Naomi Mason
Days have past and leaves have change color. Trees are becoming naked and the air is getting cooler. While everything around me is changing, I still remained the same. Nothings change. I still have this damn brace on. Still crutching around school everyday. Still depend on peoples help even though i don't want it. Srill not playing soccer and its killing me every single day. Even though everyday i wake up and don't feel like trying because their is no point, i still do. I get up every single day, put on my best fake smile, throw a couple laughs here and there and bam everyone thinks your okay. What they fail to realize is that i'm not okay. I'm breaking all the time. When i thought everything was falling to place something had to fuck it up like always. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be happy. It ruins every chance i get to have a normal life. TO forget about all the fucked up shot that has happen to me. It still haunts me every single day of my life. Its the extra weight on my back. Everyday i think to myself Whats wrong with me? Why I am i like this? I didnt choose to be like this. I never wanted to have these problems. I just want to have a normal life like everybody else. I don't want to be stuck with all these stupid feelings and get hurt in the end. I've been hurt so many times in my life and it sucks. It really fucking sucks and some days i hate myself. I hate how everyone thinks i'm perfect but i'm not. sometimes i even wonder why i have a boyfriend? What randy see's in me or how can he even stay with me when i'm such a mess. I just don't understand. I'm so lost in my own life. I have no idea what i should do. I have all these problems and i dont know what to do with them.
During my free period in school i'm suppose to go to the library because of my cripple self but as much as i love the library i'm tired of just sitting in there by myself. I need a new change in scenery. When the hallways cleared i stuffed all my books to my locker and crutched my self to the back of the school. I reached to the back of the school and pushed the door open with my shoulder and headed out the one place that i could really be myself at.
The soccer fields.
Gladly their is no one on them so its just me and peace. I slowly dragged myself on to the field contacting my foot with the grass. It feels like home, But being here reminds me of the day i got my injury. The day that still haunts me. i arrive at the half line and stare at the goal. It pains me not being able to play and the soccer team has been doing real bad. We lost three games in a row. That has never happened before. Is it really because i'm not there? Going to the games and watching that is horrifying. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes imagining that i'm playing, but the thought goes away when i'm remined about my horrible accident. I open my eyes and nothing. Still an empty goal.
"I knew i would find you here stranger." Someone said behind me
I turned around to see Matt walking up behind me. I gave him a small smile and turn my head back to the goal.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him
"The question is what are you doing here." He replied
"I asked you first." I said
"Well I was going to visit my friend in the library and bring her this starbucks thats in my hand but she wasn't in there. There was only one other place she could be and its this place right here. " he handed me the starbucks. Its what i always get. How did he know? I guess i probably told him and forgot
"I know you better than you think." He added
I smile and took a sip of my starbucks.
"Thanks.' I mumbled
He nodded " so now that i told you why i'm here care to tell me why your here when your not suppose to be because of your leg?"
"I was tired of just sitting in there by myself. Needed a change of scenery."
"So you came here?"
I nodded
"Thats understandable." He said softly
"Why? are you going to take me back and yell at me for being on my leg when i'm not suppose to? Just like everyone else." I snapped at him
Matt shook his head "Nope just the opposite, i came here to join you since it is also my free period."
"Gee thanks but i don't need a pity party."
He laughed "Nope its not a pity party, I know thats not what you want."
I rolled my eyes at him and faced the goal again.
"I'm not like everyone else Naomi." Matt continued " Yeah i care but i'm not going to be all over your back like your boyfirend or your brother. i don't want you to hate me. I try not to talk about it when we hang out because i know your trying to forget it. "
I sighed " I dont hate them i just think there getting annoying."
"It leads to hate" Matt added
I shook my head and stared at the ground "I could never hate them, no matter how annoying they can get i could never hate them. There the only ones who stick by me."
Matt waved his hands in the air like he was signaling something "Hello? What about me?!?"
I laughed at how ridiculous he was "And you too you goof ball."
He gave me a cheesy smile "We should get back though."
I frowned at him. I dont want to go back.
"Dont frown at me lets go."
"Fine." I muttered
+++
"Where were you?" Randy asks when i reach back to my locker
"What do you mean?" I ask trying to play dumb
"I mean where the hell were you because when i went to the library to see you you werent there." He was mad
"Jeez why the day i escape from the library everyone decides to check up on me." I mumbled opening my locker
"Where did you go?" He asks again
"I want to the fucking soccer field!" I yelled at him "I didn't wan to sit in the library anymore so i left! I didn't know you or matt was suppose to come to the library. You should of texted me"
"Wait Matt was with you?" Randy raised an eyebrow at me
"yeah he knew where i would go so he came to the field and he bought me starbucks."
"You know how i feel about that guy." Randy growled
"Randy give it up. We weren't doing anything he is my friend qnd your going to have to except that. The feud is over stop holding a grudge." i snapped at him
"i was worried about you." he said more calmly
"I'm sure you were." I hissed at him
"Why are you being like this?" He asked
I turned and faced him "Being like what Randy because i'm sure as hell not the one who started this."
"Its just latley you been acting diffrent. You're not your self at all like i cant talk to you normal anymore without you getting all mad and you barley speak to me anymore. We've been fighting more haven't you notice that because i have. I'm getting pretty sick of it." He admitted
I slammed my locker shut "Then why do you stay! If your sick of it why dont you just leave then! I'm not perfect randy and if thats what you want then i'm not the girl for you." I grabbed my books from him trying to do it on my own.
I turn from him and try to crutch away but end up dropping my books
"Fuck." i muttered
I tried to pick them up but i couldnt bend down. i wish i wasnt on these stupid crutches. Randy came beside me and picked up my books. I tried to avoid eye contact but i had to stare in his eyes. It could tell me how he is feeling. Our relationship was going down hill so fast and no matter how angry i can be at him i still love him.
"Stop pushing me away." he whispers
"Then stop letting me." I whispered back
He sighed and said nothing but carried my books to my next class.
For the rest of the day we didn't speak to each other but i knew that this was going to hurt us in the end. I couldn't help but feel guilty that this is somewhat my fault. I just haven't admitted it yet. I can't let him go. I just can't but i have a feeling i wasn't going to be the one to give up.
The fear had come to life. He's getting tired of me and i'm slowly slipping out of his finger tips and eventually he is going to let me fall. I don't know what i would do without him and i hope that it never comes.
But there always that little voice in the back of my head thats saying
He's going to leave you, He's going to leave you.
-----------A/N--------------------------
hey guys again dont hate me for this chapter. i know its kinda depressing but its part of the story. anyway i had a snow day so i decided to update for you. If i have time today ill double update but thats not a guarntee. So do you think there relationship is going downhill? What will Naomi do to save it or will she save it? I think she will she loves him to much. Do you think Randy will actually leave her? Vote and comment!
Chapters not edited
hope you enjoy the chapter
-gabby