Monday
Even though Mondays are often the worst day of the week for a lot of people, for college catering students, especially the ones at St. Nicholas, they're the best.
Quite often, Tim Bennison will have the Level 3s cook up something in the morning to go out into the student canteen, and it can vary from anything like proper fish and chips, to a rich, chocolatey (and often massive) gateaux. While Adele may have missed out on the Monday delicacies for the most part of this year, she's certainly going to make the most of them now.
"I genuinely love Mondays..." Ben hums, dragging the pizza box forward to take a large slice for himself.
"What is it about us lot always ending up sharing a pizza?" Hattie asks over a laugh, standing to lean over the table to take her own.
"I've never shared a pizza with any of you." Paisley retorts, already half way through hers.
"Well, we had one at the convention thingy in Birmingham 'cause it was convenient. And on nights out we sometimes go to Flames after we've got out of Fever 'cause they're close by and they always taste bangin'." Ben says around a mouthful.
"Bet they're disgusting sober, though." Eden mutters, mostly out of spite since she's never there on nights out.
"They are." Adele agrees, taking a slightly smaller piece because she'd eaten half of the food they made in their practical session this morning.
"Still not sure why Bennison has got Level 3s cooking pizza. Didn't we do that in Level 1?"
"It's the dough." Ben says, still with a mouthful not swallowed. "It's special shit, can't remember what it's called."
Adele can't help her small laugh. It's surprising sometimes how little information students really take in. Too busy making sure they remember the actual recipe, dish names are often forgotten.
"It doesn't even matter, this is some fucking good pizza." Paisley says tightly, eating too quickly. She can already feel her oncoming indigestion.
"Don't tell the Level 3s that - it'll go straight to their heads." Eden grumbles.
While a conversation breaks out about how egotistical the small class of Level 3s can be between the others, Adele's phone vibrates against the table with a text message. She picks it up absent-mindedly from its face-down position, and she frowns at the name.
It feels strange seeing Harry's name on her screen again. It's familiar in a way, but also alien now. It's only been two weeks but he hasn't texted her once since that Saturday, and seeing his name against the backdrop of the photo she's always had as her home screen - the one of her as a baby being cuddled by Gwen -, makes her stomach churn. It's almost nostalgic, but it feels bad.
She frowns, opening the text reluctantly.
Harry 12:39
I need to talk to you
Still frowning, she looks up again. Talk about vague, she thinks. She glances around the room, finding Harry hovering by the table the Level 3s always sit at, and looking directly at her. Even though his expression is ambivalent, it still makes her shiver.
He nods subtly towards the door, and then turns to Lewis's chair, leaning down to tell him something. Adele grits her teeth, looking back to her phone. This is a bit fucking dramatic. She scowls, closing the app and then locking her phone. She finishes her pizza before she moves.
"I'll be back in just a tick." She announces quietly as she stands.
No one seems to be listening to her, too busy thriving on their bitch-fest about how stuck up the higher level students can be when they want to be. After tucking her chair in, Adele wipes her hands down her jeans to rid any lingering pizza crumbs, and heads towards the door and out into the building lobby.
Harry stands in the doorway to the restaurant, holding the door open widely with his large hand spread against the ugly beechwood. Adele's gaze falls to one of irritation, and she sighs as she moves towards him, squeezing through the tight space and into the dark restaurant.
"What, so you're not even gonna talk to me in public anymore?" She demands, arms folded as she stands by the bar, out of sight of any prying eyes from the lobby.
"You're not talking to me at all, so don't make this about me." He snaps.
"You fuckin' did this, Harry. We're not together anymore because of you."
"Yeah, and don't I fucking know it!" He shouts, the sheet of paper in his hands flailing angrily. "You don't want to be with me, and I don't want to be seen with you, it's as simple as that."
"No, I do want to be with you, but I'm not because you don't want to be seen with me. If I'd have known you were that embarrassed to be seen even talking to me now, I would've just stayed with you anyway. At least my self-esteem would be a bit higher."
"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it." He scoffs, matching her stature.
Adele shakes her head, eyes pinched together. "What the fuck do you want from me, Harry?"
He lets out a heavy breath, a grunting sound coming with it. He hands her the sheet he's been holding. "I just wanted to tell you about another cake. Didn't expect you to come in here shouting your mouth off so quickly, though."
Adele snatches the paper from his hand, eyes never leaving him as she refolds her arms without studying the sheet. "Well, I would ask why you couldn't just wait to give it to me at work, but I suppose since you've changed all your shifts around it makes more sense to do it here. In secret."
"I changed all my shifts around to make it easier for you. You've already told me how you really feel just by saying you don't want to share a lift with me anymore. I didn't realise I made you feel that uncomfortable."
She swallows thickly, jaw setting and relaxing again. "I did that because we see each other enough already. You're unavoidable, Harry, and it makes me sad."
"Then why did you come in here like that? All aggressive and defensive - I feel like a twat."
"You are a twat!" She stresses, eyes wide. "All you had to do was bring the sheet over and say it's for work. I wouldn't expect you to hang around and chat, no one does. You're forgetting that all the people I was sat with at that table, bar one, know that we were seeing each other. And, it's not completely unusual for two people who work together to have things to talk about."
"Do you not feel like everyone would be staring at us?"
"No! And so what if they did? I'd tell them to keep their fuckin' noses out the moment one of 'em opened their mouth. Once again, Harry, you're proving that you care far too much about what everyone else thinks about you, and not what the people who you actually mean something to think. And it's got to stop."
Harry doesn't answer, he just stares at her for a moment between flexing his jaw and chewing his cheek, until eventually his gaze drops. Adele's heart sinks.
