I am scrolling through hate comment after hate comment as I try to take a deep breath and fill my lungs with air. My breathing is shallow and I don't know if it's all the comments that has me like this or the fact I am trying to keep still in Matts arms. He is still asleep but I woke up hours before my alarm wide awake and anxious. My original plan was to read, which I did for about two hours but then I got bored.
I was scrolling through instagram when Matt's picture from last night popped up. It was a picture of me wearing his gown completely swallowed up by it while he held me from behind kissing my giggling face holding up his graduation program. The program is a little bent and wrinkled from him fucking around with it the entire ceremony. The sleeves of his gown are bunched up at my elbows as my hands hold his forearm wrapped around my shoulders. My engagement ring is glistening in the lights of the BJC on full display for the world. It is such a happy picture and my heart was so full until a comment caught my eye.
Here before Matt starts deleting comments it reads in some stupid font she clearly googled.
I know I should ignore it, I mean I knew he sometimes deleted comments about me that are mean or really inappropriate comments, but curiosity gets the better of me. I open the comments and begin scrolling. The top ones are from friends congratulating Matt and gushing over the cute picture. Then I see the girls comment and click the responses. OMG you noticed that too, he really does the most, I bet it's because they're true, I bet she is using him, do you guys also think she is pregnant, duh why else would they get married so young, duh you think he actually loves her, she's not even that pretty, OMG right. I stop reading, I can't anymore. There are more mostly from girls our age but a few older adults mostly fans tell him not to throw his career away from some girl.
Matt shifts so my head falls off his chest onto his bicep while his entire body wraps around me. His eyes are still closed but he lets out a content sigh as I relax into his hold. "Good morning angel," he whispers in his deep still sleepy voice.
I remain silent locking my phone and dropping it between us so I can grab Matt with both hands. Without even knowing it he has brought me out of my mental spiral and back to reality. We love each other and no one else needs to believe that except him and I.
"I can't believe my girl graduates today." He says it more to himself than to me but I can't stop the stupid face splitting grin that results.
"I can't believe my boy graduated yesterday," I tease, finally letting go of all the comments.
"Honestly I am more excited for your graduation than I was for my own."
"Why," I question, pulling back just enough that I can see his face.
"I am proud of you. So god damn proud of you Sydney. Fuck I didn't know I could be so proud of one little person until you slammed into my life."
"Literally slammed," I laugh fondly remembering that first day of Junior year. It is forever burned into my memory. I can tell you exactly what I was wearing, what Matt was wearing, where I was standing, who was standing where, which of his friends were walking with him, how his hard body felt when I backed up into him, his heart stopping eyes burning into me as he rudely scolded me.
"I love you," he whispers against the shell of my ear as we both reminisce. It's not long before we are lost in the familiar feeling of each other using the extra time we have before the annoying alarm goes off.
When we finally get out of bed and begin getting ready for my graduation I feel light and happy. The best I have felt since we got engaged honestly. Every doubt that has crept into my mind lately, every hate comment, every whisper on campus is thrown off a cliff and disintegrates at the bottom.
I skip out of the bathroom and launch myself into shirtless Matts arms. I am not sure if he's shirtless because I enjoy the view or because I have a habit of doing exactly this and wrinkling him before we can even walk out of our bedroom.
"Did you walk the handsome boy," I coo, waving at Malcolm who is up and wagging his tail, feeding off my excited energy.
"Yes we took a nice trip through frat row for probably the final time and I showed him all the frat houses I stormed into over the years, forcing my way in to make sure no pervy frat boy even so much as looked at you."
"You did do that quite a bit," I laugh thinking of all the parties Matt has crashed. It is mandatory in my sorority we go to certain parties we are hosting with frat houses. During the weekend I would only go show my face and then sneak out to go meet Matt somewhere better with our friends, but on Thursdays that was girls night. Matt had early morning Friday practice anyways so he didn't mind, but my sisters loved to work him up. They'd text him some guy was flirting with me and he'd show up at the house shortly after and drag me home, I never minded because there was something so hot about it all. He would find me in the crowded house and stake his claim like he hadn't seen me in months. We'd stay for one dance where Matt could show every guy what was his and then we would leave. I secretly hope that his jealous protectiveness never fades because it is addicting.
