"Once the heart gets heavy with pain,
people don't cry.
They just turn Silent.
Completely Silent."
ARABELLA'S POV
The ride to the police station was relatively blurry. I was lost in thoughts, unsure of what would happen to me or how things would change in the future.
It was difficult not to get weary and frustrated when I had no idea what was going to happen or what changes were awaiting for me.
I kept wondering about where I would go.
Would I end up in a safe home or in a situation much worse than what I lived before?
I'm not even sure if I ever wanted to get adopted at all, and that would mean that I'd be staying in an orphanage till I'm eighteen.
Whatever it is that I end up with, I only have three more years to deal with it before I officially start looking out for myself, just as I have always have.
My thoughts were all over the place creating a haywire of mess in my head.
As I sat in the backseat of the car, the officer in the passenger seat turned around as her voice, calling out to me, jolted me out of my trance.
"Hello, Arabella. My name is Amber, I am sorry for your loss. If there's anything you need, feel free to ask me. I'm here for you." The lady officer said in a humble and empathetic tone, as her sympathetic eyes looked at me in concern.
Can I ask her for a million dollars?
I didn't respond to her, instead just nodded my head as I turned my face to look out the window.
Why do people act like they care when they really don't–
For the remainder of the drive, we sat in silence as I went back to draining myself with questions of what might happen.
Once the car stopped outside the station, officer Amber exited the vehicle and came to open my door as she waited for me to step out of the car.
We then proceeded to walk inside the building, where she made me follow her into an office and told me to wait for my social worker, who would be here shortly to discuss the further details with me.
She also took a strand of my hair and a swab of my cheek to collect DNA samples.
Which, as I told her, wasn't necessary but it was a protocol they had to follow.
She then left me alone in the office, where I sat in an uncomfortable chair for what felt like hours.
The longer I sat there alone, the worse the pain in my body became, followed by pain in my head and numbness in my ass, but I was too tired and exhausted to get up.
The longer I stayed in the office, the more suffocated I felt.
I desperately needed fresh air–
A sigh of relief left my mouth as I saw officer Amber returning, with a very professional looking lady walking besides her. The new lady was dressed formally, with her blonde hair up in a bun, her heels clanging on the floor, and a folder in her hand.
She approached and stood in front of me, smiling politely and genuinely.
I could tell she'd done it a lot because there was no nervousness or hesitation in her movements. She appeared to be quite acquainted and experienced with all of this.
"Hello Arabella! My name is Emmy, and I'm your social worker. I am deeply sorry for your loss and extend my heartfelt condolences to you. I can't imagine the loss and pain you must be feeling right now, and I know you are grieving, but I will only take a few minutes of your time to discuss what will happen next, along with assisting you further." She said with a sad smile as she paused for me to reply but I only stared back at her.
Same words, different people— when is this going to end?
I'm sick of hearing the same condolences over and over, as well as the look of pity everyone has given me ever since I've been here.
These people don't have a single clue as to what I am feeling or going through right now, so why can't they just stop pretending.
How would they react if they found out, I am actually quite relieved that 'my parents' died.
As she saw me nodding my head, Emmy motioned me to sit and took a seat besides me.
"So we have matched your DNA and reached out to your family. They are already on their way to bring you home." She said as I stared at her in confusion.
Woah. Woah. Woah...
Whatt??!!!
'Family'?
'Home'?
What the hell did she say...
Who's coming?
".....brothers"
I snapped out of my thoughts when I realised I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying.
"What? I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention," I apologised to Emmy, still perplexed by what she had said.
"Don't worry, sweetie! I was just telling you that your father has agreed to take you in and that you will live with him and your brothers." She said with a soft smile as she revealed a shocking piece of information.
Father? I thought John had passed away—
Please, God, don't let him be alive.
But 'Brothers'?
Which of them–
Is there more than one?
Okay, she is high..
"You must be mistaken, because I have no other family. My father died in the house fire with my mother, and I don't have any brothers." I stated out in confusion.
"Arabella I'm not lying; I'm guessing your mother didn't tell you." Emmy began with a look of realisation on her face.
"The person who died in the house fire was your step-father. Your biological-father has agreed to be your guardian and he is very happy and eager to welcome you into his home. In fact, he is already on his way to get you right now." She said, causing my heart beat to quicken and my mouth dropped open in shock as I comprehend what she was saying.
There was this feeling inside of me that was somewhere between relief and bitterness...
