#BHOCAMP9TMM #TonYo #BHOCAMP
A/N: Dapat bukas pa ito pero inagahan ko na ♡ Next update would be on Monday. Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy the chapter... or not :3
ENYO'S POV
"Alam mo kaya ko sigurong panoorin kahit sampung beses iyong Harry Potter movies."
Natawa ako. Hindi ko kasi makita sa kaniya na iyon ang kinaaadikan niya. "Movie lang? Mas maganda kaya iyong libro."
"I could read the books a thousand times," he admitted willingly. "Ikaw? Anong favorite movie mo o libro?"
"Hindi ako mahilig masyadong magbasa eh o manood. I rather be outside. I rather experience the life than to watch or read it. Not because I don't think it would be great pero wala lang talaga ako ng tiyaga niyo na manatili sa isang lugar for hours."
"Reading could be an adventure too. You'll experience different lives just by living one." Nagbaba siya ng tingin sa kumukuyakoy ko na mga paa. We're both sitting at the edge of the cliff. "But I don't think you're the kind of person that would like to keep still."
Nagkibit-balikat ako. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung bakit. Some see it as me being too flighty. I just don't have a lot in me to stay footed on the ground for a long time.
"It doesn't matter."
"Ang alin?" tanong ko.
"Even if you fly away, as long as you know you're way back, everything will be alright."
The white on my knuckles are beginning to show when I gripped on the steering wheel so tightly that it's as if I'm trying to pull it out. Rinig ko ang paglangitngit ng sasakyan na minamaneho ko at sa kabila ng kadiliman sa tunnel na dinadaanan ko ay hindi man lang ako nagbagal.
BHO CAMP is connected to a lot of places. Literally. The headquarters was built not to be accessible but to be convenient for our travels. May underground tunnels na ginawa na nakakonekta sa iba't ibang properties ng BHO CAMP. Some of the ends of it are connected to the houses of the families comprising the different generation of agents, may isa na nakakonekta sa dating headquarters ng BHO, at marami pang iba. Usually we use it to avoid being detected lalo na kung gusto naming takasan ang trapiko ng Maynila. It's also our escape route in case something happen.
I stepped on the gas when I managed to have a glimpse of the end of the barricaded tunnel. Nakita kong bumaba ang harang no'n. It was just a split second. Pagkabukas na pagkabukas no'n ay saktong pumasok ang sasakyan ko. One wrong move could have totaled my car.
I couldn't care less. I just want to go home.
Basta ko na lang ipinarada ang sasakyan at kaagad na akong lumabas. I saw one of the new junior agents looking at me with surprise on his face. Hindi ko naman ata siya muntik mahagip.
"Dalawa po iyong sakop niyo na parking."
Tinignan ko ang sasakyan at kumunot ang noo ko nang makita kong totoo nga ang sinasabi niya. "Aayusin ko na lang bukas."
"Parking po kasi ni Miss Dawn iyong kabila."
Huminga ako ng malalim at muli ko siyang tinignan. He's really new since I don't remember him. Alam kong nakita ko na siya pero hindi ko matandaan ang pangalan niya. Also by the time that you spend at least a year here in BHO CAMP, you'll grow a backbone that is stronger than a dinosaur's. Pero base sa nakikita ko sa kaniya ay parang nasisindak pa siya sa akin.
If a person stay here long enough they'll know na ang dapat lang talagang ilagan dito ay si Dawn at si Freezale. Sila lang naman iyong magsisisi ka kapag pinainit mo ang ulo.
"Ako na lang po mag-ayos?"
Umuling ako at binuksan ko ulit ang pintuan, "You're an agent not a valet. You're also not a trainee anymore. Remember that dahil abusado ang mga agent."
Pumasok ulit ako sa sasakyan at inayos ko ang pagkakapark. Wala rin akong balak painitin ang ulo ni Dawn lalo pa at buntis iyon. Baka mas mabait pa si Twinkle na alaga niyang ahas kesa sa kaniya sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.
