My Path To Serenity

Chapter nine

"She did what?!" I stood up in utter disbelief. "No, this can't be happening. We have bills to pay. For heaven sakes we have life to pay!" He chuckled and grabbed my hand, "sit down Allison. I was only joking.. she is pissed though, that part wasn't a joke." I sat down and put my hand over my heart as I sighed in relief. "Oh, thank goodness! So, you still have your job?" He nodded, playfully laughing. "I sure got you!" He noticed I wasn't laughing and nudged my elbow. "Come on Alli, perk up a bit! I don't know about you, but I needed that laugh." I crossed my arms, "so, what are we going to do now?" He took a sip of his drink he got from the vending machine and said, "we're going to have to go back to that hotel we were just at and stay another night until we get this situated."

   When we arrived to the hotel once again, the power was back on and the people were settled down. What would these people have done back in the olden days, before electricity was even discovered? "Hi again!" The bubbly clerk smiled, "back already?" I pushed my messy hair away from my face and smiled sheepishly. "Yep, flight got cancelled.." she frowned apologetically. "Well welcome on back," she laughed. I grabbed my wallet and dropped one hundred bucks on the desk. She scooped it up and handed me our key with a smile. "Room one sixty three is available. Have a nice stay." We carried our bags to room one sixty three and instantly tossed our stuff on the hotel bed. "Ah, home sweet home!" Jasper joked. I managed to break a smile, easing up now that we were settled in. I plopped down on the bed and Jasper laid down next to me. "Well, we're here one more night, might as well make it a memorable one, right?" I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, "I'm gonna have to call our neighbors and see if they can watch Pumpkin again, not only does this flight cancellation affect us, but everyone else." He put his hand on my leg and kissed my cheek, "It happens, darling. It's out of our control tonight. Unless you wanna hitch a ride home from some complete stranger, we're staying here another night." I nodded, keeping quiet. "Allison, honey, cheer up a bit. Come on, I know you wanted to be there for your class and all, but you've never called off before." He was right, luckily my good attendance can outweigh this sudden mishap. "It's gonna be alright. We can have a few drinks at the bar and listen to some good music." I smirked as I tangled my fingers in his. His grin on his face left warmth in my heart. He pulled me in closer and kissed me gently with his soft lips.

