She had trouble breathing and her heart seemed to want to jump out of her chest, so hard that it pounded, and the only thing she could do was stand there because she felt unable to move.
"Why would you... want to see me?" she said as she swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Because I wanted to talk to you" was his answer, it was a simple statement, but it triggered so much in both.
In Benedict it sparked relief, for he had stated his reason for visiting her and in Alina a slight sense of anxiety began to come to the surface. Especially when he took a few steps towards it but stopped a short distance away.
"I don't see what we should be talking about Mr. Bridgerton?" she replied with a pounding heart and he sighed. She was obviously going to make it difficult for him.
"I think you know quite well what I'm referring to" Benedict said as he carefully took a step forward so as not to frighten her. She said nothing to his accusation but only looked at him with doe eyes.
"Mr. Bridgerton. I am not so certain that I do, honestly I- ".
"Benedict. Call me Benedict, please" he interrupted, and she was astonished by his manner of forwardness.
"NO, Sir, I... can't." she firmly stated but regretting her intonation later as she could see his disappointment.
"I uhm must close the store. Madame Delacroix left me in charge to do so".
"Alright. Lock up and we'll finish talking in the carriage while I escort you home" he said to her surprise.
"No thank you. I'd rather walk" she said to his disappointment.
"Fine... then we'll finish the conversation here" and at that point she lost her temper.
"What conversation. I still don't understand what you are talking about-" she began in a taunted tone but somewhere deep down she knew exactly what he meant.
"So, you are meaning to tell me that I'm the only one here... that... That I am mad for sensing... something between you and me?" he said in a voice that came across as slightly desperate, as if he needed to know that he wasn't imagining things.
"I... I... really don't know what you're talking about, Sir", she lied even if inwardly a part of her was screaming that he was right, that she could sense things too.
His face fell and he seemed uncomfortable, she could tell. She wanted to go up to him and tell him that he had nothing to be ashamed of and that he wasn't wrong but didn't do it.
"Forgive me. I have misjudged the situation and might have behaved unbecomingly towards you" he said after a long silence. He felt like a complete and utter fool and wished the ground would swallow him up whole.
"No, no it's fine Mr. Bridgerton. You don't have to apologize, not to me, it was just a misunderstanding." It wasn't but she had to lie and tell him it was. He seemed to want to say something but grimaced and only nodded.
"You must know that I had no ill intentions ... I.... I would never do anything to hurt you or anything like that" he said after a little silence.
"I know that... I know that" was all she said before turning to eyes to the floor, feeling herself flush from head to toe.
The wind howled loudly, interrupting the current, uncomfortable status quo between them as both suddenly looked up in response. It started raining shortly after and quite a bit too to Alina's annoyance because she now knew right away what he was going to propose.
" I'll drop you off home" Benedict suggested.
"No, no... Really, I don't need-" she tried to argue but it was fruitless.
"I'm not going to let a lady walk home in this weather" he growled.
"Then you're lucky I'm not a lady" she tried to insert, thinking that would end the discussion.
"Well to me you are" he had replied, softly, sweetly, and it made her feel all sorts of things, which she was eager to suppress.
"Fine then" she said reluctantly but somewhere she was glad she didn't have to walk home in this hellish weather. The last thing she needed was to get sick right now.
"Good... I'll wait for you outside" he said though he looked out doubtfully.
"Great day to forget your umbrella Benedict, great day "he murmured. It was a thought he had not intended to share with her but somehow, he had vocalized it softly.
"Wait." she said, and he saw her suddenly walk into a room and come out for a few minutes with what looked like a large sized solid piece of cloth, walked up to him handed it to him quickly.
She couldn't help but briefly smell his scent, fresh and soapy, topped off with a layer of cologne that wasn't too insistent but lingered in the air nonetheless.
"Here take this. I don't want you to get wet" she said blushing slightly.
Benedict glanced at his hands where she had placed the piece of cloth and then at her, well more at her hunched head since she wasn't looking at him.
"Thanks..What about you?" he asked.
"Oh, there is another one I can use in the back I believe".
"Then I'll see you outside" he said. He threw the cloth over his head and went outside where his carriage was around the corner.
A few minutes later she followed, umbrella in string and ran towards the carriage; immediately feeling her shoes fill up with rainwater.... Apparently, she hadn't plugged the holes as well as she had hoped after all.
