To The Stars And Back (Completed)

37: Dilemma

Dumating ako sa kwarto ni Saera at napasandal sa pinto dahil sa mga gamit na lumilipad sa loob ng kwarto niya all because she's throwing them away. Lahat ng mga gamit na malapit sa kaniya ay hinahagis niya.

Si Rain at Hana lang ang tao sa loob pati ang doctor. Hindi alam kung paano siya pakakalmahin. Hana is just covering her ears sa ingay ng mga sigaw ni Saera samantala si Rain ay nag pupumilit na makalapit sa kaniya.

“AYAW 'KO NGA KASI! AYAW 'KO! AYAW 'KO!”

Nahinto siya sa pag wawala no'ng makita niya ako at pinahid niya agad ang luha niya pagkakita, “Chaein? Chaein!”

She stretched out her arms, asking for a hug kaya mabilis akong nag lakad palapit sa kaniya. Pagkalapit 'ko ay niyakap niya ang baywang 'ko at pinatong 'ko kamay 'ko sa likod niya, hinahaplos para pakalmahin siya sa pag iyak.

Sinubsob niya mukha niya sa tiyan 'ko at nag patuloy sa pag iyak, “Ayaw 'ko na dito. Hindi nila ako naiintindihan..”

“Saera, — ” sinenyasan 'ko si Hana na huwag na ituloy ang sasabihin at ako na ang bahala.

Mukha namang nagets niya 'yung pinaparating 'ko kaya lumabas na sila ng kwarto kasama ng doctor. As soon as they leave the room, i pulled a round chair behind me to sit on it. I helped Saera to wipe her tears from crying. She's still sobbing.

I can't bear to meet her in the eye for too long. Huwag kang titingin sa akin para matingnan kita. That way i can see how much you're struggling.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “Ano 'yung ayaw mo?”

“They're asking me to eat.. t-this,” ngayon 'ko lang nakita 'yung tray na nasa ibabaw ng binti niya. “Chaein, kahit butil ng kanin may impact na 'yun sa akin.. ayaw 'ko.”

“But have you seen yourself in the mirror?”

She didn't reply.

“If only you can see yourself right now, you'll be scared too.. Scared of what you might end up becoming if you'll still insist of doing your old bad habits.”

Panay ang pag lunok 'ko kada matatapos ako na mag salita mapigilan 'ko lang ang panginginig ng boses 'ko hanggang sa pareho na kaming umiiyak ngayon.

If i cry, she might think that i'm only saying this because i pity her. I can't do that. I can't make her think like that.

“Everyone is worried about you. And yes, i assume that it's not just me who's already thinking of the worse thing that may happen to you. You don't — ”

“Humans are like hangman. One word is all it takes to kill us,” she cut me off with a sarcastic smile. “Sharon said that to me. That hit hard, though, because it's true.”

“It's not just me, actually,” she added. “Everyone in this group are dying. People on social media thinks that i'm a monster.. i guess they're just not aware that it was them who made me this way.”

Everyone? Oh. Yeah. Everyone.

Jiyeon died in post traumatic stress disorder which caused her heart to stop beating. Sharon left because this KPOP life is too toxic and tiring for her. She knew from the start that she's not suited for this group.