The first thing I did when I found out I was pregnant was throw up. I didn't throw up because of it was a pregnancy symptom. I threw up because I was thirteen weeks pregnant and for the past thirteen weeks I had been drinking.
Not to mention how wasted I had gotten just three weeks ago on my twenty second birthday.
After puking and crying, I started thinking logically. I called my gynecologist back and she was sweet enough to get me in touch with an OBGYN. The earliest appointment I could get was two weeks from now when my baby would be fifteen weeks.
I took it.
After figuring out all the steps to finding out my baby's state of health, I finally had time to actually think about it all.
This led to me crying some more.
I wasn't out of college or married yet. I had just started this new, amazing chapter in my life and then I was hit with this. I couldn't be a mom, hell did I even want to be a mom?
I knew I had to do this, though. Whether I wanted to or not, I had to.
I had so many strong women in my life do this on their own, I definitely could get through it just fine.
My logical thinking went away and I kept thinking badly again.
How was I supposed to be someone's mom when I could hardly make smart decisions on my own.
I felt so out of control right now and I hated it. I hated it with everything in me.
And then a terrifying thought crossed my mind.
How was I supposed to break this news to Luke?
I laid in bed, wondering and questioning everything and then I heard the dogs barking and the creaky front door open.
I heard Luke's voice greet everyone and mingle a bit.
"Hey, where's Hollis?" Luke asked as he entered the house.
A few moments later, I heard him walk up the stairs and towards my bedroom.
The door opened and I turned my body over so I would be looking at Luke when he entered.
Sure enough, it was Luke, standing in the doorway.
I put a smile on my face, "Hey, baby."
He walked over to the queen sized bed that I was laying on. He, then, leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.
He sat down on the bed, "Did I wake you up?"
"No, I've been up for a while anyway. How was the ride down here?" I asked, shifting my body upward.
"Long. You'd be surprised how many people are on the road on Christmas eve." He answered.
I nodded, "I watched the game yesterday, I'm so proud of you."
"Oh really? Normally you hate watching my games." He said, raising an eyebrow.
I shrugged, "Sometimes you need a little distraction. Either way, you did amazing."
"I'm flattered, really." He laughed.
"Why are you in here all alone? Party's done there." He asked.
Tell him, Hollis. Just get it over with and tell him.
"Just needed a little power nap. Want to go down now? I asked.
"Sure. They're watching Nightmare Before Christmas." Luke said.
"A family favorite." I commented.
"Jasper begged me to sit with him so you may be on your own." He joked.
"Traitor." I joked right back.
Hollis, you're a fucking coward.
.......
It was now late at night. Luke and I were hanging out in my room talking wedding plans.
I felt terrible and incredibly guilty for keeping the pregnancy from him. Believe me, I wanted to tell him. But once you tell someone something big like this, it becomes real.
And I wasn't sure that I was ready for this to become something real.
"Outdoors is a must. What are you thinking on that?" He asked.
"Yeah, outdoors, for sure." I said, in a daze.
I felt so guilty doing this right now.
"I already know what you're going to say on this, no destination wedding." He said, looking at the little list of 'must haves' on his phone.
"Nope, save the tropical places for the honeymoon." I said.
"What about the month? Like are we feeling a winter wedding, summer, spring?" He started asking.
"I'm not sure. You?"
"What about July?"He asked me.
"July?" I repeated.
"For the wedding. We could have a nice outdoor July wedding." He suggested.
If I did the math right, I was giving birth in July. Was this him trying to give me a hint that he knew.
"I don't-" I paused, " I don't know."
"What's wrong, Lis? You've always told me how you have wanted an summer wedding." He asked.
He had a confused and sad look on his face, "Do you not want to get married?"
"Luke, I'm pregnant." I blurted out.
Luke was silent for a moment.
He sat up from his laying position.
"Are you serious?" He asked in disbelief.
I nodded, trying to avoid eye contact, "Yeah, Sandy called me and broke the news."
He shifted his body and moved towards where I was sitting. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.
I didn't hug him back, I just buried my face in his chest. I needed him so badly and he was here with me. I was so grateful for that.
I couldn't believe I thought he'd act badly about all this. He was Luke and Luke wasn't like that.
"How are you feeling? Are you okay?" He asked me.
I pulled out of the hug, "Yeah, I'm surprisingly good, all things considered. Yesterday was the first day I was really nauseous. I googled it and it should've gotten bad a few weeks ago, already. Probably will start soon.."
He grabbed my hand, "Oh, Holls."
I shook my head, "I'm fine, really. We just really have to figure out what's happening with it."
It.
Admit it, Hollis. It wasn't an it, it was a baby. Call it a baby.
"How pregnant are you, right now?" He asked me.
I smirked at that question and I couldn't help but wonder if he was being serious or trying to lighten the mood.
"Thirteen weeks. But for future questioning, you're supposed to say how far along are you."
"Wait, thirteen weeks? Your birthday." Luke realized, his voice trailing off.
"I know. I have an appointment in two weeks to see if everything's alright." I told him.
He nodded, and then gestured for me to come sit next to him. I did just that, curling up beside him and resting my head on his stomach. It really wasn't comfortable enough to be doing that cute head on shoulder cuddling thing.
We laid there in silence, the silence was loud enough, though. Luke finally spoke up.
"Well, what do you want to do?" He asked me.
"Whatever is best." I replied, looking up at him.
"No, Hollis. What do YOU want to do? As much as I'd love to have this baby and figure things out together. It's ultimately your body and your choice."
I sat there in silence for a few moments. He didn't let go of his comforting embrace.
I wasn't scared of it anymore because this made me so sure that everyone was going to be alright.
I knew what I wanted.
I wanted this.
"I want to keep it, Luke. I want to be keep our baby." I said to him.
"Yeah?" He smiled.
"Yeah."
He lowered his head and kissed me on the forehead, his hand lightly stroking my forearm.
"How the fuck are we gonna do this?" I sighed.
He paused, as if he had lost his train of thought.
"We both graduate in early June and if you're thirteen weeks, then we have until late June, early July, until the baby's here. I have a good job where I could support the baby alone. And adding that with your job, we'll financially comfortable to raise this kid." He told me
My job. A part time job at a nail salon and if you wanted to count it, the clothing line.
He was right, though. Money wouldn't be a problem.
"You just have to lay all the good factors right in front of you.
"If you wanted, you could always hide the pregnancy for a few more months. But I know for a fact, you have so much love in your heart and will be the best mother ever. " He said, softly.
I traced my fingers across my stomach. You wouldn't have been able to tell I was pregnant. Bloated, maybe but not pregnant.
"You're right. I repeated, "You're right."
"We'll talk about this more later, okay?" He told me.
"Okay."
For the rest of the day we put on a smile and pretended everything was normal. We pretended there was no baby. We watched Christmas movies with the family and made even more desserts with Jasper. I was given glasses of wine and when everyone looked away, I would either dump them or I would have Luke or Owen take quick sips for me.
It wasn't too hard hiding it all, the whole family was filled with oblivious people and I was good at hiding secrets anyway.
But all day I could keep thinking, "Christmas Eve, next year, I would have be spending it with Luke, Waco and my baby. I would have my own little family."
Hollis.green: there wasn't any mistletoe in sight but I'm not complaining @lukecraine