Talked
Lili's POV
Where did we go wrong? We were best friends but I know that every story has an end.
Just like the sands of time, we have limitations.
Just like the sun and the moon, we have boundaries.
Just like the big bang theory. We started into a dot and started to wide but in the end we will be fall apart.
Jennie Ruby Jane Kim, it was such a cute name. It's like telling to everyone that, you are the most expensive Ruby in the world. Well you really are. You are the most expensive Ruby in the world. I have money and willing to buy you but even though I am the richest woman in the world I can't have you.
I can't have you cause what could I do if the most expensive Ruby gave herself to someone for free?
He's so lucky to have you.
You're so lucky to have him Jennie.
Kai is a decent man. He went through a lot and knows how hard life is. He doesn't need to prove to us that he's worth having you, cause knowing his past, we already knew that he's worth it.
"Having a deep thought?". I was at the center of the stage, sitting and thinking when Kai interrupted me.
We just finished doing the last concert cause this is what we planned before. To say goodbye before our officially disbandment.
"Kai please do protect of the things I failed to protect. Please take care of her. Losing her is losing myself as well. It's fine for me not to have her as long as she achieve her dreams and wishes. As long as I fulfill my promise". I said instead of answering his question.
He looked at me confused.
"W-why are you doing these? I mean you love her. Why are you saying these things. Aren't you mad at me?". So, all this time he thinks that I hate him?
"I love her. I really love her from the start until now. What I am doing right now is the thing that I know that is right. I'm not mad at you Kai. What comes into your mind to think that way". I chuckled. Why did he thinks that I am mad at him.
"I'm sorry and thank you as well". No need to sorry Kai. Just take care of her then everything will be fine.
"Please do take care of her. Don't lose her and your child. I know that you already knew the feeling of losing someone, so please take care of her and don't ever lose her". The sadness was evident in my voice but it's normal to be that way.
To be sad after having a hard time.
"You can count on me lalis. I can prove to you that I am worth trusting for". He said and give me a handshake before he left.
I wanna cry but my tears are tired to come out.
I feel fine but it feels like I'm not.
I feel complete but why's that I am not.
It feels like there's a hole in my heart.
There's sadness in my heart. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.
"L-lalisa". I heard a familiar voice calling my name. It was nice to hear her say my name again.
I looked at the girl I always wanted to have. To the girl who made me experience my every first.
First love, first kiss
First different kind of pain and first heartbreak.
She's my every first. She's the first person whom I don't want to lose.
"I-i heard everything about what you and Kai talked earlier". She can't look into my eyes. I just watched her sit in front of me.
"Hmmmm". I hummed not minding her eavesdropping to someone else's conversation.
"I'm sorry you felt that way. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you and make you suffer like that". I almost didn't hear what she said cause of the way she talk.
"Well it's fine for me now Jen. Enough with the sorry's, okay. What happened to yesterday we'll leave it to yesterday. Let yesterday take care of it". I joked.
My emotions are mixed. I feel like I lose everything.
"W-hy do you want to s-set me f-free?". She asked after the long silence.
"What do you mean why?". I'm confused. Is it not normal to set someone free cause that someone always seeks for freedom?
"I-i mean you love me, right?". She even can't look at me straight in the eyes.
"Yeah I love you. And I always will. I am setting you free cause that's what you always wanted. Freedom. You always want to have your freedom". I looked at her not showing any emotions.
"Just promise me to fulfill what you've promised to yourself. Promise me to achieve what you always dreamed for". I said after she didn't respond.
"What promise and dreams?". Seriously Jen? You always dream, you always told me what you've promised.
"You have lots of dreams and promises Jen. You promised to make yourself the happiest person. You dream to live in Paris. You have many dreams, promises, wishes and even hope". You even hoped to see us.
You wish, You dream, You hope to see us in the future.
You hoped to see JENLISA in the FUTURE.
This is the JENLISA I don't want to see in the future. A JENLISA that needs to separate ways and take different paths.
I want to see us together and hope for you to be the same.
"You still remember those?". She asked clueless. What do you think of me Jen? Of course, I remember. I always remember.
"Why would I forget about it though". Even if I have an amnesia I will remember it. I will make myself remember it. That's how important you are to me.
Silence embrace us. No one bothered to talked.
I'm enjoying my last minutes with you Jen. I don't think this will happen again. I want to make myself better. I cared too much that's why I suffered too much too.
"I love you". I confessed. Finally I voice it out. It takes me a lot of trials and errors to confess and now I'd done it.
I'd done it but it's too late. You already have him.
But at least I confessed and let you know what I felt.
I am afraid of rejection but I'm more afraid when I can't tell you what I really feel.
"I know". She said as I look at her in the eyes.
Hope you love me back.
"I know and I'm sorry cause I can't love you back. You deserve someone better". It's stupid. You are better, not just better but perfectly good and fine. And now you're telling me that I deserve someone better?
My heart is already break into pieces don't break it more.
"Why you didn't give up on me and find someone instead?". Tsk you think it's easy to give you up? I would give up everything but not you. But it was before.
"There are many reasons to give you up but I choose not too cause that's how I love you". This time I let her feel my love for her.
I'm a coward for not confessing my love for you.
If I have given the chance to love again, I will confess on the right time and don't let history repeat itself.
"I'm sorry. I need to go". She said when someone texted her.
Farewell to you my love.
Go on and live your life to the fullest. That's all I want for you.
Maybe it's the last time that we talk.
Cause after this, I'd promise myself to shield myself from pain.
"Always take care. I know Kai won't treat you bad. Just always remember that once in your life, you met someone like me. You met Lalisa Manoban, once became your Lili". She looked at me doubtful, whether to leave me or to stay.
"Go on. He's waiting for you". I didn't let her choose. It's fine for me to be left alone.
She left without a word.
Thank you for the opportunity to talked to you. It made me feel relieved. It lessen the pain I suffered.
That talked made me clear things out.
I'm so stupid to fall in love with you. Because of this damn feelings I am losing you.
You are my best friend, my cutest enemy, my fallen angel, and my sun who gave brightness into my darkest life.
But now I am losing my sun.
I said I wanted you to stay
But you're always leaving
Never tell me where
Never tell me what's the reason
When you're gone I can't tell if my heart's even beating
Sometimes I think it's just for you
That I live and breathe in
So stay
I know you gotta be tired
When the night gets dark let me be your fire
In a world full of lies
My only truth is you
Here's a words from me to you.
This was the last words came out from my mouth. I know it's hard but this is the reality. A reality that Jennie and I will..........
Never be.
Jennie and I will never be.
You and I need to take the right path for us.
You choose to be married with him. You choose to have baby.
And I still choose to love you at the end.
I always remember that rapline of us Jen. It is meaningful to me.
I wanted you to stay but you give me the choice to go away.
Let the universe take us to the right path.
I thought I was your moon but I just realized now that I am just one of the brightest star around your moon.
Let this pain be our lesson.
I talked to you. For the last time before I'm going to find myself that I lost when I am finding you.
Everything is useless if I can't have you.