My phone chimes and I know it is my parents anxiously announcing they're leaving their hotel to head over to the basketball arena already even though graduation doesn't begin for another hour and doors to get inside aren't even open yst. I check my phone anyways and respond with how many seats they should save while Matt sets me down to tidy up the little bit of the apartment not already packed away.
"I am going to finish getting ready, we are leaving in 10 minutes," I announce and head back to the bathroom for a final touch up. I am wearing a strapless bra and cute lace underwear under one of Matt's old white dress shirts. They are great to get ready in because I can unbutton them instead of pulling them over my head and risk messing up my hair and make up.
I grab my suede nude heels and tighten the strap on my ankle before grabbing my dress off the hanger. It is one of the few things left hanging in our closet and I am a little sad as I look from the closet to survey the rest of our room. We have nearly finished packing and the apartment that felt like home a few days earlier now feels foreign and cold.
I push down the emotions and try to find the happiness I had earlier. As I slip on the dress it feels wrong. The lace isn't laying right and the white slip underneath keeps bunching up in all the wrong spots. I frantically try to smooth it down reaching helplessly for the zipper to zip it up hoping that will help. I get it half way before the zipper gets stuck and I turn in the mirror catching a glimpse of myself from the side. I push on my stomach trying to push the little pouch in. Do I look pregnant?
I am mere seconds from a hysterical meltdown when my knight bounds in yet again unaware of what he is about to prevent. "Wow," he gasps as his eyes travel down my body slowly. Gently he steps up behind me and zips the dress smoothing it down so it lays perfectly. I watch him in the reflection of the mirror, my cheeks turning a slight pink.
"Thank you," I whisper, closing my eyes and trying to block out everything in the world but the arms wrapping around my waist, holding me tightly.
"We need to go but I have a surprise for you after your graduation." His eyes are bright with mischief even as he tenderly kisses my shoulder. Excitement blossoms inside me as I think of what this surprise could possibly be.
The entire ride to the BJC I am bouncing around in excitement but I don't waste my breath trying to ask. I know this game now and know it is a hopeless quest, he will never spill. "I finished The Hating Game," I inform him as we pull into the packed parking lot.
"Was it a good book," he asks while rolling his eyes as someone takes the space he was about to pull into.
"Yeah I loved it, I am hoping to finish a bunch more before I start my job in mid July. I figured I have about 9 weeks and if I keep the pace I am at I can finish around 6 books in that time." I continue to babble about the books I plan to read and which ones Matt should read, starting with The Hating Game, while he parks and walks around to open my door. I step out and he hands me my cap and gown which were hanging in the back seat neatly. I slip on the gown and we begin to walk inside.
I quickly stop by to say Hi to my family and Matts in the stands before heading down to Abby on the floor with all the other graduates. We settle in our seats and whisper stupid jokes to each other the entire two hour ceremony. When my name is called my family claps obnoxiously despite the announcer asking all applause be held till the end. I am slightly embarrassed but Abby's family does the same and we slink back to our seats together giggling like school girls.
"Do we throw these," Abby asks as the ceremony begins to come to a close.
"Duh," Freddie whispers, leaning over some guys who took the seats close to us before he arrived.
"When," I whisper back, rolling my eyes as he flips me off.
"When they say smartass. God Homeland Security made a huge mistake hiring you." Abby stifles a laugh while I shake my head and sit back into my seat. Asshole Freddie.
We throw our caps and all file outside to find our families and take pictures. Oliver and Matt are quick to find us and hand us each a single flower. It is a beautiful Penn State Blue flower with a white ribbon on it. Blue and white have taken over my life, and frankly my wardrobe too.
We quickly find our families and begin taking 1000s of pictures.
Matts POV
After Sydney takes a ridiculous number of pictures with her sorority sisters even though they had a whole photo shoot a few weeks earlier she finally skips over to me. She looks happy and relaxed, something I haven't seen in quite some time. She won't admit it to me but I know she read the comments on my instagram picture this morning. I know they got to her, I saw it in her eyes when she was struggling with her dress. I wish she saw herself the way I saw her, I wish everyone saw her the way I do.
