Cigarettes

Chapter 29

The worst pain in the one you feel inside. And the bad thing is, you can't get rid of it.

You can break a glass and glue the pieces back together, but it will never look the same. It will never be like it once was. And whatever you do, there's no any way you can get it to its first condition.

A person can love and a person can hate, but one always beats the other. Once you lose the one person you loved, hate is what you have left. You're mad at that person, you're mad at yourself and you're mad at everyone else around you.

You're hurting and you're paralyzed from it. You're paralyzed so hard that you can't even scream.

And sometimes screaming is all you've got left.

Luke's POV

"That's the worst joke I've ever heard." Lay chuckled and I smiled, attentively listening to the sound of her laugh. She would always get small wrinkles by the corners of her mouth and her nose would scrunch a bit as she would close her eyes. I have to do it today.

"I'm not good with jokes." I admitted and kicked a small rock with my foot. It tumbled forwards until it hit the edge of the sidewalk.

We've been walking for about half an hour and just talking. Lay seemed kinda down today and I wanted to make her feel better. Somehow. Anyhow. If it requires me telling lame jokes then fine. If that doesn't work and I end up dressing up as a banana or something, I'm up for it.

I have to get it out of my chest.

"You know Luke, you don't have to pretend to want to spend time with me." Lay brought me back from my thoughts as she looked down at her feet. She blushed and I wanted to hold her cheeks again. I didn't.

"I'm not pretending." I snapped almost immediately, making her look at me. She smiled and I couldn't help to smile as well.

Fuck, I need to tell her.

I can't see her be so happy when I still haven't told her everything. It's not fair to her. Maybe she wouldn't be around me if she knew. And that's why I have to tell her. I can't let her be in ignorance. She doesn't even have anything to do with it and yet I somehow managed to get her involved. I'm such a dickhead. I'm such a jackass.

"You haven't smoked in a while." She then interrupted my thoughts again and my eyes widened. I didn't even realize I haven't smoked. I didn't crave cigarettes. I completely forgot about them. Oh fuck.

"Yeah, apparently I haven't." I shrugged and Lay tugged at the sleeve of my jacket.

"Oh my God, Luke!" she squealed excitedly as I searched my eyes for whatever she was talking about. She then pointed at a small stand near the beach that was selling all kinds of chocolate candy, "Can we get some, please! Come on, hurry!" she started walking faster in front of me, making me have to fasten my pace to catch up with her.

"Are you really going to buy chocolate candy right now?!" I asked more rhetorically, knowing she in fact is doing exactly that.

After Lay got herself her chocolate candy and me wanting to slap myself because I didn't bring my wallet so I could pay, we decided to take a seat on the bench by the beach.

"Do you want to try some?" Lay asked, offering me a paper bag that contained the sweets.

I shook my head and stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets. For fuck's sake, I really need to tell her.

"Remember when you remarked me not smoking for a long while just a few minutes ago?" I asked, kicking my black Converse on the sand.

"Yeah." Lay mumbled clumsily, her mouth stuffed with the chocolate which made me chuckle.