┊ʙᴇᴏᴍɢʏᴜ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ┊ೃ⁀➷
I guess I am the one to be blamed for this.
"Please...don't cry."
It hurts, really. Every time I see him like this, it hurts and the pain is unbearable. "I am here. I will never leave." But I am not even sure of my own words as I speak them out just to provide some sort of solace to the crying mess which iS Huening Kai. And it hurts even more when I see those scars on his wrists that finally lay bare to the naked eyes.
It hurts.
"I am sorry for being like this. I don't want to do this. None of it." The younger sobs and I can almost hear my own heart crying along because no, none of it is his fault. And I was wrong all along.
"Shush. It's alright."
Ryujin's words from that day in the car now make so much sense. And so does Bahiyyih's from the night before. He really needs someone by his side to hold up his fragile self as he tries to move on, stumbling and staggering but never giving up.
Now, however, it seems he is too close to do just that. None of the shine is now left of the boy who he was two years ago. It has all died down and I fear that he might as well...
"I believe you, love. Everything. I believe it."
It all started with me eavesdropping on Ryujin and Kai a few hours ago. My hands had held bags of food in each as I had stopped in the middle of my tracks after hearing one specific thing voiced by a certain someone I knew all too well, or maybe never knew at all.
"Y-you were the one who—"
"—killed her? She kind of deserved it for being a nosy bitch, not gonna lie."
I had stared at the door like it was the most foreign thing to me as my world had come crashing down, my heart on a marathon of its own. I couldn't believe my ears and was having a hard time standing up, falling to my knees in front of the door. I felt weak and stupid as disbelief still wrote itself across my face, eyes as wide as they'll ever be.
"She was trying to save you, you fucker!"
"Save me?"
I could've sworn it was amusement in his voice, but I knew somehow that he was far from being amused over the situation.
I don't know if I am glad to be proven right.
"You hate me, don't you? I am a monster."
This is not the first time I am hearing him say that. And I might be tired of it by now, finally finding myself breaking down as well.
By now, tears had been my long-forgotten friend. I remember the last time we met was when I still was grieving over my very first break-up. Now, we meet again as they break free from the brim of my eyes. The best of friends we are, indeed.
"I-I can never, Kai. I can never hate you. I would never hate you even if you were to kill me as well. I w-will always love you like the Kai I loved a year ago. I love you so damned much, baby. Never say th-that again."
And he cries even more. His fists are tightly clenched in my coat, his head nestled against my chest. And, this time, I hold back no longer.
He must know he is not alone in this, for I am the one who continued to turn a blind eye to his demons in the chase of love for the last two years.
How can I tell him that I knew who he was before even meeting him? I knew it, I knew something had gone wrong at that party two years ago, I knew something was bothering him while he sat by me as I cried my heart out over someone who I doubt even cared for me. I knew he used to get nightmares of it and much more and I won't deny I wasn't curious, just too scared that I might break whatever we had between us back then. I knew he was the one behind the killings, I just couldn't bring myself to believe it. I still remember lying to Ryujin about it being nothing but a personal problem. The reality was that it never was about Kim Dayeon, but about Huening Kai. Always had been.
"Well, it's just that I am not on my best of days in general. You know, the depression and shit-- it just sometimes gets too much for me and I just feel saddened for no reason whatsoever."
I had a reason, however.
Half my life was full of lies, one more wouldn't have hurt much. And with that thought, I just went on with my habit and lied, lied, and lied until I was just tired of lying.
And now, I don't think I have much strength left in me. Not after knowing what this young boy had to go through.
I guess I am the one to be blamed all along. And this is my punishment by fate after all.
Really time and fate go hand in hand.
┊ᴊɪꜱᴏᴏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ┊ೃ⁀➷
"Where is Jia?"
Ms Park mindlessly flips through her book. "On a sick leave. She submitted the letter this morning."
"Are you sure?"
"I mean the receptionist says so. According to her, Ms Jia was in a hurry and she actually looked like she had a fever."
That is...weird at the least. She was fine until yesterday, pretty energetic even on the phone call.
"You ought to know this, Jisooya."
She had sounded pretty excited about telling me something and was even at the school till late. And now she suddenly has a fever? What are the odds?
I sigh, not really understanding the young teacher's motives. I turn to the other teacher, Taemin.
"Hey, do you—"
"Police? Here? Now, what happened?"
My eyes snap to the door where stands a student who looked no older than a junior, his hands nervously clasped behind his back. I recognize him almost immediately.
Jaehyun.
"They are calling all the teachers to the principal's office."
"All the teachers?" gasps Ms Sua, her gaze wandering to me and Taemin, me in particular. I don't think I am as shocked as her at this point. Seeing police on the campus has become a normal occurrence.
In the span of five minutes, all the present teachers found themselves in the principal's office. Of course, it is Choi Soobin for patrol again.
"Where is Miss Jia?" his colleague, who looks none older than him, questions. This is followed by Ms Park reciting the same thing she had presented me with not long ago.
Officer Choi turns to the receptionist. "Is this true, Sir?"
He nods. "Yes, she was here around six in the morning to give me the leave application."
But it doesn't seem like any of the two officers are convinced with this side of the story, at least that's what the frowns say. They turn to each other and discuss amongst themselves in hushed voices.
I then let my gaze fall on the principal who looks troubled at the least. He is massaging the bridge of his nose, irritation prominent on his face.
"Oh please. The dude is a total fraud, I tell you. He must be hiding his taxes or something. That dumbass is so damn sus." Lisa had said that in one of her pregnancy-induced mood swing rant sessions. Ever since I was suspended for a whole week, she had somewhat of a fleeting suspicion of the man. The memory of her rants never seizes from tugging at the corner of my lips.
But now, I can't help but really wonder. What if this principal is actually involved in something? It seems plausible enough.
"This is impossible, though. The call was from here and the name was recorded. It was Ms Jia." It was an outburst by officer Choi. Curiosity gets the best of me as I straighten up and find myself voicing my dilemma.
"What is happening?"
The two turn to look at me, then back to each other. They share a nod and then face the teachers entirely. "Well, we received a call from here at eight in the evening. The person claimed to be Ms Jia and said that she was being chased by goons."
My eyes almost immediately went for the principal to register his reaction. Nervousness plays around his face along with fear.
I hope Lisa was here, she would've made some fascinating theories. I really need them right now to understand it all.
┊ʜʏᴜɴᴊɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ┊ೃ⁀➷
I don't understand this feeling at all. The feeling that always manages to pull me back to the same person yet again.
Taehyun is the last person I want to see at this very moment, at least not after listening to Dami-ssi's findings.
O Kang Taehyun, what darkness have you been hiding behind that angelic face of yours?
He still sleeps on as if he has no care in the world like he hasn't just messed up with every emotion I ever had in just a matter of minutes.
He didn't even try, not even once. What do I name this feeling?
My hand unknowingly goes to his own, resting by his side lifelessly. My fingers lace with his and I stare at it. His palm isn't really that soft, but it's warm and enough to provide me with some comfort.
They all call me so carefree back in the building of SMPA. I keep a smile on regardless of how shitty life acts towards me sometimes. I joke around, make people laugh and just brighten their days in general. But this boy changed it all.
They saw me crying for the first time. All because of this boy and this boy alone. I feel nothing better than a train wreck and at this point, I don't even know where this is going.
Can't you just wake up already? Maybe my heart only seeks answers. Or maybe seeks to see you in the fullest of your health again.
I just realise how delicate his eyes look without those big round glasses of his.
"Stop making me feel this way, Kang Taehyun."
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A/N ¡! ❝Hyunjin is whipped lmao.❞