Nang lumabas ako ay nakita kong naghihintay pa rin siya roon. Napapabuntong-hininga na tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, "What's your name?"
"Cade Preston."
"Well Cade, do you need anything?"
"Sabi po kasi ni Ma'am Freezale hintayin daw po kita. Kailangan mo raw po kasing bumalik sa BHO CAMP Hospital at 'wag daw ako aalis hanggang hindi ka kasama."
"Ayoko."
Napakurap siya sa direktang pagtanggi ko sa kaniya at naglakad na ako para umalis. At dahil madadaanan ko siya ay wala sa sariling tinapik ko siya sa balikat. Parehas kaming nagbaba sa kamay ko pero kaagad ko iyong binawi.
"Tell them I said no. Pupunta ako ro'n kung kelan ko gusto."
"Miss Enyo-"
"Hindi ako si Enyo. Sabihin mo pabalik pa lang si Enyo."
Nalulukot ang noo na tumango-tango siya na parang pilit iniintindi ang sinabi ko. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na mapag-isipan iyon at pumasok na ako sa loob ng headquarters.
Pakiramdam ko ay may sariling buhay ang katawan ko dahil kusa iyong gumagalaw kahit para bang lumulutang ang utak ko. I pressed a button on the elevator and absentmindedly stared in front of me. Pagkaraan nang bumukas iyon at makalabas ako ay natigilan ako nang makita ko kung nasaan ako.
"I'm going to be late again."
"I don't care. Just come home straight to me. I'll wait for you."
"Blaze-"
"You'll do the same right? For me? Hihintayin mo ako kahit anong mangyari?"
"Always."
Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa mga kamay ko. This night is different. Poison is always my go to method. It's not messy if you know what you're doing. But tonight the man fought me hard. The poison was wasted and I had no choice but to do other things.
The knife on my holster is probably still dripping with his blood. I didn't even have the time to wash my hands.
I was so use to this. To feel the dark on my hands, the vile creeping around me as if a veil trying to suffocate me. I'm used to it but not coming home to this. Kasi nasanay na ako masyado. Nasanay na akong hindi kahungkagan ang naghihintay sa akin.
Before I have a person. I have someone.
And now like a fool that I am, dito ako pumunta kung saan naroon siya kahit na alam kong hindi niya na ako hinintay.
Kuyom ang mga kamay na humarap ako sa elevator para bumaba sa tamang palapag kung saan naroon ang kuwarto ko pero nang bumukas iyon at pumasok ako ay naramdaman kong bumangga ako sa isang matigas na katawan.
"What are you doing here?"
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa taong laman kanina ng utak ko, "Nothing. Nagkamali lang ako ng binabaan."
Nakayukong nilagpasan ko siya at akmang pupunta sana ako sa pinakalikod ng elevator pero naramdaman kong pinigilan niya ako. I bit down on my lower lip when I felt him reach for my hand.
I know what he's seeing. We both know what kind of night this is.
An Ender's mission.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Enyo-"
"Not now, please." Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya, "Next time, I'll be ready again to face your hate and your anger. Sa susunod kaya ko na ulit tumingin sa'yo kahit na pinipilit mong hindi makita ang presensya ko. Sa susunod kaya ko na ulit hintayin ka kahit ang hirap na. Pero ngayon pwede bang hayaan mo muna ako? Kasi gulong-gulo na ko eh. Hindi ko na alam kung may tama pa ba akong ginagawa."
Bumukas ang pintuan ng elevator pero hindi siya lumabas at sa halip ay pinindot niya lang ulit ang buton kung saan muling sasarado ang pintuan.
"What happened?"
