Least...
"Kiana!"
Napatigil ako sa pagtakbo dahil sa sigaw na 'yon. Maging ang mga luha ko ay tumigil. Kasabay no'n ay ang marahas na paghigit niya sa'king braso para maiharap sa kaniya.
His eyes are almost flaming because of anger. I am certain about it dahil kabisado ko na siya. Kabisado ko na ang mga mata niyang palagi akong nililigaw sa kung saan-saan.
"Archer, ano ba?!" Iniwas ko ang braso ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya.
Tanga ba talaga siya?
"Why did you ran away like that?!" Pigil ang inis na tanong niya kaya naman sarkastiko akong natawa.
"Should i stay then?"
Hindi niya nagawang sumagot kaya naman inipon ko lahat ng lakas ko para maitulak siya.
"Tell me, dapat bang nanatili ako, Archer? Kasi kung oo, hindi ko makita 'yung dahilan kung bakit kailangan pa! But what really confuses me now is you! Being right in front of me na hindi naman dapat! You should be with her! With Celine and not me! You idiot!"
"Kiana, calm down..." pilit niyang pagpapakalma sa'kin pero hindi. I cannot do it kung nandito siya sa harapan ko at nililito ang buong pagkatao ko.
"No, Archer... Please, you shouldn't be here. Dapat nando'n ka kasama niya at hindi rito! Why did you ran after me when you shouldn't?! Sa dami ng pagkakamaling nagawa mo, ito ang pinakamali! Akala ko ba gusto mo siyang balikan ka? Bakit nandito ka?! Kung 'yung bawat minutong ginugol mo para takbuhin ako ay nilaan mo para kumbinsihin siya, e di sana, on the way na kayo pauwi sa Manila! Archer naman, minsan gamitin mo naman 'yang utak mo pagdating sa kaniya kasi nabobobo na talaga ako sa inyong dalawa!"
"Why are you here?"
Natigilan ako dahil sa tanong niya.
"Answer me, Kiana! Why are you here?!" Sigaw niya.
Umiling ako. Sa dami ng tumatakbo ngayon sa isip ko, 'yan pa talaga ang naisip niyang itanong.
"Are you dumb? Nakita mo naman, 'di ba? Si Celine ang sinadya ko. And what could be the possible reason for me to personally went to her? Of course to convince her to go home! You wouldn't do it yourself so i'll do it for you para matapos na 'yang kahibangan mo! Just so you could be yourself again!"
Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang hawakan ang kamay ko. Ramdam ko ang sobrang pagkainis niya dahil sa higpit ng hawak niya.
"Why did you do that? Why?! Answer me, Kiana! Why do you always have to meddle with someone else's problems?! Why do you always involve yourself into something you shouldn't be involved! Sagutin mo ako, Kiana! Bakit kailangan mong gawin lahat ng 'to!"
"Ano ba?! Nasasaktan ako!"
"Bakit, Kiana?!"
"Kasi nga mahal kita! Kailangan ba ulit ulitin ko pa sa'yo 'yung katotohanang mahal kita kaya gusto kong maging masaya ka?! Kulang pa ba yung mga sinabi ko noon para malaman mong lahat ng ginagawa ko ay dahil sa nakakabobong pagmamahal ko sa'yo?! Archer naman, do i always have to spell it out for you? Saka ano naman sa'yo ngayon? Dapat nga, instead na nagagalit ka at sinisigawan ako ngayon ay nando'n ka sa tabi ni Celine para mas lalo siyang kumbinsihin! I already made the first step, Archer, you just have to take care of the rest but you messed it up! You messed up! Bigtime!"
Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga luhang natulo mula sa mga mata ko. Ramdam ko ang bilis ng pagtibok ng puso ko dahil sa mga emosyong ipinapakita ko.
"A-archer... gusto ko lang namang maging masaya ka, masama ba 'yon? I can do everything just to make you happy so please... please cooperate with me. H-hindi ba ito naman ang gusto mo? Bakit kailangan mo pang sumunod sa'kin dito? Bakit hindi ka nanatili ngayon sa tabi ni Celine?!"
"It's you that i don't understand, Kiana! Do you really have to hurt yourself this much na pati pagkumbinsi kay Celine na bumalik ay gagawin mo? I never asked you to hurt yourself over me, Kiana! Hindi mo kailangang gawin lahat ng 'to para sa'kin because i am not worthy of it! Any of your tears, i'm not worth it for that..."