How fucked up is that I was actually relieved to know that John was not my father and at the same time, all I could wonder was why my own father abandoned me, which only resulted in me, harbouring a grudge and spite against him.
At the moment, I can only blame him for the years of abuse I've endured.
If he hadn't abandoned me, then maybe, there was a tiny possibility that I might have had a normal life.
I wish Cora wasn't my mother either–
Her and John are both monsters, they should never be called humans, let alone parents.
My eyes widened as I stared at Emmy in absolute shock and mouth agape in disbelief.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement; in fact, I felt as if my mind was struggling to make sense because everything seemed to be too much for me to handle, leaving me emotionally exhausted.
"That's not possible, my mother never told me about any of this." I managed to spit out my words, my mind still reeling from the earlier revelation.
I can definitely believe my mother withholding this piece of information from me–
But I didn't want to accept it.
My heart was racing, as wild thoughts reclaimed my mind.
The possibility of me having a family other than Cora and John sounded strange to me— it terrified me to the core.
My mind began to race with a slew of questions.
John was not my biological father, and I had a father whom I never knew about
After all these years of abandonment, why does he want me now?
Why didn't he want me before?
Why hadn't he contacted me sooner?
Does he even know anything about me at all?
Did he care about me at all?
I had so many questions but no answer to any of them.
All of the lies and missing information raised enough doubts to call into question every single truth about my existence.
And in this moment I couldn't stop myself from drowning into my emotions. Tears fell out of my eyes, releasing every emotion and sentiment that was overwhelming me.
I had been broken in ways that ripped through every layer of my soul, my trust had been broken so many times that I could never bring my heart to trust anyone again, but somehow this piece of information bring about a pain which was filled with the feeling of betrayal.
It hurts to know that I was never good enough for anyone—
Not for my mother, my stepfather, my biological father, or even my brothers.
I always had brothers that I so desperately wanted but I guess they've never wanted me back.
Everyone has a breaking point where any semblance of optimism that was left had been shattered to pieces, and this was mine.
At this point, I fully understood what it was like to have a broken heart.
I finally gave up on that last hope that I had been clutching for so long, as I sat there sniffing the last tears that had run down my cheek.
At that moment I decided, if I wasn't good enough for anyone, then none of them is good enough for me.
If they didn't want me, then I want nothing to do with them either.
My overflowing emotions held me captive, but the only one that dominated the rest was dread and resolve.
I could feel my eyes closing from exhaustion, but my brain forced my sanity to stay awake as it tortured me with endless questions.
Slowly, I closed my eyes and gave in to my exertion, just before whispering to myself–
"I can't do this anymore–"
💋 R E S I L I E N C E 💋
I felt two hands shaking me, as I jolted awake.
I immediately opened my eyes, sitting down as I shielded myself from the impact that never came— instead when I finally looked up, I saw Emmy looking at me with furrowed brows and a look of contemplation.
Everything that happened a few hours ago came crashing to me, causing me to sigh deeply.
"Are you all right, Sweetie? Why were you cowering like that? Has someone been hurting you?" Emmy inquired, suspiciously, as she waited for me to response.
"Ahem! No nothing like that, I was having a nightmare and when you woke me up, I just got startled." I lied right away, before clearing my throat.
"Are you certain? Don't lie to me, I could request for a full medical examination, both physiologically and psychologically." She stated, as if she still didn't believe me, and I simply nodded my head.
"I'm not lying, I just dreamt about my p-parents-s screaming-g for help-p." I quickly quivered out more lies confidently and deliberately shivered when I mentioned about them.
Sympathy card always works.
Logically, I should tell her of my situation, but I can't have her knowing the truth, and I certainly can't have a medical exam.
I'm aware that there's no one stopping me from telling the truth, but I was terrified from what happened the last time I tried telling someone.
It permanently damaged me enough to not seek help or tell anyone the truth.
I simply don't trust anyone, at all.
I didn't want her or anyone else to know anything about my past, my life story is mine alone and none of anybody else's business.
A look of realisation flashed across her face, followed with sympathy look, which ended with a sigh. She then took a rectangular piece of card from her pocket and extended it towards me.
"Arabella, If you ever need any sort of help, or even want someone to talk to, you can give me a call." She said this as I nodded and took her business card which she was still holding out for me.
I wasn't planning to call her. I have only just met her, I'm not stupid enough to reveal my secrets to complete strangers.
"Anyway Arabella, I came to wake you up because your Father and one of your brothers are here to take you to 'Home'." Emmy said bringing me out of my reverie.
Well shit–
**
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