dream totally startled me. I'd much rather be awake now.
After brushing my teeth and hair, I put on some eyeliner, like everyday. It's crazy how awake it makes me look, despite feeling like I'm gonna pass out any second at school.
I go to my dresser. What should I wear? I guess I have to try a little harder today since Rodrick's driving me to school.
I put on a black tank top. I dig through my drawer and pull out a red plaid skirt that I haven't worn in months. I hesitate to put it on. Would this make me look like I'm trying too hard? Hmm.
Eh, fuck it, I put it on anyway. It's kinda cold this morning so I also put on a denim jacket.
I look at myself in my full size mirror that's leaning against the wall. Is this too much? I normally just wear jeans and a flannel. I do some dumb poses.
I hear a car horn from outside. Shoot, it's 7:35, he's already here. No time to change outfits, I guess.
I grab my backpack and run down the hall, past my dad who's reading the newspaper.
"Bye dad, bye Ritchie" I say quickly as I exit the door.
"Have a good day, Val" says dad just as I leave.
I walk down the driveway and get in the van next to Rodrick.
"Mornin' readhead" he says "you look nice." It looks like he does a quick glance at my legs for a second. Maybe I'm hallucinating.
"Good morning, bedhead" I say back. "How was your morning."
"Kinda lame, my mom's been bugging me to be nicer to my brother recently so she's making me drive him home again. Normally he takes the bus so I don't know why she wants me to do it."
"Well that's not- OOF" We almost run a red light but he jolts to a stop. I lurch forward in my seat and the seatbelt nearly chokes me.
"Ooh, sorry about that. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night" he apologizes.
"It's fine. I didn't sleep great either" I say, recalling the dream "Why didn't you sleep well?"
"No reason" he says quickly. Almost guilty sounding. "Why didn't you?"
"No reason" I say with a similar tone. No way am I telling him about that crazy dream.
"I'll try to drive, uh, better" he says.
"Yeah that'd be nice."
We get to the school parking lot around 7:58. Period one starts at 8:00. The halls are usually insanely crowded by now, and I'm on the second floor, so we both book it inside. We barely make it to our respective classrooms, which are in the same hall, I'd just learned. "Thanks for the ride!" I call out as Rodrick runs down the hall. "No problem!" He yells back and almost trips. I laugh as I enter class.
•••
It is lunch, once again. I find my friends' table and sit down.
"Heyyy lovebug" Anya greets me.
"Hi bug" I say back. Except I'm distracted again today.
"Sooo" she says "did you call him?" Asks Anya. She keeps looking among the rest of our friend group and they all exchange looks.
"You told everyone about him, didn't you?" I say.
"Not everyone. Andy already knows, and I only told Katy and MK" she tries to tell me, as if that isn't a bad thing. Katy and MK are two other friends in our circle. They're both super funny and smart. As you can see, Anya was the one to pull me into her smart friend group. And another thing about that is, all her friends are adorable. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it in here.
Katy is the one that wears glasses and has short ginger hair with bangs. Half the time she dresses punk, and the other half they're wearing floral dresses and cute shoes. Somehow, she pulls off both flawlessly. Today, it's punk with a black jacket.
MK is the shorter one with past shoulder length, light brown hair. She's got some super cute freckles and really pretty eyes. She usually wears casual, kind of athletic clothes. She's always cracking jokes and doesn't fail to make the whole group laugh.
Anyway, thanks to Anya, now they both know about my awkward Rodrick situation.
"Oh this is so embarrassing" I plonk my head on the table.
"Don't be embarrassed!" MK says "We're all rooting for you"
"Yeah, you two would be so cute together!" Katy chimes in.
"Guys, I didn't even have the balls to call him last night" I groan. "I'm really worried he's not even interested in me, anyway."
"Literally, what even makes you think that" Anya asks, exasperated.
"Well, subconsciously, I think it's getting to me" I say. "I had a pretty disturbing dream last night."
"What happened?" MK asks.
"Well, I was in Rodrick's room again and-"
"Again? You mean you've already been in his room before??" Katy asks.
"I know right? That's what I keep saying!" Anya adds.
"Let me finish, y'all. Anyway, we're both in his room and I tell him how I feel. But then, he responds by telling me he was hanging out with me as a joke and keeps going on and on about how I'm a total loser" I'm starting to get kinda emotional for some reason "He was saying how I don't have any friends other than Anya and Andy, the whole thing was totally surreal."
"Oh Val, that's horrible" Anya says.
"He kept saying how desperate I am for him. Part of me is worried that, even though it was a dream, maybe it's the truth?" I lay my head down on my arms.
"Woah, that's crazy talk" says MK "first of all, you are NOT a loser. You have plenty of friends, including Katy and me."
"Secondly, just because you have a crush on a guy, that doesn't mean you're desperate. Trust me, I know how it feels. And it's okay, it's completely normal." Katy adds.
"Thanks, guys, really. Maybe I am overthinking it. Rodrick just makes me so nervous and I wish I could control how I feel around him." I start to blush.
"Awww somebody's in looovvee" teases Anya.
"Anya stop using the L word" I say "It's just a crush." I bury my head.
Andy joins our table and we all finish lunch together.