Umiling ako. Hindi dapat ganito, e. Why does he have to make it worst everytime?
"You will never understand me, Archer, because you don't know what i feel! So please, hindi dito, kasama ko ang lugar mo kung hindi sa tabi niya! Go back to her... please. Convince her to go home with you... Talk to her... She needs you, so much, as much as you needed her all these years..."
"Pero hindi mo kailangang gawin lahat ng 'to, Kiana! You know that! You should've just stayed away from this! Sana hinayaan mo na lang na ako 'yung umayos ng kung anong meron sa'min ni Celine! You shouldn't have gotten in here just to hurt yourself more than you actually is now!"
"Eh, ano ba kasi talagang gusto mong gawin ko? Ganito ako, e! Ganito ako sa'yo, Archer! Anong magagawa ko? Ganito kita mahalin kaya sabihin mo! Sabihin mo sa'kin kung paano ba kita dapat na mahalin para naman hindi ako nakikisawsaw sa buhay mo!"
His eyes became more dark than how it usually is.
"Ganito ba talaga kababa ang tingin mo sa sarili mo para pumunta dito? Kiana, labas ka rito! It shouldn't concern you anymor-"
"Oo na! Putang ina, hindi na!" Sigaw ko na nakapagpatigil sa kaniya.
Muli ko siyang tinalikuran pero muli na naman niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko. Wala siyang binitawang salita kaya naman dahan-dahan kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. Pakiramdam ko, unti-unting napupunit ang puso ko dahil sa bigat ng pakiramdam.
"Don't you ever try to go after me again, Archer, because from now on, i will stop chasing after you..."
Tinalikuran ko na siya at tinakbuhan. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako humugot ng lakas para sabihin ang mga 'yon but i have to stand with it. Kailangan kong panindigan ang sinabi ko.
Simula ngayon, kahit gaano ko pa kagusto, kailangan ko nang tigilan kung ano mang meron sa'min ni Archer. Even our friendship.
Celine saw us earlier at kung sa amin ni Archer ay wala lang 'yon, alam kong iba ang tumatakbo sa utak ni Celine. I'm sure na ang emosyong nakita ko sa mga mata ni Celine kanina ay selos... sobrang selos.
That's why i have to make the first step now. Kailangan ko nang ilagay ang distansyang dapat noon pa man ay pinanatili ko na. I cannot let us stay this way anymore because it will ruin him... It will ruin Archer and Celine.
I know that together with this decision, i will lose a lot. I will lose Archer. I will lose everything. But it's okay for me to lose him than him, lose everything that he have.
But it still hurts like hell thinking that i can't have anything in this life. Why can't i have anything? Is it really that hard to give me at least one for myself? 'Yung gustong gusto ko na matatawag kong sa'kin. 'Yung kahit wala akong gawin, alam kong hindi makukuha ng iba because that is the only thing that is meant for me.
The only thing that is already written on the stars that is just meant for me. I wouldn't ask for anything anymore as long as i have it. I have him... as long as i have Archer.
Kinuha ko ang cell phone ko. I always feel guilty everytime that shit happens to me and he's the only person that i can run into pero sa mga ganitong oras, siya lang ang kilala kong tao na handa akong damayan sa oras na sobra na akong nasasaktan.
"Kiana?" Nag-aalalang tanong niya mula sa kabilang linya.
Hindi ko nagawang sumagot. Todo pigil pa rin ako sa pag-iyak kahit ang totoo, hindi ko na kayang pigilan pa 'yon.
"Kiana? Are you crying? What happened?"
I shook my head as if he will get to see my answer.
"Kiana, where the hell are you?!"
"K-keifer..." humihikbing saad ko.
"What is it? Tell me where you at, pupuntahan kita... Please, Kiana, let me be there for you..."
Pinunasan ko ang luha ko gamit ang palad ko, but it's not enough for my tears to dried up. No matter what i do, i feel like i still have a bucket of tears.
"P-please... take me out of here now, K-keifer." I said while crying.
Isang oras ang hinintay ko bago siya dumating. Kita ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya but there's anger in it as well.
Agad siyang lumapit sa'kin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. Again, i feel my tears flowing in my eyes.