"I need to go," she sighs, glancing at the form in her hand as she starts to move back towards the door, "I'll get this ready for you later."
"Adele,"
She pauses, shoulders dropping. She twists her head back to meet his gaze. "What?"
He's frowning at the floor. "When you say people I mean something to, does th-,"
"You shouldn't have to ask that, H." Adele interjects. "But it will always mean me."
"You know I think about you all the time." He admits, swallowing thickly.
Adele's throat dries up, eyes welling with tears that she shakes her head at. "Don't do that."
"Can change my shift pattern and ignore you for days but it doesn't change that when I'm on my own I still think only about you. And it's shit."
"Stop it," she begs. "All you had to do is change one fucking thing, Harry. But you won't - you want to hide me from people who don't matter, and I'm sick of it. When you can get over this weird, irrational fear of people knowing that you give a shit about someone you think won't have everyone's approval, you know I'll be here waiting like a fucking idiot for you. But until then, I'm not interested."
"All I want is you, Adele!"
"But you don't want me enough, Harry!"
In one stride, he's stood right in front of her, his hands cradling her face as he meets her lips in a firm and desperate attempt to get her back where she belongs. And for the shortest fraction of time; a flash of a second, a lick of a moment, she nearly caves. For that very, very brief period she almost surrenders, because what's happening right in that moment makes her feel like she's exactly where she should be.
And then she remembers what she's doing, and she revolts. Pushing him away with a bruised state of mind, she fights back tears again. "No!" She chokes. "No! You promised me you would never do that."
He watches Adele flee, his insides curling in agony at his own stupidity. His head lolls back once she's out of sight - shoulders tense and legs shaking. He takes a deep breath before he leaves the deserted restaurant, and rather than heading back to the canteen, he decides to take a walk to his car.
~
Tuesday
"Oh my God..." Paisley mutters almost inaudibly, head low but gaze burning into the back of whoever it is that Alison is talking to.
Adele follows her gaze with a soft frown, eyes landing on the tall stranger. "Who is that?"
Ben glances over his shoulder also, less subtle than the girls are being. "I recognise him." He admits. "Why do I recognise him?"
"He works at Luxe Lounge." Paisley's voice is still low, gaze completely entranced by the man in the tight black dress shirt and grey trousers. "And he's the only man I've ever seen that makes me feel things."
Adele snorts, lightly patting her arm in an empathetic manner.
"I think you need to get out more." Ben returns bitterly, turning back to sink into his chair.
"Alright, is everyone here?" Alison calls, her hand gently resting on the stranger's arm, and smiling a little too widely. When only a brief, low mumble from the team is the response she gets, she takes it as a yes. "Brilliant. Now, for the next three weeks we'll have a guest joining us, who has very generously offered his time to us."
Now that Adele can see his face, she can see what Paisley means. His jawline is obvious even though it's not wide - in fact, his high cheekbones and hairline give his face a heart-like shape. His nose doesn't overwhelm his face even though it does peak a little at the tip. His lips are thin, in keeping with a typical white man, almost disappearing when he smiles without showing his teeth. His eyes are a piercing pale blue, and his hair a stark contrast - almost black. He is undeniably good-looking, but not in a traditional way. Actually, something about him is oddly cartoon-like, as if he was drawn on paper for the purposes of television and then brought to life by animation or CGI.
"Ryan used to be a student here when our Level 3s now were Level 1s. He's going to be demonstrating a cocktail each week to our Level 2s, just for fifteen minutes or so, nothing too consuming, and then he'll be staying for service behind the bar. And he'll choose a Level 2 to help him."
"More like I'll be helping them," Ryan corrects with a laugh. "It's been a while."
"Oh my God," Adele repeats Paisley's earlier exclamation at an equally low tone, chewing the inside of her bottom lip.
Ryan's voice, though perhaps not as deep as Harry's, has an odd allure to it that sends a shiver through Adele, and all the other girls in the room. Oh, and Rhys, the gay kid in Level 1.
"I know," Paisley hums, leaning towards Adele.
"So, for now, Level 2s sit with Ryan in the Bistro while he runs you through this week's cocktail, and Level 1s make a start like usual."
The restaurant group divides, with the Level 2s migrating to one end by the door, and the Level 1s in the main part of the restaurant to start like a normal Tuesday.
Harry starts his day like he usually would, by collecting the keys for the till from Alison, and then sitting with her to run through the bookings.
In the Bistro section, Ryan has set up a table with ingredients for a certain cocktail, including a shaker, a small chopping board and what looks like four different spirits and mixers.
Adele grimaces as she sits down in the corner out of direct sight, with Paisley choosing to sit right next to her. Ben sits on the table behind, with Josh next to him. That also makes Adele somewhat uncomfortable, but she ignores it to concentrate on what the pretty man is about to show them.
"Okay," Ryan starts, rubbing his hands together with a nervous smile, "I've never done a demonstration before, so it might take me a bit to warm up."
"Aw," one of the girls a few tables over coos.
"Talk about patronising." Paisley grumbles quietly, her irritation directed at Jess's lack of subtlety.
"Thank you," Ryan chuckles, though he seems uncomfortable. "Firstly, has anyone got any experience with making cocktails at all?"
Mandy showed Adele how to make a Margarita on one of her Friday bar shifts, but she's not entirely sure that can be classed as experience.
When no one responds at all, Ryan's eyebrows lift. "No one? Not even drinking them?"
"Done plenty of that." Someone mutters.
"Has anyone worked behind a bar outside of this building?"
Adele glances across the other students, and awkwardly raises her hand when no one else does.
Ryan meets her gaze with a warm smile.
"Of course she fuckin' has." Josh mutters behind her.