"Nothing. Nothing right really happens to me. Alam mo naman 'yon. Ikaw naman iyong mas nakakaintindi." Tumingin ako sa kisame nang maramdaman ko ang panlalabo ng mga mata ko. "Maybe you're right. Mas kilala mo nga ako kesa kilala ko ang sarili ko. You have all the right to hate me. I married your brother and I didn't even know how. I know things about him pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko maintindihan kung paano. I have no control of what I remember and I'm still trying to figure out why. Pero ikaw binitawan mo na ako agad bago ko mahanap 'yung sagot. Hindi mo man lang ako hinintay. Who cares, Blaze? Who cares if I know him more kung ikaw iyong pinili kong makasama?"
His face is blank, his jaw tight, but I can see the mirror of my pain in his eyes. "Because it's not right for me to be loved by the things that I didn't do and for you to love the memories that I didn't even give you."
Sunod-sunod na umiling ako at inalis ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin pero hindi nagtagal iyon dahil umangat ang dalawa niyang kamay hanggang sa maramdaman ko iyon na dumampi sa magkabila kong pisngi.
"He was right you know? I was not ready to let you go. Me convincing myself that I hate you is the only thing that is keeping me tied to you. But I was the one in the wrong, Enyo. I was the one who made a mistake. I just don't have enough left in me to give you that truth."
"You really didn't notice? Changes in the way you perceive emotions? Things that you couldn't remember? Lapses in your memories?"
"Hindi ko alam noong umpisa. For a long time I didn't realize. Until one day I did and I was so angry. Kasi akala ko ako talaga eh. Akala ko ako iyong nakikita mo. Akala ko ako iyong minahal mo. But I didn't say anything. I was too selfish to let you go even though I should have. I pretended that I didn't know... I kept you with me. I tried to be enough so you won't need that cliff that you never shared with me except that one single night."
"No, please. I don't... I don't want to hear this. Just stop," I whispered.
"You took a severe trauma before. Base on your test, wala naman nakita agad na problema noon. You remembered the accident and you were fine. But your mother told me about last night. She was afraid it would be about the hereditary condition that she had. Pero wala naman akong nakikitang abnormalities sa mga mata mo. It made me think if this is connected to your accident years ago."
"I don't have lapses, Grandma."
There's sadness in my grandmother Sage's eyes. "But you can't remember that one mission. If we're right you're probably having difficulty remembering different memories of yours as well."
I know I have my memories. I know that I remember things. But now it looks like that I don't have them all. I have fragments of them. Blurred pieces of the past that I thought I had with Blaze. I am broken and I didn't even understand that I was one.
That's the reason and I hate it. I hate to believe everything. That that is the connection I have with Stone. That's why I know him more because it wasn't Blaze that I've been with during those times. I hate that Blaze was right all along.
I hate it. I hate that everything is falling apart and I have no control over it.
"I was into deep with you, Enyo. I couldn't let you go. Not until I saw you with him and I realized that you will never truly love me. So I pushed you away and I blamed you for it. Kasi hindi ko gusto. Hindi kita gustong mawala sa'kin pero wala kong magawa."
"Stop... please..."
"I wanted it to be me."
"Who are you?" I whispered.
I need to hear him answer. No. I want him to answer.
I want a lot of things. Mga bagay na hindi ko alam kung bakit siya lang ang tila makapagbibigay. I want him to bring me back.
"I want to know."
And again the world shifted...
Again.... I changed.
It was like a rush of feelings. Habang nakatingin sa kaniya pakiramdam ko ay may kung anong umaabot sa akin. I can feel the sense of familiarity, the sense of belonging.
I can remember conversations but it's like listening on a radio with a bad channel. But still some of it... some of it can reach me. I can feel the warmth, the flutter of happiness, the embrace of light and somehow the void I was swimming in became more shallow and buoyant.
"Who are you?"
"Blaze."
"I hurt you even though that's the last thing I wanted to do, I hurt him when I chose to stay with you, and I hurt your sister without meaning to. I made a lot of mistakes, Enyo."
"No."