"Sabihin mo sa'kin kung anong nangyari, i promise, i won't leave. Nandito lang ako hanggang maging maayos ang lahat."
Hindi ko nagawang magsalita. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba magsisimula dahil ang totoo, ayaw kong sabihin sa kaniya ang lahat.
Seeing his face right now, alam kong kapag sinabi kong si Archer na naman ang dahilan nang pag-iyak ko ay mas lalo lang siyang magagalit and i don't want that to happen. Not because i am protecting anyone pero dahil this time, alam kong kasalanan ko.
Archer is right. Hindi ko na dapat ginawa 'yon. What i did is now out of line. Relasyon nila 'yung dalawa. They should both sort it out themselves and i shouldn't involved myself there. Even if my intention was pure good, it wasn't a good help at all.
"Now, tell me what really happened to you. I couldn't contact you this morning and i was worried sick about you! And then you called me while crying to yourself! Dahil na.naman ba 'to kay Archer?"
Umiling ako.
"Kiana..." nagbabanta ang boses niya kaya naman bumuntong hininga ako.
"No, it's not. Trust me, hindi 'to dahil sa kaniya."
"Then why the hell are you crying? Why the hell are you always crying! At sa lugar pa na 'yon! Napakalayo no'n dito, Kiana! You could've been in trouble if i didn't come there earlier! What if something bad happened to you?! What if some people attacked you while you were alone? I would be fucking insane if that happens! Makakapatay ako, Kiana!"
Nanlaki ang dalawang mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. He really is mad now!
"K-keifer, calm do-"
"How can i calm down kung nakita kita doon sa lugar na 'yon, mag-isa at umiiyak! Kiana naman! Pwede bang ingatan mo 'yang sarili mo? Hindi mo alam kung anong kaya kong gawin para sayo kasi Kiana, lahat gagawin ko kung sakaling may nangyaring masama sayo!"
"But nothing happened to me there! Can you please calm down a bit first?"
Umatras na ang mga luha ko dahil sa naging reaksyon niya ngayon. How the hell can i cry kung halos magwala na si Keifer sa harapan ko?
"And what do you think kung may nangyari na? Do you expect me to just sit down? No, Kiana! Why the hell would you be in that kind of place, alone!"
"Because i went there to see someone who lives there!" Sigaw ko dahilan para inis niyang hampasin ang table na ikinagitla ko.
"Ganiyan ba kaimportante ang taong 'yon para sadyain mo siya sa lugar na 'yon? Kiana naman! Nag-iisip ka pa ba? Delikado ro'n dahil wala kang kakilala! Kung gustong gusto mo talagang makita ang taong 'yon, you could've at least ask me to go there with you! Kung ayaw mo akong kasama, nandyan si Symon! Si Archer! You don't have to go there all by yourself!"
"I have to be there al-"
"What could be so important that you have to go there alone, Kiana? Tell me, what is it that you can put yourself in danger just to see who the hell is that pers-"
"It's Celine, okay? I went there to see Celine!" Inis kong sigaw.
He silenced after hearing what i said.
"We already found Celine and i want to see it myself first so i went there alone! Now, can you please calm down? You're stressing me out!"
I rolled my eyes at him and now, he looks speechless.
"W-what?" He said, finally.
"About a week ago, Archer already found Celine! Remember on my birthday, didn't i told you that he went there to see Celine himself? She's actually there and ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng time para makita siya."
Tumayo ako at hinawakan siya sa kamay at pinilit na pinaupo. Halatang gulat pa rin siya kaya naman nag desisyon akong magkwento sa kaniya.
"After i went to him that day, gabi na siya nakabalik sa office niya. He was drinking again because Celine don't want to go home. I was so confused that's why i decided that one of these days, i'll go to Celine and ask her myself. I cannot just sit here waiting for Archer to totally ruin his life over her."
"You know, Archer isn't really ruining his life, right? Actually, mas naging halimaw pa siya sa negosyo, Kiana!"
Muli akong napairap dahil sa tinuran niya. Well, he got a point.
"But the way i see it, he's ruining it! I was mad that day also, that's why..." hindi ko nagawang tapusin ang balak na sasabihin dahil hindi ko alam kung paano.
"What, Kiana?"
I sighed
"I accidentally confessed about my feelings. It wasn't my plan nor my will but i was so mad at him and to everything that i cannot stop myself anymore! I promise... i don't have any plans on confessing but i just said it out loud." napatungo ako matapos 'yon aminin sa kaniya. I know that it would hurt Keifer so much.