Adele exhales heavily and drops her hand, while Ben kicks Josh's ankle under the table.
"Really, only one of you?" Ryan asks bemusedly.
"We're all here to be chefs, mate." Another student reminds him.
Ryan takes a deep breath, lips pursed as he nods. "Alright, fair point. Er," he looks back to Adele, "what's your name, sorry?"
She clears her throat, shifting in her seat. "Adele."
"Ah," Ryan glances to the table and then back to her, "I really enjoyed the recent album."
A universal groan leaves the Level 2 students, and Adele also fails not to cringe, although the poor and unoriginal joke does lighten the mood somewhat.
"Anyway," he waves his hand, "have you ever made a cocktail working behind this bar?"
Adele shakes her head. "No, a manager showed me once but I never actually made it."
"Well, it's a start. What was it?"
"A Margarita."
"Oo," he nods; amused for some reason. "Not my favourite, and not what we're making today but it doesn't matter. Today, I'm gonna demonstrate a Long Island Iced Tea."
That would explain the ridiculous amount of liquor.
For the next fifteen minutes, the students watch as Ryan easily manoeuvres his way around the bustling table, hands moving like silk with practiced precision and talking as if the imminent cocktail he's about to present is the most important thing in the world. Eventually, they end up with a tall glass of golden brown liquid cooled with ice and garnished with mint.
"Alright, everyone take a straw and pass the tea round, and take a small sip."
The reasonable side of Adele is debating how sensible it is to be drinking such a heavy cocktail at 9:15 on a Tuesday morning in college, and the unreasonable yet way more fun side of her is telling her to drink the lot of it whether she likes it or not. Obviously she's not going to do that, but she could.
Taking the smallest sip when it's her turn, she lets it linger on her tongue for a moment before she swallows. She's not entirely sure how she feels about it, given she's never had one before. She can taste the rum long after she's passed the glass on to Ben behind her, but it doesn't particularly settle right in her stomach. She'll blame it on the fact that it's still too early for her to enjoy.
"How are we doing?" Ali appears with a smile, standing particularly close to Ryan.
"I think we're good." Ryan beams down at her.
"What do we all think, is it nice?"
"Best cocktail I've ever had." Jess purrs, placing the glass back on the table.
Adele can't help the roll of her eyes.
"Right, well that's good to hear." Ali turns to Ryan. "Who do you fancy working with today?"
Poor choice of words on Alison's part.
"Um..." Ryan purses his lips again, scanning the students available. "Well, I feel bad for embarrassing her earlier but she's the only one I can remember the name of, so Adele."
Adele looks to Ryan blankly, then to Ali and then back to Ryan. "Me?"
"Is that alright with you, Miss Hahn?" Alison asks with a smile.
"Er," a mixture of expressions cross her face, and she quickly shakes her head to rid herself of her confusion, "yeah sure, why not."
"Perfect," Alison's smile widens, "everyone else - usual sections please."
Paisley turns to Adele with a smirk, squeezing her wrists. "Have a good day, Miss Hahn.
Adele scoffs over a laugh. "Shut up, Miss Jelani."
After everyone else has dispersed to start their day, Adele hovers on the other side of the table Ryan stands behind. He's watching her with a smile whilst trying to collect everything into one hand to save himself a trip.
"Where... do you want me to start?" She asks timidly.
Ryan shakes his head. "You tell me, I'm the one helping you lot. The bar's open, so I'd say start as you normally would and I'll come to help in a minute. Just need to take all this to the kitchen."
"Okay, um," she nods, pressing her lips together, "but this," she gestures to the load in his hands, "belongs behind the bar."
He looks down, stifling a smug grin. "That's obviously what I meant. Bar, kitchen - same thing, innit?"
Adele snorts, and promptly rolls her lips inwards with embarrassment at her own reaction. Her cheeks are burning, as per usual. "So, do you want me to-,"
"Are you blushing?" His grin is definitely there now.
"Me?" Adele coughs, shaking her head and trying to take some of the more awkward things he's attempting to juggle. "No, never."
"Why are you blushing?" Ryan pushes, slowly making a move back towards the bar.
"I'm not blushing." Adele insists, following. She is still definitely hot under the collar, not only because this attractive man is teasing her about her own inability to keep it cool, but also because a particular pair of green eyes are watching her interaction from nearby.
Ryan continues to smirk as she busies herself the moment she's put everything down, watching as she divides things between the sink and the glass washer. Once the washer is loaded she shuts the door and sets it to run, before turning to face him with an even more flush exterior than before. His brows lift gently, expression softening.
"So, where do you want me to start?"
Adele blinks at him, eyes wide for a moment while she collects her thoughts. Where does she want him to start? Any coherent thoughts about a day on the bar have fled from her ever-deteriorating frame of mind, and she's left wondering where she should even start.
Something slams loudly nearby, and pretty much everyone in the room looks in that direction. It came from the till in the corner by the door, and the only person standing behind it, which isn't necessarily unusual, is Harry. There's an expression on his face in that instance that's confusing - like anger mixed with dissatisfaction. Adele doesn't recognise it, nor particularly like it, and it makes her tremble for all the wrong reasons.
In the next second Harry's eyes lighten, moving around the room with a cringing smile. "Sorry." He calls out, "Don't know my own strength, apparently."
Adele turns her gaze away quickly, back to Ryan with a forced attempt at a smile. "Anyway," she sighs exasperatedly, "er... what's your least favourite thing to do at work?"
Ryan frowns bemusedly. "Oo, I dunno, probably the counting part at the beginning and end 'cause I'm not very good at maths."
Her brows lift in shock at his honesty, ignoring the cough covering laughter from Harry nearby. Nice to know he's still nosy, she grumbles internally. "I have to do that part anyway, so... the thing that's like, next worst?"