I grab her hand and softly run my thumb over her knuckles. I wish we had more time but all the pictures really cut into my plan. We have 45 minutes until our dinner reservations with our families to celebrate, but I can work with that.
"I thought we'd have more time but regardless I promised you a surprise and I plan to deliver." I open her door and nearly push her face first into my jeep before sprinting around to the drivers side and racing out of the parking lot.
"Should I even bother to ask where we are going," Sydney asks with a small pout. I laugh and shake my head knowing it drives her insane when I do this. I love surprising her though she is so easy, even the simplest things make her so happy.
I park in the small parking lot by West Halls where we lived our freshman year. Our old building is sitting there looking the same as it did move in day 4 years ago. I remember moving in and realizing how small the stupid beds were. I wondered how we'd make it work knowing sleeping without her wasn't going to be an option. Admittedly it wasn't the most comfortable sleeping arrangements but we made it work that year.
"It has been a crazy 4 years," she sighs, staring at the building. I nod silently as the reality of everything settles in. We are leaving Penn State Monday and starting our adult lives. We will be working and living in our own place. We will be planning a wedding and preparing for the olympics. Life is about to get real quick but as terrifying as it is I am so ready for it all.
"Remember what we did driving up to school that first time?"
Her head whips toward me and she nods enusiatically. "Our bucket list."
"Yeah. There is one thing on it we still haven't done." She pulls out her phone with the list written down in her notes app. Everything is crossed off and the top of the note reads Penn State Bucket List- Complete. She looks toward me in confusion and I just smile.
"Come on it isn't on the list." I get out of the car and shut the door but when she doesn't follow I open the door again and add, "not on the list anymore, but it once was."
The gears are slowly turning in her head and I wonder if this idea is stupid. Maybe she forgot it was ever on the list. I am seconds from getting back in the car and saying fuck it to the entire idea when I hear her gasp in the car and come bounding out like a bat out of hell.
Her green eyes are alive with excitement as they stare at the library behind me. "Really?" The hesitation is her voice is clear as day but we both need one last hurrah to close out our Penn State experience and there is no better way than doing the one thing we thought we'd never do.
Before either of us can chicken out I grab her hand and speed walk toward the front steps of the library. The flowers are in full bloom and campus looks amazing. I want to stop and admire what are probably my last moments on this campus but I am on a mission and charge forward up the steps through the revolving doors.
"We said it was too risky, that the chances of being caught were too high," Sydney reminds me as I drag her toward the door into the stacks. The thing about Penn State's library is it's pretty new, most of it. Everything is new and clean and expensive, everything but the stacks. They haven't been renovated probably since my parents went here and the books are older than my ancient professors.
"We did," I agree, finding the tiny steps that are so short I literally have to duck to climb them and drag her up to the 3rd floor. What Sydney doesn't know is while she was studying here for all her finals I was exploring and finding the best spot.
"What changed," she questions as I do a quick look around to make sure the floor is empty. I was hoping it would be the Saturday after finals week but this school is weird and it is rare the library is ever this empty. I let go of her hand and walk between the rows and rows of books to see if anyone is at the desks lining the wall of windows. The stacks is similar to jail for students. On one side is old dusty books and to the other a wall of windows so you can look out longingly at everyone who is free from studying.
"I had some free time to reassess the situation." I grab her hand again and check my watch as I drag her to the corner which has been untouched for centuries. I peer around to make sure I didn't miss any cameras. Sex in the Stacks is an infamous Penn State right of passage so they started installing quiet a few cameras to try to stop horny students. Sadly for them they did not account for a student like me. No one is stopping Matthew Dean from crossing off the last thing on his bucket list with his hot as fuck fiancee.
We are standing in the corner concrete walls on two sides of us and a floor to ceiling bookshelf on the third side completely packed with books. "We don't have to do this," I remind her. She knows she can say No to me always.
"I trust you Matt, now let's cross off the last thing on our bucket list." Her hands are greedy as she pulls me by my pants to her body. I push her up against the wall sliding my hands up and down her body as she begins to roll her hips against me.
