"It was a lie! All of it just one big lie!" I screamed at her. She was standing there just smirking at me. Everything I once knew was just a lie. All of the memories and the fun we had. It was all a lie for her gain. Standing on the frigid roof top, the wind blew alerting me of the salty tears coating my cheeks.
She was standing a distance away from me and Alex. As much as I hated that he lied, I still loved him. My love would never change for him no matter what.
"It was for your own good darling." She cooed at me. All my life I wanted her to comfort me. I wanted to hear the sweet words of my mother. I wanted to feel her love and for her to be proud of me. But now, I wish I had never met her.
"No Lilith. Everything you did, all the lies, was all for you. You don't care about me and you never did, I was just another pawn in your game. I trusted Amelia! I told her everything I felt, all the pain I went through from a man I thought was my father! Only to find out that she's just your bitch and my 'dad' was just a man you hired to train me into your own personal assailant. Do you even know what he did to me?!" Tears streamed down my face as I yelled at her. The sound of the wind whipping around me. Cars passing by 30 stories below us. Alex looked just as heart broken as me. He was standing between me and my mother starring at the ground.
"I know everything he did to you." Lillian said. "I was the one who authorized it." What she said made my body scream at the little she actually loved me.
"You knew he beat me and let men rape me for money?!" My voice was broken and I was a shaking mess. Lilith's eyes widened slightly.
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh really, you don't know that he would let men use me when he owed someone money, or would let men test out their strength on me? Or was that just your way of making me 'better'." She didn't say anything and instead just looked away, giving me my answer.
She never cared about me. She just wanted a heir that she could use as a pawn. She never wanted me to find out anything, she was just going to use the 'I left you for your own good. I'm sorry for what he did to you, I didn't know' card.
I walked over to Alex not even sparing another glance and my so called mother. I grabbed his face making him look at me.
"Did you even love me?" My voice shaking as the words came out. Memories of all the first time he said he loved me. The way he said the now bitter sweet words to me.
"I always loved you. I never stopped and I will never stop." His words making me cry harder. I knew I could never say I loved him too because it would just hurt him more in the end. Maybe if he thinks I never loved him, he will move one. I saw Lilith moving from the corner of my eye. She was reaching for a gun. She knew if Alex died then I would have no one.
I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my forehead on Alex's. I pressed a soft kiss to his lips, salty tears hitting my tongue. I pulled away and looked him directly in his eyes.
"I'd do anything for you. You know that right?" He face twisted into confusion. Before he could react, I pushed him away from me. As soon as I got him out of the way the sound of the bullet leaving the chamber rang through the air. I opened my arms and closed my eyes waiting for the impact.
It felt like it happened in slow motion. The bullet flew through the air piercing me in the stomach. Pain soared through my body but I was numb. The only thing I could think of was all of the memories we shared.
I was already close to the edge but the bullet made me stumble back further.
My foot fell off of the edge. I fell straight back off of the building a 30 story drop. I knew I couldn't survive this and I was at peace with it. I was a dying girl at least now Alex couldn't think he could of stopped it. My eyes opened to see Alex running to the edge. The echo of his screams around me.
I closed my eyes again thinking of one of my favorite memories. One of the first times we truly had any sort of connection. The night we went to the fair in Arizona. It was a warm day but not hot a gentle wind blew through my hair. I remember the sound of carnival games, the screams of excitement from people on rides, the smell of deep fried foods. I remember the way Alex smelled, it was sweet like vanilla from my shampoo he used the previous night but his manly scent still lingered around him. It was a smell that brought comfort to me in my worst moments. It's a smell I want to be wrapped in for all eternity because to me that smell was what heaven smelled like, it was the smell of happiness and love.
Flash back
"You've never had cotton candy before?" Alex asked me as we walked up to the yellow truck the read cotton candy. I tore my eyes away from the beautiful lights of the Ferris wheel to lookup at him. His eyes sparkled in the light of the flashing LEDs. He looked like an angle sent from heaven. He was smirking at me but it wasn't a rude smirk, he was amused by me and trying to hide a smile.
