V A D A
December 25th, Christmas morning.
Somehow, Harry had managed to wake up before me which is an odd occurrence.
"Merry Christmas baby." He softly exclaims, peppering a bunch of kisses on my face, making me scrunch up my nose at the ticklish feeling.
"Good morning babe." I mumbled back, squiggly my face against the pillow as I stretched my body which was still under the blanket.
I open my eyes to see Harry in a thin beige sweater, the white t-shirt he has underneath peaking through just the slightest.
"Why are you wearing a beanie inside?" I ask, scrunching my eyebrows up together once I noticed to show my confusion.
"I just got back from the bakery with my mum... and my head is still a little cold." He tells me, pressing his face against my cheek to prove to me just how cold he is.
"Well, now I'm up." I jokingly say, sitting home and putting my feet on the cold wood floor.
"Come on, everyone's downstairs." Harry laughs out, grabbing my hand to help me stand up.
He starts to lead us out of the room but I quickly grab my camera from the nightstand before we pass it.
Maybe I can take pictures of everyone to remember my first Christmas?
As we make our way downstairs, an amazing smell hits my nose, as always. As we walk into the kitchen, I see a bunch of fruit, bacon and what looks like French toast.
That's why Harry and Anne went to the bakery, I'm assuming.
"Merry Christmas, Vada." I hear as I enter the kitchen beside Harry.
I look up and see Anne making her way towards me, with a smile on her face. I couldn't help but let a grin break over my face as she pulled me into a hug.
I liked the Styles' hugs, I decided that yesterday morning.
"Thank you, Anne." I say, still smiling.
The next person to hug me is Gemma after hugging Harry. "Merry Christmas!" She whispers before pulling away.
I kind of felt like a kid, but in a good way.
I then hug Robin, saying our good mornings and Merry Christmas'. It was easy to get close with Harry's family, they were just too kind not to.
As Harry started talking to his sister, I watched from afar. Anyone could tell that Harry loves his family very much.
He leans against the counter of the kitchen with a little smile on his face and his arms wrapped around his chest, I quickly raise my camera and snap a picture of him quietly and quickly.
After putting my camera down on the table, we all started gathering the delicious looking breakfast on our plates.
We then all sat down at the table and started eating while talking a little, laughing lots. I
f this is what Christmas is like every year, I would definitely like to be apart of it.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Gemma stands up.
"I'll get it, it's probably Calum." She says, walking towards the door.
Not even a minute later, Gemma walks in with a tall blonde man who didn't seem much older then Gemma, or even Harry and I.
The family waves and welcomes the man as he sat beside Gemma to his left and Harry to his right, me on the other side of Harry.
It was a circle table though so everyone could see everyone just fine.
"Oh! I almost forgot! Calum, this is Vada Harry's girlfriend. Vada, this is Calum, my boyfriend." Gemma explained.
"Hi, nice to meet you." I said, giving him a small wave and a much bigger smile than I usually would have.
"Nice to meet you too." He says, smiling back as everyone continues talking.
After we ate breakfast, we made our way into the living room where the neatly wrapped presents were under the beautifully decorated tree.
I sat cuddled up on the couch beside Harry, while Anne and Robin sat on the other couch and Gemma and Calum sat in the big arm chair.
They each passed around small gifts, the presents representing something to each of the people.
I thought I was really sweet that each presents they gave and a certain meaning behind it.
I was shocked when both Anne and Gemma handed me a gift, catching me completely off guard.
I thanked them each for their kind gesture, Gemma getting me a string bracket that she bought in Italy a week ago when she found out I was coming and Anne gifting me a lovely pair of earrings that she instead were not expensive.
They were beautiful though, and I thanked them all a bunch of times. But I was even more shocked when Harry kissed my cheek and handed me a small box.
"What's this?" I asked as the others talked.
"A Christmas gift." He says, nudging my arm to open it.
I smiled slightly, panicking a little on the inside when I realized I hadn't gotten him anything.
When I opened the small box, my smile grew as I saw a necklace with an 'H+V' carved into it the pendants, in Harry's neat hand writing.
"This is perfect, thank you!" I tell him, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.
"Would you like me to put it on for you?" He asks, and I quickly nod, handing him the box and tuning my back to him. I push my hair to the side as I feel him put the jewelry around my neck.
Everyone then decided to go for a walk after our little gift exchange.
I felt a little bit guilty that I didn't get anyone anything considering they got me something even though I wasn't expecting it. But I didn't dare let the small feeling of guilt ruin my day.
We were all walking along the empty streets, laughing and talking, not a second passing by without one of us sharing a word.
Harry and I's hands were interlocked as we walked down the street and I lent my head on his shoulder, enjoying everyone's chatter and small banter.
Everything had just felt so surreal because it has never felt like this when I was with Harry.
It never felt like we were just a normal couple.
Not that it was a bad thing that Harry was famous or anything because it was still fun. It was just nice to walk down the street together, holding hands while not being photographed or attacked by fans of Harry's.
It was nice to not feel that emptiness, even if it was only filled temporarily. And it felt nice to feel like I had a really family for once, a happy one.
Not one that had an abusive father, cowered mother and scared little girl.
Everything felt content at the moment.
So that night after dinner, I decided to write another letter in my notebook while Harry showered in the bathroom that was attached to his room. I made sure to hide it back in my backpack when I was done, making sure Harry wouldn't have found the notebook.
That probably wouldn't have ended well.
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Harry,
I never thought I would understand what it was like to have a nice family, or feel like I was apart of one. But today I did feel like I was apart of your family. It was a really nice Christmas, not that I really have anything to compare it too, but it's definitely better than having to sneak out of my window so I wouldn't be hit that day.
And it snowed too. I really liked it.
It was really nice and I definitely liked it more than people. Though, I never thought it would melt to easily. It's like the second I touched it, it melted into a puddle. It kind of reminds me of, well, me. I melt the second you touch me, or tell me something that makes my spine shiver. You make me feel a bunch of things, that I know will soon melt me. You set this fire off in me, making me feel confident and like I could do anything while you're by my side.
I'm really glad you took me home for Christmas.
This weekend made me feel normal, it filled my emptiness. Even if it is only temporary, it was still really nice. I liked that we got to walk the street like a normal couple. I know we were still supposed to not act like a couple in public, but we did. And it felt good, it felt really good.
Everything since the start of us has not been normal. It has never felt like we could just do anything we wanted without having to worry about the media or fans attacking us. It has never felt like we could just be a couple. But it did feel like that this weekend.
It felt even better just to be off all social media. I wasn't Vada Carter, the girl you carried out of a hotel room half naked and you weren't THE Harry Styles. I was just Vada, and you were just Harry. And I know that everything is going to go back to how it was once we're on the road again, but can I pretend it won't? Just until it all goes to shit at least.
I haven't thought much this weekend, and it felt really nice. I wasn't staying up all night, overthinking like always and I wasn't fearing what was to come. I let go, and I enjoyed the feeling way more than probably should have.
Sometimes I just wonder what would happen if I could run away. If I could just leave it all behind, you know. Like, live off the grid and feel that letting go feeling all the time. But I can't, and I won't.
I still don't really know the meaning of me writing these letters, but I feel that letting go feeling when I write them. Maybe it's because I'm letting go of all my emotions by writing them down or maybe I'm just looking for a sense of comfort to bring me back up when I'm down without hurting anyone else.
But they keep me from drowning. For now at least.
- Vada
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I picture Calum as Rudy Pankow