His eyes grow spacey for a moment. "Probably polishing glasses..."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, it's really monotonous and boring."
Adele rolls her lips inwards again. "Quite like the monotonous stuff."
Ryan laughs, bewildered. "Why?"
"Dunno, I guess I find it quite therapeutic." She shrugs, making a move towards the bar exit. "Wait here a second."
"Okay..."
She hurries to the kitchen to collect a large translucent plastic bucket, and fills it with hot water. Taking a towel from the pile by the pass in the main kitchen, she wanders back into the restaurant and to the bar, leaving the bucket and towel on the side.
"So... I always do the stuff I don't like first, because that way it's over and done with and you don't have to think about it again -," she says evenly, and studies the table plan for the day, "we've got thirty covers for lunch, so we need thirty large wine glasses and thirty water glasses."
"Large wine glasses?" Ryan repeats, confused again.
"Well, they're all large, mostly. You need the ones with the measure stamps on. There are smaller glasses but there aren't enough because the college is cheap and won't buy more. So we put the large ones on the table with water glasses."
"Ah," Ryan nods slowly, beginning to pull the glasses down from the shelf above, "I see."
"Also, it means whoever is given the job of sommelier during service can cheat and just pour even measures."
"How do you know someone is going to be a sommelier?"
"Because most tables have preordered a bottle of wine to start. We encourage it at the time of booking so it's easier for us. That way we can rehearse the wine features before service."
"Very clever." Ryan chuckles. "I had Mike, not Alison, so I'm not used to this side of it. He didn't trust me to do much, to be honest, so I think he was surprised when I turned up this morning with 'mixologist' on my CV."
"If I'm being completely honest, drinks - wine and spirits and all of that kind of bore me. Mostly because they don't really feed the beast, if you know what I mean."
Ryan cackles to the ceiling. "I think I do, actually. So who'll have the pleasure out of the two of us to be sommelier?"
"It'll probably be Harry, actually." She gestures limply to him across the room without looking at him. "There's a special thing for it in the Level 3 curriculum, so it's better he does it than anyone else."
"Oh," he frowns, holding a glass above the steaming bucket for a moment, "I guess that makes sense."
Adele smiles smally, squeezing around him and out of the bar again to go and collect the float from Harry. She mentally prepares herself before doing so, taking in multiple deep breaths to calm her breathing - ridding herself of her anxieties, especially after yesterday.
She stalls when she sees Ashley stood beside him also, giggly as always and perhaps a little more touchy-feely than usual. The annoying thing is that Harry doesn't seem to try and dissuade her like he usually would. Her hand is on his arm as they laugh about something that apparently happened on Friday, and Adele has to grit her teeth.
Her eyes - always the colour of bark, grow moss. Her stomach churns and her chest squeezes. Perhaps she doesn't have a right to feel this way, but she does. Her feelings for Harry haven't just disappeared - she told him that yesterday. So, yes, it's hard to see him flirting with someone else, if that's what you could call this. Or, perhaps they're just having a friendly joke and Adele is getting conscious for no reason.
Yeah, that's probably it.
"Sorry," she murmurs as she approaches. "Can I get the float, please?"
"Oh, sure," Harry clears his throat, pulling the till drawer open quickly.
"How come you didn't come out with us on Friday, Adele?" Ashley asks, not in any spiteful kind of way, but as if she's genuinely curious.
Adele turns her gaze to Ashley, blinking in confusion for a moment. "Er... I didn't realise, must've forgotten."
"That's a shame, you're normally always one of the ones that comes out with us." Again, there's no aggression or spite in her tone. Maybe she's coming around after all, even after what happened a few weeks before.
"Yeah... I mean, I've already missed a bunch of Fridays at work, so probably wasn't a good idea to miss another one."
Ashley hums. "That's true."
Harry hands her the float bag in silence.
"Thank you." Adele mumbles, promptly turning away.
In the bar, she takes a sheet from the pile in the cupboard, and breaks the tag on the bag to pull the cash out. She frowns at the contents - far too many notes and not enough coins.
She sighs, muttering bitterly, "Joy."
She fills her name out at the top, moving along to the date. Unsure, she takes her phone out of her apron pocket to check the date, noting down 5th February. She looks up then, eyes wide as her stomach floors.
5th February.
Unlocking her phone she opens the calendar to find last Friday's date.
"Shit!" She hisses, locking her phone and putting it away again.
Friday was 1st February, which is Harry's birthday. No wonder he was so uptight yesterday.
"Are you alright?" Ryan asks quietly.
"I'm fine," she brushes, breezing past him yet again to find Ben.
He's replaced her in Section 1, so at least they can have this conversation without Harry's prying eyes and ears.
"Ben, did you go out on Friday night?" She asks in a hushed voice, her back to the room as she leans against the station he folds napkins at.
"No, I had to cover a shift at work." He says calmly, eyeing her with a concerned raised brow. "Why?"
"Did you know it was Harry's birthday on Friday?"
"Yeah, but... like I said, I couldn't go. Why does it matter?"
"Well, no one reminded me, and I completely forgot and I think he's upset with me about it."
"Adele mate, you're not fucking together anymore. It would be mega awkward, if I'm being completely honest, if you did go."
She huffs; stressed. "Do you know who else went?"
"I get the impression that a few people dropped out last minute, probably because you weren't going."
"What, that's ridiculous?"
"I know. Paisley and Hattie were supposed to go but changed their plans. I know Lewis went, and I'm pretty sure our friend Delilah did. Oh, and Ashley. But I don't know much else."
Adele's posture slumps, and she chances a glance to the other side of the room where Harry still works. He's not looking.
