Mistakes are part of the natural life cycle. Every human, no matter the circumstances, will make a mistake at some point in their life. Whether it's as small as Hayley saying the wrong words, or as heart wrenching and horrible as everything that happened to the two after.
"Hayley, I'm sorry, but I just can't...I don't feel the same as I used to," he heard nothing but silence on the other end of the phone, until there was a small "okay," to be heard. He didn't know what to say from there, maybe he should explain his reasoning, the real reasoning, but not even he had come to realise what that reasoning was.
Hayley refused to show the immense heartbreak she was feeling in her voice, but immediately after putting the phone down, she sat in silence for ten minutes, then soon ten minutes turned into hours, until she finally cried. She cannot say she wasn't expecting it, though. Taylor had been becoming more closed off and quieter with her; she just couldn't figure out why. What was terrorising his mind so much that he would ruin his most valued relationship?
Taylor was trying with everything inside of him to answer this question too, although there wasn't much strength to be found. In the moment, he thought: it's the right decision. For both of us. But he knew that wasn't true, so why did he do it? Maybe because he realised his mental state was beginning to effect her — or maybe she realised he wasn't happy and that scared him, letting her into his mind was the last thing he wanted.
This mind full of sadness and self loathing that she did not deserve to also feel. They belonged to Taylor, and it would cruel of him to pass them along to her too. He loved her too much to spread the corrupted thoughts in his mind, but she loved him too much to just let him go.
Was that the truth?
She had originally formed a text message that conveyed so much heart and emotion, but after reading the message hundreds of times over, she realised that her endless words of heart break would mean nothing to him if he was telling the truth, so she bubbled it down to one question.
Taylor's immediate instinct said no. And he knew that was a bad sign, but he had done it now. There was no going back.
He also tried to formulate a long intricate message, a habit he took from her, but in the end, he sent nothing in reply. Nothing to settle her mind. Nothing to hurt her. He knew she would wait and wait and wait for him to show her any signs of life, and although he wanted to, he couldn't. He didn't feel enough strength to prove to himself he was truly alive, so why would he do anything for her?
—
After days of silence in Hayley's mind, she was shocked to see the once so beloved name on her phone screen. She picked up her phone with intent to delete the message. She was angry, so angry, at him for not replying, for not giving her anything to calm her sadness. She believed he was trying to hurt her by confusing her emotions, which was only heightened when she began to read the message.
Taylor wasn't sure why he sent the message. Hayley meant so much to him, but he couldn't figure out a way to show this, so he just let his emotions flow through a way too long message. A message where he hinted at his withdrawal from his life, where he hinted at his lack of ability to do anything, let alone communicate his feelings to her, where he admitted that he tried to completely cut her off. It ended with apologies to her, for being a terrible person, a terrible person that didn't deserve her love.
This message was the only reason Hayley had any idea of the extent of his depression. She knew if affected him sometimes, but it had never been this bad, or lasted this long.
This message was the only reason Hayley held on to him. She answered her question with a no: he wasn't telling the truth. She thought of every reason he would've said this. Maybe he truly didn't love her, but either way, Hayley was not willing to let their friendship slip away as easily as their relationship seemed to.
