Shameless

Gone

Stevie lay in bed, staring at the watch in front of her. Some light had started to creep back into the room, but she felt no need for it. Against her better judgment, part of her had expected, or at least hoped, that he would come to her at some point during the night. Her entire body listening for movement, listening for him. When the watch told her it was 4 o’clock, she knew he wouldn’t come. He was with her, simple as that. She may have stopped listening, but her mind was busy replaying everything she wanted to forget. So she stared at the watch, ticking away, trying to make every cell of her brain focus on the passing seconds. It didn’t work. She kept staring.

Their plane would leave at 11. She really should get up, but couldn’t bring herself to move. She’d have to face him, and he didn’t know that she knew. Would he pretend they were ok? That he wasn’t about to break her heart? Would he wait for the most opportune moment? Worse, would he bring her along? She felt sick and turned to her back, trying to steady her stomach. Her right hand automatically reaching out for him. Reaching out to where he should be. He wasn’t there.

“Oh honey” Karen’s voice cut through the silence. The curtains were opened, merciless bright light flooding Stevie’s face. She turned away closing her eyes, pretending Karen wasn’t there.  The mattress bounced, and Stevie felt Karen’s hand gently caress her hair. “You have to get up now, plane’s waiting.” Stevie opened her eyes and her assistants worried face greeted her. “You’ve been crying. Did something more happen? Have you talked to him?” “No” “Nothing? He hasn’t called?” “No.” How she wished she’d stop talking, wished she’s leave her. The puzzled look on Karen’s face told her there was something she wasn’t telling her. “What?” “Oh, nothing. Just, rumors have it he left for the airport this morning, figured he’d might have called you and told you where he left.” “He?” Karen avoided looking at her “Well, they. He and Kristen” “Oh.” She hadn’t really thought the pit in her stomach could get any bigger. It could. “He’ll be there before the show tomorrow, don’t you worry” her assistant said with a pasted on fake smile that didn’t suit her. “Now, let’s make sure you’ll be there before the show tomorrow. Up. Bathroom. Get ready.” Stevie finally followed her instructions, for no other reason so that she could lock the door behind her, turn the shower on and cry without Karen hearing.

The engine of the plane started running, and Stevie couldn’t wait until they were in the air. As far as she was concerned, they could just stay there, flying for eternity. The photographers outside the hotel had been bad enough. She was way too old to have her picture taken before she had her makeup properly on. Worse still was them shouting out questions about Lindsey, specifically Lindsey leaving with Kristen, and how on earth did Stevie feel about that? Did she feel bad for sleeping with a married father of three, or was it different since it was Lindsey? How long had they been sleeping together? Had they ever really stopped? She had simply crushed Karen’s hand in hers, biting back every sarcastic response she wanted to shout at them. Once they got to the airport, everyone was milling about “Where is he?” seemed to be the question on everyone’s lips. Everyone asking it in a hushed whisper when they saw she was near. She had no desire to inform them of his whereabouts, and instead found her place inside the plane. His seat empty.

Karen had gently chided her on the drive to the airport as she found Stevie’s phone buried deep in her purse. “You didn’t even check it?” “I would have heard it” “You don’t remember telling me to make it ‘stop making noise’ yesterday after it wouldn’t stop ringing? I put it on silent” “So?” “So it won’t have made any sound if he tried to contact you” “Why do you care?” “Because maybe then I’d get my boss back, instead of this undead creature next to me.” Stevie saw Karen scan through her phone. She felt hope bubble to the surface, firmly pushing it down. What would it really matter if he had tried to call her? She knew what the message would be. “Well, a lot of people have tried to call you. Nosy vultures or concerned friends? You decide.” Karen’s brief smile ended with one look from Stevie. “Any of them Lindsey?” She had to know. Not that it mattered. “He tried once it looks like.” “Once?” “Once. This morning. Probably before they, he, left. Sent a text straight after, should I read it?” Stevie grabbed her phone back from her assistant, drew a deep breath and looked at her phone. ‘Hey, know you hate texts, but can’t really talk. I had to go home, have to try and make things right. Will be there before the next show. We’ll talk then. Love you.’ She threw her phone back in her purse. “Well?” “You’re right. He’ll be back before the show.”

“This seat taken?” she looked up  on a awkward-looking John “I can’t deliver any of the services usually provided by your regular seat buddy, but maybe you’d like the company?” “Christine put you up to this?” “No.” He was a truly lousy liar she thought as she made room for him. “So, um, where is, I mean, how are…” was all he got out before Christine and Mick sat down across from them, John visibly relieved. “So, just talked to Lindsey” Mick exclaimed. Stevie tried to feign mild disinterest “How is the disappearing man?” “Fine, couldn’t talk much.  We’re leaving without him.” “He’s coming tomorrow, right?" Christine asked. “Yeah. He made me promise to tell everyone he’ll meet us there, and that he loves us.” Stevie saw them all raise their brows, as she gritted her teeth and turned to look out the window. John finally the one to speak up: “No expert in Lindsey-speak, but I think you’re everyone Stevie.”