"Why do you care so much, mate? You've had a rough couple of weeks, and you were so preoccupied last week with your grandad, the last thing you needed was a night out with your ex-boyfriend and a group of randoms you're not that close to."
She sighs heavily, dragging a hand down her face. "Yeah, you're right."
"And if he is upset with you about it, he's a twat. Like, a bigger one than I realised."
Adele grimaces, pushing herself away from the unit. "Alright, I got shit to do, so-,"
"D'you want me to have a word w-,"
"No," Adele answers firmly. "Leave it alone, I don't need it getting any worse or more complicated than it already is."
"Ite, let me know if you change your mind."
"I won't." She insists, meaning both that she won't let him know or change her mind.
While Ryan is busy polishing glasses like she'd instructed him to do, Adele hides in the small stock room behind the bar to check her phone. She looks up Ashley first, but fails when she finds that her Instagram account is private, and unfortunately they're not following each other. Harry hasn't posted anything new, which is not unusual but also annoying. Her last resort, unsurprisingly, is Lewis.
His most recent post is from Friday night, probably posted drunk since the caption is just a string of random emojis that don't make any sense. But there's a lot of pictures in that single post, most of them blurry, but some obvious. They'd gone to Fever - easy to tell from the tacky tiki hut the DJ always plays under -, and most of the people in the photos are people from college that she never really talks to. And Delilah. The clearest photo is one that makes her feel sick - one of Harry stood between Ashley and Delilah, and while his grin is big, something about it looks oddly forced.
Adele peers back out into the bar to make sure no one is coming, and then keeps digging. There is one photo that really bugs her - one of Harry and Delilah blurring into the background of a photo of Lewis and some random girl. It almost looks like they're kissing, or at least hugging.
She knows she needs to stop before she hurts her own feelings, but curiosity will always get the better of her. She finds Delilah's profile from a tagged picture, and on the top row, after a picture she posted over the weekend of her fresh manicure, is a picture of her and Harry, and she's kissing his cheek. And, he looks genuinely happy.
Adele has never been more confused than she is now. If he's getting his kicks out of Delilah like he always wanted, why did he kiss her yesterday?
"You alright in there, Adele?" Ryan calls.
In a panic, Adele locks her phone and hastily shoves it back into her pocket, a hot flush coming over her. "Yeah!" She calls back, stepping around the door.
He smiles as she reappears, watching as she resumes her task of actually counting the float.
"Sorry, got distracted by something on my phone." She admits, which isn't necessarily a lie.
"Oh right, boyfriend send you a cat meme, or summat?" He prompts with an obviously forced nonchalance.
Adele's eyes narrow, but she never meets his gaze, keeping her eyes focussed on the float sheet in front of her. "I don't have a boyfriend."
Ryan's laugh is oddly choked, and he's suddenly appeared beside her, leaning against the bar as he polishes his next glass. "I mean... that's good to know, but I'm really into cat memes, so..."
Adele actually laughs, meeting his gaze with a smile. "No cat memes, sorry."
"Dog memes?"
Her laugh comes spluttered, and she shakes her head as she looks back to her sheet again. "Nope, just a dentist appointment."
"Oh, what an anti-climax."
"I'm really sorry." She giggles, pressing her lips together.
"Well, just be sure to share any future cat memes with me, alright?"
"Okay." She promises, still laughing.
~
Friday
Adele's gaze curiously wanders her own body in the mirror, as it has done so many times before. She can't quite figure it out, still after eighteen years, why it seems so disproportionate in so many places - why her collarbones stick out a mile yet her upper arms carry the dead weight of a baby seal, or how her thighs chafe immensely if she doesn't wear tights under a dress but her hips could carry two full glasses steady.
She was getting good at not looking at herself this way - with such distaste and disgust. Someone had been particularly good at making her feel really comfortable in her own body all the time, but now he's not available for such luxuries. So she's back to hating herself - pulling at the bulge of her stomach aggressively and whimpering with frustration every time she catches a glimpse of the rolls of skin around her rib cage on her back.
As she turns away she's reminded of something - a time she's been trying to ignore. The image of him holding her from behind while she stands sideways in front of the mirror, his lips caressing her shoulders and her neck. It doesn't last long but she remembers how he'd felt around her naked body vividly - like she's reliving it all over again. It makes her shiver violently.
She quickly dresses then, in a pair of grey tapered cut-offs borrowed from her mother, a black chiffon blouse tucked in, and a black thick crocheted cardigan. She doesn't put any makeup on, and Gwen straightened her hair for her last night before she went to bed so she could sleep in a little longer than usual this morning given she isn't going to college.
Looking at her, the only giveaway that Adele isn't going to some tedious desk job is the lack of makeup and lifeless eyes.
She's been to funerals before - both of her dad's parents died when she was seven or eight. She doesn't really remember them, though. She's sure that today she'll be herded around appropriately to wherever she needs to be when the time calls for it. For now, she'll just concentrate on grieving the loss of her grandad.
The door knocks twice, and Gwen peers her head through with a gentle smile. "Ready, sweetheart?"
Adele releases a heavy breath, and turns to face her mother. "I think so. Do I... need to take anything with me?"
Gwen fully enters the room, already with her warm black single-breasted overcoat. She'll be wearing a flattering black bodycon dress underneath, that Adele had helped her pick out last night. "No. Just you."
"Okay," Adele mumbles quietly. She turns to where she's left her phone, checking it one last time before she turns it off. The only thing on it is a message from Eden a few minutes ago.