I smiled up at him and shook my head no. It was a true smile for once. It reached my eyes and I really ment it.
"Come on then." He grabbed my hand in his, interlocking our fingers. His hand was rough and warm. It fit perfectly into mine. The pad of his thumb softly stroking the back of my hand. He did it on instinct, like it was always ment to be.
"One large cotton candy please." His voice tore me away from me staring at our hands. He was already looking at me with a wide smile on his face. My heart fluttered at his expression. In that moment I finally felt what I had wanted my entire life. I was happy, for the first time in my life I was happy, and it was all because of the guy I once hated. He had shown me happiness and care even when I was shoving him away.
The man behind the counter handed Alex the cotton candy. He passed the man a 10 dollar bill and pulled me away from the truck with him. We walked hand in hand down the path passing people and rides, just enjoying each other. He tilted the cotton candy towards me with a grin. I just looked at him confused. Sensing my confusion he pushed it towards me further.
"Pull a piece off and put it in your mouth." I did as he said. It was soft and airy between my fingers. It smelled like strawberries. He urged me to try it and I did so. As soon as it touched my tongue it melted. It was sweet and soft. I swallowed the sweet candy and looked up at Alex.
"Woah." I said in awe at the magical candy. He stared down at me with a soft smile. His eyes softly watching my face as I gushed over the candy. "It's amazing!" I exclaimed in excitement throwing my hands up for dramatic effect.
"It is isn't it." His eyes never left my face as he said the words. My heart soared and my face slightly heated.
We walked around almost in silence just looking at everything. It wasn't an awkward silence but a comfortable one. We shared a few words about the games or the rides.
We came across a fish game towards the end of the night.
"Can we get a fish? I never had a pet before." I knew realistically we couldn't have a fish during the mission but I would find a way to bring it with me.
"Of course." Alex place a ten dollar bill on the booth and the man running the game brought a basket of ping pong balls over. He explained the game to us and stepped away to let us play.
I grabbed two balls and chucked them into the middle trying to get one into the bowls. Neither of my shots made it so Alex tried. He missed both shots just like me. I laughed at his angry expression. He smirked at me and picked up the basket of balls. He threw all of the balls into the middle. All of them missing. I laughed even harder at him.
"God you are terrible at this game." I giggled. He rolled his eyes but was smirking.
"I have one left." He held up the last ball. He aimed for a bowl and threw it. I watched in anticipation to see where the ball would go. It hit one of the bowls and spun around the rim. I thought it was go out but instead it fell into the bowl.
"We have a winner!" The man running the game said. The lights flashed notifying people that we won a fish. I cheered and laughed.
The man scooped out a single goldfish with a blue net. He put the little fish into a small green fish carrying tank with a handle and a few rocks in the bottom. He passed the fish to me and I took it excitedly.
I held the fish up to my face to look at it. Alex grabbed my hand again and walked me away from the booth so that other people can play.
"What are you gonna name it?" I thought for a second even though I already had a name in mind.
"Goldie." I looked away from the fish and at Alex who was shaking his head with a smile.
"Lovely name." I smiled at Alex as he commented on my cheesy name for the gold fish. This would be a night to remember and the start of something greater.
Flash back over
The memory made happy tears coat my cheeks as I fell. I was so naive. I wish I could go back to when I didn't know I'd never get a happy ending. Maybe I would of done things differently.
My life was a lie and nothing seemed real but in this moment I didn't care if the love I felt for Alex was real or not. He made me feel happiness for the first time in my life. He showed me what true love felt like and for that, I'd do it over and over again. No matter what, I'd take that bullet for him.
I could of saved us both but I'm dying. I wouldn't want him to have to watch me withering away. I don't want to see that pained look in his face as I'm lying in a bed, dying, and he can't help me.
Maybe this way he can live and forget.