Arriving at the carriage she wanted to grab the handle of the door, but it suddenly swung her way. She saw him sitting at the end of the bench; and reaching his hand reaching out to her. Decorum be damned. Alina wanted to get inside quickly because she was drowning outside and grabbed his hand and felt him pulling her in.
Once she was inside, she quickly closed the door and the coachman, who was secretly grateful that Benedict did not choose the 'open' style carriage today.
"I want to apologize again-" Benedict began soon after the horses started to move but to his surprise, she was the one interjecting this time.
"No need to worry, Mr. Bridgerton. I can assure you that I do not think less of you" she smiled briefly, looking at him a little longer than intended and there it was again.
That... something... the attraction and it was palpable, and he knew she must feel it too, but she deliberately ignored it and it frustrated him greatly.
Right now, for example, she had turned away from him and was again admiring the upholstery without saying anything. He, in turn, was about to say something but stopped himself at the last minute and stared out of the window, his attention being awakened by a sound...
The sound of her rumbling stomach to be sure.The first time he had ignored it, but when it continued to growl, he could do nothing but say something.
"I think you're hungry?" he smiled; looking at her kindly.
"No, I am not" she stated but her stomach spoke otherwise, deciding to roar, and he chuckled.
"Albury" Benedict shouted after several moments of pondering.
"Yes sir?" the coachman replied.
"Can you take us to 'The Spring Rose' please? From there you can go home if you like, we'll take another carriage back".
"Certainly Mr. Bridgerton."
He didn't sense it at first, the way she was watching him but turned to face him he could see that her eyes were wide, and her mouth had dropped open and it was a slightly comical thing to see.
"What??" he asked.
She had heard of "The Spring Rose" and knew it was a restaurant. A restaurant where the people of higher society usually dined but it couldn't be, he wasn't planning on bringing her there... with him.
" Oh... right. Your mother must be waiting... Sorry I forgot".
"No, my mother has gone to visit a friend in East-London and will be spending the night there".
After that sentence she stopped talking immediately, why was she oversharing things? Yet it was true, her mother was indeed not planning on returning for the night.
"Look. I am hungry, you are hungry... let's just go out to eat" he suggested.
"That's the least I can do for you after.... today." he said before pausing
" I want to make clear that after today I won't come by the store.. anymore." he said, the sentence coming out of his mouth a bit defeated and hopeless she noticed.
And the strange thing waa; she in that moment felt exactly the same upon understanding she would not see him again. Yet she quickly disregarded that feeling and chose to focus on something else.
"I cannot go to that restaurant.. I, I am not dressed for the occasion!' she exclaimed and at that point, to her slight embarrassment, Benedict's eyes roamed over her body, making her flush.
"Hhm. Might be true but not to worry. Mrs. Leeham, the owner, will think of something" he said.
And that was that... She couldn't bring anything else to bear and even if she had wanted to, he would have come up with something against her argument.
They arrived at the back of the restaurant, got out, though Alina did so with slight tension; and soon they saw a man and woman coming towards them.
"Mr. Bridgerton! How nice to see you here" said the red-haired Elizabeth Leeham".
"We are honoured to have you once more" said Mr. Leeham, a somewhat petite man with an impressive curly moustache.
"Thank you both" smiled Benedict.
"Table for two I presume, or will there be others joining you?" asked the friendly man as he looked briefly at Alina.
She could see that he considered her simply as Benedict's table companion and not anything less, much to her surprise. Mrs. Leeham had in turn looked at her kindly, without judgment, without suspicious eyes.
"No there will not. Table for me and Miss Kennedy here" and in doing so he had briefly rested his eyes on Alina before turning to Mrs. Leeham.
"I have a favour to ask. Unfortunately, I have not given Miss Kennedy the opportunity to be able to change her clothes? Could you perhaps provide more suitable evening wear for her"?.
"I see..That can be arranged, the modiste across the street is a friend of mine. I think she's still open because she often works late when she has lots of customers, as you know ball season is upon us. I'll ask if she has any suitable ready-made dresses" Mrs. Leeham said after a quick moment of pondering.
"Excellent. Will you see to it that the bill is sent to me?" Benedict requested.
"I will, Sir. Very well then. Let's go dear" Mrs. Leeham said, focusing her direction on Alina who was still standing motionless with a very confused expression on her face.
"Yes, madam" Alina had stammered nervously and before she knew it, she was crossing the street with Mrs. Leeham in tow.
