It drizzled all the way back to Twin Trees.
My stringy hair hung in tendrils, dripping on the floor as I climbed through my window. I collapsed on the bed, my soggy clothes bleeding into the sheets. I was tired, so tired, but I couldn't sleep.
I had used Officer Reese. I pretended to like him, played with his emotions to accomplish my own, selfish goals.
I was despicable.
My hand moved on its own, phone trembling as I reverted to old habits. The screen glowed in the dark room as my finger hovered over Kiri's contact. She was smiling in the photo, unnaturally white teeth shining.
I pressed the button.
"Hello, Lexi?" Kiri's concerned voice filled my ear, and I found myself smiling.
"Kiri." My voice sounded childish, and I worried what she might think of me, running to the person I love for comfort.
"What's wrong?" I imagined her lips pulling down.
"Can we meet later? I need your help, need you."
"What happened, Lexi? You don't sound good-"
I cut Kiri off with a dry laugh. "I'm fine, but things have gotten crazy. I don't think I can do this alone. I want- I need your help."
"I'm coming over." The sound of keys and footsteps echoed through the speaker.
I opened my mouth to argue, but no words came out. I wanted her here, whether it made me weak or not. She was always the person I turned to. I would let myself be selfish just this once.
"Okay," I murmured.
"Give me fifteen minutes. Don't do anything stupid without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it, Kiri. I couldn't now. You're one of the few people I can't lose." I had been nail-bitingly close, but I couldn't do it again.
It wasn't often, but there were a few nights we spent comforting each other when life got too hard. After our conversation Friday, the little string that attached me to Kiri was back, stronger. It was selfish to need her, but we needed each other, I had to hold onto that.
After I hung up, I was reminded of something else. Two people I had been unkind to earlier. They deserved an explanation at the least.
I sent Nick and Anya a quick text, assuring them that I was safe and back at the dorms before setting my phone down and closing my eyes.
The window opened with a clink, the sound deafening in the room.
"Lexi?" Kiri slipped inside, her movements as fluid as her word.
"I'm here, Kiri." I sat up in bed, my back cracking as I did. "Sorry for pulling you out this late. I just needed someone to talk to, and you were who I thought of."
"It's alright." The bed sunk next to me and a cold hand met mine. "I'm here for you. What do you need?"
"I don't know," I mumbled.
"Well, you should get out of these wet clothes. I can feel them from here." Kiri pulled back the damp blankets. "You'll feel better."
I pulled off my hoodie, the shirt underneath dry enough. I didn't have a lot of pants, but I found a pair of flannel bottoms hanging on the end of the bed.
"Do you have a spare comforter or blankets?" Kiri stood somewhere near my closet;, I heard her rifling through the fabric.
"Top shelf on the right."
"I've got it." The thick blanket covered me, oddly blocking the confusing emotions from getting to me.
Kiri climbed under the bed, her skin icy against mine.
"What happened, Lexi? It's been a while since you've needed me."
"There's just too much," I said, my voice hitching. "I can't do it all, and it's different. I can't detach as Uncle said. My emotions, they're not working."
"I think they're finally working." Kiri's voice was soft. "You try to control yourself, holding back. That's no way to live. Maybe you just need to let go and be human."
"But I don't want to be human." I had never admitted it to her before. She must have known all along, but it felt strangely real as I said it out loud.
I groped around for her hand and grabbed it greedily. Her fingers stiffened before curling in to hold mine.
"Do you remember the first day we met?"
I turned, staring at the dark outline of the girl next to me. "I remember."
It was a little over a year and a half ago when I had gone on a walk and ended up on the rocky beach that Uncle had told me not to visit without supervision. Kiri had been there, one of her first times out of the water.
"I never told you the true reason I was there. I know you thought it was because I was feeling left out, but it was more than that." She sighed. "I was getting older. My moms... they were angry I wasn't normal. I didn't want to hunt, I didn't want to be a child raiser, and I refused to find a mate."
"I didn't know," I admitted.
"I didn't want you to. That's why I clung to you. You let me feel, didn't make me think I was wrong for feeling, wanting to love, be kind, anything but what the pod was. You let me be a person, mistakes and all."
"I've never met another Siren, but I don't think I would love them as much as you. You're a good person, Kiri."
"I know. That's what I'm trying to say. I can be me because you let me. Try to be yourself."
"But I don't like myself."
"Why don't you like yourself?"
I closed my eyes. There was too much to say and no easy way to explain. But that didn't mean I couldn't do my best. Kiri had a gift for understanding my words, little as they might be.
"I'm an awful person. I took advantage of a cop who was so nice, and I didn't hesitate for a minute. I can't let myself care about Nick or Anya. And no matter what I do, I will always be human, weak, and powerless. I'm tired of hiding it, even more, tired of my family with their pity glances."
"Why do you hide it?"
I hid it to help others. No one wanted a powerless girl to sit at the Morill table and take the position of a witch. I needed to prove myself before revealing it, or I could be pushed aside, forgotten. That would be a fate worse than death.
When I didn't respond, Kiri rolled over, her fingers brushing stray curls off my face, "I'm sure no one will care if you don't have powers. And Lexi, you can let yourself feel. I know you think it won't help you, and your damn Uncle agrees, but caring is a good thing. If I turned off my emotions, I never would have gone ashore and we never would have met."
"Thanks for coming, and I'm sorry about leaving. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea. I promise to include you from now on."
Kiri hummed, even that was musical. "You'd better." She snuggled deeper into the covers, her breath fanning my face. "I'm exhausted, so unless there is something else, we can finish this conversation tomorrow."
I sighed, shifting closer to her as her breathing slowed down. She was always able to fall asleep quickly, which meant I had time to think and enjoy the blissful company.
I was lucky to have her. No one had been as understanding as Kiri. She was unapologetic about what she wanted and always followed her own rules. I admired that, her freedom. Just like the waves she grew up in, Kiri was wild but life-giving.