My body reacts to hers instantly and as much as I love foreplay we don't have that kind of time today. We need to be at dinner in 25 minutes which means this has got to be quick. I grab the hem of Sydney's dress and pull it up over her waist. She undoes my belt and zipper at the same time. "Fuck this is hot," I pant as she reaches her hand into my pants and messages me roughly.
I push her lace underwear to the side and slide two fingers in. "Fuck Matt," she groans throwing her head back against the concrete wall. I slowly pull my fingers out of her and can't help getting a taste. She hates when I lick my fingers like that but god she tastes so sweet.
"We need to be quick, sorry baby I thought we'd have more time," I apologize as she removes her hands from my pants and I push them down letting my boner spring free. Her lips are trailing hot kisses down my jawline and I am about to say fuck it to my dream but the hot image playing out in my head urges me on.
Grabbing her waist I turn her around so she is facing the wall before sliding my hand up her back forcing her to bend over. Her hands move to the wall to steady herself and without me even saying a word she puts her leg up on the second shelf. I nearly collapse looking at her panting, legs spread, arms steadying herself, waiting for me to fuck her. "Good thing we are in a hurry because I won't be lasting long."
She is laughing triumphantly when I take her by surprise and slam into her cause her laugh to turn into a strangled moan. I know she wants to scream my name but she can't which makes this all even hotter.
I rest one hand on her hip and the other reaches around and rubs her at the same punishing pace I am slamming into her at. "Oh god yes," she whimpers and it urges me to move faster.
"Shit baby," I groan, leaning over her so I can kiss her shoulders and back occasionally biting the soft skin.
The floor is quiet except for our soft moans and panting as her legs begin to shake. I wrap my arm at her hip around her waist to hold her up and she claws at the wall trying to stay upright.
I am so close but I hold off wanting to finish with her. She clenches tighter around me as I whisper how fucking hot she is in her ear. As bite gently on the spot below her ear and it does her in. She explodes around me dragging me down with her as we both struggle to stay quiet.
When we both are completely exhausted her arms slide away from the wall and if I wasn't holding her up I think she would have collapsed into a heap at my feet. "Amazing," she sighs in awe as she lays limp in my arms.
"Yes you are," I remind her as I slowly pull out and stand her up leaning her exhausted body leaning against the cold wall. I zip my pants and fix my button down shirt while she slides her underwear back into place and pulls down her dress. "Wow perfect we have 10 minutes until we need to be at dinner."
"I need a bathroom before we go, I don't want to be leaking Matt juice all dinner." I nod and laugh reaching for her hand so we can head to the bathroom.
After she goes to the bathroom and cleans herself up we walk casually out of the library back to my car. "You know when you said you had a surprise I thought it was going to be something crazy."
"What," I laugh.
"You are always doing crazy unexpected things," she counters, swinging out hands between us as we both take in our last few moments on campus.
"Like a three week trip across Europe," I ask, trying to bite back a smile.
"That does sound Matt level crazy, I wouldn't put that past you to do."
"Good, because I did." I mean for the statement to come out more confidently than it does but I know she hears me because she stops dead in her tracks and searches my face for any sign I may be lying.
"When," she asks completely shell shocked.
"Next Sunday, I figured it gave us a week to move into the apartment. My parents are going to take Malcolm home with them so we can move in and get settled without worrying about him. When we get back we will get him and bring him home."
"Why?"
"Because I love you and I said I would give you the world Sydney."
I thought she would be mad when I finally told her. I knew she would be surprised. What I didn't see coming was the tears racing down her face. Before I can ask what is wrong she is throwing herself into my arms sobs racking through her body as she thanks me over and over again. I hold her tightly whispering how much I love her, how she is my everything until she finally calms down.
When she finally composes herself we walk to the car and I drive to dinner. She is still in shock when we pull up to the restaurant and I help her out of the car as the valet takes the keys. "You are fucking crazy Satan," she whispers as I grab the door to open it.
"I think that is called the Barbie effect."
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Sydney's Graduation outfit
Yes yes I haven't forgotten how to upload sorry for the wait lovies I hope you're having a great 2021