Hello there my little rodents! Firstly I would like to thank AngelFaceIsLoved for letting me review their character! Secondly, thank you, reader, for clicking on my book, I really hope you appreciate it and keep on reading my chapters to come! <3
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Fandom: Danganronpa
I absolutely love Danganronpa, so I am very excited to read about this character and all that can happen with them.
Name: Umi Ayumi
Nickname(s): Kaigan ((For Umi's Love for the sea))
Nothing wrong here
Ultimate: Marine Biologist
I really like this Ultimate, I have never seen this one on an OC.
Age: 16
Species: Human
Sex: CIS Female
Everything here is fine. (SMALL SPOILERS) I read that they believe themselves to be 17-18 in the first one, but in real life, Japanese students are 16 when they go into the same grade level as the Danganronpa cast, so I think it's fine that she is 16.
Ethnicity: Japanese-Mexican
Nationality: Japanese
Love this! Reminds me very much of my first and still favorite OC.
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Relationship Status: Not involved in a romantic relationship
Crush: No Crush
Everything here is fine by me.
Personality: Umi is a very ambitious person. She is very respectful, although judgmental at times. Umi is usually affectionate and friendly unless she has a judgment of a specific person for a valid reason. Umi is straightforward and not afraid to speak her mind.
I think you should go more into her personality. For example, why is she ambitious? And what does she consider a "valid reason" to be judgemental towards someone? And how far does she take this judgment? Is it to the point where some may consider her somewhat of a bully? How does she balance this friendly affectionate side with her judgemental side?
Hobbies: Umi enjoys watching TV, she also plays tennis. Umi also enjoys video production, mostly filming her discoveries. She collects rocks in her free time.
I think you should explain why she likes these hobbies because right now these look pretty random, except for the video production hobby, which I actually like a lot.
Habits: She laughs a lot, even though she sometimes forces it. Umi also has a habit of chewing gum to deplete stress. She fidgets with her fingers a lot when uncomfortable. Umi is known to emotionally shop.
Since she forces her to laugh sometimes, would it really be past her to sometimes fake her friendly personality, similarly to Celestia? I know further down you say she considers Celestia to be an enemy, but it would be interesting to see them be like 2 different sides to the same coin.
Likes: Sunsets, Astrology, Mystery Books, Heart Stones, Sound Ambience, Soft Things, Fruits, Physical Contact.
Dislikes: Fog, Horror Movies, 'Paranormal' Activity, Messes, Hiking, Crowds, Getting Lost, The Sound of Bells.
These all seem very random, so I think you should explain why she likes and dislikes these things and connect them either to her character or to the killing game somehow. Like maybe sound ambiance or soft things bring her comfort during the killing game and help ease her at night when she is in her room.
Powers: No powers
Strengths: Rationality, Determination, and Bravery.
Weaknesses: Selfishness, Pride, Excessive Curiosity, Overthinking, Stubborn, Passive, and Impulsive.
I think you should add some of these to her personality and flesh it out a bit because based on what I read for her personality, I didn't really get selfish or impulsive.
Friends: Asahina Aoi, Kiyotasha Ishimaru, Chihiro Fujisaki, Makoto Naegi, Toko Fukawa, Sakura Ogami.
Enemies: Leon Kuwata, and Celestia Ludenburg.
These are fine, but how does she feel about the other students? Is she indifferent about them?
Fears: Failure, Being Isolated, Needles, Being Hated, Inadequacy, and Rejection.
Aspiration: As generic as it is, Umi wants the world to be a better place. It's why she researches Marine life, to try and make clean areas for the quickly dying life in the ocean.
Why does she fear these things? And her aspiration makes sense with her ultimate.
Looks: Umi has a tan complexion and brown hair that goes down to her shoulder. She has dark brown eyes. She has small scars on her arms. She has a small button nose and crooked freckles.
M
Height: 6'5
Weight: 118 lbs
Distinguishing Features: The scars on her arms, a beauty mark below her lip.
I think her weight should be bumped up a little bit, she seems underweight for being 6'5. The distinguishing features are fine though.
Clothing: Umi likes loose-fitted clothing with stupid animal puns on them, she likes being comfortable.
Is that what she wears on a normal basis? I think you should find a way to incorporate the animal puns with a school uniform-looking outfit because everyone in the first game wears something that looks like a school uniform, but they accessorize themselves with different things to make themselves stand out. Even characters like Celestia and Aoi fit the school character aesthetics even though they don't follow a traditional school uniform.
Accessories: Umi almost always keeps boxcutters on her, mostly for self-defense purposes.
Why boxcutters?
Mental Illness: No mental illness.
Family: All of Umi's family is alive (seemingly? I don't know whether Junko kept any of the other relatives for the first motive alive, but I'm assuming she did)
I think you should put that their condition is unknown because she herself really wouldn't know if they were ok or not.
Backstory: Umi grew up in a small city. She has always loved ocean life, thanks to her mother working as a scientist and telling her about all of the interesting characteristics of marine life. Ever since then, Umi was inspired to learn more about life under the sea. As she grew older she learned all about how polluted the oceans really were, which caused her determination to save the marine life that was endangered.
Personally, I think you should add more to her backstory, like what has she done to make her the best of the best, how was her life shaped due to the fact that she was the best of the best? Did she miss out on a lot of her teenage years? Did she feel more stress than fun due to the fact that the oceans are getting polluted? How does she feel about the many fisheries in Japan?
Extra: Umi dislikes Celeste because of how greedy Umi thinks Celeste is. She doesn't like Leon because of how his only inspiration for his true dream is to impress someone. She admires Toko because of how determined she is to accomplish and get what she wants. Again, sorry if I am being disruptive!
I think these are all very good. My one question is how does Umi feel about Toko's feelings with Togami? You say she doesn't like Leon because he only wants to impress someone, so when she sees Toko pretty much obsessing over Togami to the point where some would consider it unhealthy, how does that make Umi feel?
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Thank you AngelFaceIsLoved so much for letting me review your character. I think that there are some things you can add to your character, but her base character points sound really interesting and I am excited to see where she goes. And, thank you guys, the readers, so so much for reading my book! Subscribe to my profile for more updates on the chapter and other books, vote for this chapter if you really liked it and if you want, go ahead and drop your on OC in the "Form" chapter, which is the very first one. I will do what I can to review your OC and give you as much honest advice as possible. That's that Space Cats <3