A Gangster Love Story

Epilogue

AN: FINALLY!!!

Marjorie Daniella Lee POV

I don't know how many years I was away living my messy life in L.A. Hindi ko nga alam kung makakasurvive ako dun kung wala si Rence. I hide myself for the fear of facing the truth. I tried to remove myself from the guilt. I left because that's all I can do, to hide, to run, to be a coward. 

Hindi ko man lang naranasan ang maging isang normal na teenager. Buong buhay ko puro sakit na lang ang naramdaman ko. When Ike left, dinala niya na rin ang puso ko or that's what I thought. When Jake died, ang lalaking laging nandiyan para pakalmahin at patawananin ako, parang naubos ang lakas ko, parang wala akong karapatang maging masaya dahil nawala ang isa sa mga taong nagbibigay ng kasiyahan sakin. When I fell in love with Ice, mas masakit kasi akala ko hindi talaga kami pwede, na kailangan kong maghanap ng iba kasi kay Hannah siya. When Hannah and Ice betrayed me, mas masakit sa lahat ng naramdaman ko, pinatawad ko si Hannah kasi bestfriend ko siya, kasi ayokong mawalan ng bestfriend. And when Ice let me go? Yun na ata ang pinaka shit sa lahat ng shit.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang mararamdaman ko nung panahon na yon, He broke me. He cut me into pieces. Gumuho ang mundo ko. 

I gave myself to someone. I GAVE EVERYTHING TO LANCE but not my heart. Kasi sa huli, si Ice lang talaga ang nagmamay ari ng puso ko. And the worst part? I can't get it back because I'm still stuck with being in love with him. 

I regretted leaving him but what I regret the most? Losing him.

And now I'm going back, I chose Ice over my life in L.A, over my family who were against of the idea of me going back to the Philippines...I chose Ice to the man who chose me over anything. 

"Rence...I need to go back, he needs me, he fucking needs me right now"  hindi ako umiiyak but I felt like crying. It was Lance-and-me all over again. I said it to him while I was packing my things. Ayaw to ng family ko, especially kuya Josh but no one can stop me right now. 

Rence was leaning on the wall, his hands were inside his pockets. Ang gwapo niya, ang bait, matalino tapos mayaman pa, a whole package but I know he wasn't meant for me. 

"Rence please, don't make me choose. please." I said while putting the last clothes I got.

"Did you ever love me?" he asked out of nowhere. 

I closed my eyes and said the one word that would hurt him. 

"Never"

**

Ako na ata ang pinaka masamang tao sa buong mundo. Lagi ko na lang sinsaktan yung mga taong mahal ako. Lagi ko na lang silang nilalayo sa akin. 

I didn't call anyone. Walang nakakalam na nasa Pilipinas ako. Even Lance or Ace na lagi kong katawagan. 

Umuwi ako sa old house namin, not the Black Seven's house baka kasi nandun sila, ayoko muna silang makita. Nagulat yung mga katulong nung nakita ako especially my sister na nagbabakasyon sa Pilipinas. I fixed my things before showering and then I fell aslep.

**

When I woke up, nagbihis ako agad agad and went to the B7's house. Ganun pa rin siya pero may garden na sa unahan, at parang mas malinis, naging red na din ang kulay sa labas na dati ay white. Parang iba pero I know na ito pa rin ang bahay na tinirhan at minahal ko dati. 

Kinakabahan akong kumatok sa pinto. This is it. I have to face them, if they still live here. Kung wala sila dito, I'm going straight to the hospital but I don't think I can. Parang masakit pa ring pumunta.