Cigarettes

Chapter 12

I wanted to stay mad at Luke, but when he suggested decorating our apartment and inviting my mum over for pre-Christmas dinner, I couldn't help but give in. After all, I was kind of used to him yelling at me and being mean, I was just overwhelmed by mum ending in the hospital so maybe that's why I snapped at him.

He ordered me to go with him and buy the ornaments and other decorations so now we were in a nearby shop, walking through the shelves and stopping every few steps to try and decide if we should buy the red, blue or white Christmas lights.

"I'm sorry I'm always like that." Luke changed the subject from Christmas to his behavior. My eyes kept searching over the shelf we were currently at but I still smiled.

"I'm really fucked up but it's honestly getting better. I haven't felt anything for a long time and now, even when I feel anger and frustration I find it helping. I see it as a progress." Luke took the pack of Christmas ornaments from my hand and started examining them through the clear plastic in the front of the box.

"I used to not care about anything except-" he mumbled quietly, stopping in the middle and putting the box he had previously taken from me in the shopping cart but then quickly taking it out again.

"Hey!" he suddenly yelled, startling me from my concentration on what he was saying.

"What happened?" I laughed at his sudden childish pout and stood on my tippy toes to see over his shoulder at what he was looking at.

"These aren't the ones I wanted. I wanted the red ones." he pouted more, pointing to the lights he was holding and I suddenly felt a strong need to kiss his cheek. I didn't.

Instead I booped his nose.

"Baby." I joked, taking the white Christmas lights out of his hand and replacing them with red ones. I saw him blush and then hide his face with his black hoodie.

I walked back to him and put the right ornaments in the cart, sliding off his hood. It made him look at me and smile sweetly and I stared at his adorable expression and realized I was smiling back at him like an idiot.

"Nobody's ever booped my nose before." he laughed, continuing to walk through the shelves.

"What?!" I asked, surprised. "Not even when you were a kid?"

"I was a pretty chubby kid so people just used to boop my belly all the time, not my nose." Luke shrugged.

"Oh my God, you were chubby?" I squealed. "That's so adorable!! I wish I saw what you looked like! Have you got any pictures?" I got a bit too excited due to my love for chubby beings. I loved chubby cats, chubby dogs, chubby kids, chubby stuffed animals, chubby bunnies... Basically I loved chubby.

"Oh my God, shut up!" Luke chuckled and blushed. I couldn't help noticing the little hiccups and voice cracks he made when he laughed. His upper lip would pop above his teeth and his nose would scrunch a bit. I booped it again.

"How could anyone not boop your nose." I asked rhetorically. "It's so boopable."

"You're so dumb." Luke rolled his eyes and laughed again.

"Luke?" I asked and he raised his eyebrows, letting me continue.

"I feel like I'm hanging out with two different people every day." I admitted and he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I'm really trying."

I didn't understand what he meant by that. Was he unconsciously mean and annoying?

He understood my expression so he continued.

"I'm trying to be happier." he explained and that helped me understand, although not completely. "I can't tell you everything yet. Please." he pleaded and I saw something in his eyes that made me understand.