18 Months Later
I'm sure you are wondering how life has changed in this time, right?
Well....
My cancer is gone. It hasn't come back. That is a huge weight off of my shoulders. As far as children? We will get to that in a bit.
I've actually started to act normal, or normal for me again. It took months of therapy before I could stand being alone again. I'm fine with being alone now. It took Brian some time to get over his fear of leaving me alone as well. But, we went to therapy together to work on that fear. Now we are able to go places alone, and if I get scared or something, I call Brian immediately. It's only happened once or twice. I'm doing rather well.
Gage was convicted on a shit ton of charges and is spending his life behind bars. He pleaded guilty. His first chance of parole will be when he turns eighty years old. If he lives that long. I attended the sentencing hearing for my own peace of mine.
The one thing I wanted to know was why. Why did he choose me? Why come back for me a second time? I wanted answers, and I needed them in order to move on with my life. I ended up asking my lawyer to try and get the answers too.
Want to know the response?
The first time was because I was there. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Isn't that some shit?
The second time, well, Gage planned on killing me that night is what I was told. He said it was because he knew I recognized him. He said he knew it was only a matter of time before I turned him in. So, he came back to make sure I wouldn't talk. But, I already had. It doesn't make sense to me, and it never will.
None of it was overly helpful, but at least it was something. It gave me the final push to move on with my life.
That is one chapter in my life that is officially closed.
Surprisingly enough, I'm on speaking terms with Val and her sister. We aren't best friends and never will be, but we can get along at functions and the tension between everyone is finally gone.
Do I trust them?
Fuck no.
But I do tolerate them.
Yes, unfortunately, I do.
Matt and I get along just fine now. It took Brian some time to get past all the shitty feelings of the past, but now it's like all of us are friends. You'd never know anything bad had happened with any of us.
As for Brian and I? Well, things were going great up until this past month. What changed? I have no idea. Brian started going out all of the time, leaving me at home. I was fine for a while with it, until he started to come home shitfaced multiple times a week. It's now starting to put a strain on our relationship. I've tried to talk with him about it, but he just blows me off. It hurts. I'm really hurt by his actions, but it doesn't seem to bother him.
Take tonight for instance. He promised to be home because I was making dinner for the two of us. I have something rather pressing to tell him, and I've needed to for almost a week. I stressed to him that it was important.
Where is he now?
Not at home I can tell ya that.
"Hello?" I sighed into the phone when it rang.
"Babe, I'm on my way home." Brian said.
He doesn't sound drunk. I could be wrong though. He is officially a half hour late. I am feeling increasingly annoyed.
"Well, dinner is cold. What are you doing?" I asked.
"I was at the studio. I told you this. Jesus." He snapped.
That is another thing about Brian lately. He is annoyed with me constantly. It's been such a drastic change that it really hurts. I don't know what I've done to upset him so much.
"Ok. See you soon." I said, hanging up.
Minutes later, Brian walked through the door. He looks tired and stressed out.
Great.
"Sorry I'm late." He said quietly, sitting down.
"It's fine." I mumbled, sitting at the table.
As we ate, it was silent in our house except for the clanking of silverware against plates. I pushed my food around, staring down at my plate.
"The guys are coming over tonight." He said suddenly.
My head snapped up at him. Is he serious? I told him tonight was important.
"What? Brian, I've been needing to talk to you about something." I said, trying to remain calm.
"Christ, what is it that is so important?" He glared at me.
And before I can respond, the door opened.
Lovely.
They are here. All of them.
I looked up to see them all walking through the door, being their rowdy selves as usual. I sighed and grabbed my plate as I left the table.
I'm so pissed off at him I could scream. I shoved my food in the trash, then tossed my plate in the sink. Tears filled my eyes. What the fuck! I just needed a half hour of my husband's time.
"Babe, can you grab some beers?" Brian yelled out from the living room.
I grabbed five beers and walked into the living room. I greeted the guys politely, handing out beers. When it came to Brian, I handed him his. He gave me a quick grin.
"I'm leaving." I snapped at him, walking away.
"What the fuck did you do?" Matt hissed at Brian.
"Nothing! Fuck!" Brian grumbled.
I went to grab my purse and keys. I was almost to the door when Brian threw himself in front of it. I swear to god, I may punch him in the mouth.