Upon seeing her friend the modiste opened the door for her friend and immediately after hearing Benedict's request she had taken a pearl blue dress from one of the racks and walked towards Alina.
"I think this will fit you" the modiste said with a legitimate French accent (Alina knew Madame Delacroix's was fake', there were times for instance that she would not notice her falling back into her regular accent, but Alina had).
The modiste, Claudette, looked at Alina and then nodded appreciatingly.
"Yes... I think it will. How fortunate... This dress was rejected by a client of mine last minute" and that last bit came out a bit angry, Alina heard "but it's exactly your size".
"Come on then, try it on. We haven't got all evening" Mrs. Leeham urged.
and Alina was led to a room where she could change. This was absurd, everything about this was absurd, she was never in the fitting room, even at Madame Delacroix's she had never been there because that area was strictly for the customers.
Alina tried to get dressed quickly and once she was done; she could no longer ignore her reflection in the mirror because the dress was beautiful. It fit her perfectly and it was the most beautiful garment she had ever seen. She almost didn't recognize herself anymore as if she were looking at someone who looked like her vaguely but wasn't. Someone she could never be and at point, she wondered about how her life could have been if her circumstances had been different from the get-go, but the reality was... they weren't'.
When Alina eventually came out of the fitting room the two ladies shouted jubilantly and Alina got a slight blush from all the attention. She was not used to being in the spotlight, preferring to always stay in the shadows so as not to be noticed so she was not used to this kind of attention. On the other hand, she found it an endearing response, so she smiled at both.
"Now all we have to do is get your hair and makeup done and you are good to go " Mrs. Leeham stated.
Hair, makeup? Oh no, no this was going too far, it was completely unnecessary but before she could say anything they continued talking.
"What about the shoes?" Claudette had said with a strong French pronunciation.
"Oh yes." said Mrs. Leeham her gaze dropping to the shoes Alina was wearing and she was beginning to feel uncomfortable, which Mrs. Leeham noticed and so she quickly looked away again.
"Do you perhaps have a pair that she can try on?" she asked her friend
"Let me check" and she went to the back and then returned with two pairs, one was too big for her feet but the other fit Alina fine.
"Splendid. Now, I will do your makeup. and Miss Claudette will do your hair" and she had glanced at her friend who nodded in agreeance.
"But you really don't have to, thank you. You both have done enough already, and I am grateful but-" Alina tried to argue yet failing to do.
"Please dear no buts. I have to return to my restaurant soon and you, my dear" and she smirked a bit while pronouncing the last part of the sentence "have a gentleman waiting for you".
Bloody hell. This took a long time. At some point he had just sat down and was now drumming his fingers impatiently sighing on the table until ...
A vision in blue that came walking towards him ... with a dress that looked so beautiful on her, made her slightly curvy figure look so good in it, her hair done up, her ears adorned with blue ear bells in the colour of her dress and he ... he ...
The sight of her took his breath away.... She took his breath away. He stood up, somewhere realizing that a gentleman had to then and watched her walk slowly towards his side.
As she approached him, he could only watch her, biting his lip, something he unconsciously did more often when he wasn't so sure what he knew to do.
"Hello, sorry it took so long" she said shyly.
"No... no. I didn't mind waiting. You...look very beau-, I mean pretty at least if I may be so bold" he stammered like an idiot not really knowing what to say.
"Thank you. I must give credit to Claudette and Mrs. Leeham. They were helpful" she exclaimed.
"Claudette?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"The modiste" she replied still very shy.
"Ah I see..." he said and then they exchanged a small look with each other that he wanted to last longer but she averted her gaze.
"Sit down please.... Oh wait..." he said, and he walked over to her chair and pulled it back before she could even protest.
She thanked him and sat down; then Benedict went back to his seat. The two both seemed to be looking everywhere but at each other; Alina, for example, was staring at her cutlery enthralled.
"I have taken the liberty of ordering a potato leek soup for us in advance.... I hope you don't mind" he said in a soft tone, but she was startled and looked up anyway.
"Oh, that's quite alright.". she said as if she ate potato leek soup here before and frequented this restaurant.
Their soups were served and the bowl smelled delicious. Her stomach grumbled again thankfully this time gently. She stared at the bowl of soup and wanted to eat right away but thought that might be rude and waited.
"Please go ahead, you must be hungry as am I.." he quickly added. With that he grabbed her spoon and began to eat, as neatly as possible. The soup tasted even more delectable than it smelled and they both had consumed it in a short time.
