Reviewer: persephoinis
Review: Dofia Forever
Client: oofchicken896
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Cover
There was nothing - literally nothing in your cover that would capture the readers towards your work. It was just a collage of a few pictures (that too were not of good quality) and a word 'dofia' written in an absolute basic font. I also noticed the default words 'add a heading' written over it as well.
It seemed to me that you put the least care and effort in the making of your cover - something that basically holds the key to your book being known and getting popular.
Hence, I would highly recommend getting an immediate cover change. If you want to make your covers then you can download fonts from Devian art, DaFont.com, etc. And if you think that you are incapable of making one, or simply don't have the time, then you can just order one from the various graphic shops in Wattpad. You can also check out my reading lists if you couldn't find one.
Title
The title isn't technically inappropriate but it has no eloquence to it whatsoever. Also, it has no clear relevance to the plot and instead seems like a phrase that's been merely used to show that you stan the ship.
Thus, I would highly recommend changing the title into something more romantic or poetic. You could also check out other YA or romance books to get a better idea and inculcate it into your work.
Blurb
We all know that the blurb is the hook to a book. Of course, the cover is the one that lures the readers in, but the blurb is like an entryway to the world you've created. So it is a vital element that will decide the fate and popularity of your story.
And now as we talk about your blurb, I don't think it could actually be considered a blurb.
"Where you see Dove and Sofia 's life during before and after the Caronavirus and will they survive it or Will dove's daughter finally get to kiss her boyfriend"
This is exactly what you wrote and now, keeping aside the multiple grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that are clearly evident in it, there is absolutely no context to the paragraph. There wasn't any proper structure or flow to the blurb that would attract any readers. It all just felt like a careless tagline describing what's about to happen in the book.
Here's what you can do to improve:
1. Try giving a brief introduction about the characters - You should introduce your characters briefly and make sure that in the process, you don't give away too much info. Also, try to make it interesting and quirky, instead of dropping obvious traits.
2. Give a precise background scenario of the plot or just a briefing about what's going to happen.
3. Introduce the conflict - Conflict is the main thing in every book. You can ask yourself questions like what is the main goal of the protagonist? What are obstacles in the path? And how will she overcome it?
4. The ending line of the blurb should end with a catchy phrase or an intriguing question to the readers. This is really important as it would help you hooking the readers instantly to your plot.
Hope these help!
Plot & pacing
I apologize sincerely if this might sound rude, but I found no proper plot. There was literally no pace or storyline to your book except for the same scenarios depicted through various POVs.
For example, in the first chapter, all that was written was that Sofia was visiting Dove's house through multiple POVs. And I noticed that the rest of the chapters were also pretty much the same.
Hence, I would highly recommend you do the following:
1. Construct a proper storyline - Writing the same scenario through various perspectives isn't going to make the chapter flow at a steady pace or make any sense for where the plot is concerned. Thus, you need to have a proper idea of where you want your story to go.
2. Use cliffhangers - This is something that the readers have a love-hate relationship with. Even though they claim to hate cliffhangers, at the end of the day, they will be the ones getting hooked to your book due to the effectiveness of the cliffhangers. Hence, use them to your advantage but also try to create a balance just so that the readers don't get too annoyed by it.
3. Try to visualize your characters and the scenario of the moment - Write in-depth descriptions of the scenes and the characters. This would not only build your story effectively but will also bring the entire world into life, which would ultimately lead to the readers picking up your book.
Hope that these points will help you!
Writing Style & Grammar
I'm really sorry to say but there wasn't a single sentence that could be understood properly due to the incessant amount of grammatical, punctuation, and tense errors.
What bothered me the most was the misuse of the comma, quotation, and period throughout the book.
"Hey mom wyd in my room" I asked my mom "daughter, I'm playing with your brother "I recalld my mom saying "hi sis wyd "my brother asked me
These lines were extracted from the first paragraph of your first chapter. There are bunches of things that are wrong with these two lines and I'm going to list them for you.
1. Do not use abbreviations such as wyd, wbu, hbu, etc, etc. while narrating. It destroys the eloquence of your writing and hence you can only use it while writing a texting scenario or as such.
2. Capitalization and paragraph layout errors - In the second sentence, Daughter's 'd' should be in capital and the sentence should begin from a new paragraph since someone else is speaking.
3. Spelling errors or typos.
4. Improper spacing between words and quotations - This provides a huge confusion among the readers regarding what is actually said by the characters.
5. Lack of a period (.), or comma (,) throughout the entire chapter - This is the most vital aspect in any form of writing since otherwise it disrupts the flow of the text and throws the reader behind the pace.
Check out these websites for further help:
1. https://www.thepunctuationguide.com/top-ten.html
2. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/a-beginners-guide-to-writing#quiz-0
3. https://jerichowriters.com/how-to-write-scene/
Hope that these points will help!
Personal Enjoyment
I'm so sorry but I really couldn't enjoy your book this time due to the multiple errors and shortcomings. However, I strongly believe that it holds the potential to do a lot better when exposed to an adequate amount of polishing!
Hope I wasn't too harsh (and if I was, I'm sorry) and that you can benefit from this review. Good luck! You've got this!