The three sat in utter silence, despite the muttering of comments on the verdict. Taylor couldn't see Hayley's face, but he had a feeling he already knew her reaction.
"We still got him on one," her lawyer said to her, hoping to make her smile. "He's still going away for awhile," he squeezed her hand tight.
"Four years. Is that it?" Zac let out his frustrations to Taylor. Hayley honestly had no idea how she was feeling. Her eyes were fixed over to the opposite table. Lukas was smiling. They were happy with it, which meant hayley wasn't. She couldn't be. Four years in prison, possibly less for good behaviour. She looked to her lawyer, then down again.
"We can always appeal for the investigation to be reopened," a mental sigh blew through her mind. There was too much going on already, and appealing to opening herself back up to investigations into something she'd much rather be buried? She couldn't think of something worse.
"That's it?" She couldn't express much emotion. It had ended much too suddenly for her. There was no closure or happy ending.
"That's it," her lawyer repeated back to her, mistaking her tone for contentness. She didn't know what else to do, so wrapped herself up in the jacket on the back of her chair, and walked out.
She left the building without saying a word to anyone who attended. It was lucky that Zac's eyes had been following her the entire time. He caught her at her car.
"Come back to Taylor's with us. We're gonna get some pizza—"
"I'm not really in the mood for pizza, Zac," she mumbled, unlocking the door.
"Hayley wait—even..." he grabbed onto the car door before she could shut it. "...even if we sit in silence the entire time. We don't need pizza. I just don't want you to be alone right now," her eyes were fixated on the steering wheel.
"Zac..."
"We don't have to talk about it. Ever, if you really want. Just come, please," she took a deep breath, exiting and going to Zac's car where Taylor was waiting.
—
Hayley had been staring at the table for fifteen entire minutes while Zac played a game on his phone and Taylor briefly tidied his kitchen.
"That's it," she repeated, being stuck with one simple thought. How did we get here?
Taylor was building the confidence he needed in his chest, waiting for the words to start flowing.
"I'm so sorry," both looked up to him. "For everything. I...I was wrong to ruin things in the band and...with us, H." She stared at him with so much emotion, but no words. Zac thought about it too before speaking.
"Thank you for saying that, T, but we understand. Life is painful," Hayley couldn't process the conversation that was being had before her, anger bubbling. Her eyes flickered between the two men. Nothing that he could say would make anything better, but he couldn't quite recognise that.
"H?" He said quietly.
"You...completely ruined me, T," she started. Zac shifted uncomfortably, waiting to see if he should stop her. "I had some faith in this world before I got that call."
"I think we should just be grateful that we're all here, alive—"
"Are we? Seriously take a step back and think about it for a second. T and I fucked ourselves up so much that we both nearly died and you've sat here having to mediate any interactions we've had with other people. How is that living?" Taylor felt a stab of guilt at her blunt words and Zac noticed.
"Jesus, way to be sensitive Hayles," she shot up from her chair, feeling suddenly as if the walls were caving in on her.
"We've passed that point! Taylor - you can't sit there and apologise to me as if it's all better now because it's not over for me." Taylor stood up, hoping to get a bit closer to make his point a little clearer.
"It is over, Hayley. He went to jail, I'm...somewhat okay now. You don't have to be afraid anymore,"
Hayley simply closed her eyes for a moment, wishing to express just how wrong he was. Her constant torture of flashbacks, the fear of him being everywhere despite it not being possible. Rationality didn't matter to her, just feeling as if she were in a constant state of fight or flight.
"It's not as simple as that," she suddenly became very quiet, knowing no matter how hard she tried to make him understand, he never could. With the knowledge that nothing she could do would make them understand, she abruptly left Zac's house, taking a fast walk back to her small house.
—
Later that night, a soft knock could be heard from Hayley's door. On the other side, a very guilty Taylor awaited. She took her time making her way over to it, eventually checking the peep-hole and slowly opening the door.
"It's late, Taylor," she sighed quietly, not bringing herself to make eye contact with him.
"There is nothing I can say or do that will explain to me what you're going through, but the least I can do is say that I'm sorry. For...for driving you away from me, for implying that I never loved you, for not protecting you whilst you were hurting. I do love you. I never stopped, I was just so consumed by my illness that I lost myself, and I'm sorry you got lost in it too." He paused for a moment, out of breath, hoping for her to say something, or just give any indicator that she was listening still. "I just want to fix things,"
"It cant have all been for nothing. I didn't go through everything I did, to call it just a break in our relationship. So much has happened, and I can't just go back to normal. I need time and—"
"You don't have to pretend it didn't happen, we can understand everything happened and try to move forward. Just...please, let me fix this," she wanted to tell him yes. She wanted to tell him yes so badly.
"Some things can't be fixed, T." He could see the tears in her eyes and it broke his heart. A tear finally escaped his eye as he looked down. She began to close the door put he put his hands out to stop her.
"Wait, wait!" Hayley's eyes flashed to Lukas on the other side of the door. She managed to keep her composure, now staring into his eyes to keep the man as Taylor. He took a deep breath, conceiving defeat.
"Do you think things could've been different?" He asked her quietly.
They both had their own version of the truth. Taylor's was his depression finally creeping up on him and ruining everything good in his life, and Hayley's was her heart being broken out of the blue, setting off a chain of events that would eventually come crashing down on her. So much had happened, and this was the moment where Hayley decided if they would try and fix things, or accept the current circumstances. They both had such reasoning not to trust love again — both sides of the truth were right.
People always aspired to live truthfully, but in this case, they were taught that the truth isn't always for the better. They both would've happily lived a lie to escape the pain that came, but now Hayley knew too well what happened when you try to escape a feeling.
"I guess we'll never really know,"
She could take this ending or she could try and make things better. What was the right thing to do?
She had spent so much time fighting for what was right in her life, with the band and her relationships, but now, she was tired. Both of them were exhausted, and Hayley was willing to go about her days acting like there were no romantic feelings left, rather than trying to understand why things happened and if she could fix them.
This was inevitable, really. Because some things can't be fixed. Some things aren't meant to be understood, and this was a lesson both of them had to be ready to accept. Things happened the way they did, and now, they just had to live. Heal from the pain, because if it was really meant to be, they would've fought harder.
But they didn't. And that was just the way things were.
"Goodnight, T," Hayley told him, closing the door.