"Where ya going?" He asked.
"Away from you." I snarled.
"Oh really?" He smirked, crossing his arms at me.
"I told you tonight was important. I stressed this to you. You couldn't even be on time." I glared.
"Christ, babe. What is going on?" He sighed.
"Nothing you seem to have time for. Now, move away from the door." I snapped.
"No." He shrugged.
"Fine." I growled, turning on my heel.
I headed towards the back door of our house. I saw Matt smile at me, then threw himself in front of the door.
"Sorry, girl. No leaving when you're angry. We all know how well that works out, you being angry in public." He smiled.
"I swear to god, I'll knock your giant ass out!" I snapped.
"My ass isn't big! Take that back!" Matt shrieked, getting laughs from the guys.
"We have windows." I said, spinning around.
"Come on, babe!" Brian groaned when I headed for the kitchen.
"Zacky! You're up!" Matt yelled.
One Zack Baker came flying into the kitchen. He ran over to me as the window went up.
"Got a second?" Zack smiled at me.
"Zackary, move." I growled.
"Tay, please?" He whined.
"Babe, what is going on?" Brian asked behind me.
Everyone has piled into our kitchen to see what I'm having a freak out about now. I'm so fucking pissed at Brian, and I'm past the point of controlling my mouth.
"I'm fucking pregnant, ok!?" I yelled out.
Yeah, I still need to work on not blurring shit out all the time.
Everyone's eyes bugged out of their head. No one said a single word. Brian looks like I could push him over with a feather.
"You're....you're really...pregnant?" He whispered.
Now the tears are starting. I looked away from him and nodded. Why the hell hasn't he said anything yet?
"Baby, I'm...I'm so fucking happy!" Brian said suddenly.
I looked up at him startled. I've never seen the man smile so wide before. That put me at ease some, but I was still upset. This wasn't how I'd planned on telling him. Brian pulled me into his arms and hugged me.
"We are having a baby!" Johnny yelled excitedly.
I let out a giggle as I held onto Brian. I felt numerous arms wrapped around Brian and I. Now I can't stop laughing.
"Group hug!" Brooks yelled out.
"Fuck my life." Brian muttered, making me laugh more.
"God, I love Bro hugs." I smiled.
"Stop being an asshole about bro hugs!" Matt yelled out.
I laughed more as they all pulled away. Brian looked at me apologetically. I gave him a glare and He groaned.
"I'm really sorry. We need to talk." Brian sighed.
"And we are all leaving." Zack grinned at us.
"Why? We already know she's pregnant." Johnny said.
"Get in the fucking car." Matt growled at Johnny.
"Congrats guys!" They called out as they left.
I looked at Brian, crossing my arms at him. And the guilt of his actions are eating him up.
"I'm so sorry. I really am." He told me.
"You've been an asshole to me this last month. You come home drunk. You barely talk to me. What did I do?" I asked.
"Oh, doll. You haven't done anything wrong. We started working on this new album, and it's been hard because we are trying some new things. It's nothing you've done. I get this way when we start an album. I'm sorry, I should of told you." He said.
"Will it always be like this?" I asked quietly.
"Babe, no. It never will be again. I swear." He said.
"I can't believe you're pregnant. I thought you were still on the pill." He smiled.
"I had antibiotics for my sinus infection a month and a half ago. I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry." I sighed at him.
"Why are you apologizing? I'm so happy!" He laughed, kissing me.
"Have you been to the doctor?" He asked me.
"Last week. I'm six weeks." I grinned.
"And they said everything was ok?" He asked worried.
"So far." I grinned.
"Good. I can't wait." He smiled, hugging me against him.
"Me either." I smiled.
It was a hard pregnancy. Five months into it, and I was put on bed rest. I hated it, but, I knew I had to do it to keep the both the baby and I safe.
But, all of it was worth it.
Every labor pain, every pound I gained, and every tear I shed with worry about the baby, was worth it.
On a bright sunny day in California, Logan Saint James Haner was born. He is a carbon copy of his father in the looks department. No doubt about it that he will have my attitude.
But, I wouldn't have it any other way. He is the love of our lives.
We wouldn't change any of it for the world.
Our lives feel complete.
A/N To all of you who have read, voted, or commented, thank you! I appreciate each and everyone of you! Stick around, I already have a new story starting soon!