"Hey there," the perky, dishwater blonde, bright eyed, bartender greeted us. "How can I serve y'all?" I personally didn't even know what kind of alcohol I liked, I wasn't much of a drinker. I usually just got whatever Jasper drank, but since she asked me first, the pressure was on. "Um," I thought out loud. A lady next to us intervened, "I recommend the 'breakfast shot', it tastes just like syrup. That's if you like syrup, anyway." I looked over at her and I recognized her dark circled tired eyes, freckled skin, and fire red hair instantaneously. To my surprise It was the mother in the lobby with the 2 boys. "Thanks," I told her as I looked back at the bartender. "I'll take a shot of what she said." I looked back at her and smiled.  I didn't see that man with her and I didn't see the children, so from my assumption, they're else where while she catches a break. "I'm Allison." I reached out my hand and she shook it. "My name is Angelina, but you can call me Angie." I smiled as I introduced Jasper. He gave her a brief nod and wave. I looked back at Jasper to see if he remembered her, but I was then reminded he never got the chance to see her and her family. "I wish my husband was here to introduce himself as well, but he's with the kids while I take a break for once." I knew it. "No worries, I uh- I actually remember seeing you all in the lobby before the power went out." I recognized how odd that sounded to someone you just met. She just laughed as she slung another shot of liquor down, then making a face of disgust. "Oh, so you seen me mid mental breakdown?" I didn't know how to respond to that, but she just laughed it off as she crossed her arms and sat back. "This is the first time I've been to a bar in over ten years. I'm not much of a drinker," she confessed. "My kids were driving me crazy. And it's not their fault, they're kids, it's what they do, but some days it's just overwhelming. As for today, well, is just one of those days." She downed another shot of liquor and took a sip of her root beer. "See," she laughed. "I can't even drink this shit without chasing it with something else." Jasper spoke up as he pointed at me, "yeah, well, this girl right here wants to us become parents. Maybe you can knock some sense into her." He nervously slugged down a shot of vodka. My heart ached at the way he said that. I didn't say a word, but luckily Angie filled up the emptiness. "Hey I'll tell ya," she started. "Kids can be a handful, but they really are great! I'd say if you want to take on the challenge, go for it." Angie? More like angel! "Thank you," I told her as I looked back at Jasper. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head, seeming uninterested. "Yeah, yeah. Props to all parents who've given up their life to create life.. it's just not for me." I looked back at Angie in hopes of more positive talk, because right now I have nothing. She put her hands up and shrugged. "It's certainly not for everybody. However, you'll never know if parenthood is for you until you become a parent." I nodded, listening carefully, hoping Jasper was receptive to this as well. "Another shot please!" She called over the bartender as she opened up her purse and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. She offered us one, but seeing both our fathers crippling addiction to cigarettes, we gladly declined. I hesitated before I asked, "Um, what do you think about one partner wanting to raise a family, but the other partner being opposed to the idea?" Jasper laughed, "I'm not completely opposed to the idea of raising a family, Allison! Give me a break. I said I wouldn't adopt a child. That doesn't mean we can't get a pet fish, or a guinea pig. Come on, we have Pumpkin to raise!" Angelina laughed, but I didn't find that humorous to me. " You want my honesty?" She asked, as she chuckled. "Are you sure?" I was a little perplexed at that statement, because now I wasn't sure what I was going to hear. She turned towards us and smiled, "It takes two cooperative components to be willing to raise a baby. And even then, there will be days you feel like giving up. But, if the two of you can come together, you can do any damn thing you put your mind to." I wasn't prepared to hear that just now, but it was exactly what we needed to hear. I can speak for Jasper on that. I looked up at her sympathetic, brown eyes and gentle smile. This time I didn't notice the dark circles, but the life that lies inside of them. She shrugged as she took her 3rd shot since we sat down. "I'm just saying girl." I looked back at Jasper and I seen his eyes meet mine. "She's right," He admitted. "We can do anything we want. But this- this whole idea of raising someone else's baby and taking over her role as a parent isn't something I want to do. It's all we've been talking about lately. I can't take it." Angelina intervened, turning towards Jasper. "What is it that you're afraid of?" He chuckled, "excuse me?" "I said," Angelina asked firmly, "what are you afraid of? Why do you believe being a father isn't meant for you?" Jasper pondered that question for a moment. He scratched his head, "I'm not afraid of anything." I kept quiet, but I knew that wasn't the truth. "Fair enough," she stopped. "Another shot, please?" Jasper waved over the bartender. I rolled my eyes and sighed in defeat. He caught me rolling my eyes and scoffed, "Psh, it's not that being a father isn't meant for me, it's just not for me. You want to know what I'm afraid of?" He looked at the both of us, and I shrugged. "I already know what you're afraid of, honey. You're afraid of the unknown! This can be a great thing. But you aren't even willing to give this a chance.." His eyes widened with fear as he stood up and raised his voice just a little louder, "You think I'm just afraid of changing diapers and making bottles, Allison? I'm afraid of that baby growing up and wondering the same thing I did. Why didn't my birth parents want me? What was so bad about me, that they had to give me to someone else? Am I good enough? What did I do to deserve this? I'm worried about that baby growing up with the same abandonment issues I did!" I put my hand on his and gently spoke, "Honey, please sit down, okay?" He looked at me with disgust. "My parents gave me away to someone else because they didn't WANT me! Is that so hard to grasp, Allison? I've tried therapy and no matter what they say, it doesn't excuse the undeniable truth that I wasn't wanted! You guys wanted to know my fears, well, there they fucking are." Silence filled the air now. He looked at me and winced. I glanced away, "Jasper, Charlotte wants this baby, but she wants this baby to have a fulfilling life. She can't give this child the life it deserves, so out of love she wants to give this kid the life she financially can't give. That's probably what your birth parents did! They probably did it out of love, Jasper. But you look at it like they just gave you to another family just because!" He looked at me for a brief moment. He didn't have to say anything, his eyes said it all. He slammed his fist on the table, and it startled me so bad I jumped and spilled my drink on the floor. "They were heroin addicts. They didn't even love themselves, what makes you think they loved me? You think you know, but you don't know a damn thing." I shook my head and scoffed, "Oh, I don't know a damn thing, huh? I'm just clueless about your life, is that it?" "You know what?" He yelled, "You want to raise a baby so bad then go for it. I love you Allison, I really do, but I'm telling you I can't do this." He started to walk away, but the built up rage inside me was ready to explode. What the hell is going on? "Fine." I gave in, as I shouted across the bar. "I won't ask you any more. I won't beg, I won't plead, I won't hope."  I sat back down at the barstool and buried my head in my hands. Tears were streaming down my face now, and I couldn't make it stop. Angie pat my back, trying to comfort me. I couldn't stop sobbing for the life of me, it's like my world came crashing down within a matter of minutes. The bartender looked at me and frowned, "don't worry about the bill, girl. This one's on me."