Mother's love
Lili's POV
"So what brings you here pran? Did you went home to spend Christmas with us?". Dad asked me, chewing his food.
We are at my house's dining eating lunch.
I miss this house. A lot of things had changed. The interior, the furnitures and even the place. It all changed.
"Pran your dad's asking you". I heard my mom. I looked at her confused but she just looked at me with furrowed eyebrows.
"I-i'm sorry? Come again dad?". I asked what he was asking. "Did you got home to spend Christmas with us?". He asked again. "Y-yes d-dad. I'm here to spend Christmas with you". I partially lied and said the truth.
I'm here coz I want to heal myself. I want to at least find myself. But behind my real reasons I also want to spend Christmas with them.
It's been a year since I spend Christmas with them. Cause those years Pink's was there.
"Is there something wrong Lisa? Is there something wrong at Seoul? You got home so suddenly without even telling to us that you're going home". In my mom's tone it feels like she knows something.
"T-there's no problem mom. Seoul is fine". I didn't looked at her eyes while telling those lies.
My mom hate liars. She easily get mad when someone's lying to her.
"Excuse me. I have business to do". Dad said and finished eating.
I watched him drink his water and prepared himself.
"Where are you going dad?". I asked, tsk I'm now back as a curious Lisa. "Stop asking princess. You'll know later". He said and went to my mom for a goodbye kiss.
Owwww it's been a long time since I saw them like that. It feels good seeing them like that but there's also part of me saying "Cringe".
He bid his goodbye and we continued eating.
"You know you can tell me everything". Huh? I don't get what my mom said.
"What do you mean mom?". I asked starting to doubt that she knows something.
"Lili you're my daughter. Whether you tell me or not there's something wrong, right? Do you have problem?". Now I'm busted.
My mom knows me well.
"Come on baby tell me what's bothering you. I'm here to listen. Is it about that KIM?". She asked emphasizing the last words.
H-how did she knows about her.
"That k-kim? Who's Kim mom? Kim Jisoo? Nah Kim Jisoo unnie and I are fine mom. We're cool". I stuttered saying her surname.
"Lisa stop with the act. You know who I am referring at when I say that KIM". She insisted.
"Do you know something mom?". I asked putting down the utensils."Of course, I know something. I'm just waiting for you to open up. How could I not know what's bothering my daughter". She said with motherly voice.
"Is it okay mom?". I asked and she nodded waiting for me to tell the whole story.
"I fell inlove Mom. I fell in love with the same gender as me. I don't know how but one day when I woke up I just like her, then that like turned to be love. They say it's a sin falling inlove with the same gender". I seriously said and she's like a kid willing to listen to my nonsense story.
"There's no sin in love baby. There's no law, there's no rules about love. If you love a certain someone then let it be. Let that someone feel your love and in return they'll give it back but love is a feeling you give and you can't expect something in return. Just give that someone all your everything if that someone is worth fighting. So you are here cause you fell inlove with the same gender and that person can't love you back?". She asked after her long advice.
"No mom. I don't have problem with the same gender. It's just that, I give my all mom. I give my all without thinking about myself. I give everything I have but it's just that I don't have the things that she's craving for". And that craving is A man's love. My eyes are now starting to get wet as those memories of mine and her played in my mind.
"It's fine giving all your everything but always remember to at least save something for yourself cause in the end you only have yourself". She looked at me admiringly.
"I'm in so much pain mom. Loving her was the greatest feeling I've ever felt but loving her is the most painful part of my life as well. She can't love me back". My tears are now flowing.
"If love does exist then as well as pain. Pain is part of our daily lives. You really love her don't you?". She asked me as I saw her eyes that she's proud.
"I do really love her mom but things just turned to be the other way around. I am here cause I wanna heal myself. I want at least heal myself". I wiped my tears.
"Heal yourself then. Love takes time baby. Give yourself a space and give her space but once you already healed never forget that you love her and you will always will. Look at you pran, you're just 14 when you decided to be an idol and look at you you're years away from us but you grow up a nice person. I'm so proud of you love". She said and held my right hand.
"T-thank you mom. But by the way mom how did you know that it's her? I didn't tell it to you not even once?". I'm confused cause she knows it all.
"You are too obvious back then until now Lisa. Your feelings for her is very obvious. When you look at her it's different from you look at the other members. Your eyes is sparkling in joy just seeing her from afar". She smiled like flashbacks started to filled her mind.
"Don't you remember baby? I am a JENLISA SHIPPER. When blackpink has a concert here in Thailand I attended your concert and there I am holding a banner, a banner of you and her. You didn't noticed me cause you can't take your eyes off her". Eh? Mom attend our concert?
"M-mom! I'm speechless. When did you became a JENLISA SHIPPER?". I asked confused evident in my eyes.
"Since my baby fall in love". Mom smiling ear to ear.
"But don't you blame her? For giving you pain?". She asked me that made me looked at her.
"Blaming her was the first thing I can't do mom. She doesn't deserve to be blamed. For her I'm okay with the pain". I said proudly cause despite all the pain I've suffered I didn't blame her.
"Your dad must be proud of you". She speak in awe.
It's been a long time since me and my mom talk like this.
She's my best friend.
My wall.
My protector.
My mother.
And no one can ever replace the love she had given me.
My mom hates liar but she lied.
She lied when I asked her she's fine and she tell me she is.
But she's not.
But despite all the lied she said I can't call her a liar.
Cause for me. What she has done is not a lie.
What she always says in not a lie.
Cause for me I called it mother's love and sacrifice.
I feel relieved telling my mom all my pain and burden.
It was great releasing the burden I have felt a long time now.
"Finish your food and get some rest Lisa. You'll going to accompany me. You should by a gift for us and for your grandparents for the Christmas Eve later". Mom interrupted me from imagining things.
"Yes mom". I said and finished eating.
My only wish for this coming Christmas was jennie's happiness.
Chaeyoung and Jisoo unnie's good health.
And for my parents and grandparents to live long.
No mother is a liar cause they are a good pretender.
No one can beat a mother's love and sacrifice.
To be continued...