He wiped my tears with his thumb and then he smiled weakly at me, "I would probably do it again for that few moments that I got to be with you. That's how selfish I am. That's the kind of man that you saved yourself from being stuck with."
"You're wrong," I said in a broken voice. "That's... that's not true. We were okay, right? We were good together. We were happy."
Pakiramdam ko ay hinigit lahat ng hangin sa buong sistema ko nang makita ko ang pangingislap sa mga mata niya. I can hear my heart shattering when I saw a single tear feel from his eyes.
"Were you?" he asked in a whisper.
"Blaze..."
"You never stopped for a moment and think to yourself that you're being unfair? Kung bakit mo kami kinokompara kahit hindi mo naman gusto? You never think about why I didn't like the things you thought I did?"
"I-I... y-you could tell me. We could learn again."
"But you already fell in love with the person that you shared all that memories with. Deep inside, you know that right? It was those fragments that brought you to me but they weren't mine to keep."
"Pwede naman nating subukan di ba? Pwede namang hindi maging ganito."
I can feel my knees started to give out on me but he pulled mo towards him until I'm buried in his arms. I closed my eyes and for a moment... for one single moment it was the arms that I needed. It was his arms that I could remember. For one single moment... it was just us.
"I heard about the tribe. I know you're leaving."
Sunod-sunod na tumulo ang mga luha sa mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. It won't be forever but it's like I'm losing him for good. That this time it would be the final goodbye for us.
"Don't worry about me. You said to me before that you'll find the answers. I want you to look for it without thinking about me. Na may kailangan kang balikan kahit hindi kailangan. It's fair that way... for all of us."
"Lagi mong sinasabi noon... bago ang lahat ng 'to, bago tayo naging ganito kagulo... lagi mong sinasabi noon na hihintayin mo ako. Can't you do that? Pwede bang hintayin mo ako ulit?"
"I can't let you think that I'm waiting. Kung gusto mong mahanap ang totoong sagot, kailangan mo kong bitawan. That's the only way. If you find the answers and you still choose to be with me, I would gladly stay beside you... but if by chance the answers will lead you to another path, I don't want to be the one that will hold you back. I want us to be together for the right reason. I want you to be with me because of me alone. I want you to love me not because you thought of it but because you feel it. But most of all, I want you to be really happy, Enyo. Even if it's not with me." Pinunasan niya ang luha sa mga mata ko at marahan niyang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "But when you finally understand... when you can finally see and the truth is clear in front of you, can you do something for me?"
"I-I..."
"Don't regret being with me too much. Nagpanggap man ako na hindi ko nakikita ang problema sa atin pero naging totoo ako sa nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. That's the only thing that I won't accept to be wrong."
I can hear a part of my heart crying and I can feel it... I can feel the anguish behind them. I was no longer empty for a long time when I found Blaze. He made me see the glimpses of the feelings that I lost. And now it's like those I had with him are being ripped out of me, tearing... and leaving me bleeding.
"I love you." I whispered.
The way his eyes changed by my words was another struck to my heart. It was if my words were poison to him. Like he hate what I said more than he hates me.
"Sigurado ka?"
"Blaze-"
"What's my favorite drink? What's my favorite movie? What's my best childhood memory? Hell, what do you think is the best day of my life?"
"W-What... what's the best day of your life?"
Bahagya siyang lumayo ngunit nananatiling nakapalibot sa akin ang mga braso niya. Nang magbaba siya ng tingin sa akin ay kita ko ang paghihirap sa mga mata niya.
"Everyday with you in it."
I wasn't expecting what he did next. I wasn't expecting for him to kiss me but he did.
His lips are warm on mine. It wasn't a kiss like we had the first time or those that followed. It wasn't just about love, it wasn't ownership, not a kiss of desperation like the last, but instead it was bittersweet because it was a kiss of letting go.
An end of what we had, an end of us... a silent goodbye.
_____________________End of Chapter 9.