stardust - cole brookstone x female reader

Chapter Thirteen

Dead to Me - Kali Uchis 

IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END PLEASE PLEASE READ!!!

We were back on the road the next day. My eyelids drooped with tiredness, eye bags hanging low beneath the sockets. It was a little embarrassing for Cole to see me this way, if I'm being completely honest. When I first met him, I had tried to look my best. Now I probably looked like some gremlin. 

Cole was silent, legs crossed as he looked out the window, his eyes counting trees as they passed by. 

I wiggled my fingers on the steering wheel, the awkward silence so thick I could cut through with a knife. 

"Um," I started, hating how my voice cracked a little. My mouth opened and closed like some sort of guppy fish. I wanted to ask him a lot of things. I didn't even know what I was going to say, so I settled with keeping my mouth shut and not saying anything. 

Cole didn't seem to notice, not tearing his eyes away from the passing scenery. 

I hated how I decided to remain silent. Why was I so scared of him? I wanted to talk to him, maybe even laugh with him. If someone told me two months ago that I would go on a road trip with the literal love of my life, I would had cursed at them for taunting me. 

But the more I thought about it, was this road trip really for Cole? Or was it for me because I had dreamt of meeting the black ninja for so long? It was selfish of me to even ask. I was pushy about it, and I shouldn't have been if Cole wasn't ready. 

"Hey, Cole?" I said. 

He didn't reply. 

"I'm...sorry if I was pushy about you...going on this road trip." It took a lot for me to stop my features from crinkling in disgust at my own statement. 

Cole turned to me, readjusting himself in his seat to face me easier. "What?" 

"I mean, in the beginning. When I initially asked you to go on this road trip with me. I was kinda of pushy about it. I'm sorry." 

I heard Cole chuckle softly. "What?" 

I sighed. "No, I mean that-" 

Beside me, Cole shook his head softly. "You don't need to be sorry about everything, Y/n." 

"I'm not sorry about everything." 

"But I bet everyone always catches you apologizing." 

"I-" I paused. "That's not true. Not exactly, at least." 

"I mean, I'm guessing you feel guilty over a lot of things that aren't your fault. You know you can't control everything, right?" 

I nodded. "Of course I do." 

"Do you really?" 

I nodded, swallowing. "Why are you prying?" 

Cole leaned forwards and rested a hand on my outstretched arm. "Y/n, you don't need to be sorry for doing something good. I needed to get out. I should be apologizing for being such as asshat." 

"It's not your fault you were, though." 

I glanced over to see Cole suppressing a laugh. 

"What," I said, snappier than I would have liked it to come out.