Eden 11:35
Thinking of you today. Ben sends his love too and I'll see you tomorrow xxxxxxx
With a limp smile, Adele locks her phone and leaves it on her desk, deciding not to take it with her. They're not going very far today, and she doubts she'll have much time to need it for entertainment.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Baz, Casper and Jason are all waiting for Gwen and Adele to be ready. Jason arrived late last night and slept in the spare room across the landing, travelling from Essex after he finished work, so Adele hasn't actually seen him until this morning. When she enters the room, the first thing she does is stand beside him, and he wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders.
Baz's smile is tender as he looks over his three children and his wife. No, it's not the first time he's had to do something like this, but for some reason it feels the most difficult. When his own parents had passed, Casper had only been a few months old, and certainly not capable of understanding what was happening. Now, though, they're not sure how he's going to react.
Adele hadn't been in the room when her dad had told her youngest brother about Roy's passing, but apparently he wasn't quick to grasp the concept. Even now, none of the older members of the family are really sure that he understands.
Baz clears his throat, fiddling with his car keys in the pocket of his suit trousers. "Are we all ready to go?"
No one verbally answers, each simply giving a subtle nod of their heads. Together the family leave the house and pile into Baz's company car, with Jason behind his mum to accommodate more room for his gangly legs, and Casper between him and Adele. Completely unaware of the morose situation, Casper happily chats away about things that currently pose no real relevance to anyone apart from him. It's only Baz and Jason that can muster the motivation to reply to him.
As Baz pulls into the small car park on Arthur Moody Drive, the family notice Ethel, and Roy's sisters already congregating on the path waiting for them. Adele grits her teeth at the thought of having to endure her grandad's three younger sisters for the day. They're fine on their own (mostly), but the three of them together mean that they just talk and bicker incessantly.
Jason outwardly sighs, just as aggravated as Adele by the thought of having to listen to them. "Who's takin' one for the team?"
"I think you should be the one to do it since you're the one that sees them the least." Barry deadpans.
Adele sniggers, surprising herself.
"Baz," Gwen snips quietly, resting her hand on her husband's thigh. "Not today."
"I'm the one that's had to endure them the longest." Jason retorts, opening his passenger door.
"Actually, that would be me." Gwen returns. "No one is going to be lumbered with the three of them for the day, alright? If they decide to talk to you, have a conversation with them. That's all it takes. They're not witches, they're not gonna curse you."
"No, but they might bore us to death." Jason mutters, eagerly stepping out of the car.
Casper giggles delightedly at his brother's unnecessary comment, and crawls out of the car after him.
Adele sighs, pushing her own door open. The longer she has to stand in fresh air, the better. Bracing herself, she greets each of her great aunts individually, doing her best to ignore their always offhand comments.
Valerie, the eldest sister, who has never married and is known as somewhat of a recluse, doesn't say much to Adele besides her usual comment on her complexion. "You look pale, darling. I've told your mother repeatedly to get you to wear a vest under your clothes - you look like a ghost."
Adele bites her tongue of a retort, simply smiling and muttering her, "I know." No one wears vests under all their clothes anymore, this isn't the fifties, she thinks bitterly.
Linda, the middle sister and the most brash of the three, doesn't hold back on her opinion of Adele's choices of clothing. "Bloody hell, fräulein," she used to use the name on Gwen as a joke when she discovered that Baz's family have origins in Germany, but stopped when they married. After Adele was born she started using it again, "This blouse is not going to do you any good in weather like this." She scolds her niece, yanking at the thin material covering Adele's upper half with such force that it untucks.
"That's why I'm wearing a cardigan." Adele replies flatly.
Her aunt watches her for a moment, a smirk flirting with her lips. "Where'd you get that attitude from, aye?" She asks, pinching Adele's cheeks.
"Probably you three."
Linda's smile widens. "You're probably right."
"You know if Eth had decided to have this service in a church and had Roy buried in the family plot, we'd have had a better service and he'd be blessed in his passing."
Adele's eyes widen as she listens to her third great aunt, Marie, spew out some of her usual nonsense about God and how the family should be sending her only brother on his way to heaven rather than cremating him, even though it's what he always wanted. She's the least-liked sibling, and that's probably universal, because her religious beliefs also make her incredibly racist, homophobic, and unwelcoming and just plain irritating in most senses. She's a far-right maniac, and while Adele's grasp on politics is relatively loose, but from what she does know, Marie is not the angel she claims to be.
"... we shouldn't be burning people like this anymore, especially not our own family, and I can't believe that Ethel, and even your mother are allowing it when they've been brought up the way they have. And to let you and your brothers wear grey to a funeral, it's just unacceptable. We should all be in black - the colour of grief, not the many variations of it - we're a traditional family and-,"
"Roy spent the majority of his life avoiding meat and fish, moved from country to country after the war and renounced his catholic beliefs after he married Eth - a jew. The man was far from traditional, Marie."
"Yeah, and Grandad wanted to be cremated, he always said that. What you want isn't really important." Adele adds, with little waver to her voice.
Marie's jaw sets as her eyes grow wild with upset.
"Also, Valerie never married, so that's not particularly traditional for a catholic woman. She's nearly 80."
Marie tuts, looking away. "I don't know what ever will happen next. The youngling over there will probably end up married to a black man."
"The youngling... He's not an alien." Linda says bewilderedly.
Adele grits her teeth. "One of my girlfriends at college is a black lesbian. Am I going to hell?"
"Oh my... goodness," the youngest aunt turns away in horror, in search of her niece. "Gwenevere, how have you been bringing your children up?!"
Gwen's eyes widen in Marie's direction, and then to her other aunt and her daughter. Adele holds her hands up defensively, and Linda simply shakes her head in irritation at her sister.
"Erm," Gwen stutters for a moment, "I'm sure however I answer that question you won't like it, so..."
