To assert dominance (Draco x Mattheo)

C U R I O S I T Y

I essentially run back to my dorm. Once I throw my books down on the bed, I pace back and forth contemplating what just occurred. Sorry - what I just LET occur. Flashbacks to a darker time plaguing my mind. I've never felt these feelings toward boys before. I mean the fact that I smelt Cedric in the Amortentia has to mean something?! Draco however, he's scary.. but my mind can't get enough. Soon, my thoughts are disrupted by Pansy giggling before bursting through the door. Low and behold, Draco has her waist gripped tightly from behind. We lock eyes and I shoot him a glare, before speaking up. "Pansy, I didn't realise you owned a rat", I spit. Instantly regretting my words, Pansy stares at me in shock. Draco doesn't even look at me, and says "Pansy, meet me in the commons". "But Draco, I-" she says before being rudely cut off. "NOW" he shouts. A shaken Pansy storms out of the dorm, Draco soon after slamming and locking the door behind her.

It's as if the air went cold and my world stopped still in its tracks. This mysterious boy sparked the darkest kind of curiosity inside of me. I felt myself longing for him, knowing it was bad for me. He lets out a dark and sarcastic chuckle before saying "I guess you didn't learn your lesson". My throat went dry at the thought of what he made me do earlier. I slowly shook my head and mouthed "no". He smirks before walking up to me and grabbing me tightly by my throat. He rips the robe that's covering my trembling body off, before examining the tight skirt and top I put on earlier. His eyes seem to turn black, as if he's a predator stalking his prey. He runs his fingers down the buttons on my shirt, effortlessly undoing each one as he goes. My breath hitches once he reaches the very last button. He looks at my figure before putting his thumb slowly into my mouth and says "suck it". I shake my head, closing my eyes, letting a single tear fall from my eye. I instantly have flashbacks to the time of which I never want to remember. The time I was taken advantage of, and dominated just as though the beautiful boy in front of me is now. I drop to my knees in defeat, and before I could pull myself together, that one tear turned into uncontrollable sobbing.

I've never really felt love, or warmth. The notion of love has always felt cold. The man that has scarred me for life, was not my father like most people had assumed... a.k.a my muggle psychologist. Although, I would be lying if I said I didn't have daddy issues due to the lack of care and love that I saw most teenagers receiving from their parents. However, it was instead the older boy next door. He had used to baby sit me ever since I was 13. Which unfortunately enough was the age my chest grew 20 sizes. My boobs always used to attract unwanted attention, however, it was on June 7th, 2014 the next door neighbour, Jack Wagner changed my life... and my innocence along with it. I had always been pure, however I still argue that I am. I don't count rape as a sexual experience. Jack said and did many of the things that Draco is currently doing, except he was forceful and didn't stop... ever... even if I cried in pain. The worst part was that this carried on for 2 years, and I never once spoke up about it. I just prayed that my 16th birthday would hurry up, as 16 was the age my parents told me I would no longer need a babysitter.

I couldn't bear to look at the boy standing in front of me. "I- I'm sorry. It- It's not you. I-I just" I sob harder. "I-It's me" not wanting to tell him too much. I button my shirt up slowly, Draco still standing still in front of me. Not speaking or moving. The silence is killing me, ripping away at the sanity I had left in that moment. I slowly turn my head up to face him, tear stained cheeks and all. As I turn my head to look up, he looks away, and with that... walks out the door and slams it shut behind him. I sit there, feeling the bitter parts of my heart rise to the surface once again, overtaking feelings and emotions. I can feel myself numbing to everything once again, and start to feel like myself again. I cannot let this boy ruin my purity, and I definitely can't allow him to let me feel.

One rule my parents had drilled into me from a young age. Emotion is a graveyard, men are the headstone and love is but a shovel. The three things that will ultimately send you to your untimely death.

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Once I had cleaned myself up, I made my way to my next class. I noticed Cedric looking at me for most of it, but the run in with Draco earlier had only solidified the importance of ignoring the male gaze. The moment class finishes, I wait outside the door for Cedric to walk out. I grab his arm and tug him gently. "y/n? What's up?" He says. "Look, it's really nice of you to invite me to Hogsmead tomorrow but I can't go" I simply state. The words 'Remain impartial' are all that are running through my head right now. "Oh" he says disappointedly. "Why not?" He says. "I'm not dating or seeing anyone unfortunately, it's not my thing" I reply. "But you smelt my cologne in the Amortentia" he simply states. I sigh, knowing that this would pop up again. "Look, I'm human. I know when I'm sitting next to an attractive guy. I just don't want to date" I say. "Fine. Come with me to Hogsmead as a friend then. You're new, and I'm sure you don't know many people yet. Let me introduce you" he says with a pretty smile. "Look I've said no, and what makes you think I want to befriend a bunch of hufflepufs" I spit. Cedric looks at me shocked, as if he didn't expect me to be so rude. I roll my eyes and walk away. I didn't want to do that, but I know he wouldn't have given up otherwise. I smile as I walk away though, as I had felt nothing from that experience, meaning I really was back to normal again.

When I make it back to my dorms, I climb into a thin, long pyjama shirt that covers my upper thighs and sit at my desk. Just as I take a seat at my desk to study, Pansy comes walking in. She looks at me and instantly says "what happened with Draco when I left". I look at her blankly. "He just went all weird and started saying things like 'you won't speak to me like that' blah blah blah and eventually after I stopped listening he stormed out" I lie. "Oh, haha" she awkwardly says before changing the subject. I think I even heard relief emit from her voice. "Wanna come to dinner with me in the hall?" she says. "Oh thank you but no I'm skipping dinner tonight. I'm not hungry and I want to do some study and get ahead" I reply. "Okay, suit yourself" she says before walking out of the room toward the hall. About 20 minutes later, I walked down from my dorm into the commons. There was not one person in sight. Good, I thought. I appreciated the beautiful dark but comforting vibe the common room emitted before taking a seat on the couch before the sparkling emerald fire. The sound of Draco's silence earlier haunting me. Surely he knew why I had broken down like that, or at least guessed.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps and I race around the corner and up a few stairs in the staircase leading to the girls dorms. I stay there for a minute, wondering if they'll walk back out again so I can enjoy the fire in my comfy shirt, I would hate for someone to see me in this attire. I hear a familiar voice arguing with... is that professor Snape? "You're scared Draco" he slowly says. "I was chosen for this! Out of all others, ME" Draco snaps in a whispered tone. I can hear the unsteadiness in his voice. It's nothing like the cold, deeply angry Draco I've been faced with before. He seems, genuinely scared on the inside. Aching even, truly desperate for help. I can hear them continue to talk but I can't hear through the muffled whispers. I take a step forward on the stairs to hear more closely, but then, the stair lets out what felt like the loudest creak. Both of their heads whip around to face the direction of the loud noise, to face me.

Have you ever heard the saying, curiosity killed the cat?

AUTHOR COMMENT: Hey guys, I just wanted to clarify that the story is entirely fictional, including the references to SA in this chapter. I know that many women struggle with trauma regarding this, and want you to know that you're not alone. Please seek help and reach out to your local helplines if you are struggling. Love & light - Holly 🩷