At Last I See the Light (Lunar Chronicles Fanfic)

Chapter 13: My Fault

Thorne waited with his forehead pressed against the glass. Cress sat, surrounded by sterile white walls and beeping monitors. Alone. Always alone- no matter how many people peered in through the glass. Kai quickly pulled away from Cinder and began pacing, trying to clear his thoughts. This time would end differently, this time they had the antidote. This time, they had hope.

Silently, he paused beside Thorne. However, the man who looked back at him wasn't the heroic, complacent, seemingly unshakeable Captain Carswell Thorne they knew all so well. He was an exhausted and quiet, absolutely terrified shell of himself.

"I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy," Kai said, staring at Thorne's reflection. "And trust me, you were for a while." He tried to conjure up a smile, but it didn't come. When Thorne didn't respond, he tried to change his approach, "She's going to be alright, Thorne. She received the antidote only a couple hours ago, she'll start recovering by tomorrow morning."

Thorne tipped his head back away from the glass and ran his hand through his hair. "I... I can't lose her," he managed to choke, "After everything that's happened," he continued, this time steadying his voice, "I don't- I can't lose her again." All at once, the reality of the situation washed over him, drowning him in an ocean of doubt. The last time he held her hand, when she kissed him, the last time she melted into his arms - if he'd known it was going to be the last last time. Thorne tried to shake the thoughts from his head quickly, as if doing would make the wait bearable. He tried to swallow down his rising panic, and regain his usual nonchalant composure, but for only the second time in his life, he found it impossible.

"I know," Kai returned solemnly, "I know the feeling."

"I mean... we need her for... for hacking and coding and stuff." Thorne shrugged, but even something as simple as that looked uncomfortable and forced.

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An hour had passed since their arrival, and Cress had been drifting in and out of sleep for some time. While the others rested in some nearby chairs, Thorne stayed, glued to the glass between them. If only he'd gone instead of her, then none of this would've happened. She didn't deserve this. He did. He had tried to protect her, and he had failed. After a while of watching her, making sure everything was okay, the steady beat of the vital monitors formed a comforting melody to a song repeating itself in Thorne's head. He hummed along for a while, until he realized that two blue, watery eyes were staring back at him from inside the room. She was sitting up now, tears streaking their way down her cheeks, but yet, a smile lingered on her lips, and with that one glance, the lyrics came to him in a wave of fatigued eureka. Quickly, he made his way back into the small office where doctors sat, studying samples and running tests, and picked up the microphone connected to the speakers of the quarantine room. A short, older woman in a lab coat hesitantly turned it on after receiving a pleading look from Thorne. Almost immediately, the words crept into his throat.

Carefully, he lowered his voice to a whisper, and began to softly mumble the song, "Sweet Crescent Moon, up in the sky. Won't you sing your song to Earth as she passes by?" Cress' smile widened, as she began to mouth the words with him. "Your sweetest silver melody, a rhythm and a rhyme, a lullaby of pleasant dreams as you make your climb." By the third verse, she laid back down, and closed her eyes. "Send the forests off to bed, the mountains tuck in tight. Rock the ocean gently, and the deserts kiss goodnight." And though she was sound asleep, Thorne finished the last line, "Sweet Crescent Moon, up in the sky, you sing your song so sweetly after sunshine passes by."

It took every ounce of strength in his body not to bust through the doors and lay beside her, to feel the warmth of her hands in his, and tell her everything would be alright. Instead, he turned and took a seat beside Cinder. Thorne tried to relax, but his gaze stayed focused on the rise and fall of Cress' chest. She was breathing, and that was all that mattered.

For a while, his whole body was rigid as he stared blankly at her. But all at once - when he was sure everyone around him was asleep - he cracked. The emotions he had tried to shove back came flowing out before he could stop himself, but even as he cried, he forced himself to be still and silent, so he wouldn't risk bothering the others. He couldn't let them see him like this: a mess, a scared, hollow man. Yet, as he clenched the arm rest of his chair, a cold, metallic hand gently patted his own.

"You okay?" Cinder whispered groggily, peeling open one an eye to look at him.

"No," Thorne said, inhaling sharply. His breath was shaky, but he tried not to let it show.

Cinder sighed as she switched from leaning against Kai's shoulder over to Thorne's side. A headache began to sink in before she could even speak, so she didn't. It was in moments like these when it was impossible to find the right words, and what was even the point if she could? It was going to be a long time before things would be okay again, and no amount of empty promises and hopeful advice was going to fix that.

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Also, thank you to all who might be reading this! If you have any suggestions (or just want a friend) please comment or PM me!!!