At Last I See the Light (Lunar Chronicles Fanfic)

Chapter 4: Shattered

After what felt like an eternity, Kinney stopped trying to blot the salty drops and just let them fall. Watching as each one clung on for dear life for a couple seconds before splatting on the smooth ground. Eventually there was nothing left, no tears, no hope, no emotions. Get up, he told himself, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Why was Iko even mad at him? Wasn't it a good thing that he wanted to be her friend... okay maybe more than friend... Was he just that bad of a person?

Still, he sat. And waited. And waited. Every now and then, he'd run his hands through his hair or bite the inside of his thumb. It wasn't until about an hour later that he was able to push his emotions back down without feeling like they'd come back up. It was almost 10. Another hour, 11. All the hours began to just blur together, and Kinney stopped checking his watch. There was no point - she could live in that room forever if she wanted to, but yet it didn't matter. Maybe nothing truly mattered. He contemplated knocking, he knew she wasn't asleep, but talked himself out of it. What would he even say? Kinney's brain swarmed with thoughts, though they were soon silenced by exhaustion and defeat. Giving in, he closed his eyes.

****

Suddenly, the door behind Kinney was swept open. It woke him up, but not in time to keep him from falling back into Iko's room.

"I thought I told you to go," she stated plainly as a startled Kinney stared back at her. Slowly, he sat up and rubbed the back of his head.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to... be weird or anything. I just thought you could use some company. I... I didn't want this to be good bye. You're a good friend, Iko." Kinney looked up at her. Even though her voice was nonchalant, she looked terrified. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." The expression remained.

"Are you sure?"

"Nope. Not at all," she whispered to herself, this time, the panic rose in her throat. "I just... don't know."

"I guess that makes two of us," Kinney muttered. He ran his hand through his perfect wave of dark hair, except it didn't look so perfect anymore. Iko couldn't help but notice the twinge of hurt still left in his eyes. This is Kinney we're talking about, he doesn't have emotions. Then again, neither do I, technically at least. Iko stretched out her hand to help Kinney up, and, with a slight quirk of a smile, he took it. However, when he had reached his feet, her hand was still locked in his, and she pulled him into a hug. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest and his muscles went rigid. Awkwardly, he patted her back, not sure what else to do. It seemed like the kind of things friends did anyways. "Okay, now you're really scaring me," he laughed as they pulled away.

"Well you're the one sitting at my door at 3 AM, you don't think that's a little creepy?"

"I didn't think you'd open it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Which you're clearly not. If you didn't want to come, you could've just said so... I already know I'm a terrible person without you reminding me of it every single second."

"It's not you, Kinney. It...It's just that, Peony's birthday was yesterday. Stars, she would've loved it here."

"Iko- "

"It's okay. What am I going to do, cry? Feel something? God, I'm never going to see her again and I can't even mourn right. She was right there, and in the blink of an eye, BAM, gone. She was my best friend. And I'll never see her again. I can't imagine you to understand what that's like, where's Cinder anyways?"

"She's asleep. And I do know what it's like to lose someone like that."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "I'm sorry I'm not... normal. I'm sorry I say stupid things and obsess over net dramas 24/7. You were right. I don't know how to feel, I don't even know what it's like to breathe..." She rubbed her arm and looked down. "I just don't want get attached only to lose anybody else - " but suddenly, she could feel her chin being gently tilted up, his dark eyes staring into hers. Kinney's lips were soft as they pressed against hers.

"Neither do I," Kinney whispered as Iko stared at him, bewildered.