Dirty Deeds (Part 2 of 'No Good Deed'

The Only Weapon. *possible triggers mentioned *

*Cia's POV-triggers*

It's been several days now. Each day begins and it ends the same way. At first, my body was sore from rarely moving and my mind raced with emotions, but now I am numb. I get two restroom breaks a day. Other than that, I am flat the the bed. I can hardly stir. I cannot even brush the errant strand of hair from my face. My skin crawls and itches. I smoother from time to time. He even feeds me, bed bathes me. I cannot do anything, and I feel my sanity starting to bend. I want my babies. I just want my babies. I can't go on like this much longer. He thinks I will turn to him, develop a bond like this. I only want him to die.

Every morning and every night he forces himself on me. I find it repulsive to know that we had ever dated. That he had ever held my hand tenderly once. That fishing trip I once reminisced about is now ominous instead of nostalgic. Like meeting a serial killer on the streets, then having no idea till later. I want to dig my fingers into his skull, and rip every memory we ever had away from him. I believe I hate him, as much as I hate Claire. When I kill him, I will drag it out. And I will kill him, it's only a matter of time. I'll play it day by day. He can't keep me restrained here forever.

I hear him talk to Chance occassionally, on the phone. Chance drops in like some pitiful wannabe step dad, babysitting us and micromanaging. He watches my every move, anticipating me as if I am IED ready to detonate and he is on the bomb squad. I withhold my words from them both. Ben was never going to let me contact Holden. I was only fooling myself trying to play shrink and fuck with his head. As for Chance, I have nothing to say to him. I can't phrase my disgust in fitting words. My silence is my only weapon right now, and I use it like a blade to slice Ben to the bone. I can feel the despair radiating from him as he helplessly tries to initiate conversation or punish me into talking. I know he is bluffing though, he will go no farther than he has. He hasn't the balls to torture me violently or withhold my food and water. The worst he'll do is take my clothes and blankets, which he already has. He is no Holden, and it tears him apart. It does feel good though, to see the karma play out in that. I was never good enough when we dated, he always held me at arms length and I never measured up to his expectations. Now the roles have reversed, I hold Holden over his head and watch him pick himself apart trying to be what I want.

I stare at the ceiling once more, continuing to unravel. I look at the texture of the popcorn and try to make designs as bd shapes in the bumpy white expanse overhead. My babies do this, stare at the ceiling watching toy lights and shadows. Mobile circling above with little animals. Big expressive eyes wide in amazement, captivated by every detail. They would watch while chewing their fingers and pudgy little toes. I hope Daddy H is playing with them, and keeping their minds off me. I don't want them to grieve or feel me missing. It hurts to think they might grow up and not know me, but I'll take the heartache myself if it means it's easier for them that way. I have to get out of here.

Perhaps I "give in". Play along and finally speak to Ben. I'll go back to trying to put him and Chance against one another. Chance is definitely suspicious right now. I've had the misfortune of dealing bv with him too much, and I read him well. I just want to know what he's up to. What I'd give to kill him too. But what if I could? My best case scenario would if they betrayed eachother and took themselves out. I drift into restless sleep as I scheme and plot.

"Rise and shine Sleeping Booty." Ben greets and smacks the side of my ass.

"If you have nothing better than that to say, fuck all the way off." I snap, cracking an eye open.

"Speaking to me today? It's about time."

"You might find you're happier when I don't speak. I take that your boyfriend didn't come by today?"