i'll love you always - k. kozume

nothing

She couldn't think.

She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't live. 

And why did she blame herself?

Voices circled her head trying to find an excuse. It wasn't her fault. It was Kuroo's. But why her? 

Her head lifted from her curled knees, her eyes focusing on the dark gray sky. She knew that somewhere in this world, Kenma was happy. And if he was happy, she was too. 

Right?

She traced her arm sleeve across her face, covering it with tears. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She knew she was overreacting, but why couldn't she stop herself?

Pushing her weight towards her feet, she stood up and faced her front door. She took one more deep breath and wrapped her fingers around the cold door handle.

Creaking it open, she saw her mother at the kitchen table, like usual. Where was she this morning, y/n didn't know. But she was here now, and her father wasn't.

"Hi, mom," words traced out of her mouth. 

Her mother's dark eyes resembled y/n's, but more passionate. They sent a line of goosebumps down y/n's back. Those same eyes looked up over her worn-out book. 

A small smile appeared on her mother's face, quickly disappearing afterward. It's not like she was excited to see her daughter, she had too much else to worry about. 

Y/n disregarded her family most of the time. She was an only child, and probably not supposed to be here anyway. She knew her mother loved her and cared for her, but sometimes, she really wished that her mother would pay more attention to her. 

Their divorce would only be stressful for both of them, it didn't really affect y/n. She already never saw her father, and living with her mother is a daily thing. She would eventually have to get a job to help her mother with the mortgage, but she was used to that as well. 

The one problem y/n had was that she felt like a burden to everyone close to her. She was too much for her mother to handle, and her father had given up on her years ago. Kuroo was one of her only friends, and he hated her with all of his heart. But, Kenma. Kenma was different. 

Y/n let out a little smile in return for her mother's. She walked upstairs to her bedroom and flopped herself onto the bed. She felt tears build up in her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. 

She wasn't enough. She was never enough. And she would never be enough. 

No one in the world understood her emotions. Not even herself. She was just a small piece of this giant world. She couldn't make a difference, only harm others. Nobody benefited from her. Nobody cared enough to actually get to know her. Even her own family disregarded her. There was no point in trying to do anything. Somebody would judge her no matter what. And there was nothing she could do about that. 

She was sorry. Sorry for everything she had ever done. And she wanted to fix it, but she couldn't. She had harmed so many people, including herself. Nobody was ever affected positively because of her. 

That was it.

She had no purpose. 

Nothing. 

No one. 

Useless.