"What do you wish to order for the main course?" the waiter asked and at this he had addressed Alina first.
"Pot roast for both of us...at least if that's okay" and he glanced at Alina who nodded the waiter said of course and then asked Benedict what wine he wanted with it....
"Chateau Mont Claire please" Ben replied.
"And for you madame?" the waiter asked Alina.
"Um... another water.... please" she stammered. It wasn't as if she hadn't gone to a restaurant before; she had done so once with her mother, when she was still healthy and they could have an outing, but she had never eaten in this kind of fancy establishment, let alone consumed alcohol.
"Very well. Coming up" the waiter said and then left them alone again a little to Alina's dismay for now she was alone again with him once more.
There was this tension between them which Alina first attributed to feeling awkward around each other but that wasn't it. He knew what it was, that simmering feeling even though she might be too innocent to realise what it was.
He felt very, very much attracted to her especially now, in a dress that absolutely showcased her beauty but no... she had made him clear that he had misjudged the situation entirely.
Yet still he wondered if she had told him the truth for there was no way, no way she wasn't picking up on this chemistry between them. It was this unbridled attraction, even if he hadn't known her for exceptionally long; it was something he couldn't ignore. He hadn't been able to but knew he should have.
It was now time for the main course and the waiter placed pieces meat and vegetables on their plates, poured the wine and water and then left.
"Would you perhaps like some wine?" asked Benedict politely, pointing to the second empty glass that stood next to Alina's plate.
"No, thank you" to which he smiled kindly and nodded After that, there was silence between the two of them and both seemed to be searching for conversation topics in their minds but failed.
He hated to admit this, but what did they have in common? What did he have to ask? What was it like to sew a dress today? What was it like to work day after day for a measly wage? Silly Benedict.
How could he forget that they both came from separate worlds; and that 'society' brought them further apart rather than closer. At that moment, a feeling of despondency seized him, and he hated to feel that way. The always practical Benedict could find a solution to any problem but here he didn't know quite what to do.
"How... how are your siblings?" he heard her say suddenly, just when he wanted to give up hope.
He looked up and saw the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen staring back at him.
"Fine... Busy as always. Eloise makes my mother's life slightly difficult due to her aversion to going to balls, Hyacinth and Gregory fight each other out of the room but other than that is always good" he grinned.
"Why doesn't she want to go to balls?" she genuinely wanted to know. Alina had never been of course but an evening of dancing in a fancy ball gown would be lovely.
"She finds them incredibly boring I believe and would rather spend her time elsewhere, reading a book for example" he explained.
"Are they? Boring that is?".
"Generally, yes, if I must be honest, she has quite a point. Also, the real reason people attend these things is to find a suitable husband and or wife" he explained.
"Oh. I see" she said and somehow she seemed to suddenly disappointed, but Benedict might have been wrong until she asked him a question.
"So... you go to balls too then?" she wanted to know.
"Yes sometimes, but mostly as a chaperone for my sisters or we go as a whole family then.... I'm... not looking for a wife there, not actively at least".
"Why not... if I may ask?" and the two looked at each other briefly.
He blinked, not expecting the question and taken a bit back by her sudden forwardness but provided her an answer nonetheless.
"I don't knoq really maybe I'm looking for something else... or someone else" he explained calling out her bluff, wanting to know if she would have the guts to ask 'what or who exactly then' but she didn't take the bait.
"I uhm hope you will find that certain someone Mr. Bridgerton, whether at a ball or not" she said alone. After dinner, at Alina's request, they chose not to have dessert.
Alina felt that it was better that the evening should end here without her asking any more stupid questions of him.
What was it to her whether he went to a ball or not and why had she suddenly felt bad after hearing what the purpose of those kinds of balls was, finding the right marriage candidate? It was none of her business..
Alina insisted on changing back, in that she did not want to attract attention when she had to go home, and Benedict agreed. However, he did not agree with her intention to return the ball gown, shoes, and earrings.
"No, those are yours" he had said determinedly.
"But sir... I cannot repay you" she had countered.
"They are gifts, miss Kennedy. You don't usually return a gift" he stated to which she caved and continued to say nothing. Benedict paid the bill, had Mr. Leeham arrange transportation and soon they were back in the carriage, in silence.
"Thank you for tonight. for everything. I had a nice time" she said timidly, her gaze fixed on him. She made the mistake of holding his gaze a little longer than necessary, then what was deemed 'proper', but the thing is.