"Also, not an entirely appropriate conversation for a day like today, so can we stop, Marie?" Baz asks, voice and gaze stern and aggravated.
Adele moves away from her aunts towards her grandma, wrapping their arms around each other for a long embrace. Ethel has always had the same scent about her - a strange mixture of the cedar room spray she uses and the Angel by Mugler perfume. Perhaps it sounds like an odd combination but to Adele it feels like a second home.
"You are not usually the one to start an argument between your aunts, Adele," Eth whispers, lightly pinching her under the arm. "That's Jason's job."
"Well, I'm sorry." Adele huffs quietly. "But she didn't even say hello, she just came over prattling on and on about how the service we've arranged is completely wrong and we should be burying him. Next she'll be saying that all the women should sit on one side and all the men on the other."
Ethel laughs, surprisingly. "Well then one side would be particularly heavy since there are far more women attending than there are men. Your dad and your brothers are about the only ones."
"The woman is deranged, Grandma." Adele stresses, glancing over her shoulder again at her Aunt Marie, now talking to Casper about his ill-fitting clothes. "I've always kept my opinions to myself about her but-,"
"Ads, you don't have to explain yourself - we all know she's a handful and incredibly inconsiderate. I had to tell her multiple times throughout the planning to keep her nose out, and eventually she just gave up. But today she's got more people to... you know-,"
"Bitch to?"
Ethel smiles, though rolls her eyes with it. "Yes, that's one way of putting it."
"Eth," Baz appears then, standing behind Adele with a hand on her shoulder, "the cars are here."
Adele gazes out towards the car park, seeing no sign of the funeral cars.
"They're doing a loop behind the buildings and will come out over there by the cricket hut." He points in that direction.
"Okay," Eth nods, looping her arm through Adele's and bringing her to walk together towards the car park entrance, "did Gwen figure out who's going in what car?"
"Yeah, I think if you go in the first car with Gwen, Adele and the sisters, I'll take the boys with me in the back one."
"Marie will be happy." Adele mutters.
Just then, the black funeral cars appear from the corner by the cricket shed, one after the other. First is the hearse carrying the coffin, with white chrysanthemums arranged all down the side spelling out 'GRANDAD' on white bases, with a large arrangement of lilies, carnations and roses on the top of the coffin. Following the hearse are two black Jaguar funeral limousines.
After speaking with the conductor about the route the cars will take to the crematorium, the family pile into the cars as arranged and wait to be taken.
"Flowers look beautiful, Mum." Gwen mumbles quietly.
She sits on the front row behind the passenger seat, with Adele in the middle and Ethel behind the driver. Linda, Valerie and Marie sit behind them, oddly quiet.
Eth hums in agreement, subtly nodding her head. "Still not keen on those big letters, though."
"That was for Casper more than anything." Gwen reminds her.
"I'm surprised they're white." Marie comments bitterly. "Know what you're like, Gwen, I half expected a rainbow arrangement."
Adele's jaw locks again, and Eth sighs heavily, leaning her head against the window.
"Yes, well," Gwen glances over her shoulder at her youngest aunt, "today isn't about me - it's about Dad. He always liked white flowers, that's why the balcony is full of them at the flat. So we went with white."
Adele looks to her mum fondly, and takes the hand closest to her, interlocking their fingers. Gwen smiles at her warmly, and brings her daughters hand to her lips.
"Your Casper has such a lovely manner, Gwen." Valerie comments, leaning forward a little. "Never known a seven-year-old be so calm."
"Well, he's normally racing around and chatting rubbish at this time of day if he's not at school, but I think Baz had a long talk with him this morning."
"Does he know what's going on?"
"We tried to tell him without it being, you know, 'Grandad died' sort of thing, but it's difficult. When we went through this kind of thing with Baz's mum and dad, Jason was nearly in his twenties and Adele was a bit more perceptive, so we've never had to go through it like this. But I think he can tell that it's an unusual day. He's never missed a school day before and he is quite perceptive... when he wants to be. I think the fact that Jason is home again will have given him some idea."
"I'm sure he knows, he just doesn't know how to react, so he keeps quiet. Like you say - he's clever enough to adjust his behaviour to his surroundings appropriately." Valerie hums, gently squeezing Gwen's shoulder.
Adele glances to her mother, whose expression remains ambivalent as she gazes out the window.
The cars are slowly creeping through the streets now, causing an awkward yet respected delay behind them. What is normally a journey that should take five minutes, this one takes a little over ten, and it makes Adele frustrated; antsy and fidgety. In addition, her aunts bicker on the back row incessantly about nothing, and she can tell her grandma is starting to run out of patience from the way her foot taps on the carpet and little puffs of air leave her intermittently.
When they arrive at the crematorium, Ethel is quicker out of the car than anyone, probably eager for some fresh air. Adele's gaze follows her without moving for a moment, and then with a pained sigh she slides across the seats and out to stand next to her grandma. The rest of her family haven't wasted too much time either, and they're soon shown into the crem behind Roy's coffin, carried by Jason, Baz, and two volunteers from the funeral home.
They all sit together on the front row, with the family sitting on the left, unfortunately closest to the burner, and the aunts on the right. The room isn't full, but most seats have been filled by people that Adele doesn't even recognise.
Even though she feels on edge; tense and even a little skittish, the large window before them that looks out over onto the fields behind the crematorium brings an odd sense of comfort to Adele. It feels odd to be saying goodbye to someone this way when the weather is so bright - the sun currently beams low through the large window, really lightening up the room. She does suppose that it's better than rain, and she's grateful that she can at least rely on the view to stare at rather than torturing herself with Grandad's coffin.
When the minister clears his throat as he stands at the podium, Adele nearly stops breathing.
