Shameless

Love me

Stevie stared at him bewildered. Her heart beating, her desire to believe him slowly winning over her need to protect herself. He started speaking, sounding calmer than she felt by far  “Look, I’m sure you know more about love than most, but one thing you don’t know anything about is ending a 17 year relationship where you’ve had three kids with the person.”

 “Do you?” She really didn’t mean for that to sound as hopeful as it did.

 “Do now” he gently caressed her face as she saw tears filling his eyes. In that moment, she knew. “And it pretty much sucks. Even when the reason is that you love someone else. What you saw was a goodbye” Pure joy washed over her as she lunged forward, attacking his lips. Tears once again flooded her eyes. She didn’t care, even as she could taste the saltiness and knew he could too. As they eventually broke the kiss, he trailed her tears with small kisses before he pulled away, finding her eyes with his own “That’s why I left like I did. We already knew when we were here. She’s actually the one who made me see it. We had the opportunity to tell the kids together, we didn’t want to keep them in the dark. Not to mention, I needed to talk to them about you, about that fucking video. Which they’ve been avoiding like the plague thank God, but they still know about it”

“How are they?” His kids. She cursed herself for not asking about them earlier. “Angry, hurt, confused. All of the above and then some. It took hours just to get Will to talk to me. He finally did though. All three will come visit me on tour in two weeks. I actually think once this settles they’ll be ok.” She sensed the underlying hope in the last part and gently squeezed his hand. “This is where having been a kick-ass dad their whole lives finally pays off, huh?”  “Pretty much. Plus a pretty amazing mom who’s actually doing what she can to make this ok even though she has every right to make my life a living hell.” “And I’m the evil witch who took their dad away from mom” she muttered. She’d never felt guilt for the sex, for the love. Now however, she couldn’t help the feeling from creeping in. “Look. I tried to explain how that’s not how it is. How I loved you all my life. That you’ve never asked me to leave Kristen and didn’t even know what was happening. That  I don’t even know if you’ll have me, but that as long as I feel like this, I can’t remain married to their mother. That what we did was wrong, but we were never able to stop loving each other.” “That’s a pretty advanced lesson in complications of love, even for adults. Not sure I get it myself.” This time it was his turn to squeeze her hand. “Not going to lie, you’re not their favorite person right now. Neither of us are, but give it time. They’ll come around, I know.” Feeling slightly overwhelmed , she decided to focus on the one silver lining in what he had just told her “So, they haven’t seen the video? They haven’t seen me tell their dad to punish me while stroking his, uh, fun parts through his jeans?” He laughed and shook his head. How she’d missed his laugh these few days “And if there is a god, they never will. Nor will they ever see their old man reduced to a drooling horny teenager.” She could feel her whole face smile as she looked up on him, amazed that only an hour ago she thought she would never smile again. Joy was quickly mixing with fear of what all this meant for them however, but right now there was no doubt what feeling still dominated, especially as he claimed her lips with his. If they could just stay exactly like this. Less clothes, more bed, but otherwise exactly like this she thought, knowing it would never be that simple.     

“So, it’s done? Like absolutely decided and done?” she asked when they finally parted.

“As done and decided as it could be really. Not the formalities obviously, but the second we told the kids, it was done”  

“Shouldn’t you have asked me first?”

“About ending my marriage?” he chuckled slightly “No babe. There might have been two people involved in that decision, but for once, you weren’t one of them. Whatever happens, I will always love you, more than I could ever love anyone. I’ve always known, most obvious thing in the world really. She just finally asked, and there was no denying it anymore. How could we possibly stay married?” He studied her, and seemed to pick up on the fear she was desperately trying to hide from him, obviously choosing his words carefully as he continued “Now look, you don’t owe me anything because I’m getting divorced. That was my choice. Still, I know the chance of heartbreak here is greater that not, but can you see a future where we take a chance on us? Where we go for it? Where I’m yours and you’re mine, no excuses, no assumptions that it will end? No running away when things get hard?”