Never Been Kissed

I Felt Him Reach For My Hand

Christmas this year was perfect.

We had dinner at my house at the dining room table, the Barnes' brought a bunch of food and mom made a bunch of food and we were all dressed up in our nicest clothes: mom was in a red dress while Rebecca was in a white and gold one, Mr. Barnes wore a white dress shirt and black slacks with a Christmas tie, I was in a red dress shirt with black suspenders and black slacks, and Bucky was in a green dress shirt with black slacks.

We really were starting to look like a makeshift family, huh?

After dinner, which was as many vegetables as we pleased and as much chicken and fish we could find at the store, came desert. Gingerbread men, a Yule log, Christmas cookies, spiced chocolate pudding, sugar plums, roasted chestnuts, pecan pie... it was all amazing and I couldn't have asked for anything better than spending this time with my family. 

Once we'd all finished cleaning up, we all got mugs of either hot chocolate or coffee and sat around the fireplace listening to Christmas carols coming from the trusty 1000-zenith stratosphere stand-up radio. 

Mom danced with Rebecca for the fun songs, Bucky and I joining in and jumping around for a while, too, then she danced with Mr. Barnes for the slower ones, like Bucky and I did before. 

The night started to lull together as the snow outside halted and time seemed to freeze, all of us stuck in this haze of sleepless sleepiness. We talked and drank our hot beverages, listening to tunes and soaking up the family time and the warmth.

Eventually, even as Rebecca and Mr. Barnes and mom remained seated and taking, Bucky and I made it out to the balcony just off of the kitchen- one that had no vantage point from inside the house. 

The door was quietly shut so that we wouldn't disturb their conversation. We were sure to grab our coats before heading out, because there was a forecast for snow to pickup again throughout the night. 

Time seemed to pass on as we stood there, neither of us uttering a word to the other. I was unsure why at first, but then it occurred to me that perhaps we both had been simply listening to the quietness Christmas brings. Even in a city that never sleeps, the now-falling snow combined with a foggy, Christmas night seemed to cast a spell on everyone. 

No one wanted to go anywhere, leaving streets empty. With no horn or speeding or wheel noises to fill the air, that crisp crunching and soft falling of snow was all the noise we had left. It was unreal, especially as the city was never this quiet and probably never would be again. 

We leaned over the railing, each of us looking around at the dully lit city below wondering what the other was thinking about. 

I felt him reach for my hand and took it into his grasp. I looked over at him to see what his endgame was, but he just smiled at me. 

"What?" I spoke quietly, so as not to disturb the sound of silence. 

"Nothing," he answered, also at a whisper, seeing what I was getting at. 

"What're you thinking about?" I wondered.

"Forever," he replied. 

"Hmm?" I hummed.

His hand met my face as he pulled me into him. "Forever- like, the end of time. The point at which we meet infinity, Steve. How long it takes to get there."

"I'm not sure I'm understanding what you're getting at," I held onto him.

He kissed me, his cold lips on mine pushing warm blood all over my body. 

"I mean, how do you plan on spending so much time? We each have so much of it," he explained. 

"Well, I guess I don't really know," I said. "Do you?"

"I've got a little bit of an idea."

He grabbed me again and kissed me harder this time, both of our sides leaning against the railing. 

"So?" I went on after he backed away, seriously curious as to what he'd meant. 

"Time seems so irrelevant at times like this, doesn't it?" he asked. I agreed. "It feels like we've been out here for hours and seconds all at once- yet, if we look inside, we'll see that no one's there and that everyone's either gone home or gone to sleep."

"You're right," I heard myself say. 

"My point, Steve, is that living in this bubble where there exists no time at all is... extraordinary," he detailed. "I wanna stay here as long as I can, and that means I wanna stay with you, Steve."

My heart stopped. "You- what?"

He pulled my head onto his chest and held me close. "This is our moment, as I see it... we made this and I wanna make more. Being like this is so high above everything else, so, I guess what I'm trying to say it that I'm yours. I promise, too, that I'll stay that way for you, no matter what it takes."

"Really?" I asked.

He nodded. "Really."

"I'd like that," I told him. "More than anything."