She somehow couldn't look away, his blue, kind eyes were mesmerizing and caught her attention without wanting to.
"You're welcome. Very welcome" he said softly. He took a deep breath. He was unsure and somewhere he suspected himself of being crazy, but he did it anyway because Benedict had to do it.
He had to so he did, and he bent forward slowly and moved steadily towards her face.
She began to breathe faster, he observed but the same could have been true for him. To his delight she did not turn her face away from him and when his lips almost touched hers, he spoke, uttering only one thing.
"Alina..." he said softly only to close his eyes and gently place his lips on hers for a few seconds. Her lips were rough but oh so sweet and he couldn't help himself and kissed her for the second time, this time a little more insistently, willing to experience more of her lips.
Until then she had not moved herself but... to his delight she kissed him back, tentatively at first but clearly noticeable. He grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back to him, then rested his arm and hand on her back.
Tilting his head to her, he could now caress her even better, tasting more of her, taking in more of the sweetness of her mouth. Meanwhile, he had begun to stroke his hand down her back, feeling the need to feel her more. Benedict noticed how thin her coat was it was not a garment to wear in this weather, but it had the advantage of allowing him to 'feel' more of her body.
He moved his hands to her sides and just as he began to move them upward in a caressing motion she suddenly pulled back, startled.
"This is wrong. I'm sorry" she mumbled startled.
"Why... Why is it wrong?" he asked a tad exasperated and wanted to place his hand on her face, but she pulled back.
"I'd like to get out...now...if possible" she said, not answering his question and deliberately staring at her lap instead.
"We'll be at Church street in a short while then you can get out... In the meantime I suggest we talk about-".
"About what!" she suddenly shouted, not realizing she had raised her voice. She wasn't angry at him; she was annoyed at herself for letting it get this far.
"My apologies, I didn't mean to shout" she quickly added.
"I don't know.. what has gotten into me. I am behaving really... improperly tonight" she softly said and Benedict knew exactly what she was referring to.
"You behaved improperly? Why? Because you kissed me back?" he replied in an annoyed tone.
Alina flushed at the realisation that indeed she had and.. enjoyed it but it was wrong.. All wrong.
"It shouldn't have happened" she said this time looking straight at him though and Benedict felt a jolt of disappointment course through him.
"Then I'm deeply sorry. It's my fault. I shouldn't have kiss-".
"Oh, for God's sake, stop apologizing" she had exclaimed also getting frustrated by the whole conversation.
"What else am I supposed to do? You say we shouldn't have kissed, like we did something really bad!" he said in an equally taunted tone.
"It's not that but just..." and suddenly she didn't know how to finish the sentence and she sighed, once again but looking at her lap and the old dress that she was wearing.
"You know what. You're right. I'm not going to apologize because I'm not sorry at all. I'm not sorry I kissed you. In fact, I would do it again in a heartbeat" Benedict countered looking at her intently.
The confession made her heartbeat faster and her pulse quicken. She looked at him again, again something too long that was good for and Benedict grabbed her face with both hands and crashed his lips to hers.
This time not gently but wildly and fervently with the intention of getting everything out. It took a while for her to reciprocate again but when she did it was like a switch flipped.
Benedict gripped her even tighter this time, pressing her against him as he began to caress and it felt to her familiar, not frightening but as if it should.
He shifted his attention to her neck and began placing small kisses. He placed pecks on her neck and tasted her salty skin and it tasted like more.
He wanted more, he wanted to devour her, now in this carriage or no in his house; that was better. Forgetting his ability to think coherently, he in turn made a mistake in proposing something to her.
"Come with me to my house. Please" he whispered.
The effect of his plea was instant and so was his regret when she retreated with wide eyes and he understood the mistake he had made.
"Alina... I didn't mean it like that... I meant-" he stammered; even though he had meant it that way but in a different way.
Benedict sould have said that he would like her to stay with him, that they could spend more time, but he had ruined it.
Yes, he would love to spend the night with her, but it wasn't going to be a one-night thing for him.
"I have to get out" she only said; still breathing fast from the exertion of just now.
"Here? But we're not at-"
"Now!" she had shouted. He sighed deeply and commanded the coachman to stop, once this was done, she turned to him once more to say something, but the words halted in her mouth.
She only shook her head, then turned and within a second it seemed she had gotten out and run away, leaving Benedict alone.