"What did he say?" Marahang tanong niya.
I almost feel my heart breaking into pieces for being so stupid of hurting this man.
"He didn't say anything..."
"Jerk."
"Keifer!" Saway ko.
"What? He's a total jerk for wasting someone like you! He doesn't know the difference between a gem and a stone! But it's still not gonna erase the fact that you went there alone! I'm still mad about it, Kiana. Sana sinabihan mo ako nang mas maaga para naihatid man lang kita!"
"Keifer, alam kong nag-aalala ka, but i can protect myself well. You don't have to worry about me too much..."
"Kiana, i always worry about you. You're just too good to be true that everyone can take advantage of you!"
"But i'm not that dumb, Keifer."
"If you're not that dumb, then anong tawag ngayon diyan sa nararamdaman mo para kay Archer?"
Hindi ko nagawang sumagot.
"Alam kong siya na naman ang dahilan ng mga luha mo." Mapait na aniya.
Huminga ako nang malalim. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya saka tipid na ngumiti.
"Are you sure na ayaw mo nang samahan kita sa loob?" Tumango ako kay Keifer saka ngumiti.
"Kaya ko na ang sarili ko."
"Just call me if anything happens, okay?"
I didn't answer him at saka pumasok na sa loob ng restaurant. Malayo pa lang ay kita ko na siya. Nakatalikod siya sa gawi ko kaya naman hindi niya pa nakikita ang pagdating ko.
"Kanina ka pa ba?" I asked.
He smiled at me and shook his head, "No, kararating ko lang din."
Earlier, i asked Keifer na ihatid ako rito. I want to see Symon right now. Alam kong hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin niya nakakaharap ang ate niya and he deserve to know.
"Shall we eat first?" Nakangiting aniya.
"No."
"Ha?"
"Symon..." bakas ang pagtataka sa mukha niya kaya naman ngumiti ako ng tipid.
"Listen carefully to what i am going to say, okay? Don't ask anything until i said so, is that fine?"
"Wait, you're confusing me, Kiana. What is it all about?"
Bumuntong hininga muna ako bago kinuwento sa kaniya ang lahat. Simula noong ibalita sa'kin ni Archer na nahanap na si Celine hanggang sa pagpunta ko ngayong araw.
"Celine doesn't want to go home, Sy... I'm not sure if you have noticed it but i know that all these years of searching, i knew that she's hiding."
"And you didn't even dared to tell me?" Naiintindihan ko ang inis na nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ngayon kaya naman nagpakumbaba na lang ako.
"Hindi rin ako sigurado pero seeing all of you na palaging walang nakukuhang lead, i already had a conclusion in my mind that she's hiding in purpose. Wala akong pinagsabihan no'n except for Archer but he's so persistent and you, as her brother, ayaw kong masaktan ka dahil baka nagkamali lang din ako. But when i went to her earlier this morning, inamin niyang nagtatago nga siya."
"Why the hell would Celine do that?" Naguguluhang bulong niya sa sarili.
Inabot ko ang kamay niya at marahang pinisil 'yon na para bang sa paraan na 'yon ay mapapagaan ko ang loob niya.
I sadly smiled at him.
"Wala ako sa kahit na anong posisyon, Sy, para sabihin sayo kung ano ang sinabi niya sa'kin. Mas mabuti kung ikaw na kapatid niya mismo ang kakausap sa kaniya because even Archer can't convince her to go home... She's struggling, Symon, that's why you have to be there as her brother. Sa lahat ng tao, alam kong ikaw ang pinakamakakaintindi sa kaniya ngayon at sa mga rason niya."
"Kiana, pwede mo ba akong samahan?" Nagbabakasakaling tanong niya pero umiling ako.
"It's better if it's just the two of you there. I already did my part. All i know is you have to understand Celine more than you already did. Hindi ko alam kung paano kayo namuhay dahil malayong malayo ang kinalakhan niyong buhay sa'kin but i'm pretty sure that she's lonely, so please, be there for her..."
This is the least that i can do for all of them. I cannot help anymore because i am capable of nothing. As much as i wanted to be a great help for them, all things have limitations. Just like how life has its own boundaries, i have reached the limit on where should i stand on their lives.