"Good afternoon everyone,"
~
"Alright," Jason squeezes his sister into a tight hug, her arms only loosely wrapped his middle, "tell me what you want to drink and we'll get over this by getting royally pissed up."
Adele splutters a laugh into her brother's chest, peering up at him through heavy red eyes with a half-arsed attempt at a smile. "Malibu and Coke, please."
He nods once, holding her head between his hands and leaving a feather-like kiss to the very top of her head. "Ite, I'll be back."
Adele watches her older brother stalk towards the bar in the sports club where they're holding the wake, conveniently just over the cricket field from where Ethel lives. She hovers awkwardly in the middle of the room for a moment, but her mum quickly appears to rescue her.
"Come on, baby," Gwen encourages, tugging her out of the way towards the bathroom, "let's calm that blotchy face down."
Adele groans, feeling stuffy after crying so much, but follows her mother into the toilets. Gwen wets her hands with cold water, and then carefully presses them to her daughter's round cheeks. She keeps going - over her forehead and a little on her neck too, until her complexion calms and her skin doesn't feel so hot.
"Oh my God, Mum," Adele gasps, frowning as she looks Gwen over.
"What?" She asks defensively, taking a step backwards with her wet hands held at an unnatural angle, dripping onto the sparkly pink linoleum below them.
"Did you not put a bra on this morning?" She asks, the slightest hint of disgust on her tone as she leans forwards.
Gwen's nipples show through her black dress as clear as day, and as proud as ever, apparently. She kisses her teeth, rolling her eyes as she turns away to get a paper towel to dry her hands with. "Adele, today is not a day for bras."
"Everyone is gonna see your nipples. Which are... massive, by the way, have they always been that big?" Adele's words come freely and without thought as she stares at her mother's chest.
"No one is going to care about my nipples, for crying out loud." She sighs, tossing the paper towel in the bin. "Now come on, I want a stiff drink."
"Might need more than one." Adele mutters, following her mother from the room again.
Baz has found a table in the middle of the room, which he currently stands at behind a chair while Casper, Jason and Eth all sit around with a plate of food each. Baz is talking to someone familiar, and it takes Adele a minute to clock on to who it is.
"Oh my God, is that Anne?" Adele asks, suddenly hurrying towards the table.
Anne turns slightly as Adele approaches, a warm and gentle smile on her face. She opens her arms, and Adele wastes no time in reciprocating her embrace.
"I didn't think I was gonna see you today." Adele admits into her shoulder.
"I know, I decided to come for the funeral but I didn't get a chance to see you in there, so, I'm not staying but I just wanted to give you a little squeeze before I go back to the pub."
"You didn't have to do that." Adele mumbles, lower lip slightly pouting.
"Well I wanted to, so here I am." Anne smiles again, lightly stroking Adele's cheek. "We've also left some flowers somewhere, but I'm sure they're not important right now."
"No, I think we all just want to drink the afternoon away." Baz says around the lip of his glass.
"And I absolutely don't blame you." Anne chuckles softly, and proceeds to wrap her arms around Gwen.
"Let me walk you out," Gwen offers with a light smile.
"Thank you." Anne hums, squeezing her friend's hand. "Adele, I'll see you on Sunday."
"Bye, Anne." She returns with a limp wave, before turning back to her family's table. "Now, where's my drink?"
~
A gentle knock comes to Adele's bedroom door as she settles into bed. "Come in,"
Baz peeks into the room with a soft smile. "Your grandma's was overflowing with flowers, so she said you can have these if you like them."
He presents a rather large bouquet, sitting in a yellow cardboard container with a local florist brand on the side. They're all in yellows and oranges, mostly roses and marigolds with the occasional gerbera. Their brightness brings a smile to Adele's face.
"They're lovely." She hums, tenderly holding them but only for a moment.
Baz nods, leaving them on her desk for now. "I think she just wanted all the white ones so she's giving the rest away. Your mum's got a big pink bouquet downstairs."
"Maybe they'll cheer us up a bit." Adele laughs, but the sound is dull.
Baz's brows lift, and he sighs. "Yeah, maybe." He leans down to press the lightest of kisses to his daughter's lips, and then another to her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning, flower."
She nods, gaze following him as he leaves the room. "Night, Dad."
She looks at the flowers again once the door is closed, lips pursing as she notices a little card fastened into them on a green stand, but still can't help the lift of her lips at how pretty they are.
She sits up, awkwardly leaning out of her bed to pinch the card from the bouquet, and then settles back down with a grunt.
Eth,
Deepest condolences to you and your family. I'm very grateful for Roy.
All my love, Harry x
Adele gasps, but quickly covers her mouth. She rereads the card, noticing that it really is Harry's unmistakeable scrawl. "Holy shit,"
She loses count of how many times she reads over his little note, her thumb continuously stroking over the indents in the card as she does. Her chest warms but her stomach churns.
The thing that plagues her most of all, is not really the flowers or the note, but rather that he sent the flowers with the card on his own. They're not a joint gift from Anne and Harry, they're just from Harry. Which means he went to the florist, picked the flowers and hand-wrote the note to send them to the funeral with his mum.
Adele stares at the card as she sinks lower into bed, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. Her head reels, eyes tracing the lines of the word 'condolences' more than anything, but then also completely hypnotised by the last part: All my love, Harry x
Even though they're not together anymore, he was still thoughtful enough to go out and buy flowers for her family after they lost someone. She knows they're not specifically for her - the card is addressed to her grandma. But it still makes her feel immensely fuzzy inside. She knows that feeling - it was the same feeling she had after that first function when he walked her to her car. It's a dangerous feeling.
With a groan, she rolls onto her side and buries her face into her pillow. "Will it ever end?"