i woke up to a banging on the door along with the weight of a limb and head on top of me.
negan groans without moving, "what?"
"boss, it's y/n. we can't find her," the voice says.
he smiles with his eyes closed, "she's with me. it's fine. leave." he nestles his head against me.
i'm too tired to even begin to think about last night - and early this morning. i drift back to sleep.
1 hour later...
i feel negan untangling himself from my body. i groan and pull the sheet and comforter over my head.
he chuckles while getting dressed, "you be a good girl today and we just might continue what we started last night." i hear the door close next.
i roll over, letting the impacts of my late-night decisions hit me. i question my actions, how would noah feel? or any of my family?
it's not really any of their business though. but still, guilt washes over me.
i climb out of bed and head to the shower. as the water rains down my face, i hear the door open, then close. i hope it isn't negan. i'm not ready to face him. i finish my shower and dry off. when i open the connecting door between the bathroom and bedroom, breakfast is sitting on the bed along with my dress and a few toiletries.
i slip on my bra and dress. i roll my eyes at how tight the dress is as i slip some fresh underwear on.
i look at the mess the room has become and decide to clean it. if i'm gonna be in here all day, might as well be productive.
after cleaning i eat my breakfast and put the plate on the corner before deciding to read. i pull 'midnight sun' out and dive in, leading me to a completely different world.
in books, there were no consequences. no negan. no feelings. they were where i felt safe.
before i realize it, it's lunchtime. simon comes in and drops a plate off then takes my breakfast one without a word. i wouldn't have even noticed if i didn't hear negan. that man is doing something to me, which is completely wrong and selfish. but he's so goddamn irresistible.
i guess he's just loud because when my eyes followed simon out i didn't see him. oh well, back to reading.
after another chapter, i close the book and put it on the table, frustrated at the main character as if i didn't know what was going to happen. i huff, "stupid idiot vampire dude."
i hear a familiar chuckling behind me, i turn to see negan on the bed. "i've been here for like ten minutes and you've had your nose stuck in that book."
"well yea, it's interesting. and there isn't much to do in here," i say as i stand and place the book on a table.
"there is plenty we could do," he says while walking behind me, wrapping his hands on my waist.
"we could, but-"
"-but what? you seemed to enjoy it last night," he says with a satisfied smile.
"that was grief sex. and i'm not sure if i regret it or not."
"well, let's think later and do now."
"don't you have some heads to bash in or something?" i ask. i'd let this man rail me again if i knew i wouldn't regret it, but i'm not sure.
"surprisingly not. but i do need a shower so when you decide if you regret this or not, join me." he walks to the bathroom, leaving the door open as he strips. i couldn't help myself, i stared. i looked at all of his tattoos. i couldn't see them that well last night.
"you got a thing for watching or something?" he asks jokingly.
"in your dreams," i roll my eyes as he climbs in his shower, laughing.
screw it. i'm going in there. regrets can always come later. i join him in the shower.
"there's my girl," he says while backing me up against the shower wall. the hot water splashes his back as he kisses me.
30 minutes later...
once we finally separated ourselves in the shower, we did our own thing and got out. i changed and sat beside in the window nook, watching the lingering zombies by the fence.
"i'd make you come with me tonight if it wasn't for your punishment," he says as he gets dressed.
"what's tonight?" i half-interestedly say.
"bonfire."
"getting eaten mosquitos isn't really my thing. but i'm stuck here anyway. have fun," i say without looking at him. he stands there for a minute, looking at me. probably wondering if i'm insane or something. he murmurs an okay and walks outside, then i hear as he commands a poor dude to guard the door and to tackle me if i try to get out.
i have no plans on escaping, but i might get bored later. i saw a glimpse of the dude when negan left, he's skinny and frail. i could take him if necessary.
i ignore that very enthusing idea and try to distract myself before i do some more stupid shit. i see a record player on his shelf along with some vinyl records. i walk over, wondering what the devil's music taste is.
as expected, it was like every other old white dude - including my dad. ac/dc, nirvana, guns n' roses, blah blah blah. not that i didn't like the music, it's the best workout music around but it gets old after hearing it every weekend when your dad and daryl were working on something. i smile at that, damn i miss being annoyed by that kind of stuff.
i put the ac/dc one on the player and turn the volume down low. when the first beat of 'back in black' starts playing i drift off, reminiscing.
i'm a bit dramatic but i think i deserve at least some dramatics. i miss them. i miss waking up because dad tried to sing along and was failing epically. i miss hearing mom and judy's laughter. i missed them. i turn the record off, not wanting any attention drawn to me. i decided that tonight i would allow myself to be sad. then, i would stop being a baby and get over it.
i changed into an old t-shirt and shorts. i pulled out the old picture i brought and looked at it, remembering that day.
flashback to family picture day...
"y/n, judy it's time to get up," mom said cheerfully as she gently shook each of us.
i could hear mom's favorite record playing in the kitchen and dad, of course, was singing horribly.
"why do you build me up buttercup baby just to let me down," i hear.
judy and i change before heading downstairs.
"dad please stop, the neighbors are going to think we're killing a stray animal or something."
"oh y/n, my singing is phenomenal, you're just jealous," he says as he continues.
"you wish, dad."
i laugh and grab my plate of breakfast. after eating it i go to mom's room to borrow some hair supplies and makeup. beth helps me with my makeup.
carl comes running in, noah chasing after him.
"boys, go get dressed," she orders them, "i swear sometimes it seems like noah isn't 20."
"i know right?" we laugh. after we finish doing hair and makeup, i head to get dressed. i change into a dress that mom bought.
i help get judy and the girls ready and we head out. once we get there we pile out and do what the photographer says. but the twins aren't having it. they won't stop crying and poor beth and noah have tried everything. so dad decides to try something, he starts singing 'build me up buttercup'. we all start laughing and the girls do too. the photographer snaps the picture right then.
end flashback...
after that, i decide to get in bed and read a few more chapters.
negan comes in thirty or so minutes later. "you still up?"
"yea, i gotta know what happens," i say as if i haven't read this twice already.
he chuckles and strips down to his boxers and undershirt, he then climbs in bed, "so are you going to tell me what the book is about?"
i smile and my eyes light up, this is every book lover's dream - well one of them. i explain the whole twilight trilogy. he isn't really understanding but he's smiling and trying to understand.
once i finish he sighs, "that made no sense."
i laugh and he puts his head on my shoulder. reading the book along with me. i read pretty fast so i tell him to tell me when he's done with the page. we read a couple of pages before he just stops answering and starts snoring. i finish the chapter and set the book on the side table.
i maneuver us to lay flat on the bed and look at him one last time before falling asleep, "you sir, are quite irresistible."